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Posted By: ST50 Pat McManus - 04/16/18
I haven't been able to log on for a while, but I heard Pat McManus died a few days ago. That is a big loss in my opinion. I may have read close to all of his Outdoor Life stories and other than his novels, I have most of his published books. What a great writer he was. RIP
Posted By: magshooter1 Re: Pat McManus - 04/17/18
Loved reading him. Funny stuff. Great writer. Sad to lose him.
Posted By: AH64guy Re: Pat McManus - 04/17/18
Growing in the woods of North Idaho, I read nearly all of his works, and shed many a happy tear over a predicament he told of.

His stories so often made a connection with a family member, friend of the family, or a hunting partner.

Sad to see that light go out, but here's hoping his trail ahead is as fresh and free as he described in those of his youth.
Posted By: magshooter1 Re: Pat McManus - 04/17/18
I particularly liked this one. I'm paraphrasing Pat "every camp, no matter how big or how small, if you have forty members or four, has a camp idiot. If this person does not immediately come to mind, it's probably you."

At my camp two hunters immediately come to mind LOL.
Posted By: TheSOB Re: Pat McManus - 04/17/18
So sad to hear. He was the best humor/outdoor writer I ever read.
Posted By: shootinurse Re: Pat McManus - 08/07/18
Just saw the summer issue of Outdoor Life and Jim Zumbo's tribute article on Pat. I have several of his books, and if you don't laugh at any of his stories, you have no soul. Here is one of his finest from They Shoot Canoes, Don't They?

All You Ever Wanted to Know About Live Bait but Were Afraid to Ask
Surprisingly, many anglers are ashamed to admit that they fish with live bait. You’ll run into one of these so-called purists on a trout stream and ask him what he’s using. He’ll say, A Number thirty-two Royal Coachman on a three-ounce leader. Then he’ll get a bite, snap his line out of the water, and there will be a worm on his hook. "That’s the problem with these tiny flies," he’ll say. "You keep catching worms with them."

The truth is that live-bait fishing has a long and noble history. Live bait was totally unknown to the early cavemen, who had to make do with a rather limited assortment of dry flies, nymphs, and a few streamers. One day, whether out of exasperation or simple impatience, a caveman made a backcast with a gray hackle he had not bothered to remove from a sage hen. Instantly, it was taken by a brontosaurus. The caveman was elated by his discovery, even though it was several centuries before anyone learned how to take a brontosaurus off the hook.

The caveman reasoned that if you can catch a brontosaurus with live bait. you can surely catch fish with it, and he immediately began conducting experiments. He tried live chickens, ducks, and geese, but he soon found these very undependable, particularly on casts that passed directly overhead.

When he was about to give up and go back to dry flies, the caveman decided to bait his hook with a worm. He cast out into a deep, dark pool and immediately received the surprise of his life. A five-hundred-pound wild boar charged out of the brush and chased him for eighteen miles, and he never did learn whether worms were good bait.

Thus the discovery of worms as fishing bait was left to a humble cook in the army of Genghis Khan. After a busy day of conquering the Civilized World, the Khan decided he would like fish for supper and dropped a casual hint to one of his lieutenants. The lieutenant, who had had considerable experience with the Khan’s casual hints, nearly trampled three foot soldiers getting the news into the kitchen. Dismounting, he said to the cooks, "Guess what? Old G.K. wants fish for supper." Since fishing had been extremely poor and no one had had so much as a nibble in days, the kitchen staff immediately bought tickets and caught the first stage out of town, the single exception being a little hors d’oeuvre specialist, Leroy Swartz, who knew absolutely nothing about fishing. Leroy had never developed the knack for plundering and pillaging—though he wasn’t bad at razing—and as a result his total loot for the campaign was a spade with a broken handle. For a reason known only to Leroy, he started digging up the ground with the spade. The lieutenant, assuming he was digging a grave, said, "If we can’t get G.K. any fish for his supper, you might as well make that big enough for two." Then Leroy started picking up worms and stuffing them into his pocket, tomato cans not yet having been invented. He grabbed a fishing pole and went off to the nearest river, from whence he shortly returned with his limit, in those days as many as you could carry plus one fish. Everyone danced and shouted over Leroy’s discovery that worms were excellent fishing bait. Even the Khan was beside himself with joy, a condition that caused Mrs. Khan considerable annoyance since they slept in the same bed. Leroy Swartz was henceforth known as the Father of Worms, a title he did not much care for, but it beat employment as a battering ram on the next fortress to be attacked.

