our 7 YO daughter walked in on us last night,we both forgot to lock the door.
I'm avoiding her today so she can't ask me questions,while trying to think up a believable lie to explain what she saw.

I hope she's not damaged from what she saw.

Oh yeah, I remember my son[then about 5 yo], walking into the bedroom and said "Hi guys, What ya doin?" Definately took away the moment.....no lasting damage. I think he forgot about it by the next morning. Course we were semi covered up, were you?

maddog

If you have kids it is bound to happen eventually - I think she will live through it. You (or your wife) just have to answer her questions at the level of maturity she is at - afterall, it is a normal part of being married and how she got here.

Been interrupted by the dogs a few times but no discernable problems.

Just tell her you were wrestling...unless you were doing something else.

If you will be more specific, I'm sure I can help you more.

You don't do it on the roof like the rest of us?

This is the place to interject the oldie about the boy and his father who were out for a walk when they saw two dogs engaging in matrimonial activity. When asked, the father explained that they were making puppies. At a later time, when the son wandered in upon the folks engaged in close order drill as approved of by missionaries, he inquired as to what was transpiring. Father's quick thinking resulted in a reply that they were making him a new brother or sister. To this, the son came back with, "Well, turn her over. I'd rather have a puppy."

coffee on the keyboard, via my nose!


maddog

A couple of years ago I was helping a friend move house, and we were struggling up the garden path carrying a large farmhouse table, and his little girls comes running out the house, shouting:

"Mommy says she wants it in the backdoor...."

His wife coloured up nicely and me and my mate creased up, fit to drop...Of course the little girl had no idea what she'd said and kept asking what was so funny, which made it even worse!

You have got to be kidding!!!!!

Don't avoid her and be honest and up front about it. It's what mommies and daddies do when they are in love and how she got here. You'll be surprised to find out she has more understanding about sex than you realize. You don't have to give her the triple XXXX rated version but don't hide about what you do as if what you are doing is somehow wrong and evil. She'll be more damaged if you lie to her than if you are honest and up front about it.

Of course, if you are a Christian than sex is probably wrong, evil, and sinful to you and you will have trouble with explaining it to her which is why you are having a problem with your conscience now. For us Pagans we don't have that kind of baggage so explaining to our children about sex under the conditions you have described is easier.

Reminds me of a joke I heard years ago.

3 women setting in the Dr.'s waiting room for a checkup. All were pregnant. They started talking about the sex of their child. The brunette says " I know it's a girl, because I was on the bottom." The red head says "I know its a boy, because I was on the top."

The blonde breaks out crying and screams "OMG, I'm gonna have puppies!"


maddog

Pete, further evidence that we are two peoples separated by a common language. I love the phrasiology. (Part of my great enjoyment of the Herriot books is using context to try and figure out just what in God's name some of the words/phrases mean.) Best, John

So long as weren't dressed as Batman and the old lady wrapped in Saran Wrap, you should be good.

Its explaining the goats heads and ritual human sacrifice on the night of a full moon thats the difficult one for you pagans!

His existence is the tough one to explain.

Thats Friday nights, silly!

Which brings up the question - what if she was dressed as Batman and he was wrapped in Saran Wrap?

A buddy I used to work with had his 2 or 3 year son catch him and his wife in the act one morning.

He explained to the boy that mommy and daddy were playing bucking bronco. They were under the covers and the kid couldn't really see what was going on so daddy let him hop on and go for a ride.

It's a little bit twisted but as far as his son knew it was just all innocent fun.

True story.

A lotta bit twisted, that's just wrong.

Unless you're Derby Dick

It used to be but we've civilized now so it's no longer a problem.

been so long since my kids were, well kids, that I'd forgotten about those days. How time flies..........

yep ,been there,had that happen.

There was the story about the folks who make Vaseline soliciting for testimonials as to its varied uses. One person called in to say that he and his wife use it when they have sex. The person taking the call thanked the fellow, but pointed out that that wasn't really new. The caller said that it might be in that they put it on the doorknob to the bedroom so their toddler couldn't turn it.

Now that's classic.

I disagree. If you have kids you just have to be more careful.

