RL: 10 years old. I was smitten, and on our second date, gave her a genuine silver plated heart-shaped locket, complete with a love note I had scrawled, swooning, in it. We never had a third date. I left her another note on her porch a couple days later, declaring her a heartless tramp-to-be or something awful, and demanded that she return the item I gave her in good faith and anticipation of wedded bliss some time later. Being a proper gent, I did say that she could keep the note. She never gave back the locket, the little hussy.

RD: 15 years old. Back from Tokyo, I was asked to introduce her to some sushi, as Boston had just come around to the sushi craze. I brought her a few maki and nigiri from a place that did take-out, and explained what the wasabi and soy were for. As she was a meat and taters kinda' gal, figured she wouldn't make it through the first bite, and would hand it off to me. I was wrong, and a bit miffed that I'd guessed wrong, and didn't order more. She stuffed her gob, finishing every morsel, and proclaimed it delicious. There was one thing she didn't care for, however: the crunchy seaweed strip. Bland and odd texture, she said. Huh? What are you talking about? It took me about a minute to figure out that she'd eaten the plastic green decorative separator grass thing. I roared for ten straight minutes, easy. We dated for a couple of years into HS, but I realized that she had serious issues, both mental and drug-related, and that I was done (even at that somewhat tender age I recognized that when a gal starts threatening to off herself if you leave her, it's time to BOUNCE!). She had a meltdown, and showed me the tattoo she'd gotten earlier that day. It was a cross with a lightning bolt, heart and my initials in it, on her bosom. Oops!

There are more, but that's a start. Come on, let's hear them.

I'm just not brave enough! One great story comes to mind.....dangerous thread - notice the activity!

There was that time my ex high school sweetie walked in on her older sister and me. I kinda knew I was being used by the older one to get back at her younger sibling for something. But I was weak. And she was hot.

Where's Steelhead?

yep...not touching this one....



So to speak.....

Exactly...........

OHHH! I ain't about to get involved with this thread!


maddog

No ex's here. I was pure when I got married.

Ya... at 64 divorces can be very expensive and life changing... I like my toys, a 1/2 of a boat ain't worth much.


But the memories are great

I'm game for one and one only Kemo Sabe
I was a freshman in high school and so was Patty. God in heaven she was cute and hot as a two dollar pistol.
Her daddy raised broilers and she said if I helped load the chicken trucks ( Daddy was short handedd that week ) she'd go out with me.

I did, all night catching damn chickens and loading them in crates and putting them on the trucks.

Slave wages and I came out the other side of that deal covered in chicken s**t and lice.

She did keep her end of the bargain the next Saturday but I was so damn busy scratching louse bites and digging dried chicken poop out of my ears I couldn't enjoy our tryst much.

Patty turned out not to be that hot anyway.

BCR

Pat,

Oh I'm sure you were "pure" Pat.

Pure BS.

Just sayin'!!!

Steve

I do have a funny one I can tell...

In 10th and 11th grade back in the early 60's I also went out with a girl named Patty.
She had the absolute perfect "Girl Next Door" look, with a body.... well you know what I mean...
Back around that time I was so much into hunting and fishing that I lost 2 or 3 girlfriends because I didn't spend the time with them they wanted. I was either working, hunting, or fishing.
We had a great relationship, even went to church with her each Sunday instead of with the family, and we would even enjoy sitting together in that insufferable hot church during the summer.
Well, we broke up, but stayed best of friends all through high school. I went into the Air Force, and she went to college to become a nurse (her father was a very famous heart surgeon who shall remain nameless here).
We lost touch after school, but one time I had to come home on emergency leave because my grandfather was in the hospital dieing.
Well you guessed it, she was my grandfathers nurse. When she walked into the hospital room, it was really great to see each other again, and we talked for quite a bit.
My Dad was 44 at the time, and he was sitting there with his tongue about touching the floor, she was so beautiful. She had to get back to work, so we said our good-buys (never seen her again).
After she left, and my Dad could breath again, he said "Who the hell was that ?"
I told him that was the girl I went with and use to go to church with when in school.
"Why did you break up?" he asked.
I told him I was more interested in hunting and fishing than sittin' around at her house, so we parted as friends.
My Dad turned to his dieing Dad and said "Your Grandson is an a$$"

ya mean like the time i was on shore leave in austrailia
at an all girl birthday party (5 girls)
and turned out i was the "birthday gift"
oh the memories.......
them aussie girls know how to throw a b-day party

Went to a concert at a local bar one night with girl "A", while I was there I picked up girl "B", yet still wound up leaving with "A" and went out with "B" the next night. Busy weekend.