Toward the latter part of the eighteenth century, grasshoppers were discovered to be exceptional live bait. Up until then they were thought to be good only for devouring grain crops and causing widespread famine. One day an angler was walking along a country road in search of a good place to dig a supply of worms. He happened to glance out into a field fairly alive with grasshoppers and noticed a man leaping about on all fours and slapping the ground with his hat. The angler thought the fellow must be crazy to behave in such a strange manner and walked over to see what he was up to. It turned out the man was crazy, but the angler didn’t discover this until he had helped him catch a dozen grasshoppers. Since by then it was too late to dig any worms, the angler decided to bait his hook with grasshoppers—and the rest is history.

Up until the Industrial Revolution and the invention of tomato cans and the flat tobacco can, there were no suitable containers for live bait, and anglers had to carry their bait around in their hands, pockets, and hats. In the case of grasshoppers, wealthy fishermen would sometimes hire a boy to drive a herd of them along the bank. In later years worms were carried in pokes similar to those used for gold coins. There is at least one recorded instance in which a card-playing fisherman narrowly escaped lynching when he attempted to bluff with a poke of nightcrawlers.

So much for the history of live bait. We will now examine some of the various kinds of live bait, where to find it, how to preserve it, and assorted techniques for using it.

First off, there are only two kinds of bait: live bait and dead bait. Worms, grubs, grasshoppers, minnows, and the like are live bait, unless left unattended in a hot car too long, in which case they become dead bait. I have on occasion forgotten to remove a can of worms from my car on a blistering July day, a mistake that has led to attempts to bait hooks with little balls of worm paste, not to mention the necessity of driving with all the car’s windows open until approximately the middle of February. On the other hand, I’ve carried around salmon eggs and pickled pork rind until they were showing definite signs of life.

My favorite method of preserving live bait is to store it in the refrigerator until it is ready for use. There are two schools of thought on the proper execution of this procedure. Some hold it is better to tell your wife first, and the others claim it is better to let her make the discovery for herself. I’m a member of the latter group and have been ever since my wife came across ajar of my hellgrammites while she was sorting through the refrigerator in search of some mayonnaise. The incident would probably have passed without any lingering ill effects had she not at the time been entertaining her church bridge club. It is difficult to describe the resulting commotion with any accuracy, but I learned later that cards from our bridge deck were found as far away as three blocks and one of the olive-and-avocado sandwiches served at the party turned up in a ladies’ restroom halfway across town. Our dog was asleep on the front sidewalk when the ladies left, and it was weeks before we could get all the dents out of him left by their heels.

I have on occasion attempted to lay in a supply of worms during the spring months while they are still near the surface and one doesn’t have to dig down to the aquifer to find them. I’ll stash a couple of hundred of them in a washtub filled with dirt and feed them coffee grounds. The reason I feed them coffee grounds is that numerous people have told me that that is what worms like to eat. Whether they do or not, I’m not sure. In any case, I’ve yet to find a single worm when I dump out the tub later in the summer. I’m beginning to suspect that worms can’t stand coffee grounds (or maybe coffee grounds like worms). When you stop to think about it, where would your average worm develop a taste for coffee anyway?

The beginning angler is often of the impression that there are only three kinds of worms: small, medium, and large. Actually, the size of the worm makes little difference. Temperament and character are everything. These two characteristics seem to be determined primarily by environment. For example, I’ve never found a worm raised in a manure pile who could earn his keep as fishing bait. Manure-pile worms are soft and pale and accustomed to easy living. To a worm, a manure pile is a suite in the Ritz, a villa on the Riviera. He never has to worry about where his next meal is coming from. (If he knew, he would probably worry, but he doesn’t know.) Manure-pile worms don’t have any street savvy. Now, you dig up a worm out of a garden, an individual who has been through a couple of rototillings, and that worm has been around. He’s going to go out and put up a good fight. Nothing builds character in a worm like a good rototilling.

