His wife was sitting in the funeral home when her granddaughter sat down beside her. Sorry for your loss of Grampa but he had a long life. Yes says Grandma, he was 93 and we still had sex once a week. Granddaughter was astonished and asked how they managed it at their age. Grandma explained they had sex once a week on Sundays. They did it to the church bell, Ding was in and Dong was out. Then Grandma broke down and said he would still be here if that ice cream trucks hadn't gone by.
When I die, I want to go peacefully in my sleep just like Grandpa. Not like the other screaming passengers in his car as it careened off the cliff...
Old man in bed, knowing the end was near awoke to a beautiful day. Birds were singing and light breeze filled the house with the smell of early spring.
Suddenly, a faint hint of his favorite cookies baking came to him. Struggling mightly to an upright seat on the edge of the bed he rested. The aroma grew stronger, taunting him.
Struggling again he arose and used the furniture and then wall to reach the bedroom door. He rested. Agin he started moving slowly down the hall to the kitchen. His wife was just taking a sheet of cookies out of the oven.
Many more were on plates on the counter. He reached and found one still warm, promising a great chocolate gooey mess.
Suddenly his wife snatched the cookie away from him! "No! They are for the wake!"
My Grandpa farted when he died.
He just let one R.I.P.