"A" was a lot of fun, wound up spanking her ass for 6 months and never knew her last name. Never cared to ask...

When I first started dating I found just how much fun girls were and decided that in limiting myself to just one I was not allowing myself realize my full potential. So, I started seeing two at once. I was having a grand old time. For a short period.

One day I went over to my buddy's not realizing that his sister was in the same grade and school as the two girls I was seeing. Anyhow, I walked in the door and there they both are, on the couch. One of them jumps up, says "hi sweetie" or something similar which causes the other to jump up and start swearing and yelling at me. Once the first one figures out what all the hullabaloo is about she starts yelling and took a swing at me.

Meanwhile, my "buddy" is doubled up on the floor in hysterics and doesn't even come over to help me defend myself. To make matters even worse, I can see his parents in the kitchen laughing so hard there are tears running down their faces.

I never saw either one of those two girls again. Of course I wasn't stupid enough to try either. I was stupid enough to date two girls at the same time again but survived those, barely.

Went to the bar with girl A, met up with ex girlfriend B, dropped girl A off, went back to the bar and the spent the night with girl B. Girl A was conquered a couple of nights later. Girl C was also in the mix that week.

Good times were had by parties involved.

Nice backstroke. You're still yeller, though, like most of the others!

Jayzus, do all your wives read here?

Pure awesome.

Another goodie! At least some of you lads have the sack to play.

I tried seeing 3 women at the same time. That lasted a little more than a month before I had to bail on it, mainly because I was always getting their names mixed up. It didn't end well.

But none of the three were particularly good in the sack, so it was no great loss.

Brian.

Sorry to disappoint but I spotted Kathy my first day in high school and she has been the only lady in my life ever since. Prior to that I was too busy on the farm and hunting & fishing to really notice girls.

That's why you call them all 'baby', or 'honey' or something, silly.

Well, a guy has got to learn somehow I suppose.

Brian.

Yep, along those lines......

If you are married to a gal named Laurie do not ever call her Cindy. Or Mary. Especially on that special moment........

My luckly knows I'm at idoit, however i always get names mixed up unfortunatly i Mix her and the dog's name up she usually just laughs at me, my dad does the same thing to the point that my mom and dog both anwser to the same name

I had been dating a woman I worked with for about a year when the company Christmas party came up. This particular company frowned on relationships between co-workers (particularly since I was technically her boss), so this posed a "problem.

I suggested we both attend the party separately without "dates", but she was afraid this would cause suspision if we left the party at the same time (she was a worrier...about everything). So I then suggested that one (or both) of us could attend with a "date" to throw off any suspision and then get together after we left the party.

Then she began to worry about just who could serve as the "decoy" date. I told her that was easy.....I'd ask my ex-wife who had attended the party with me the previous year. She thought this idea was "perfect" as no mone would suspect a thing about "us".....I thought it was a pretty good idea too.

I must mention that I'd told this woman when we first started dating that I sometimes got together with my ex-wife for "fun" (even though we'd been divorced for 8 years didn't mean we didn't still "enjoy" each othert.....just couldn't live together). Apparently this detail went over her head......she saw our "relationship" as much more serious than I did (I liked her, but forever-after was NOT in my plans).

When the night of the party arrived, my girlfriend wanted to know when my Ex was going to leave and go home. I informed her that I was NOT going to ask my ex to drive two hours home after the party.

Girlfriend wanted to know if my Ex was going to get a hotel room.....and I told her HELL NO, she was staying at my house. She replied, "But you only have one bedroom"....and I agreed.

She then said, "Oh, you are so sweet to give up your bed for her and sleep at my house tonight".....and I informed her I was NOT going to her house I was staying at my own.

"That's so good of you to give her your bed while you sleep on the couch" (she was a little slow I guess).....and I told her "I" was sleeping in my bed. She was horrified that I was going to make my Ex sleep on the couch....and I explained the she (my Ex) was also going to sleep in my bed.

My girlfriend looked really upset and said, "But, but....what about me. I wanted to be with you tonight" and I looked into her eyes and said, "Then come on over. It IS a king-size bed....plenty of room for everyone".