Certainly nothing wrong with consensual sex between normal men and women, but youngsters don't need to be exposed to it when they're young. Derby can make all the anti-Christian comments he wants, but most folks feel that way regardless of their faith or the lack thereof.

This and all of the comments are just too funny!I agree with Odessa,answer her questions based on her maturity.She will be ok,so will you! Lightman

A time or two grin. The worst one wasn't the missionary position and my old enough daughter proceeded to ask the question she came to ask.

Many years ago the kids were outside playing with their friends so the wife and I took the opportunity to do some bed dancing. I must have been more vocal than most because shortly after we were finished there was this "tiny" little knock on the bedroom door and in a "very quiet and concerned voice" My daughter said " Dad,,,,,,,, are you OK?

We still laugh when we think of the day..

My older son, now 36 caught us in the act fairly often when he wuz a teenager!! Sneaky sumnabich was sneaking in the house at mid-nite and would catch us by accident. As a result,he vehemently denies that Dad and Mom have now or ever did have a sex life and that he was delivered by aliens I get my revenge by tormenting him about it

Priceless. I gotta email this one to some people.

GAWD! I just spewed ice tea, through my nose on the keyboard, again!

I gotta quit reading this thread...too funny!

maddog

Oh ya,you never forget that. "Mommy, why was Daddy hurting you?"

That ain't NUTHIN' I caught MY Dad and Mom in belly to belly combat when I wuz around 12. I had always wondered whutinhell I wuz supposed to do with that thing that kept getting hard on me without warning! Needless to say, I have spent the rest of my life convincing some female or other to hide it for me

Further proof that you're just not quite right .

FWIW, I've had some pretty close calls with the boy. I think he was just about 4 when he figured out how to unlock the inside doors with any small object he could fit into the handle. I put those stupid "keys" up on the door frame. He would simply find something else to use. [bleep] terrorist.

George

After watching Connor in action wid those cute gurlz, I think he musta busted ya

Brother you should have seen him last night over at my best friend's place. His daughter is a week older than Connor and I'm thinking it's gonna be trouble later on.

I toldja!!! That kid is a genuine chick magnet!! Shane and I wanna borrow him for some serious partying we'd be in Fat City wid da gurlz

We certainly don't flaunt it, but good grief, it's healthy behavior, and I'm not going to install dead-bolts on the bedroom door.

The kids have seen every animal have their turn, cats, dogs, rabbits ("why is the Momma rabbit on top of the Daddy rabbit?" -- honey, I think you may have that backward......).

The best education is our dog breeding efforts. At about the 12th day of heat, it's a circus just trying to keep the male away. "Honey, that's exactly how teenage boys are, too".

I fail to see any need to go to extremes to hide sex. JMO, Dutch.

YOU! Have got to be kidding...

Not unless having the cat jump up on the bed and walk on my back during the process counts.

It's gettin' kinda old, actually,...hump a coupla times,..throw an elbow at the cat,...hump a few more times,..throw another elbow.

Then the wife gets an attitude,..

"Quit mistreating Baby Peeper!"

I'm like,..you know,.."Fug Baby Peeper!,...I'm tryin' ta get laid here,..and at age 54 that takes enough concentration widdout a cat's wet ass nose snufflin' all over my damn head and distracting my train o'thought.

,...sheeeeeeit,...

Made me think of this other situation,..

I used to work with this guy,.,..single,..easygoing,..very calm and laid back,...

,..well,...he arranged a rendevous with this woman who had a 4 year old boy.

The boy was out playing so they thought it was a good time to sneak in a quickie.

He was doin' his thang,...down to the short strokes,..alla sudden, some 4 year old boy is spankin' him all across the ass with a plastic wiffle ball bat and hollerin' out, "GET OFF MY MOMMA!"

That pretty much took the pressure outta the situation and ended it,..

He was all tore up next day,...

I can see why you turned pagan... because you have NO clue about Christianity.....a shame.

And you expect us to believe that the cat's name is "Baby Peeper." How do we know that is not your wife's pet name for the Little General?

maddog

Nope. Honesty is the best policy.

