... it's sad that when i was young all we had was the chrome
plated d cell light and i don't ever remember one getting
messed up because of batteries. you did have to shake the
hooey out 'em sometimes and buy a new bulb every 4 or 5
years
Back when I was very young and stupid (I'm old now), I was headed down the basement steps when a flashlight on the overshoe shelf caught my eye. Not wishing to cause an investigation that would result in sanctions due to behaving in an unkid-like manner, I unscrewed the flashlight, intending to leave it in pieces after disassembly. I was struck by the odd, brown ooze coming from the top-most D-cell. With the inventive curiosity of youth, I followed my instinct to do the most logical action possible. (I licked the battery.) This resulted in an instant sensation inside my mouth that was, in a word, unpleasant. I rushed up the steps into the kitchen, where Mom was doing dishes. She was apparently having a bad day as she seemed a bit irked by my hipping her aside, sticking my mouth under the faucet, filling said mouth with water, and spitting it into her dish water. My declining to respond to her unreasonable request as to just what in hell was going on did not seem to improve her mood, so I took my still-burning mouth to the living room. Curling up in a chair, I could see the kitchen clock. Noting the time, I, employing the insight of the young, came to the conclusion that if this was going to kill me, it would do so in either 10 minutes or 24 hours. After an agonizing 11 minutes (had to be sure), I found myself still among the living and breathed a great sigh of relief, only to be drawn up short by the realization that I had only passed the first hurdle in my bid for survival. Little sleep was achieved that night, and my performance at school the next day was not up to my usual robust standard. Supper was largely ignored on my part and I retired to my chair of potential doom to await 6:45 and the passage of the magic 24 hours. This harrowing experience did not dim my enthusiasm for stupidity and shortly thereafter I manage do trip with a plastic pea-shooter in my mouth while running through the house, fall on said pea-shooter, and drive it into the back of my throat. (But that is another story.)
