What are two things you can never eat for breakfast? -Lunch and Dinner
What can be broken but never held? -A promise
What word is spelled incorrectly in every single dictionary? -Incorrectly
What starts with “e” and ends with “e” but only has one letter in it? -An envelope
If you had only one match and entered a dark room containing an oil lamp, some kindling wood, and a newspaper, which would you light first? -The match
A cowboy rode into town on Friday. He stayed in town for three days and rode out on Friday. How is that possible? -His horse is named Friday
All good. I’ll be quoting you. 🤭
3 Surgeons we’re having Drinks Together and the Subject of their Greatest Surgery came Up
I reattach Nolan Ryan’s Pitching Arm and he was back Pitching the Next Day
The Second Surgeon said I reattach Bruce Jenners Penis and he wasn’t Happy but he could piss Again Immediately
Not to be outdone the Third Surgeon said There was a Terrible Accident and the Victim was brought to me and a box of his brains and cow s hit and dirt
I quickly jumped into act and reintroduced what was given to into his Skull and sewed him Up.
The Next Day he was Up and Functioning and Today He’s President of the United States ..
3 Surgeons we’re having Drinks Together and the Subject of their Greatest Surgery came Up
I reattach Nolan Ryan’s Pitching Arm and he was back Pitching the Next Day
The Second Surgeon said I reattach Bruce Jenners Penis and he wasn’t Happy but he could piss Again Immediately
Not to be outdone the Third Surgeon said There was a Terrible Accident and the Victim was brought to me and a box of his brains and cow s hit and dirt
I quickly jumped into act and reintroduced what was given to into his Skull and sewed him Up.
The Next Day he was Up and Functioning and Today He’s President of the United States ..
I guess everything but the brains fit back in?
If you spell Chuck Norris in Scrabble, what do you win? - Forever
If Chuck Norris were to travel to an alternate dimension in which there was another Chuck Norris and they both fought, who would win? -Both
Can Chuck Norris' round house kick break the speed of light? -Duuuuhhhh
You spot a boat full of people but there isn’t a single person on board. How is that possible? -Everyone on board is married
Is it legal for a man to marry his widow’s sister? -No, but since he is dead it would be hard to do so.
What has a face and two hands, but no arms or legs? -A clock
What do you call a man who marries another man?
A preacher.
How can a door be not a door? -When it’s a jar
The teacher asked the two girls who looked exactly like the following questions: a.) Are you from the same family? b.) Do you have the same parents? c.) Were you born on the same day? They answered truthfully “yes” to those questions, and yet told the truth when they indicated they were not twins. How can this be?
-They were triplets