Some time ago a sporting-goods company sent me a package of freeze-dried worms. Honest. At first I thought it was some kind of veiled threat, but then I found a note saying that if I soaked the worms in water they would reconstitute into fishing bait. I stuck the package in my backpack with my other freeze-drieds and a couple of nights later at a mountain lake took it out and soaked the contents in some water. It turned out to be macaroni and cheese sauce. "That’s funny," my friend Retch Sweeney said. "I thought we ate the macaroni and cheese sauce last night." The freeze-dried worms never did turn up.

The most troublesome of all live bait is the grasshopper. By the time you’ve caught enough of them you’re usually too tired to go fishing. Furthermore, grasshoppers are not content simply to sit around in a bottle waiting to be fed to some fish. Once a worm is in the can, he pretty well knows his fate is sealed and will lie back and take it easy until his number comes up. Not so with grasshoppers. They are no sooner in the bottle than they’re plotting their escape. Every time the lid is lifted to insert a new inmate, half a dozen of the others will try to make a break for it. While I was still a young boy, I learned that the only way to foil their escapes was to shake the bottle vigorously and then slip the new grasshopper in while the others were still dazed. What apparently happens is that the grasshoppers get high from the shaking and like it so much that after a while you can hardly chase them out of the bottle with a stick. They just lie on their backs, smiling. Of course this is confusing to the new grasshopper, who thinks he has been incarcerated with a bunch of degenerate insects who keep calling out, "C’mon, man, give us another shake!"

To my mind, the best live bait is the hellgrammite, an insect that resides on streambeds and builds little cocoons for itself out of pebbles. Fish cannot resist them, in their shells or out. They are the salted peanuts of baits. Not long ago I was fishing a stream in Idaho and hadn’t had a nibble all day. Then I discovered a nice patch of hellgrammites and within a half an hour had nearly filled my limit with plump cutthroat. There were a dozen or so other anglers on the stream, and they were so astonished at my success that they could not help expressing their awe by jovially threatening to slash my waders the next time I was in deep water. Finally, after I had creeled my final catch, a couple of them came over and demanded to know what I was using.

"These," I said.

"Jeez, those are ugly-looking things!" one of them said. "I almost hate to touch them."

"Trout love ’em," I said. "Here, take a couple of mine just to try them out." I thought it was the very least I could do.

As I was climbing into my car, I heard one of the other fishermen yell, "What was he using?"

"These nasty-looking things," the first fellow yelled back. "Big, red, white, and blue flies!"

I felt a little bad about the deception. On the other hand, you can never tell. There could be such a thing as patriotic fish.
Posted By: Ranger_Green Re: Pat McManus - 08/07/18
Originally Posted by magshooter1
I particularly liked this one. I'm paraphrasing Pat "every camp, no matter how big or how small, if you have forty members or four, has a camp idiot. If this person does not immediately come to mind, it's probably you."

At my camp two hunters immediately come to mind LOL.


Oh Snap!
Posted By: 280shooter Re: Pat McManus - 08/07/18
He is the main reason that I subscribed.
Posted By: Rock Chuck Re: Pat McManus - 08/07/18
Originally Posted by ST50
I haven't been able to log on for a while, but I heard Pat McManus died a few days ago. That is a big loss in my opinion. I may have read close to all of his Outdoor Life stories and other than his novels, I have most of his published books. What a great writer he was. RIP
Actually it was a few months ago but it doesn't matter. He was still one of the great outdoor authors.
Posted By: RockyRaab Re: Pat McManus - 08/07/18
He is apparently still dead, but we eagerly await his return when Grogan brings him out as a war surplus item.
Posted By: luv2safari Re: Pat McManus - 08/07/18
I loved his writings. I bumped into him and Larry Schoenborn at Lake Kookanusa years ago. They were filming a Fishing The West episode on Kokanee fishing. I mentioned that I enjoyed what they both did, and they came over to shake hands and thank me. LOL...I was star-struck.