Heck, I grew up in an ultra conservative Roman Catholic family with a conservative Jewish background. I know all about sex and Christianity and Judaism and sex as well and it ain't a healthy relationship between religion and sex. I spent a number of years in Catholic school and Catholic summer school. I have a number of priest and nuns in the family with even a bishop and cloistered nun in the mix. Been there, done that one, know all about it.

I became a Pagan/Deist because I knew what I was giving up and Christianity was not the path for me. No regrets, happy as a clam.

Bearded?

Should I say happy as a bearded clam?????

Well, bearded clams have always made me very happy.

John

Then why are you so judgemental towards Christians? You chose your path and now you are self-righteous? Is that why you have no problem chitting on others' paths every chance you get?

If you get your ideas on sex from those who are not supposed to participate you aren't getting the full story. Christians I know and the one married think sex is great and are in no way inhibited. I married a pagan one and she was a none. None in the morning, none at noon and none at night. Married a Christian lady and have been trying to keep up for the last 31 years.

Sorry my friend, not buying it.

That right there is Hilarious!

Is it just me, or does this sound funny to anyone else? I'm thinking this is one of those places where a few more key strokes might be worth the trouble in order to avoid misunderstanding. I do understand what you meant though.........I think.

Can't decide which is funnier; the one with the cat or the 4 year old with the wiffle bat.

Yea...but they wasn't my kids...

Not a parent, but I wonder what people said back when they had 10 kids in a 1 room cabin. Kids knew what ws going on, heck, the animals did it.

Yeah, I thought of the book Kabloona when I read the post. Life in an igloo was apparently a "bit close" - and also readily shameless it seems.

One big bed, one big blanket. Hmmmmm?

I never chit on any one's spiritual path but Christianity is an exclusivistic religion and many Christians do try to scare the bejesus out people with their Hell and damnation. I run into it all the time and some of it on the fire.

I admit I'm bias and based on my posts you know where my bias comes from. Many Christians do not consider Catholics Christians which I could care less about. Certainly in my day sex was only for procreation in the Catholic Church and nothing else. My parents lead a very unhappy married life once the procreation part was over.

Sorry if I offended you.

Anyone who thinks Christians have a problem with sex, obviously hasn't read Song of Solomon. That book of the Bible would make Larry Flint blush.

Remarkable

derby---I'm not offended but every topic doesn't have to necessarily lead to religion bashing.

In any case have great day.

Well Scott, I'm truly happy if you and your Lady are happy Christians in the sex part in your marriage. Quite frankly, I wish more Christians were. I've run into way too many Hell and damnation Christians who were not and wanted everybody to be as unhappy as they are.

As to Pagans not wanting sex, I suppose there must be some although I haven't meant any. While a good many Pagans are monogamous in their relationships, a good many are not and are swingers. I'm not by the way and neither is my Lady.

Yup, I've read and no it would not make Larry Flint blush nor me for that matter.

You guys know how to take the fun out of a thread.

Let's be clear, sex being evil was something that was started on the pulpit during the Victorian era. The Catholic church made it dirty, with their belief that Mary was a virgin her whole life. Therefore, celibacy must be a virtue. Any lack of it a vice.

Never meant to bash any religion in this thread but the original poster was obviously bother by his 7 year old catching him and Mommy in the act. Most Christians who have had children catch them in the act usually have a serious conscience problem as if they were doing something wrong. Sex is part of the natural order of things and natural law. No need to hide it or lie about it. For those Christians who have a active and happy sex life all the more power to you and if your kids catch you in the act don't let your conscience bother you about it. It's a natural and beautiful thing.

I'm trying to remember any of this from my being raised Catholic. Honestly, I'm drawing a blank. Sex prior to marriage was frowned on (I'm thinking that most Christian based religions preach the same) but it wasn't, in general, thought to be dirty.

George

No kidding! Get back to the funny stories, I need liquid snorted thru my nose for the 3rd time today, reading this thread!


maddog

I think a lot of it has to do what time period you were born in, before VCII or after VCII, and the Catholic schools, and one's home life.