Guess I should have handled that one differently as my girlfriend decided the next day that our "relationship" wasn't working out and never went out with me again. I wasn't too upset as things were getting a bit too "serious" for my taste....but I should have been the one to call it off (I leave people, they don't leave me!!)

I really wish she'd have come over for a "goodbye fling" as she and my Ex together would have made for quite an evening!

And a hero steps up to the plate and busts one over the left field wall to tie the game! Very well played, even though your team lost.

My buddy begged me to be his wing man so he could get in this girl's pants he'd met at the club the previous weekend. Being the good friend (stupid!) that I was, I agreed. Of course his chick was hot, but her girlfriend, well, let's just say several cases of cheap beer couldn't drink her pretty. I hung with the plan for about 20 minutes, and then ditched her for a hot babe I'd been flirting with the whole time. My bud came and found me out in the parking lot about two hours later wanting to know if I needed a ride home. I had to get her tongue out of my mouth long enough to say "hell no". I got a call from his date's friend the next day wanting to know when we'd be going out again. I was still in the sack with the other girl at time. 'Guess I didn't make it clear enough the night before.......

I've got some doozies, but the vast majority of them are waaayyyyyy too raunchy to post on an open forum. God forbid a future GF (or worse, employer) read them.

Brian.

Kiss and tell ain't too cool
this old guy ain't no fool

Not much for poetry either

I learned my lesson the hard way. A word to the wise - never vent about your ex to someone who knows her.

Brian.

Ok, not an ex girl friend, but she sure wanted to be! A friend of mine used to cut my hair. I would go to her place and get a free hair cut, fun conversation and be on my way. One time, the day before deer season opened, I went over there with a buddy. I was getting my hair cut and tossing back a few Jack and cokes. About half way through my hair cut she started flirting with me. Soon she was straddling my lap and kissing me. She ended up on the floor, I slammed down the last of my drink and ran out the door... half a hair cut complete. I had hair clips in my hair and colored sheet flying off me all the way. Hunted deer with half a mullet the next day.

Same girl, about two weeks later happened to see me delivering pizzas by her home one evening ( my night job ). I made my delivery up the street on top of the hill. On the way down the street, I was counting out my tip ( customer paid with a check ) from the cash back. When I looked up she was standing in the middle of the road trying to stop me. I hit her with the Dominos Geo Metro delivery car at about 15 mph and rolled her up on the hood. Took about a 20 minute make out session to get out of that one.

Well, I'll play, but I have to say it's not a funny story. But I was thinking about this the other day, so maybe some will find it worthy.

My first real girlfriend was named H___; an uncommon Dutch name. She was 15, a freshman,and I was 16, and because I skipped a grade I was a Junior and a year younger than all my home-room classmates. I took a lot of abuse from the other kids because I was a short, acne-faced "brain" in a class of jocks and cheerleaders. Anyway, for whatever reason, H, who was a tall, gorgeous blonde, decided I was attractive, and we started seeing each other.

She wasn't allowed to date until she was 16, so she had to sneak out of the house to meet me, and we had a clandestine puppy-love affair. It was pretty innocent stuff: a lot of kissing and necking and groping, but nothing even close to sex. Which didn't matter, because I was crazy in love with her, and she with me. (Whenever I hear adults tell their teens that they don't know what love is, I want to slap them silly.)

After about 3 months I finally got her father's permission to take H to a school dance. I was in heaven. Until Monday morning, when my homeroom classmates hit me with ridicule and ruthless teasing and pranks. Ostensibly because she was a freshman, but I realize now it was really just because they enjoyed tormenting me. (That all changed by my senior year, BTW. I hit my growth spurt, made starting D-back on the football team, and started dating the same cheerleaders who used to tease me... man, high school was and is a [bleep]-up time of life!)

Anyway, I was mortified. I was so insecure that I decided the only way to stop the abuse was to break up with H, so I did. After band practice that afternoon, I told her I didn't love her anymore. She fell to pieces, ran out of the room sobbing, and I felt like a total [bleep]-heel.

About a year later H got pregnant by her boyfriend, who was forced to marry her. He committed suicide shortly after the baby was born. I later learned H was devastated by this, and over the next decade or more went through a series of destructive relationships, drugs and alcohol.

