My mom got married again a couple years ago. My father is still alive, but I might have spoken to him twice for a couple minuets in the last 4 years. He was an adulterer all my life, never physically abusive but very mentally abusive and never had time for his kids. I don't hate him, but I realized a long time ago that he always had a plan to use me in some way if I ever had any contact with him.

Anyway, Mom's new husband keeps giving me nice stuff, knives, hunting equipment, and just being nice in general. I don't really know how to deal with it. I'm always looking for his angle, and it pisses me off to think that way when he has been nothing but nice.

Open up and enjoy it. He wants you to.

I think I'm too old and tough.

If you love and trust your mother, then trust her decisions.

I agree, invite him to a hunt



Just not your good duck spots....

Lots of older people love giving stuff away, particularly when they think the recipient will enjoy it.

Can't fault him for your father's sins. Maybe sit down and tell him what you feel and why you're apprehensive when it comes to him. It'll air it all out and bring you closer no doubt. I guarantee he picks up on it and without explanation he's left to guess. If you know he's a good guy then you have nothing to worry about. You'll wish you had done it years ago

I do. My parents were divorced a long time ago, but she married this guy not long after she met him. I was concerned until I saw him crying like a baby at the altar.

Get to know your real dad and fugk the fake one you only live once

Take the opportunity and give it a chance.

Fuq the real one!

How old are you?

Something happened like that to me. There was no angle the guy was really nice and my mom deserved it after 45 years with my [bleep] dad.

I did find he was an outdoorsman and his only son was gay and not interested in such things.

I'm just not used to it. My own dad never gave me anything that he didn't sell later without even telling me. I knew growing up that my stuff was really his. The new dad is actually texting me pictures of deer and guns he just bought. It just feels weird to suddenly have a dad at 54 years old. It bothers me to find out how fugged up my childhood really was.

I never knew my real father, wasn’t a bastard, but don’t think they ever lived together. Mom married a sorry corksucker when I was in kindergarten, life was hell with him, broke arm and jaw, dislocated shoulder, and beatings out the ass, lot of that was to stop him from hurting my mom. She was dead at 37 from ulcers, fretting what he was gonna do. He was just as bad to his own children. I could go on and on.

Some of us had sorry lives at home. I say, give you new step dad a chance.

Good advice. Trust but verify. You could always kill him later if needed. 😳

I'm not in the same boat as you, but I sorta semi understand what you mean.


I grew up in an awesome nuclear family. Mom was stay at home and looked after me and my brother, dad spent 22 years in the military. Us kids were raised to work hard, and help deserving folks where we could.

My pseudo father and mother in law have a similar upbringing. Both came from a normal nuclear family, but the pseudo father in law came from a ROUGH (read that to mean VERY VERY BAD circumstances) place in his home state. He worked to obtain the status he has now a well renowned neurosurgeon.

He and his wife are wonderful people. They are very outgoing and loving, and gift us unprompted at times. I don't know what to do with that. I'm grateful, but I feel like I'm undeserving because I didn't work for it. I've never had a handout, and the things they do for us feel like handouts.

It's a weird feeling, and I feel like I am ungrateful because I didn't earn what they sometimes do for us. It makes them happy to do things for and with us, but knowing that, it is still a strange thing to me.

Probably not a great comfort to you, but that's all I've got. In the spirit of the Fire, GFY and know that you aren't alone.

That’s horrible advice. His dad wasn’t there for him or his mother. If his stepdad makes his mom happy and is sincere in wanting to build bridges with her family. He doesn’t need to be best buds but be happy for her and at least cordial with her husband.

To be truthful, it sounds like more than your childhood is fugged up. You’re both men. He’s not your new dad. He’s your mom’s new husband. How hard it it to just be nice? You’ve got no reason not to be. Who doesn’t have room for another friend?

Edited to add: If the relationship falls apart because one of you is a jerk, make sure it’s not you. 😳

My old man died 2016 him and moms parted ways when I was 17 he was still my dad I miss him every day

That's real close to how I feel about it. I mean I like the guy and I'm always nice, but when he just pulls out a new Case knife or something and tells me it's mine, it's a strange feeling, not really knowing him very well. I want to be grateful, but I keep looking for the catch and it's that feeling that I don't like. I mean I don't feel that way when my kids or wife does something for me. I can rationalize that the way my own father treated me as a kid has made me suspicious, but I would have never before said I was a suspicious or untrusting person.

Maybe you're like the kid he never had and is making up for lost time, if it makes him happy just roll with it.

You are coming across as a bum.

You sound like the grand kids, never a thank you for the shotguns, ammunition, knives, axes, hunting equipment. However they never give them back.

Just changed our will to have all my gun sold. Ammunition to go with the guns. A few of the grand kids, were wanting to know why they would not be getting any. I just let them know that the buyers would like them and take care of them.

My nieces and nephews were a better fit for the rifles that i gave them while they were growing up.

It sounds like it you did not earn it you do not appreciate it or take care of it.

Fuqk the old man, he can piss off and die. don't compare the new guy to him, put that aside and embrace a new friendship.

This.

I'd guess there's more at play for your family than just a bunch of no thank you's and entitlement from the grandkids.

