A friend asked me to play poker with some friends. I might have played many, many years ago, but I forgot anything I knew.
So, if anyone here plays, do you have any tips that I might use to not look a total fool?

Assume I know nothing on the subject...

Don't pick up your cards until the deal is over.

Hold them close and play them neat.

Any other advice I might offer hasn't made me much money, so I won't try.

Good thread idea. This could be interesting.

What does play them neat mean?

I told my wife when I married her that there were two things that I wouldn't do: teach her to shoot a shotgun and cast a fly rod. She would have to find someone else to teach her. If I had thought of it, I would have added teaching her to play poker!

Sit down with a friend who knows how and have him or her run through a few hands of the common games (draw, five card stud, seven card stud) and walk you through the basics. I have never played poker online, but there must be scads of sites that will teach you the basics...

Good luck!

Just sit there and smile with every hand, drives experienced poker player insane! Use ONE expression and keep it. Les

A player with a good hand, tends to throw his chips well out into the pot.
One with not so good a hand, will place them hesitantly, out in front of him, and not quite in the pot.

This is exactly what I had in mind to do actually

I don't know. I got it from Stewart Granger in "North to Alaska" and it seemed to make sense to John Wayne. That was good enough for me.

without ice

Don't let them talk you into playing strip poker

Remain absolutely silent and wear mirrored sunglasses, or talk constantly.

Surf up some web sites on the subject. There should be plenty that deal out games and advice.

Also, with that same smile, tell them you can't remember, but does four of a kind beat a full house. Watch them fold.

hb
You know no gentleman would ever suggest such a thing to SL.

Act smug and arrogant. Bid much more extravagantly than the rest of the players are bidding. If you hit a lucky streak, act like you are the world's best player and everyone else is a chump. (This advice applies if you want to be sure and not asked back to play again.)

I'm going to wear a whole bunch of layers just in case.

Spoil Sport

Online poker isn't the same as playing in person. If nothing else watch some poker on TV. Texas hold-em seems to be the predominant game now.
John

There's too much to write -- books and books already out there.

But go over to this place and read to your heart's content.

I'm Bricky on this forum.

Railbirds.com

It's tonight so no time for TV..

Don't get fleeced in that case.

Never count your money while sittin' at the table. There'll be time enough for countin' when the dealin's all done.


Winners set around and tell funny jokes; losers holler "deal, dammit, deal!

If you play texas hold-em, only bet to see the flop if you've got good cards. A high pair, or a couple of suited face cards. It easy to blow through all your chips just trying to see what's going to happen on the flop. There's other times you should maybe pay to see the first cards but those are the easiest to explain here.

Take the same amount of time, every time, when putting money into the pot..count to 5 in your head, or whatever feels right, then put the money in the same way every time.

If they're playing for nickles, dimes & quarters, just have fun while learning the different games. Most you can lose is 50 bucks or so. If the game is for real money, don't play.

Some of the games may be high-low. In that case the pot will be split between the highest hand & the lowest hand. The best low hand in poker is the ace-2-3-4-6.

Take isaac with you and let me know what night that happens so I can go win too.

Bob, are you free tonight?

Thanks to Kenny Rogers, we all know how to play poker.

You gotta know when to hold 'em
Know when to fold 'em
Know when to walk away
Know when to run

You never count your money when your sitting at the table
There'll be time enough for counting when the dealin's done.

KC

BOB--BOB the ladies callin you!!

Don't risk more than you can afford, scared money never wins.
Bet your cards, not your hope (the draw)
Stay sober
Take a break once in a while
Don't make loans- I did that once to a cute lady when she went broke. By morning she was a big winner and I didn't have breakfast money.

A little history is perhaps in order. The game was created as a magic trick. Audiences were amazed to see their friends and neighbors turned into a##holes by simply dealing the cards.

SL

I'm gonna wait up to make sure you're okay.

People can read you like a book. That's the best advice I can give.

Sometimes not knowing exactly what you're doing is a PLUS. I've played poker exactly 4 times. Each time it was during a work assignment and I got "bugged" into playing w/ the rest of the boys. Five dollar buy in is about all they do. I found that you can really piss serious players off when you go all in to win a big hand, and you later (after winning, of course) find out that you need more than 4 in a row to make a straight...OOPS.
I've found that for our small games, people take it way too serious. If you bet a bigger chip, they act like it's a big deal, when in reality it's not even a quarter. I played to have fun and mess w/ the folks who took it serious....and damned if I haven't won all four times. Begginers luck is a wonderful thing..(=

What are the stakes?

