Home Forums Hunting & Shooting Ask The Gunwriters For George and some others - That Rifle's So Old!

I wrote this for George and the boys. You know who you are. It was done kind of quickly, so I'll have to fix any rough spots later.

That Rifle's So Old!
(I grunted. I hunted.)

“That rifle’s so old!”
Cried my neighbor Fat Sam.
“That’s right!” I yelled back,
“It’s as old as I am!”

“It’s as old as the hills.
It’s as old as Magoo.
It’s as old as can be,
But it’s younger than you!”

“Loaded with lead,
And using black powder,
I can shoot it a mile,
To collect my moose chowder!”

“It’s as light as the wind,
And a comfortable tote.
And punches big, biggy holes,
Through Bullwinkle’s coat.”

Then Fat Sam made a sound,
Like a wheeze and a whistle.
He guffawed several times,
And he laughed at my missiles.

“That lever’s too old,
To be any fun.
And its gotta shoot copper
To be a real gun!”

I just sighed and asked Sam,
With his fancy new gear,
If technology got him,
A deer every year.

He blushed and said no,
But he wasn’t to blame.
Things would go wrong,
And he wouldn’t get game.

His scope mount came loose.
His plastic stock cracked.
And his rangefinder died,
When his backpack got whacked.

“But I’m sure that the same thing,
Has happened to you.
That old lever gun,
Looks so battered and bruised.”

I smiled and remarked,
That when it was new,
I was cleaning the action,
And stripped a small screw.

“But other than that,
Not a thing has gone wrong.
It shoots heavy, lead bullets,
From dusk until dawn.”

“And every year it repeats,
Without fanfare or shine.
Whatever it touches,
Falls over just fine.

There’s no shiny, blue barrel,
Or glossy glass scope.
Just an old Lyman peep sight,
That’s cleaned with gun soap.

My secret’s no secret.
Look after your things.
Clean them up with fresh oil,
And butter the slings.

Fat Sam shook his head.
He just wouldn’t be sold.
And walked away mumbling,
“That rifle’s so old!”

- 2015, Stephen Redgwell


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I guess I should type in "Burma Shave" right here.

For 30+ years I filled my tags every year with a ratty old Rem. 788 I bought used in 1980.

Well done, but don't tell anyone around here. They will chastise you for at least two reasons. More, if you admit to using factory made cup and core bullets and used a scope not made by Leupold, or made in Europe.

1. It was a cheap Remington rifle.
2. You bought it used. It has to be a custom rifle or a collectible for it to be used used. Like that double use of used?

God help you if you do not wear camo or scent blocker.

Don't worry though. Your secret is safe with me.

Have a 1906 Gustav 6.5 Swede that doing better than moa with the original military barrel.

Impossible!!

Don't forget stainless steel and plastic. Where would we be without it.

There's something unclean about that combination.
---



Have you noticed that almost everyone accepts polymer stocks, will shoot them in the field and at the range, yet decry them in publicum. 'Specially here.

Everybody claims to run Leupold, Zeiss or Swarovski scopes, yet you see 'em with Simmons and Tascos at camp.

They talk up the bonded or copperized bullets - they're all I use! But pull Core Lokts out of their range bags. And load them into their Stevens 200 or Savage Axis rifles (Axes rifles?)

And then there's the big one - people actually admit to owning Remington bolt actions. Talk about your intellectual and hunting lepers!

It's all so sad...

Still have my first deer rifle, a BCD '44 Mauser 98 in a Bishop stock and a Redlfield peep site. Ugly, barrel looks like a sewer pipe for the first two inches. Have hunting with it a lot, in the woods more than sufficient. Can hit a dinner plate at 100 yards all day. It's one I will keep, proven will not break and has proven to be reliable.

No whiz-bang rounds, blued steel and wood (almost exclusively), no fancy bullets. No deer last season because they just wouldn't show up. Great poem, though.

Another masterpiece by our resident Poet Laureate! Bravo!

"Go not softly into that good night,
but rage, rage against stainless and plastic!"
(with apologies to Dylan Thomas)

Your poem best describes our fathers and grandfathers who made due with "one" gun for all their hunting.

Doc

I do remember my first store bought deer rifle at age 11. A winchester 94 30.30 for 69bucks. My dad was pizzed, because my mom made him buy it for me. I was getting laughed at in hunter/safety class for the cutdown(hacksaw job) arisaka rifle i had been using. Still have both of them. And the 1917 winchester enfield acquired in the 30/40's for probably ten bucks that had been sporterized. That rifle was carried by three generations.

Thank you gentlemen.

To Doctor Encore: The title is "That Rifle's So Old!", so yeah, it would be about older rifles.

I wouldn't go so far as to suggest that it's about owning only one firearm. Our hero doesn't say. He likes that particular lever. It's reliable, he feels comfortable using it, and looks after the thing.

Dr. Bard, Ye done mighty well with that, there quill of yours. (Surely it wasn't a fountain pen? )

…made me think of a few I still have and use including this one:



….for which I load 170 Core-lokts exclusively (when I'm not shooting home-poured Lyman slugs)

The older M788(s) and M670 I started out with never let me down either for many years.

There's a few miles on her. The Williams sight is still tight?

Seems to be fine, as does the Marbles tanger on my 'worn' 94.

I've had four Williams peeps, and still use three. I like that they are compact and seem very rugged. Maybe one is destined for my new 357 lever.

Love it! Pic from last November with a 113 year young rifle..

Couldn't resist Steve--thank you kindly. You are a gentleman and a scholar.

A Boy And His Old Rifle...

I'll buy you a new rifle son
Any one that you desire

My son replied, "Thank you, dad"
"But only one really lights my fire"

"It might not be the most modern thing"
"But it is certainly tried and true"

"And you know that this is so, Dad"
"Because it once belonged to you"

"It might not be the prettiest thing"
"But it's mechanical art to me"

"And the best thing about it, Dad"
"Is that it shoots the Three Ought Three"

"Browning designed some swell guns, Dad.
So did good ol' William B,

"But as brilliant as those fellows were"
"They're not a patch to James Paris Lee"

"So thanks for the offer, Dad. It means a lot to me."
"But I'd rather shoot my Long Branch, dated nineteen and forty-three"

"There's nothing a new rifle has"
"That I really think I need"

"But there's something each and every new one lacks"
"And that is history"

"If others want a new rifle, Dad."
"That's okay with me."

"But the only rifle I want to shoot"
"Is my cool, old, Three Ought Three"....


Ask my 16 year old son what the best rifle in the world is, and he'll blurt out "Long Branch, Number Four, Mark One, Star" without a second of hesitation.

Ask him what the best centerfire rifle cartridge is, and he'll say, "Three Ooh Three British," before you finish asking the question.

The kid is just fanatical about his sporter-stocked Long Branch No.4. I've tried to buy him something more modern, but he doesn't want any part of it, unless it's an AR-15 A-2, and even then, he'd rather just have a thousand dollar's worth of ammo to run through his No.4.