I remember that only the rhythm system was the authorized birth control method at the time, not even condoms were allowed as that killed the sperm. Killing the sperm was Hell and damnation time. And masturbation was out because that was murder and most defiantly Hell and damnation for all eternity. Nope, I grew up under the sex is only for procreation all other sex leads straight to Hell and damnation.

I would like to think I'm way behind the Eight Ball but I see way too many Christians who still treat sex as evil and sin and a straight path to Hell and damnation. I should further add I'm talking about the hard core Church going Christians. I know there are a fair number of Christians on here that would not be cought dead inside a supposed Christian Church. These Christians walk their own path and follow no one.

I do remember the no condoms thing. I'm pretty sure I used that to my "advantage" a time or two:

"nope, can't use one of those....Pope doesn't approve of 'em."

George

My girlfriend and I and my 13 yr old grandson was making up the sleeping bags in the tent and he said now don't you two be doin anything funky. I said what are you talking about. He said don't be doing the funky thing. I told him to just make up his sleeping bag. Sure enough don't tell a women not to do something. Glad he didn't wake up.

A couple of our friends were having a romp on the couch after the kids had been put to bed. Right in the middle they heard a noise and spotted their 3 year old son on the stairs watching them. They froze in mid act trying to figure a way out of the situation. The kid runs down the stairs and jump on dad's back and says, "Now go daddy." So daddy went.

some years back, Ikea had a pretty funny comercial based on this very subject:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AnCuYYZV3q8

Jeeez Bristoe,

At least I am bright enough to toss Momma's jack russel into the other room and close the bedroom door BEFORE I start getting all cuddly with Momma.

Just a little extra effort ahead of time can make the event progress more smoothly.

Derby Dude,

It is clear you have some serious hang ups with Christianity, so much that even a silly thing like this is about how you "know better than those dumb Christians."

You act as if you are a live and let live kinda guy, but every chance you get you persecute others under the guise that religion is evil and you are free from its grasp. I can tell by your posts you are so caught up in its clutches you can't even talk about a humorous subject like this w/o bringing religion into it. You sound like a Lesbo with Daddy issues. It's apparent to everyone but her and the short hair kinda makes her feel better cuz she's throwing it back in his face that, by golly, she's queer. Time to move on son.

Dude, kids are like anti sex ninjas.

It's what they do.



I know because I aint had it since bush senior was in office.








ok that might be an egg-zaduration.

(have you ever tried to spell that word correctly?)

seriously tho, anti sex ninjas, that's what kids are.

Dave,

Please be extra cautious in locking the door for a while. I don't think Weezy can take anymore trauma.

I think I am a lesbian trapped in a male body.

Seriously though, it was not my impression that the original poster was being humorous at all. I answered in a non-humorous way because I did not realize it was a joke. My bad for that. There have been some humorous stories on here that have had my wife and me cracking up. I wish more would use the emotion icons on here to let us know when you are telling a joke because some you appear to be serious and some of us take it that way.

As to the religion thing, I do believe religion is inherently evil witness Islam. At one time Catholicism was inherently evil although at least in the Western countries that has changed a good deal. The Protestant Christians also were evil as well although they to are not so to day at least in the Western countries.

To be honest, until I joined the fire I had never heard of practicing Christians who did not subscribe to a particular Christian church doctrine nor who did not go to church. That was new to me. Since joining the Fire I've also learned that my cousin who was a dyed-in-the-wool Catholic has become a practicing Born-again Christian and doesn't go to church either because she said there is no church practicing Christianity.

As to being hung up, yup Catholic Christianity did [bleep] me up as a kid no doubt about it and to be perfectly honest by the Hell the local school board is going through it looks like Christianity is still [bleep] things up.

So while I have Christian friends (we rarely talk about Christianity) I do think the Christian religion is evil although I'll be the first to admit it can't hold candle any more to Islam the purest form of evil today. As my new signature line says, "Never underestimate the power of stupid people in large groups." Religion is stupid people in large groups which makes religion very dangerous.

I've also have been informed that many Christians on the Fire do not practice a religion but a Christian spiritual path and for them I say good for them. I also meant no offense to any Christian who follows a spiritual path rather than a religion. My persecution (I really haven't persecuted anybody but I'll let good at that) is of organized religion ALL organized religion because organized religion has [bleep] up more people on the planet than just about anything else.