Mirrored glasses can show your opponents your hand.

Don't play every hand, don't fold every hand but real good ones, when you do get a good hand everyone will fold on you.

Fold the slop, play the good hands, but learn what mediocre hands to play.

There will always be at least one player who is bluff happy, you will most likely have to call him when you think he is BSing even with only an average hand, otherwise he will continue to bully you out of hands.

Fishing for two cards to make a flush or straight is extreme, most of the time you will come up empty, don't get in the habit of fishing for hands like that unless it is cheap.

Do you know what games they play?

Oh ya, a couple of obvious tells.

If a guy looks at his cards then leans back in his chair, he is attempting to distance himself from a real good hand. Leaning back in his chair after looking at his cards usually means a powerful hand.

Likewise, a guy who sets his cards down on the table and looks around the room disinterested or makes idle chatter in the middle of hand is usually trying to play down his good hand.

Wouldn't ace, 2, 3, 4, 5 beat ace, 2, 3, 4, 6?

Okay, you know nothing.

Do not get drunk! (But make sure everybody else does.)
Make SURE they know you don't know how to play. (They won't believe you.)
Do a lot of "folding" at first, reserving your money/chips.
Ask questions every hand...you'll learn the game(s) quickly.
When everybody else is drunk, most have busted and you now know the game and have money to bet...bust all of them!

First of all make sure you know what beats what. Next, never go for an inside straight (which is half as likely as an outside straight) if there's any money at risk, i.e., not on a raise or a call. Bluff a few times early on, and make sure people see that you bluff occasionally, even if you lose a little money (i.e., lose on a bluff or too early on). This way, when you do have a good hand some with lesser hands will believe you may be bluffing when you raise or call and will stick with you. If you win on a bluff, you don't have to show anyone what you had, and don't let them see (You may have to personally mix your cards into the deck depending on who you're playing with). Make sure you fold pretty early if there are few prospects. Don't let anyone pressure you to stay in just to be a good sport. They just want you to add to the pot they think they're sure to win.

when playing tournament style, the thing to remember is that anyone can play the good hand well. To be in at the end, you have to NOT play the bad ones. If you can mitigate the losses while winning occasional hands, you will most likely be around at the end of the game.

No. That is a straight.

Yep, Ace can be the start or the end of a straight.

Hope you didn't stay up too late. No game last night.

Thanks for all the tips!

I still don't even know what a fold is... have more time to learn though.

Fold is when you choose to drop out of a hand because you think it's a loser.

It was a long and worrisone night.

A fold is also what your maid does with your clothes.

Well, keep us posted on the big game. Not only did this thread have some good tips, but it was very illuminating regarding some members who offered advice. I know a couple I'm not playing poker with.

Down in the South where I was born and raised, there were four rules of life. (Later reiterated by Nelson Algren in his fine Depression era novel, "A Walk On The Wild Side.")

1. Never play cards with a man called "Doc."
2. Never draw to an inside straight.
3. Never eat at a place called "Ma's."
4. Never sleep with a woman who has more problems than your own.

In your case, Shooting Lady, the first two should apply.

Good luck.

L.W.

That is something that always needs to be addressed before the cards are dealt. I high-low games you need those small straights to make it interesting.

Forgot an important one: if the game is Jacks or better, trips to win, find something else to do: go to the can, get a sandwich, or if you insist on getting rid of your money, just flush it or shove it down a rat hole somewhere.

Unless something is wild. Then it gets complex, and a little more fun IMO.

In a group of four or more, Jacks or better isn't so bad. When it's just two players, though, it can take a lot of deals before play begins.

Like suicide kings.

i have never played.
sounds like fun. i'd love to learn. we should get a game together. will $500 be enough to bring?

Bring more.

He has never played,Hawk! You know what that means the first time he does!

In every High/Low or Razz game I have ever played be it online, casino, local cash game... A-2-3-4-5 is the best Low hand possible.. Most call it the Wheel...

I have no idea. What?

I thinki he means beginner's luck, but I think it means you are about to be snookered.