I have to say that I miss both of them, both in print and on the tube.
Posted By: shootinurse Re: Pat McManus - 08/07/18
Originally Posted by RockyRaab
He is apparently still dead, but we eagerly await his return when Grogan brings him out as a war surplus item.

laugh laugh laugh
Posted By: fubarguy Re: Pat McManus - 08/07/18
Any Don Martin fans out there?
Posted By: atvalaska Re: Pat McManus - 08/07/18
I thought old Rancid would beat him to that great hunting spot on the other side...
Posted By: Pugs Re: Pat McManus - 08/07/18
The funny thing about McManus is when I started reading him, in the early 70's I think, I assumed he was 70 years old and curmudgeonly. Turns out he was just curmudgeonly before his time. grin

Truly a loss.
Posted By: jimy Re: Pat McManus - 08/07/18
Pat was the guy who taught me what to expect from old people, I took his writings as a heads up, on what my grandfather was like when I wasn't around.
Posted By: MuskegMan Re: Pat McManus - 08/07/18

Originally Posted by fubarguy
Any Don Martin fans out there?


and Al Jaffee (presume we're talking Mad Mag here)
Posted By: lastofthebreed Re: Pat McManus - 08/07/18
I have a couple of his books that were signed by him in my presence. I think he was, without a doubt, the funniest writer I have ever had the pleasure to read. Apologies to Ed Zern, he was great too, but McManus was the best.
Posted By: Whelenman Re: Pat McManus - 08/07/18
Originally Posted by atvalaska
I thought old Rancid would beat him to that great hunting spot on the other side...



I call our 4 year old twin grandsons crabby

Appleton and Rancid Crabtree
Posted By: 2ndwind Re: Pat McManus - 08/07/18
https://books.google.com/books?id=r..._r&cad=4#v=onepage&q&f=false


The Night The Bear Ate Goombaw is my all time favorit
Posted By: 1911a1 Re: Pat McManus - 08/07/18
I love the story "Gunrunning" which is about gun running past your wife not foreign governments like your first thoughts would be.
Posted By: robertham1 Re: Pat McManus - 08/08/18
I’m a big fan. He had a way with humor. You’d read over something, think it was a joke, read it again and bust up laughing.

One of my favorite excerpts is when he refers to someone who claimed he had both trailer lights working on two separate trailers and at the same time.... he goes on to say the person was a known liar.
Posted By: Pine_Tree Re: Pat McManus - 08/08/18
When I read that he'd passed, I started the Bo Tully series over again and read it through.

As a kid I bought his books whenever they'd come out - my first one was "They Shoot Canoes, Don't They?".

Nowadays my own teenagers read through those and literally howl with laughter.
Posted By: Middlefork_Miner Re: Pat McManus - 08/08/18
Originally Posted by TheSOB
So sad to hear. He was the best humor/outdoor writer I ever read.



Agreed.....Back in the 80s (I think) I went to a gun show and who do you think was there??? Nope......Jim Carmichael.....I started watching the booth he was standing behind and was wondering why nobody was stopping to talk with him...I kinda felt sorry for the guy so when I walked past his booth, I casually leaned over and whispered that the next time he came, he should bring along McManus if he wanted more action....
Posted By: bpas105 Re: Pat McManus - 08/08/18
I met him briefly some years back and have several autographed books that will get read over and over. He was one in a million, always making me laugh. I'm sure that, down the road when I'm in the rocker all day, it will be his stories that keep me entertained.
Posted By: 257_X_50 Re: Pat McManus - 08/08/18
Originally Posted by fubarguy
Any Don Martin fans out there?


The best inventor of onomatopoeia that ever lived
Posted By: 5sdad Re: Pat McManus - 08/08/18
Originally Posted by robertham1
I...One of my favorite excerpts is when he refers to someone who claimed he had both trailer lights working on two separate trailers and at the same time.... he goes on to say the person was a known liar.