About 13 or 14 years later I was talking with a fellow teacher at the Christian school I worked at, and she mentioned she had a new room mate named H, who had wondered if I was the DocRocket she had known in high school. Turned out she was my old girlfriend, had joined my co-worker's church, was living with other Christian women, got a decent job, and had turned her life around. A few weeks later, my teacher friend and H came to our house for dinner.

It was a friendly and happy reunion, and over coffee after dinner my then-wife suggested I tell H the real story of why/how I broke up with her. I did, and H broke into tears again... but this time from relief and happiness. She had thought I'd rejected her because I thought she wasn't good enough for me, and that rejection had contributed to her going through that long, sad decade. That night we put it all behind us, and we remained friends for years after that. A few weeks later I introduced her to one of my fishing buddies, a single guy a few years older than me. They fell in love and married and now have a mess of kids. They still send me a Christmas card every year.

That's my story. It ain't funny, but to tell the truth, after all the cruel and indifferent chit I've put ex-GF's through over the year, it's nice to know that at least one time I redeemed myself.

Doc,

Hands down, best story of all.

Thanks,

Steve

That one time is more than most would ever do, Good Man.

Lynn

Can't follow that one.

Kiss and tell? Sheeit, the tales I told were 25 and 30 years old, and I've been married going on a decade. If you can't bring funny stories out of the closet years later to laugh about, why bother having them in the first place? But then I realize that some just may not *have* any tales to tell...

There's been times I've asked myself what I've missed with girls that were interested... and then I look at some of my family/friend's lives and X-relationships... read some here...

Only reason I have an ex-girlfriend is we were married and she became my wife... wasn't always a bed of roses and plenty of regrets. But I wouldn't give her up for anyone, then or now.

We aren't as naive as we seem... just stubborn chits...

Kent

Doc, touching and great tale. Nice going, and you're a class act. Thanks for sharing that!

Oakster, you're leading the pack for giggle factor in the slightly less serious category.

I've got some pretty good girlfriend stories by vocation, I've been luckier than most, and I'm not shy, so have that in my corner.

but the ones that haunt me are the ones that got away.

1st was one of the most beautiful black girls I've ever seen, a body to die for. She worked at the dept. store in the same mall I worked in, she got a transfer to Anchorage and wanted me to make the drive with her to move, was just gonna tent it along the way. Unfortunately, the lady I'd been seeing in MO before moving to Alaska had sold out her half of the biz, and packed up her two kids and moved up here to be with me. No way I could pull it off, dayum but I hated to decline that invitation. She was soooo hot!

fast forward several years later, relationship with the older woman had ended and I had a new girlfriend, sure I was playing some on the side, and had either been busted or was feeling tender towards her at the moment, but this one little chick that had been stalking me worked at a womens clothing store and had a black co-worker while nowhere near as hot as the one above, was cute and could do amazing things with her mouth that I'd witnessed but not experienced from her personally. The white girl invites me to meet her for drinks, please, please, please, so I show up to break her the news "hey baby, I gotta girl and trying to be good to her" well her coworker was there with her and the plan was for both of them to work me over. But trying to be "good" I told them no.

not with either of those women I was with then, and turned down some good fun for ......what?


I've probably had my share and a few others as well, as I've been extremely fortunate in romantic matters for just an average lookin guy.

but the ones that haunt all these years later, are the ones that got away.

the reverse Oreo sandwich woulda probably been fun, but lettin the closest thing to Halle Berry slip thru my fingers well...

I'm an azz too and don't need my dad to tell me so!

Thanks, Leighton. And I agree with you about Oakster's yarn.

Ouch! Close to the bone, too. Still, the "delete" button is my friend!

Well, Miss Lynn, I think it was more the grace of God than it was my essential "goodness". But thanks anyway.

Another one I dated lived with her grandparents. The first time I picked her up I was on a GPz 750 with a Kerker pipe (think loud). For some dumb reason I assumed that she'd been on the back of a bike before. I only had one proper MC helmet, so borrowed a lacrosse helmet from a buddy so she could 'legally' ride. She was a blond, absolute bombshell. I'd have made her a brain bucket out of paper mache or a kitchen pot with a strap if I had to. She said that bikes and bike guys made her horny, after all.

