My wife has been having real issues. She recently went through a respiratory emergency with her COPD. She has been having problems with kidney stones and UTI's for some time. Last Thursday she was transported from the residential rehabilitation facility ( She was there because she fell and broke her ankle for no reason, just fell) to the ER. She is now in the hospital with and is septic with a currently unidentified bacteria ( culture isn't back yet) And stones in both kidneys.

She does not seem to realize that these things are coming in clusters right now. Now is the time, actually past the time, to execute a medical power of attorney. She has been told that if she has Intubation she will never come off it. Even if she did manage that she would have a trach and a feeding tube, and then spend the rest of her life in a nursing home. I would not gain that medical authority for a year under Ohio law.

She is resistant to that MPoA. I think she does not want to acknowledge the danger she faces. Nor does she realize that in that case we loose everything and me and her son get to live in some run down shack. Also, very importantly, mine and my stepson's last memories of her would be her in that state.

But how do you convince someone of the true possibilities?

AnF

Sometimes they will listen to a third party better than they will a spouse. Does she have a social worker assigned to her?

Might be worth a try.

Can you be court appointed without the one year wait?

When our doctor was in the room I asked questions about the outcome of the treatments and he went into detail about the long term.
My wife entered the conversation with questions and the doctor explained what her outcomes might be and recommended the P of A
for her.

So exactly what would you do differently than her??? Is this in case she lapses into a coma or because you're worried about having to downsize??? I don't blame her for her resistance...unless Ohio has the physician assisted suicide law, I'm not sure a medical power of attorney is gonna help you shorten her life....If you get the MPOA, you better be careful about what decisions you make or you may find yourself in court on civil charges (at a minimum) if she dies...."extended" family can get pretty petty after somebody dies and has any kind of "sizeable" estate.....chances are that even IF you get the MPOA, you'll eventually end up in that dreaded run down shack....

My wife, and I have the powers.

My wife and I both have them as well.

As I recall the power is only in effect while they are alive. But some one needs to make decisions if they are in a coma or such.

Frankly the financial consideration is one thing you have to consider. By the way, there is no life insurance on my wife.

The fact is neither me nor my some wants to see her as a blob of flesh lingering in a nursing home, to what, to no good end.

You should talk to a lawyer specialized in estate and elder care issues. A PoA generally does not come into play unless the other party cannot speak for themselves and is valid the moment they sign it. If you (and others) feel that she is mentally incapable of making medical decisions for herself, then a court appointed guardianship is in order. My late wife and I set up MPOAs and advanced directives for ourselves many years ago and it made things less confusing when her time arrived. It's never easy

It would be worth a try.

Also, if a medical POA is needed, most medical facilities have that on hand for when needed. No cost. Fill it out right there and it's biding from the date applied.

Might ask about DNR when talking to them.

Please PM me.
My family faced similar circumstances with my mother. My dad found an excellent elder law attorney who was able to get my mother on Medicade and preserve a considerable portion of their assets including his house and a recreational property.He said it was well worth the five thousand dollars she charged.

After I retired my financial adviser recommened we do several things. We went through an attorney that specializes in estate planning. Among the suggested things were updating our wills, getting an umbrella insurance policy to cover anything that our other insurance would not cover and getting both medical and financial powers of attorney chosen. My family has never had any problems with bickering and such after a death in the family and my Wife and I don't expect any problems after we are gone. But, this pretty much protects us while we are alive and assures that our wishes are followed after we are gone.

I'll 2nd the suggestion of having a 3rd party talk with your Wife. Your Pastor, your Attorney, a social worker, ect.

Laws vary from state to state. Kaywoodie probably gave you the best suggestion you are going to get in this format. Lightman made good suggestions also. The attending doctors would be a good place to start. Hope you are able to work through this.

In Michigan there are two types of MPOA depending on which box is checked on the paperwork. One type, you can claim POA at any time and override any decision made by the person. With the other type you have to wait until said person in ruled incapacitated. If you wait until the person is incapacitated to file for MPOA the court will assign someone to act as a representative for your wife, it will be left up to the medical professionals to determine is your wife is actually incapacitated and if so you'll be assigned MPOA.

My wife and I both have them, plus POST documents. ( POST = Idaho Physician Orders For Scope of Treatment.) We got these when we were healthy, given our ages, and had a good estate attorney draw up the General Durable Medical PoA. The POST is filled out and signed by our doctor. Both are legal and specific as to "end of life" decisions by the designated person with PoA.

I suggest, as have others, you contact a good estate attorney for legal help.

Best of luck to you and your wife.

L.W.

Dude youre a dick

I'm sure that your medical contingency plan for your brother involves stuffing him into a freezer for an additional 6 years so that you can continue to live off of his social security like you do now.

Without your current gravy train, you'd be in a van down by the river.

bigger picture is any of us who don't have one, do it now, and talk it through carefully with involved parties. The first consideration is quality of life. After that unhappily we do have to consider cost of care.

Personally, I do not want to leave my wife with a lot of bills, I will still be gone, just a little later. She feels the same way for me. Our plan is for me to last longer given her chronic problems. I know Kaywoodie and some others are in the same situation; respects to all caregivers and spouses.

Exactly. Living and being alive are two different things. These are very hard decisions and no one should make lite of that fact. To that end, am I going to keep my wife alive to suffer misery, or to be no more than a lump of flesh? No, that would be cruel and that would be the most unloving thing I could do.

deliverance brought me here

You missed a few threads with this entry so get busy.

Look who's talking about someone being a dick. TFF

We got it done today. I caught her in a clear headed moment.

Also doctors reports came back great. She's doing good.

Good to hear that!

Great to hear! Once things calm down I would still recommend you both sit down with an elder care lawyer and get your ducks in a row before the next crisis happens.

Long overdue good news.

People who think of what they have, over what they really have throws me... money or hardship never even occurred to me when left with that choice, my wife's wishes were the only thought, she enjoyed life and her family and friends. to the end where all she had was the sparkle in her eyes, she enjoyed every minute. 2-1/2 years of taking care of her and I wouldn't give up a minute of it and only sorry I had no ability to extend it longer. She called all the shots right to the end. Money and what a person has is nothing compared to what they really have!

Phil

You look just like a hawwg. Lose them panties boy...

Drop?

Just takem right off...

My wife's wishes are not to end up in a nursing home which is exactly where she would be. The only real restriction for my wife is no inubation. If they did that she would never come off it. Her doctor told her that straight up and to the point. Inubated, maybe a tracheotomy, feeding tube in the stomach and the rest of her life trapped in a bed at a nursing home. Probably with at least some brain damage.


She just needed to get her head around that and do what the doctor suggested we do.

We recently did our wills and PoA was in there