When people write a recipe that says "simmer" (or especially "reduce heat and simmer"), do they laugh their asses off while thinking about the people who will actually try to accomplish such a thing?

huh ?

There is no such thing as "simmer" in real life. There is either boiling or nothing happening.

I have a big pot of homemade gravy simmering right now to reduce and thicken.

a pot does not have to boil to be cooking.

For many, that is true.

with all due respect, your stove sucks.

Yea,,,, I'm a crappy cook stuck with a flat top elec. and even I can get a nice simmer going with some patience.

Simmer is no problem on my old gas stove top.

I hate cooking on electric.

All stoves, just like chefs, are not created equal.

That said, trying to simmer in a piece of chit pot, on a piece of chit stove....trying to say the least.

Simmering ain't hard. Hell I simmer on this.

Some folks just have no concept of simmering..

For instance, I've seen a lot of people who seem to believe to boil potatoes, there needs to be a nuclear reaction going on under the pan..

Graduated stove controls are wasted on them and they might as well have simple "on/off" switches for each ring/burner..

My original thought was that the stove controls that I have been in contact with over my lifetime are basically just that: on or off. I realize that I have probably run in an incredible string of bad luck (AKA cheap stoves), but I have yet to find one that will "tone down" to where things keep receiving heat without them boiling or frying. This applies to both electric stoves and gas stoves (which always turn off the flame long before reaching the "off" point, but not at any definitely delineated point along the way). Both my ineptitude around a stove and the first of my three signature lines must be kept in mind when considering this issue.

At least you're trying to carry out a simmer... I said some folks just have no concept...In one case, I am sure the lady in question relies on the over boiling liquid to run down the outside of the pan, and so reduce the heat coming from the ring!

I would also contend that there are people who do not know what simmer means - they are content to believe what the control knob says no matter what might actually be happening on the stove. (Which sort of goes back to my original point - is there really any such thing as simmer, or is it just some level of heat/cooking that is relative to each cook's way of thinking?)

The gas stove valves with which I'm familiar have their lowest "on setting" farthest away from the off setting. They start with off, then twist to high, and more twisting lowers the flame. When they reach the stop, the flame is very low. When they're set up this way you can quickly twist the knob to a very low setting without any danger of putting the fire out.

It seems like you've been fighting the system.

The above post that mentioned the type of pan has allot of merit too.
I find it easier to find that sweet spot on this infernal electric beast of mine with a good CI pan but it still takes a minute or two.

Newer gas ranges usually have burners of different BTU output.

simmer is what makes some food great.like cube steak and gravy. you can cook it hard all you like but simmer is what gets it tender and tasty.

if you don't know how to simmer ,you need to learn to cook.

Yes. One just right. One almost good enough. And two that aren't big enough for squat.

Naa...

one to melt butter
one to cook rice without boil over
one hot enough to fry
one hot enough to melt cast iron

I think mathman is onto something. If the flame goes out on the lowest setting (LOW) there's something wrong with the stove. What's wrong ... I have no idea. On some stoves there's an adjustment for the air mix. It might be a weak gas supply. Like I said though ... I dunno.