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They Walk Among Us

So I am at Walmart scanning and bagging my almost $300 worth of groceries while the employee that wants $15 an hour "monitors" and then this happened.

Her - why are you double bagging all of your groceries?

Me - excuse me?

Her - you are wasting our bags!

Me - if you don't like the way I'm bagging the groceries, feel free to come on over here and bag them yourself.

Her - that's not my job!

Me - okay, then I will bag my groceries how I please if that's all right with you.

Her - why are you using two bags?!

Me - because the bags are weak and I don't want the handles to break or the bottoms to rip out.

Her - well that's because you are putting too much stuff in the bag. If you took half of that stuff out and put it in a different bag then you wouldn't need to double bag.

*10 seconds of me just staring at her.

Me - so you want me to split these items in half and put half of them in a different bag so that I don't have to double bag.

Her - exactly.

Me - so I would still be using two bags to hold the same number of items.

Her - no because you wouldn't be double bagging.

Me - pressing two fingers to my left eye in an attempt to make it stop twitching.

Me - okay so here I have a jug of milk and a bottle of juice double bagged. If I take the milk out and remove the double bagging and just put the milk in the single bag and the juice in that single bag I'm still using two bags for these two items.

Her- no because you are not double bagging them so it's not the same number of bags.

Me - looking around at about 10 other customers who at this point are enjoying the show.

Me- is this like that Common Core math stuff I keep hearing about?
Her- never mind you just don't get it. And with that she went back to her little Podium so she could continue texting or playing games on her phone or whatever it was she was doing before she decided to come over and critique my bagging skills.

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My husband and I went through the McDonald's driveway window and I gave the cashier a $5 bill. Our total was $4.25, so I also handed her 25c.

She said, 'you gave me too much money.'

I said, 'Yes I know, but this way you can just give me a dollar back.'

She sighed and went to get the manager who asked me to repeat my request.

I did so, and he handed me back the 25c, and said 'We're sorry but we don't do that kind of thing.'

The cashier then proceeded to give me back 75 cents in change.

Do not confuse the people at Mac D's.

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We had to have the garage door repaired

The repairman told us that one of our problems was that we did not have a 'large' enough motor on the opener

I thought for a minute, and said that we had the largest one made at that time, a 1/2 horsepower

He shook his head and said, 'You need a 1/4 horsepower.

I responded that 1/2 was larger than 1/4 and he said, 'NOOO, it's not. Four is larger than two.'

We haven't used that repairman since...

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I live in a semi - rural area.

We recently had a new neighbor call the local city council office to request the removal of the DEER CROSSING sign on our road.

The reason: 'Too many deer are being hit by cars out here! I don't think this is a good place for them to be crossing anymore.'

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IDIOT SIGHTING IN FOOD SERVICE.

My daughter went to a Mexican fast food and ordered a taco.

She asked the person behind the counter for 'minimal lettuce.'

He said he was sorry, but they only had iceberg lettuce.

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I was at the airport, checking in at the gate when an airport employee asked,

'Has anyone put anything in your baggage without your knowledge?'

To which I replied, 'If it was without my knowledge, how would I know?'

He smiled knowingly and nodded, 'That's why we ask'

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The pedestrian light on the corner beeps when it's safe to cross the street.

I was crossing with an 'intellectually challenged' co-worker of mine.

She asked if I knew what the beeper was for.

I explained that it signals blind people when the light is red.

Appalled, she responded, 'what on earth are blind people doing driving?!'

She is a government employee.....

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When my wife and I arrived at a car dealership to pick up our car after a service, we were told the keys had been locked in it.

We went to the service department and found a mechanic working feverishly to unlock the driver's side door.

As I watched from the passenger side, I instinctively tried the door handle and discovered that it was unlocked.

'Hey,' I announced to the technician, 'its open!'

His reply, 'I know. I already did that side.'



STAY ALERT!

They walk among us, they breed, and they vote.......

I was at the airport, checking in at the gate when an airport employee asked,

'Has anyone put anything in your baggage without your knowledge?'

To which I replied, 'If it was without my knowledge, how would I know?'

He smiled knowingly and nodded, 'That's why we ask'


I had this exact exchange when returning from England, Heathrow, I answered the same way, his response slightly different!

He looks at me, grins, and says.... 'Sometimes, the question we ask is not really the question we ask! Have a nice flight'

I had this one with a Subway sammich maker....

GIVEN: Regular subs were a Dollar off.....

ME: Can I get a 1/2 sub double meat for the same deal..

Them: to boss: Can we do that? Boss: NO, it's only the regular foot long that's a dollar off.

ME: Ok, I'll take one but put all the stuff on one half of the bread please.

Them: What do you want me to do to the other half???

ME: Cut it off and throw it away

Them: to boss again: Can he do that??? Boss: Just make it like he wants!

Just when you think you've seen it all (probably coming to a Wal Mart near you): I recently was checking out at the only register open at my local WM (after waiting in a long line). One of the items in my basket was a 5th of Jack Daniels. When the cashier noticed this, he cried out for all to hear "I can't check you out since I'm underage". What!! I didn't ask him to take a sip but just check me out. I had to wait in another line (which luckily had just opened) to buy only the 5th of JD (lucky for me this cashier was of age). When I mentioned this to the other cashier, she looked at me like I had 2 heads. As I've told other people who complain about the service (or lack thereof) at WM, we complain but we keep coming back.

One other thing: During the same shopping trip, I asked a WM Manager why only 1 lane was open. With a straight face she mentioned that the regular cashiers come in and eat lunch so as to be on duty at 11:00 AM. I was going to ask why not just a couple cashiers come in early to ease the morning long line or everybody come in early and the stagger their lunch times or (heaven forbid) even eat their meal before they come in but I figured why bother. Maybe help is so hard to find that the only option open to WM was what they were doing. And, YES, I keep going back.

I'm shocked that Stephen King has not yet written a novel about the WM experience.

Stupid is as Liberal does...