A most excellent observation on the part of Mr. McManus! ("Probably a bad ground.")
Posted By: gophergunner Re: Pat McManus - 08/08/18
Originally Posted by 2ndwind
https://books.google.com/books?id=r..._r&cad=4#v=onepage&q&f=false


The Night The Bear Ate Goombaw is my all time favorit
That damned Pat! I laughed so hard the first time I read The Night The Bear Ate Goombaw, I thought I cracked a rib! Pat was a national treasure, and it's a shame him and Rancid Crabtree, and his cast of characters have gone on to the other side. We'll meet again some day Pat, and I'm sure I'll be thinking I cracked a rib again.
Posted By: DMc Re: Pat McManus - 08/08/18
Many times I laughed so hard I cried!

Miss him and Rancid.
Posted By: dassa Re: Pat McManus - 08/08/18
Originally Posted by Rock Chuck
Originally Posted by ST50
I haven't been able to log on for a while, but I heard Pat McManus died a few days ago. That is a big loss in my opinion. I may have read close to all of his Outdoor Life stories and other than his novels, I have most of his published books. What a great writer he was. RIP
Actually it was a few months ago but it doesn't matter. He was still one of the great outdoor authors.

You mean like back in April, when ST50 posted that?
Posted By: JamesJr Re: Pat McManus - 08/08/18
I enjoyed the stories with Rancid Crabtree in them more than any others. We all probably knew such a character, and could identify with him.
Posted By: Rock Chuck Re: Pat McManus - 08/08/18
I always liked the one where Rancid was going to teach him to live off the land. The land wasn't very edible and they quickly ended up at Pat's house with Gram serving up the food.
Posted By: atvalaska Re: Pat McManus - 08/08/18
I red a lot of them as I lay in bed ...lmao ..then rereading the funny part to the wife ...then lol again !
Posted By: ST50 Re: Pat McManus - 08/08/18
Originally Posted by Whelenman
Originally Posted by atvalaska
I thought old Rancid would beat him to that great hunting spot on the other side...



I call our 4 year old twin grandsons crabby

Appleton and Rancid Crabtree

Good one! I'll use that on grandkids at appropriate times.
Posted By: ST50 Re: Pat McManus - 08/08/18
Originally Posted by shootinurse
Just saw the summer issue of Outdoor Life and Jim Zumbo's tribute article on Pat. I have several of his books, and if you don't laugh at any of his stories, you have no soul. Here is one of his finest from They Shoot Canoes, Don't They?

All You Ever Wanted to Know About Live Bait but Were Afraid to Ask
Surprisingly, many anglers are ashamed to admit that they fish with live bait. You’ll run into one of these so-called purists on a trout stream and ask him what he’s using. He’ll say, A Number thirty-two Royal Coachman on a three-ounce leader. Then he’ll get a bite, snap his line out of the water, and there will be a worm on his hook. "That’s the problem with these tiny flies," he’ll say. "You keep catching worms with them."

The truth is that live-bait fishing has a long and noble history. Live bait was totally unknown to the early cavemen, who had to make do with a rather limited assortment of dry flies, nymphs, and a few streamers. One day, whether out of exasperation or simple impatience, a caveman made a backcast with a gray hackle he had not bothered to remove from a sage hen. Instantly, it was taken by a brontosaurus. The caveman was elated by his discovery, even though it was several centuries before anyone learned how to take a brontosaurus off the hook.

The caveman reasoned that if you can catch a brontosaurus with live bait. you can surely catch fish with it, and he immediately began conducting experiments. He tried live chickens, ducks, and geese, but he soon found these very undependable, particularly on casts that passed directly overhead.

When he was about to give up and go back to dry flies, the caveman decided to bait his hook with a worm. He cast out into a deep, dark pool and immediately received the surprise of his life. A five-hundred-pound wild boar charged out of the brush and chased him for eighteen miles, and he never did learn whether worms were good bait.