After exchanging some nervous pleasantries with the GPs (the GF eyed me suspicously--he was a WWII US navy vet who had served in the Pacific theater, gulp), I handed her the awesome helmet, and told her to jump aboard, assuring the GPs that the bike was perfectly safe, and that their lil' GD was in good hands. In my haste to get the hell out of Dodge, I had forgotten to put down the rear pegs for her feet. I roared off, and immediately felt her tugging on my waist, hard, everytime I accelerated. At the first stop sign, maybe a 1/4 mile from the house, she tapped me on the shoulder. I looked back to see her with her legs spread wide apart, with no helmet. Apparently, she'd lost the lacrosse helmet in the first three seconds of the ride, with it flying off her head right in front of her GPs, and as she had no pegs for her feet, couldn't counterbalance herself, so when I leaned on the throttle, her head went back, blond locks trailing behind, with the legs flying up with knees locked. Thus the tugging at my waist. So, picture her, legs spread and up in the air, hanging on for dear life, and her weird helmet flying off her noggin right in front of the GPs, before we even got cranking for the night. I maked a reel good impreshun dat time, yesir! But I was a gentleman, and had her safe and sound back at home, 4 or 5 days later.

Good times.

Not a breakup story, but funny. Old GF from high school went out on our last date before heading off to different schools. She was wearing a skirt that fluffed out around the sides. Well after dinner we headed straight for the old parking spot. Things took there normal course and we we getting ready to leave when she said she didn't have one of her earrings. I looked but the dress covered up a lot of the front seat, so I reached in the glove box and got the flashlight. While I was down on the floor looking for the earring-with most of that big dress covering my head-a police officer had walked up to the car and knocked one the window. When I popped up from under the dress with a flashlight he started laughing so hard it was all he could do to tell us to get the hell out of there.

Lamont's always had some hotties. After getting groceries at MB, I'd walk through Lamont's to eye the candy.

that's freakin hilarious battue! did he ask if you were having a hard time finding what you were looking for?

Another one that didn't work out so well....

I was employed as a sales manager with an insurance company. I had 13 agents working under me when one quit and I hired a new salesman (well sort of "man"). She was beautiful with shoulder-length curly red hair, long legs and "lungs" like deep sea diver. Of course every salesman in the office was swarming her from the first day. She was a constant flirt, but would not go out with any of the guys pursuing her. She was, you see, a "good" Catholic girl who was VERY concerned about her reputation.

While I am an incurable flirt, I also understood the company policy on boss/employee fraternization.....and I basically agreed with the fact that it was not a good idea.

About a month after she went to work, I was riding with her one afternoon....working. I was ranting because I'd spent $70 for tickets to a blues artist's show....and my date had canceled out at the last minute.

I despirately wanted to sell those tickets. Then she said, "I LOVE his music and would love to go." That worked for me....not a real "date", just two music lovers going to a concert.

She didn't want me to pick her up at her house as she lived next door to her parents......and didn't want ANYONE to know we were going out together. It was agreed that she would dirve her car to my house, then we'd take my car to the concert.

We had a fine 'ole time....and consumed 7 or 3 drinks during the evening. When we returned to my house at about 3 AM, I invited her in for a final drink before she went home. She asked about the location of the bathroom and I pointed her down the hall, while I got busy mixing drinks.

When I looked up, there she stood in the doorway wearing an old football jersey that she'd gotten from my room.....from the open mesh weave, it was apparent the the jersey was ALL she was wearing. It was an impressive sight I must admit.

The (I swear this is how it happened), she bit her lower lip, cocked her head to the side and said, "I HAD to have something to wear.....if I'm going to spend the night". Now, her spending the night was not in my plans, but I tend to be pretty flexable in situations like this....so spend the night she did.

For the next 4 months we had what I thought was a near "perfect" relationship. None of the normal "junk" that one often has to put up with since her greatest fear was being discovered. Our relationship was very secret which avoided the bormal "dating" problems.

As I said, she was a "good Catholic girl" and had some ....unusual.....ideas about "sex". In a nutshell, she believed...."If you can't get pregnant from it, it isn't really sex" (remember Bill Clinton's statement.....he MIGHT have been telling the truth). Anything else (and I do mean ANYTHING) was OK with her.....and she had a real tallent for the "anything else" too. After a month or so, we kind of slid into the "real sex" stuff, but everything was still a big secret......I was in heaven.

Then one day the "problem" came up. One of my agents had quit leaving me to service his customers until I could hire a new agent. One evening she came up with what she thought was a keen idea. I should transfer all the "good" customers from the open area to her, and transfer all of her "problem" customers to that area.