I'm figuring the kid is scarred for life.

their own babies will likely be born nekkid thanks to this traumatic event.



not a prob.


my kids tease us about it, course we're all gettin old enough they think it's the most revolting thing in the world.

I tease em back and tell em "well there was this one time I wish we hadn't done it......"

The one time we got popped it was 2:00AM. Pitch dark, bedroom door was closed, Jr. got up, opened our door and crawled to the side of the bed. Hardly exposing practice.

Just hope and pray you, as parents., don't walk in on her in the day, before she is legally approved as a consensual partner-- as a marriage partner. And then, you still would rather not have it happen.

That's exactly what I did. Good thing, too. With 5 mischeavous boys in the house, & a vindictive ex trying to make things hard in any way possible (including telling them to go into my room!), I prefer to err on the side of caution.

Dead bolts can bring an awful lot of peace o' mind.

FC

Not to mention piece of something else

well the quiz happened,she asked the Mrs. why she was naked,Mrs. told her I was giving her a back rub,end of story.

And when she turns up pregnant at thirteen just remember the back rub.

Okay, that's just classless. It's one thing to be harboring your own opinions on what kids should/shouldn't be told, and when. It's another to lose all semblance of class to insinuate that because he didn't do what you thought he should (knowing nothing about him or his wife, or his kids) that his daughter is going to end up pregnant at 13 because his wife told her it was a back-rub.

Pathetic.

Pathetic maybe, but unfortunately, only to true. There's one thing I've learned dealing with children never ever lie to a child it will always come back to haunt you. Once a child has lost all trust and faith in an adult you can never get that trust and faith back ever.

Keep digging, as the schit you're heaping on yourself in this one is rather impressive.

Well VA if lying to your children is okay with you by all means go to it.

I never lie to children even when they ask tough questions I wished they didn't ask. If in your world the trust and faith of your children doesn't matter to you that's okay with me but in my world I want children to have the full faith and trust in me and know that I will always have their best interests at heart to the best of my talents and abilities and they will be safe.

Now if that's digging a big hole and piling chit on me so be it. I'll take the high road and you can take the low road.

Tim;

You're commenting on ADKRick's daughter ending up pregnant at 13 simply because his WIFE told her it was a backrub.

You don't know him, his wife, nor his kid, yet you're comfortable making that accusation simply because his wife said it was a backrub.

This has nothing to do with my, dumbass, and it has nothing to do with what you think is permissible or not. It has everything to do with your azzhole comment about his daughter ending up pregnant at 13.

Spin that anyway you want to, but that's what it is and what it's about.

That you can't fathom it, says much.

So true!

LMAO!!

You are right I don't know them or their daughter. I guess if they didn't want your opinion, my opinion, and everybody else's opinion than they shouldn't have posted on an open forum.

You are right I can't fathom lying to a child for any reason. They lied to their daughter and they are the ones who will have to deal with the lie when and if the lie ever comes up again.

My point is that if the daughter turns up pregnant at thirteen and her excuse is she was just getting a back rub well they will understand where that came from.

Remember when Bill Clinton said oral sex wasn't sex and teenagers having oral sex sky rocketed? A lie is a lie is a lie.

I'm done, I'm out of here. Have a nice day.

While I'm sure a seven year old doesn't fully comprehend what sex is, people would be pretty foolish to think in todays society that someone that age doesn't have a clue.

I wasn't brought up in the computer age, but by 7-8 years old I had a pretty good clue. My brother was six years older than I, so that was the reason for most of my education at that time.

Girl friend of mine a few years back had her five year old walk in on us one morning and she had a pretty good idea what was going on. Her mom just explained to her later on it was something adults did when they loved one another and if she had any questions to always feel free to ask.

I think the honest approach rather than a cover up is the best way to handle it. And obviously any talk is going to be awkward but an understanding is better at this age than being thrown into something they don't fully comprehend in their early teens.