Thus the discovery of worms as fishing bait was left to a humble cook in the army of Genghis Khan. After a busy day of conquering the Civilized World, the Khan decided he would like fish for supper and dropped a casual hint to one of his lieutenants. The lieutenant, who had had considerable experience with the Khan’s casual hints, nearly trampled three foot soldiers getting the news into the kitchen. Dismounting, he said to the cooks, "Guess what? Old G.K. wants fish for supper." Since fishing had been extremely poor and no one had had so much as a nibble in days, the kitchen staff immediately bought tickets and caught the first stage out of town, the single exception being a little hors d’oeuvre specialist, Leroy Swartz, who knew absolutely nothing about fishing. Leroy had never developed the knack for plundering and pillaging—though he wasn’t bad at razing—and as a result his total loot for the campaign was a spade with a broken handle. For a reason known only to Leroy, he started digging up the ground with the spade. The lieutenant, assuming he was digging a grave, said, "If we can’t get G.K. any fish for his supper, you might as well make that big enough for two." Then Leroy started picking up worms and stuffing them into his pocket, tomato cans not yet having been invented. He grabbed a fishing pole and went off to the nearest river, from whence he shortly returned with his limit, in those days as many as you could carry plus one fish. Everyone danced and shouted over Leroy’s discovery that worms were excellent fishing bait. Even the Khan was beside himself with joy, a condition that caused Mrs. Khan considerable annoyance since they slept in the same bed. Leroy Swartz was henceforth known as the Father of Worms, a title he did not much care for, but it beat employment as a battering ram on the next fortress to be attacked.

Toward the latter part of the eighteenth century, grasshoppers were discovered to be exceptional live bait. Up until then they were thought to be good only for devouring grain crops and causing widespread famine. One day an angler was walking along a country road in search of a good place to dig a supply of worms. He happened to glance out into a field fairly alive with grasshoppers and noticed a man leaping about on all fours and slapping the ground with his hat. The angler thought the fellow must be crazy to behave in such a strange manner and walked over to see what he was up to. It turned out the man was crazy, but the angler didn’t discover this until he had helped him catch a dozen grasshoppers. Since by then it was too late to dig any worms, the angler decided to bait his hook with grasshoppers—and the rest is history.

Up until the Industrial Revolution and the invention of tomato cans and the flat tobacco can, there were no suitable containers for live bait, and anglers had to carry their bait around in their hands, pockets, and hats. In the case of grasshoppers, wealthy fishermen would sometimes hire a boy to drive a herd of them along the bank. In later years worms were carried in pokes similar to those used for gold coins. There is at least one recorded instance in which a card-playing fisherman narrowly escaped lynching when he attempted to bluff with a poke of nightcrawlers.

So much for the history of live bait. We will now examine some of the various kinds of live bait, where to find it, how to preserve it, and assorted techniques for using it.

First off, there are only two kinds of bait: live bait and dead bait. Worms, grubs, grasshoppers, minnows, and the like are live bait, unless left unattended in a hot car too long, in which case they become dead bait. I have on occasion forgotten to remove a can of worms from my car on a blistering July day, a mistake that has led to attempts to bait hooks with little balls of worm paste, not to mention the necessity of driving with all the car’s windows open until approximately the middle of February. On the other hand, I’ve carried around salmon eggs and pickled pork rind until they were showing definite signs of life.

My favorite method of preserving live bait is to store it in the refrigerator until it is ready for use. There are two schools of thought on the proper execution of this procedure. Some hold it is better to tell your wife first, and the others claim it is better to let her make the discovery for herself. I’m a member of the latter group and have been ever since my wife came across ajar of my hellgrammites while she was sorting through the refrigerator in search of some mayonnaise. The incident would probably have passed without any lingering ill effects had she not at the time been entertaining her church bridge club. It is difficult to describe the resulting commotion with any accuracy, but I learned later that cards from our bridge deck were found as far away as three blocks and one of the olive-and-avocado sandwiches served at the party turned up in a ladies’ restroom halfway across town. Our dog was asleep on the front sidewalk when the ladies left, and it was weeks before we could get all the dents out of him left by their heels.