While I was violating the company policy on "personal" relationships, I had NOT let it effect our buisness relationship (didn't have to as she was actually a very good salesman). I explained that while I was willing to help her get new, quaility customers....I would NOT sabotage a new agent's chances by transfering nothing but "junk" buisness to that area, while she got the "cream".

She seemed to understand my reasoning and spend the night in my bed......"playing"!! The next morning she got up early and left while I got ready for work. When I arrived at the office my boss called me into his office and shut the door.....looking VERY grim (which was pretty unusual since we were close friends from way back).

He looked at me and said, "Before I say anything, tell me the truth....have you been sleeping with P*****?". My response maybe "could" have been better, but I looked thoughtful and tpld him, "I actually don't recall ever "sleeping" when I was with her". Bad move.

Her story it turned out was that I had "forced" her to begin an affair in ordre to keep her job. Then when she tried to break it off, I'd threatened to ruin her career. None of this was true, but since I admitted to breaking company policy by having a relationship with an employee.....I was screwed (in a new and very unpleasant way).

I didn't get fired, but WAS demoted and forced to accept a "problem" area 100 miles away that no other agent would take. A year later I left the buisness (not really a bad thing as I've done much better in my ne career field....but still pretty upsetting).

I've had REALLY bad luck with relationships involving co-workers....and haven't done so since that time.

Rick, that sounded like something right out of "Disclosure".

Brian.

battue, that's a great yarn!! Laffin' here!

Great story Doc. Stories that good don't need to be funny.

Laying on a blanket among the sand dunes, post coitus, my girl friend and I paused for a cigarette. And were nearly ridden down by a girl on a horse, who was in fact my girlfriends first cousin, and about 12.
Small town, Hatteras.

Since you brought up post-coital shenanigans, Shreck, I guess I can tell one unsavory story on myself...

Me and an ex-GF were lyin' there kinda all sweaty and breathless, and she sez, "Maybe we should think about gettin' married."

So I sez, "That's a fine idea, but who'd have us?"

She didn't think it was funny. Hence the "ex" in "ex-GF".

One of the reasons I am so thankful I never went through a bunch of "relationships". My gal is all I care to handle and there ain't enough temptation out there to screw it up. And believe me the cop groupies sure got a lot of guys in trouble on the home & job front that I was VERY fortunate to not be involved in.

Doc that gal is half Russian and half Serb. More brains than a person should be allowed and a temper that burns hot once you get it kindled. In her 60s and will still turn heads when she walks into a room. Every once in awhile the phone still rings and time reverses....

A reporter once asked Paul Newman if he chased women (this is when he was married to Joanne Woodward). His response was "Why would I go out for a hamburger when I have steak at home?"

Brian.

I'm waiting for a RobP story.

I started out typing up a long winded diatribe about my transition from "playing doctor" to my first encounter with a bona fide wooley booger,...but soon concluded that there was no was to make it fall within even the loosely configured constraints of campfire etiquette,..so I said "fuggit" and typed this instead.

I'm thinking of telling my blind date from the innanet story from the chick from Long Island NY in 1997 It's doozy. Or not....

Blind date? Girl I work with says I should maybe go out with her Mother in Law. I make the call. I work out and she works out. I jog and she jogs. I like the outdoors, she likes the outdoors. All is cool. The date is set for a summer wine festival at a ski resort close by. I pick her up and it is obvious this girl works out at an outdoor buffet. Anyway, I think, if she can make me laugh it should be a great summer day.

We our walking around and they had vendors there who were selling all kinds of things. Next thing I know, she walks up to one and starts buying these little rocks for $15 and $20 dollars. I have to ask why, and she says that she practices healing people with rocks, and that different rocks placed on the body in different spots will heal different conditions. Hmmmm, things are getting interesting, and I say are there any there that would be good for me to stick in my pocket.

We have a nice day along with something to eat and drink. On the way home I ask her about her "practice." She replies that she does a lot of her work at conventions. I then ask just what kind of conventions do they have that request the presence of a rock healer? She then floored me when she said the last one was at a transvestite convention.

I must admit she then told some tales that gave me my wish. I laughed.

Second date? Nooooooooo.

Many years ago I was dating two girls at once, didnt really
care and was just living life. Finally the day came when one
girl knocked on my door while I was in the shower and the
other girl who had spent the night answered the door. Lost
both of them and often think of them and what they are doing.
Hindsight is 20/20.