It occurred to me that that's what he meant.

Dude, I'm coming with you. I've been meaning to learn too, and this sounds like the perfect guys to learn from.

my favorite thing to say at the poker table..."do aces count as 1 or 11?"

If dueces aren't wild, but you have four of them, is that still good?

I like to say while looking at my hand, "Hey, did you ever notice that all four kings have a slightly different face?"

I remember an old Katzenjammer Kids comic where the boys are playing poker with Momma. She says, "I've got three ladies mit crowns on. Is that good?" One of the boys, not sure if it was Hans or Fritz, says, "Nope, Momma, you lose, I've got two threes."

Yes---and enough to leave.

Did you notice Fred Mertz?

Yep, and it also means you can declare "High and Low" in the same hand. Might take all the pot.

I like a poker game in which there is a wild card or so, such as when the dealer calls "Tens, Twos, Fours, Whores, One Eyed Jacks, Man With The Ax, Split Beard Kings, and Hearts, are wild. Anyone getting a natural pair automatically forfits all his money to the dealer." Makes for an interesting game!

Anyone here ever seen or met a real "mechanic?" I know one pretty well. He showed me a bunch of "tricks" as a dealer would perform. I have never seen anything like it. He would tell me exactly what he was going to do and then do it, and I could not see what he was doing, even though I was sitting directly across from him. Amazing.

I would open a new deck of Bicycles, he'd shuffle it three or four times, then ask me to name a card. I'd name one and he'd start dealing until he would turn the card I named. He could deal seconds, thirds, fourths, bottoms, pairs, trips, flushes, etc., you name it. I'd say, "Deal me a full house." He'd do so while dealing out three other hands, one to himself. I'd turn my full house, he'd have nada but his "imaginary partner" would have four-of-a-kind. I could cut the cards and he'd still deal anything he wanted. Mechanics very often have a partner in the game, but you'd never know they even knew each other.

He deals in heavy hitter "backroom" games all over the U.S. and Canada. He doesn't even sit down at a table with less than $25,000.00 in his pocket. He can not even enter a casino in Las Vegas, Reno, or Atlantic City, banned forever. He said he had no need to go to those places as there are people all over the U.S. and Canada, who love to play in "back rooms." He said he did not play in Mexico because the Mexicans were very poor losers and it was not healthy for a "gringo" to go down there and win big bucks.

If you ever face a real "mechanic," you are gonna lose.

L.W.

I would imagine so.

only decent mechanic I knew got shot in Anchorage several years back



it's the ones that I don't know of that are troublesome.


ime (limited mind you) guys that play high stakes poker treat it as a biz and look for every advantage possible to ensure they have a good day at work.


I was fortunate to be acquainted with a guy that owned one of the strip clubs in our little burgh, he had a dormitory downtown where he housed the girls, in the bottom floor was a very nicely appointed poker room, bar and lounge area

Sam didn't drink, he made sure everyone else did, and there were always a couple of the girls to serve drinks and keep losing players interested in staying.

I didn't play just observed, too high of stakes for this kid, when I related that story to his ex wife (a fox btw) a few years later she helped me understand how much Sam must have liked me, according to her "if you weren't there to lose money or weren't security or had 38D's you had no biz being down there according to Sam" she was surprised he allowed me down there just as a guest.


Sam actually won a hotel from a guy down there playing poker one night, and untold tens of thousands of dollars on other nights, some of the strategies he employed were pretty crude, the girls that served drinks were of course in his pocket, but they seemed to be effective.

Sam mysteriously died of a heart attack in his early 50's, while outside on a biz trip. Seemed odd as he worked out pretty regular, didn't smoke or drink, a perfect gentleman was all I ever saw out of him, kind of the opposite of what you'd expect from a guy that owned a strip club.

he had some fine looking women work for him over the years, one that he chose for his manager was particularly pretty, and another exceptional girl that I was fortunate enough to have a friendship with for a time.

don't believe he employed mechanics as he wouldn't want to share the proceeds with anyone else. But can't know that for sure. As LW stated if you're ever in the presence of a real mechanic, your only clue will be some of the miraculous bad beats you endure.

Tommy was good and showed me a few tricks and talking to him he seemed smart too, you can't overuse your skills according to him.

still in the end it won him some bullets

Umm, I'm busy that night.