Home Forums Hunting & Shooting Hunter's Campfire Fractured fairy tales

Mary had a little pig,
She kept it fat and plastered;
And when the price of pork went up,
She shot the little bastard.

Mary had a little lamb.
Her father shot it dead.
Now it goes to school with her,
Between two hunks of bread.

Jack and Jill went up the hill
To have a little fun.
Stupid Jill forgot the pill
And now they have a son.

Simple Simon met a pie man going to the fair.
Said Simple Simon to the pie man,
'What have you got there?'
Said the pie man unto Simon,
'Pies, you dumb ass' !!

Humpty Dumpty sat on a wall,
Humpty Dumpty had a great fall.
All the kings' horses,
And all the kings' men.
Had scrambled eggs,
For breakfast again.

Hey diddle, diddle, the cat took a piddle,
All over the bedside clock.
The little dog laughed to see such fun.
Then died of electric shock.

Georgie Porgy pudding and pie,
Kissed the girls and made them cry.
And when the boys came out to play,
He kissed them too 'cause he was gay.

There was a little girl who had a little curl
Right in the middle of her forehead.
When she was good, she was very, very good.
But when she was bad..
She got a fur coat, jewels, a waterfront condo, and a sports car.

Much better than the Fractured Fairy Tales on the Bullmoose and Rocky show. (Rocket J. Squirrel in the bosom of Abraham, Rocket J. Squirrel in the bosom of Abraham...)

'Pies, you dumb ass' !!

I rewrote this one when my daughter was 3. I'm sure she didn't understand but she told everyone we encountered and got a lot of laughs.

Old mother Hubbard croaked by the cupboard and left her poor dog some bones.

Little Miss Muffet sat on her tuffet

Eating her curds and whey

Along came a spider and sat down beside her

and said;"what ya got in the bowl,Bitch?

You guys!!!!

I am busting out loud laffing here.

Thx.

Mary,Mary quite contrary, how does your garden grow?
With poppy seeds and funny weeds.



The narcs busted the dumb bitch

what the heck.........

Old mother Hubbard
went to the cubbord
to get her poor dog a bone
but when she bent over
Rover drove her
cause Rover had a bone of his own.

and one more from 6th grade,

she was coming round the corner doing ninety.
when the chain on her motorcycle broke
she was layin in the grass with a sprocket up her azz and a tiddy playing "Dixie" on the spokes.

GWB

There was an old woman
who lived in a shoe.
She had so many chlidren
she didn't know what to do.
But her problems were over
and her worries were through,
When someone stuck his foot in the shoe.

You leave Moose and Squirrel alone. A favorite cartoon of my misspent youth.

Sweet little birdy with a yellow bill

Came and sat upon my window sill

I coaxed him in with a crust of bread

And then I crushed his little head!

I'm ballin' - those are fantastic.

read both pages, and had to clean the coffee off the key board!


maddog

That was a favorite Ft. Leonard Wood marching song when I was there in '70.

Old Mother Hubbard went to the cupboard
To get her poor daughter a dress.
But when she got there, the cupboard was bare
And so was her daughter, I guess.

And one more song from about that time and age frame


Oh she ripped and she tore and ran across the floor,
But she hung her ass on the knob of the door,
Moon shone bright on the nipple of her tit,
And a blue jay singing sweet chicken s**t!

Fleas on a ducks ass, Quack Quack!

BCR

Mary, Mary, quite contrary
How does your garden grow?
With weeds & grass
like, man, it's a gas!
But don't let the authorities know!


(from an old book by one of those greeting card companies)

There once was a man from Nantucket.....oh never mind....


maddog