You need to tell it. I'll tell one of my stories on this subject, although it's going to have to be the cliff notes version.

Met this woman online. Extremely attractive. She made lots of, ahem, suggestions if you know what I mean. We met at Starbucks. She's even better looking in person. I figure out within about 45 seconds that she's bat chit crazy. She acted like someone with ADD who had just snorted two lines of coke. I figured ah what the hell, mainly because I wanted to take her for a test drive (hey, what can I say). We no more than get our coffee when she says we need to go for a walk. Ok. She starts walking through busy intersections, never looking either way and was nearly hit by about 5 different cars (she was oblivous to it). She spots a thrift store and just has to go there. We go in and she goes right for the jean rack. She picks out a pair that are about 2 sizes too small for her, and says she wants to try them on. The old couple at the counter says there is no changing room. So she just dropped her drawers right there in the middle of the store, and then somehow managed to squeeze into those jeans. It was amazing. Then, she starts running around randomly grabbing things off the shelves that she just has to have. She gets up to the counter and they ring it up, and it's like $50. She kind of looks at me like she expects me to pay for it, and I just smile. She decides to get nothing but the jeans. We walk out and she's chattering on and on and on, and I'm just listening. Finally she says something that catches my ear, so I inquire. Guess what? She's married. And they're trying to have a baby. I'm so stunned that I stop and go, "Well what the hell are you doing here with me?" She goes, "Oh, you just seemed so nice, I had to meet you." We get back to her car and I bid her farewell, thanking my lucky stars that it wasn't any worse than it was. I get home and decide to be polite and sent her a text saying I had a nice time (I didn't) and thanks for having coffee with me. She texts right back and says to call her. I figure what the hell, and call her. She picks up and says, "My husband wants to talk to you." I say "Put the man on, I'm dieing to talk to him." He gets on the phone and is completley oblivious. I tell him what his wife had said to me online, and he goes "Oh, she just does that to make me jelous. She's just joking around." I said, "Why are you trying to have a kid with her? You know she's crazy, right?" He goes, "Oh, she's just essentric. I think she'll make a wonderful mother." He then goes on to tell me that his first wife was a loony too, and ran off with their two kids. I didn't attempt to point out to him that he was about to get into the same thing again, as it was pointless. Told him I wished him luck on the pregnancy, and was about to hang up when he goes, "Hey, we're going for a walk down by the river on Sunday. You want to come with us?" I said I'd think about, said goodbye, and never talked to either of them again. If she did manage to get pregnant, I feel bad for those kids.

Brian.

Fresh back from my first trip from RVN, I was at Ft. Bragg. A bud announces a party at his house. I drive over. A few minutes after I get there three very good looking girls show up. One says, "Who owns that Mustang out there?", referring to my Boss 302. "I do, I says" and it was on. A couple or three weeks later, she says "Let's drive up to my Mom's in North Wilksboro on Sunday so I can pick up the rest of my clothes. Off we go on Sunday morning. We arrive and I meet her mom. Says I, "I need to run to the 7-11 to pick up some gum. Be back in a few."

I'm not sure what the land speed record for a trip from NWB, NC to Ft. Bragg is, but I'm sure I set at least the class record.

She was the spittin' image of Barbie Benton, but she had the worst case of nookie BO. I put up with it for a couple of weeks, but took the first opportunity to escape.

Dang it B, go buy a fifth of K1 and get banging away on the keys already. I'll pay for the sauce for Kreissakes!

It just ain't no way ta do it!,..I tried.

I get to the part where my hand encounters that tribble between her legs and I think, "UH-OH!,..a *real* nookie!,...*now* what do I do?!"

I was still totin' around a lil' chile's pee wee,..and she had done gone Sasquatch!

lolol


Good Lord, where do you come up with this stuff?



Think I got a permanent cramp in my side on that one.

I got divorced in 1997 after ten years of marriage, remember AOL? I was cruising some of the local chat rooms and met this chick from Long Island NY. We exhanged pics and talked on the computer and phone for a few months and decided to meet. She invited me to her house in NY for a ten day vacation and what not. She seemed really nice and her pic was not too bad either. We were going to be going to Boston and MV ETC....

I booked my ticket and was really looking forward to meeting her and crusing around the East coast for ten days. I arrived at the airport where "Diane" was going to be greeting me. I get off the plane and see a Lady holding a sign with my name on it...My heart sunk, she looked nothing like the pic she sent me. She was about 80 pounds heavier than advertised and her teeth were all fcked up.