A guy that I know is a ship's engineer and he's at sea for a month and home for a month. He gets home from the trip and his wife is waiting for him. Their having home coming sex on the couch and in through the door walks his mother in law! His wife never missed a beat - told her mom to get lost and to knock next time!

Well Crap,...I've apparently been getting the short end of the stick on my back rubs....

VA,thanks for trying to do the right thing by me,what Tim wrote didn't bother me,I posted it because it's one of those things that happen in life,I've heard other folks tell similar stories of being caught by the kids and thought they were funny.so I thought I would give a folks a chuckle at my expense.

the Mrs. and I were laughing about it this morning,as far as my daughter getting knocked up at 13,I think if that happens it won't be because she caught a peek at 7.

no harm no foul,I knew the possibilies when I posted it.

bald clams too!

Think about that for a minute.

Haven't been caught yet....But do remember as a teenager having to smack my ceiling with a broom a few times, as Mom and Dad's room was right over mine...............

Oh come on Les, You got to have better stories of your childhood than that! I DARE ya.

Double dog dare! Come on. Sassy doesn't open these threads.

Ya'll must think I slipped an bumped my friggin head.

Our 2 teenagers (14 & 16), have taken to hanging a cowboy hat on our door knob, any time Mum & Dad "go for a lie down" !

LMAO the first time they did it & still chuckle every single time.

Paul.

My first week on midnights at work... We got off early one morning, about 8 am. (mind you, this was only last year, I was 24).. Walk in to my parents house walk down the hall their bedroom door is open. I let out some word I shouldnt say infront of my mother... Dad has a huge smile on his face mom is as red as a tomatoe! Damaged ME a little!

[quote=derby_dude][quote=rost495][quote=derby_dude][quote=ADK4Rick]our 7 YO daughter walked in on us la

Well I happen to disagree with the old catholic church views on it, but never have been catholic... us lutherans think of it like this, its fun, it relieves stress, its good exercise, and knock it out as much as you can. If you are smart you'll play safely until/unless you want kids. Beyond that I don't know what could be negative about sex.

I"m sorry your view is so narrow as to not be able to see the complete picture. Take those blinders off and life might look better. BTW that God that you were scared of as a catholic... he is to be respected and honored, but not feared in the way that some versions of religion have made him out.

I believe I"ll go enjoy myself tonight.. with no mental issues over it either...

Jeff

Derby I think thats a new low even for you. Didn't I see a post where you did not have children? Now your telling someone how to raise their child...classic.

Dink

Woof!

Explaining Mommy/Daddy time to the kids wasn�t nearly as difficult as having to explain Daddy/babysitter time to the Mommy.

I do not have children of my own flesh and blood that is true.

Up until a few years ago I had two girls that I call surrogate daughters who spent as much as 12 hours a day almost every day with my wife and me. They also traveled with my wife and me all over the place. The girls have been with us since the oldest was two and she is now 14. I've been working with kids both boys an girls in one capacity or another since I was 15 years old. I now spend a good deal of my time working with a dance school as a volunteer.

I've learned many things being with kids and one of the things I've learned is never lie to them. Once a child loses their faith and trust in an adult it's all over.

I'll admit the OP suckered me in as I did not realize it was a joke. I thought the OP was asking for an opinion. My bad and I'm sorry.

I don't care what anyone says, this is the top line from this thread!

When my wife explained the facts of life to our girls, they both said, "Ewwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww!" Both are married now, so I guess they got over the "Ewwwwwwwww!" thingy.

Just cuz you're married - doesn't mean you get to do the ewwwwww parts......

I always forwarned them, "Unless you don't want to damage your eyes........"

just a thought, imagine what Masers kids gonna catch him doing

More than likely it will be in a closet.



Clyde

Ewwwwwwwww!

Ok, I think I'd keep that $hit to myself.

Never been caught in that position......my Daughter did walk in on me whilst I was getting changed though.
One look at my big, fat, hairy, black arse has convinced her that she should be nowhere near when I am changing....seriously, I though she was going to chuck.

I am doing my level best to convince her that all teenage boys look like that too.....hope it works!

so Rick, things are back together with the wife??

Congrats.. .Remember you were worried about divorce etc in this past spring..