I have on occasion attempted to lay in a supply of worms during the spring months while they are still near the surface and one doesn’t have to dig down to the aquifer to find them. I’ll stash a couple of hundred of them in a washtub filled with dirt and feed them coffee grounds. The reason I feed them coffee grounds is that numerous people have told me that that is what worms like to eat. Whether they do or not, I’m not sure. In any case, I’ve yet to find a single worm when I dump out the tub later in the summer. I’m beginning to suspect that worms can’t stand coffee grounds (or maybe coffee grounds like worms). When you stop to think about it, where would your average worm develop a taste for coffee anyway?

The beginning angler is often of the impression that there are only three kinds of worms: small, medium, and large. Actually, the size of the worm makes little difference. Temperament and character are everything. These two characteristics seem to be determined primarily by environment. For example, I’ve never found a worm raised in a manure pile who could earn his keep as fishing bait. Manure-pile worms are soft and pale and accustomed to easy living. To a worm, a manure pile is a suite in the Ritz, a villa on the Riviera. He never has to worry about where his next meal is coming from. (If he knew, he would probably worry, but he doesn’t know.) Manure-pile worms don’t have any street savvy. Now, you dig up a worm out of a garden, an individual who has been through a couple of rototillings, and that worm has been around. He’s going to go out and put up a good fight. Nothing builds character in a worm like a good rototilling.

Some time ago a sporting-goods company sent me a package of freeze-dried worms. Honest. At first I thought it was some kind of veiled threat, but then I found a note saying that if I soaked the worms in water they would reconstitute into fishing bait. I stuck the package in my backpack with my other freeze-drieds and a couple of nights later at a mountain lake took it out and soaked the contents in some water. It turned out to be macaroni and cheese sauce. "That’s funny," my friend Retch Sweeney said. "I thought we ate the macaroni and cheese sauce last night." The freeze-dried worms never did turn up.

The most troublesome of all live bait is the grasshopper. By the time you’ve caught enough of them you’re usually too tired to go fishing. Furthermore, grasshoppers are not content simply to sit around in a bottle waiting to be fed to some fish. Once a worm is in the can, he pretty well knows his fate is sealed and will lie back and take it easy until his number comes up. Not so with grasshoppers. They are no sooner in the bottle than they’re plotting their escape. Every time the lid is lifted to insert a new inmate, half a dozen of the others will try to make a break for it. While I was still a young boy, I learned that the only way to foil their escapes was to shake the bottle vigorously and then slip the new grasshopper in while the others were still dazed. What apparently happens is that the grasshoppers get high from the shaking and like it so much that after a while you can hardly chase them out of the bottle with a stick. They just lie on their backs, smiling. Of course this is confusing to the new grasshopper, who thinks he has been incarcerated with a bunch of degenerate insects who keep calling out, "C’mon, man, give us another shake!"

To my mind, the best live bait is the hellgrammite, an insect that resides on streambeds and builds little cocoons for itself out of pebbles. Fish cannot resist them, in their shells or out. They are the salted peanuts of baits. Not long ago I was fishing a stream in Idaho and hadn’t had a nibble all day. Then I discovered a nice patch of hellgrammites and within a half an hour had nearly filled my limit with plump cutthroat. There were a dozen or so other anglers on the stream, and they were so astonished at my success that they could not help expressing their awe by jovially threatening to slash my waders the next time I was in deep water. Finally, after I had creeled my final catch, a couple of them came over and demanded to know what I was using.

"These," I said.

"Jeez, those are ugly-looking things!" one of them said. "I almost hate to touch them."

"Trout love ’em," I said. "Here, take a couple of mine just to try them out." I thought it was the very least I could do.

As I was climbing into my car, I heard one of the other fishermen yell, "What was he using?"

"These nasty-looking things," the first fellow yelled back. "Big, red, white, and blue flies!"

I felt a little bad about the deception. On the other hand, you can never tell. There could be such a thing as patriotic fish.
I'll have to find a copy of That Outdoor Life. I switched to Field and Stream after McManus retired. I wish all the BS surrounding Zumbo hadn't happened, as I always enjoyed his articles also.
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