If RH Clark is anything like me, he happily does work for free for his deserving family, without question, and does so with a full and unexpecting heart. And does so because it is the right thing to do. And when something is given, thanks is always given.

If that is indeed the case, I fail to see how he would sound like a bum.

If receiving a gift from someone and giving thanks, but internally not feeling like you earned said gift makes you a bum, then the parameters of what makes one a bum need be chances.

I can only speak for myself and not RH Clark, that is just my opinion.

Benefit of the doubt until or unless he shows a different side…

IMO, this is a real insight. We all crave those relationships. Don't let old poison ruin a a new opportunity.

I’m sorry for your loss. My parents divorced when I was three. My dad was a POS and so was my stepdad. Between the two of them my mom dated a great guy that went out of his way to spend time with me and make me feel included. It had a lasting impact on my life and I’ve done same for my step kids. That’s the perspective that I was looking at it from.

Family dirt should stay in the family.......not aired here.....or so I've read somewhere......

Heartwarming family good news.....bring it on...

Sorry you and your dad didn't have a better relationship but it will never be any of my business

Wow - that’s terrible advice.

RH; perhaps your guard is up due to your childhood experience. But there are wonderful people in the world and it seems like you’re due to have a positive relationship with mom’s new husband.

For some people, giving gifts is the way they express themselves. It can be “thank you”, it can be “forgive me”, it can be “please don’t hate me”. It would be worth finding out what he’s trying to tell you with these gifts, and it would be meaningful for your mom’s husband to learn what the gifts mean to you.

I have a family member who remarried a fine lady whose own kids treat her like dirt and she tries to buy their affection (and prevent outright hostilities) by giving them things. When she first got to know us and we gave HER gifts, tears flowed. Gifts can be perfunctory, or they can hugely meaningful, depending on the family culture.

My dad died when I was 40. Mom remarried when I was 45. He is a super nice guy and the best thing that could happen for mom. However, I have never considered him my dad. I had 1 dad and he died. I consider him my mom's husband. I have never referred him even as my stepdad. We do however get along great.

RHClark, dude, you've already been given some very valuable advice, not much I can add.

I think it may be valuable for you to see a counsellor or pastor and work through your feelings about your dad and your mother's husband. Put in the work with the counsellor and your relationship with your mother's husband can only get better. Don't be afraid to enjoy a new relationship.

Speaking of that, you ain't no spring chicken and I've been admiring that 16 gauge double barrel. . .

You're the second person today to insinuate that I'm old.

When I remarried 15 years ago I had no idea how to accept a woman that gave me things... helped with money/bills/vacations... and offered kindness and gratitude.

It was foreign as hell to me... every woman I had ever known was a taker... I just assumed it was all women... a DNA kinda thing.

Give and take is learned... at least for me.

Well, he’s banging your mom so maybe he thinks the least he could do is give you some new toys.

Don’t read into it so much.

It's understandable.
I have a hard time accepting stuff.
It's just weird to have someone just give you nice items.
Never ask for stuff, always did without until it could be acquired personally.
Very awkward if someone just hands you something.

This! No reason to have an elephant in the room.

Where does he buy his deer?

Do some here have trouble differentiating between a dad, and a sperm donor?

Sounds likes your the one with the 'angle'...

Good lord, talk about over thinking crap. People don't do things (read give you stuff, pay for dinner etc) unless they want to. Say thank you and move along.

Dad #1 sound like he all about shredding pussy and ignoring kids.

What’s the problem?

thank God, I never had to deal with anything like that. I had wonderful parents that shared a loving, life long relationship.

What happened to you?

Do unto others ......

I just opened this thread and haven't read all 50 posts.
It sounds to me like he's trying to connect and be accepted as part of your family but he doesn't really know how. I'd ask him to back off on the gifts and just do some things together with him. It doesn't take too many man to man outings before his real intentions will start to come out. Hopefully it'll be that he just wants acceptance. If you have personality conflicts, just work through them. You can't be a best buddy to everyone but you can be a friend to about anyone. Remember that he might be grinding his teeth to put up with you, too.

Getting a “new dad” at 54 would be weird. The whole gift thing would bother me wondering if there are strings attached.

Any time you get something for nothing, especially when you really don’t know the guy, could be brought up later when he reminds you of all the stuff he gave you.

It sounds like he may be trying to buy or bribe your acceptance and I would be leery of that. It could also be genuine and he may be a real nice guy. Either way, I would do anything I could to avoid being bought…

I was thinking more like "impossible."

My wife started a thing with our kids about thirty years ago. "I love you day" gifts.

Just walking through the store, and see something you think someone would like. So you buy it and give it to them. "love you day".

Now the whole fam damily does it.

Sounds like your Step Dad thinks the same way.

Graciously accept the gift. And perhaps occasionally pick up a trinket you think he might like.

Mom will be tickled to death, I promise.

Be happy for your Mom and friendly to the man until and if he turns out to be any other way. Be glad things turned out better the second go round.

Insinuate? Nah, I just came out and said it.

Now about that double barrel....

I’m guess’n that he loves your mother, and treating you good makes her happy! A win-win for all parties! memtb

I think I would kindly ask him to stop, all you are looking for is to be good to your mom. And that you are looking closely.

Patient Zero for receiving participation trophies from his parents.

🦫