|
|
Joined: Sep 2016
Posts: 515
Campfire Regular
|
OP
Campfire Regular
Joined: Sep 2016
Posts: 515 |
A guy joins a very exclusive nudist colony. On his first day there he takes off his clothes and starts to wander around. A gorgeous petite blonde walks by and he immediately gets an erection.The woman notices his erection, comes over to him and says, "Sir, did you call for me? " He replies, "No, what do you mean?" She says, "You must be new here, let me explain. It's a rule here that if you get an erection it implies you called for me. "Smiling she leads him to the side of the swimming pool, lies down on a towel, eagerly pulls him to her and happily lets him have his way with her. He continued to explore the colony's facilities. He enters the sauna and as he sat down he farted. Within a few minutes a huge, horribly corpulent, hairy man lumbers out of the steam toward him. "Did you call for me?" says the hairy man. No, what do you mean?" he says. "You must be new here," says the hairy man, "it is a rule here that if you fart it implies that you called for me." The huge man easily spins him around, bends him over a bench and has his way with him. He staggers back to the colony office,where he is greeted by the smiling, naked receptionist. "May I help you?"she says. He yells, "Here is my membership card, you can have the key back,and you can keep the $500 membership fee." "But sir," she replies, "you've only been here for a few hours, you haven't even had the chance to see all our facilities." He replies, "Listen lady, I'm 58 years old, I get a hard-on once a month, but I fart 15 times a day!!"
Tolerance is the virtue of a man without convictions
A positive attitude will not solve all your problems,
but it will annoy enough people to make it a worthwhile effort.
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Jan 2001
Posts: 59,167 Likes: 2
Campfire Kahuna
|
|
Campfire Kahuna
Joined: Jan 2001
Posts: 59,167 Likes: 2 |
Ex- USN (SS) '66-'69
Pro-Constitution.
LET'S GO BRANDON!!!
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Feb 2004
Posts: 17,736 Likes: 1
Campfire Ranger
|
|
Campfire Ranger
Joined: Feb 2004
Posts: 17,736 Likes: 1 |
NRA LIFE MEMBER
GOD BLESS OUR TROOPS
ESPECIALLY THE SNIPERS!
"Suppose you were an idiot And suppose you were a member of Congress... But I repeat myself."
-Mark Twain
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Apr 2011
Posts: 151,746 Likes: 15
Campfire Savant
|
Campfire Savant
Joined: Apr 2011
Posts: 151,746 Likes: 15 |
The older you get, the more fun it is to fart
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Apr 2010
Posts: 14,720 Likes: 2
Campfire Outfitter
|
|
Campfire Outfitter
Joined: Apr 2010
Posts: 14,720 Likes: 2 |
I can relate to that!!  
Even birds know not to land downwind!
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Feb 2006
Posts: 8,639
Campfire Outfitter
|
|
Campfire Outfitter
Joined: Feb 2006
Posts: 8,639 |
The older you get, the more fun it is to fart Never trust a fart if you're over 60!
Speak softly and use a big bore...
Where's El Cid when we need him...
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Feb 2001
Posts: 73,096
Campfire Kahuna
|
|
Campfire Kahuna
Joined: Feb 2001
Posts: 73,096 |
The older you get, the more fun it is to fart Never trust a fart if you're over 60! That is TRUTH!
George Orwell was a Prophet, not a novelist. Read 1984 and then look around you!
Old cat turd!
"Some men just need killing." ~ Clay Allison.
I am too old to fight but I can still pull a trigger. ~ Me
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Jan 2006
Posts: 3,881
Campfire Tracker
|
|
Campfire Tracker
Joined: Jan 2006
Posts: 3,881 |
Sucks to get old...and gassy.
"Whether you think you can or you think you can't, you're right."
Henry Ford
If it's tourist season, why can't we shoot them?
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Dec 2007
Posts: 10,258
Campfire Outfitter
|
|
Campfire Outfitter
Joined: Dec 2007
Posts: 10,258 |
Ed
A person who asks a question is a fool for 5 minutes the person who never asks is a fool forever.
The worst slaves are those that put the chains on themselves.
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Apr 2004
Posts: 42,827 Likes: 4
Campfire 'Bwana
|
|
Campfire 'Bwana
Joined: Apr 2004
Posts: 42,827 Likes: 4 |
But the real question is what forum member did this happen to?
It can't be Paddler... he'd enjoy his 15 farts a day....
So would RGint-Her.....
"Minus the killings, Washington has one of the lowest crime rates in the Country" Marion Barry, Mayor of Wash DC
“Owning guns is not a right. If it were a right, it would be in the Constitution.” ~Alexandria Ocasio Cortez
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Feb 2004
Posts: 6,798
Campfire Tracker
|
|
Campfire Tracker
Joined: Feb 2004
Posts: 6,798 |
The older you get, the more fun it is to fart Never trust a fart if you're over 60! Can I have an AMEN for that!
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Apr 2011
Posts: 151,746 Likes: 15
Campfire Savant
|
|
Campfire Savant
Joined: Apr 2011
Posts: 151,746 Likes: 15 |
Speaking of farting, here goes
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Apr 2006
Posts: 1,396
Campfire Regular
|
|
Campfire Regular
Joined: Apr 2006
Posts: 1,396 |
When my son was knocking on puberty"s door my wife asked me if I had "the talk" with him yet.
I said yes and she asked what I had told him.
Simple...never waste a hard on and never trust a fart, and if it has tits or tires it will cost a lot of money and cause a lot of aggravation.
Never try to teach a pig to sing...
...it wastes your time and annoys the pig!
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Jan 2013
Posts: 267
Campfire Member
|
|
Campfire Member
Joined: Jan 2013
Posts: 267 |
The older you get, the more fun it is to fart Never trust a fart if you're over 60! I s--t you not, I heard these words just 90 minutes ago: "Daaaad?! I poop farted, and it's all over everything." Mom is currently about 8000 miles away. The Chinese do one thing right when they build - all bathrooms are fully drained. Just hose them down...
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Feb 2006
Posts: 8,639
Campfire Outfitter
|
|
Campfire Outfitter
Joined: Feb 2006
Posts: 8,639 |
When my son was knocking on puberty"s door my wife asked me if I had "the talk" with him yet.
I said yes and she asked what I had told him.
Simple...never waste a hard on and never trust a fart, and if it has tits or tires it will cost a lot of money and cause a lot of aggravation. Wise words.. and painfully true..
Speak softly and use a big bore...
Where's El Cid when we need him...
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Feb 2006
Posts: 8,639
Campfire Outfitter
|
|
Campfire Outfitter
Joined: Feb 2006
Posts: 8,639 |
The older you get, the more fun it is to fart Never trust a fart if you're over 60! Can I have an AMEN for that! AMEN!!
Speak softly and use a big bore...
Where's El Cid when we need him...
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Jan 2015
Posts: 2,688
Campfire Regular
|
|
Campfire Regular
Joined: Jan 2015
Posts: 2,688 |
The older you get, the more fun it is to fart Never trust a fart if you're over 60! Now you tell me.
The biggest problem our country has is not systemic racism, it's systemic stupidity.
|
|
|
|
|
276 members (10ring1, 1_deuce, 12savage, 204guy, 12344mag, 16gage, 33 invisible),
2,379
guests, and
1,272
robots. |
|
Key:
Admin,
Global Mod,
Mod
|
|
|
Forums81
Topics1,192,501
Posts18,490,488
Members73,972
| |
Most Online11,491
Jul 7th, 2023
|
|
|
|