I'm thinking to myself I'm stuck with her for ten days..ugh. We go back to her place and she's trying to get frisky with me, but I tell her I'm really tired from all of the traveling ( yeah right) The following day we went to her parents house for dinner and to meet the family...awkward. I didn't wan't to hurt her feelings but I was not feeling it. lol

The following day we went to Alantic City for the day. She kept wanting to hold my hand but I kept pulling away. I then sat her down and made up some BS story about not being ready to start a new relationship...It was me and not her type of thing. She then got really pissed and starting crying and ignored me the rest of the day. I'm thinking this is going to be a long 10 days...

The following night we went out with another couple to a night club for drinks blah blah blah. She wanted to dance but there was no way I was going to be caught dead with her on the dance floor. She and her gf were dancing while the other guy and I were at the table having beers. He said to me, it's not what you thought it was going to be..huh? I said yeah, she looked nothing like the picture she sent me. He said the picture was 11 years old.

I just tried to make the best of it. I did get into some pretty good fishing at a cabin that there family owned near Saratoga Springs. She did kinda cop an attitude at times..oh well. Moral of the story? Pictures can be deceiving.

*shrugg*,...maybe my childhood was different,..I dunno.

Back in High School, a buddy and I took two girls out on a double date. Now, these girls weren't fat, but they were pretty close to being corn fed if you know what I mean. We took the to a drive in and spent everything we had on admission and popcorn.

When we left, they said they were hungry and wanted to go to McDonalds. Not having any money we were not sure what to do. We ended up going to McDonalds and hiding in the bathroom until we were sure they had ordered and paid for their food. Sure enough, when we came out they were sitting at a table eating.

We didn't get a second date. Probably a good thing as I doubt we could have afforded it.

All I can say is WOW..!

If I die and get to come back in another life,..I want come back as some of you guys. This is some unbelievable stuff..!

Long years back, middle of the day, got caught by the gal's Mom while we were well into the act on her couch and a noisy affair it was. Hell to pay for that with both sets of parents involved. Fast forward.

Last year a college podnah died and I went to his wake. There she was with her now elderly Mom. I went over to her and was talking , catching up on older times and others that we knew with her when her Mom came up and started to introduce herself to me, stopped in mid sentence, pointed her knarly, arthritic finger at me and said in a very loud voice - "YOU"!

Told the ole gal how nice it was to see her again, to stay well and made a break for the coffee shop. I later got some questions on that.

LOL!

Be thankful it wasn't dad.

You might have gotten a knarly, arthritic fist to the nose.

no chit, didnt date much, dont have any real good stories from it, hell dont really have much for slightly amusing stories.....least none that dont involve my current wife and since some of you guys have met her and some more will likely meet her at some point in the future im gonna keep those to myself for now

No kidding,..! This is like Penthouse Forum come to life.! (Or so I've been told by people who read such smut..!)

This pretty much drives home how much my life SUCKS...!

I'm going to go over in the corner and curl up into a fetal position now.......

i aint complaining bout my current situation......been with my wife for 9 years now and really dont have much for complaints......actually rarely fight other then when she really frustrates the hell out of me cause she doesnt understand some of the timelines required to get certain things done with my side of our business.....but on all else life is damn good....

but before i started dating her, my life involving women was pretty dull......

had i known then what i know now i woulda really chased more irish chicks when i was chasing.....

lol

No kidding.


I had my fair share of fun earlier in life but it was nowhere near as adventurous as what I'm reading here. At least none that I can recall. My late teens early twenties are still a haze.

way back about 1984,(I was 21)I had a girl.Loved her to death.We worked at the same place,her in the evening,me during the day.
She invites me to her parents home for lunch.
So I go.She's the only one home,parents and siblings gone for the day.She opens the door,buck nakkid.
Well ,one thing lead to another,(did I mention she was a screamer?) I didnt hear her father drive up in his ford one ton diesel( with the house windows open,2 feet away),but he sure heard us.
he damn near got the commemorative 30-30 off the wall and shot me,but thought better of it.
On the way out the door,I meet her two best friends,still nakkid,at attention,and digging through my pants,looking for car keys.
It was a good summer that year.

after all,I was 21.

kamo gari;
Well my friend this has been an interesting and sometimes "educational" thread that you've started here.

Before going into my story, which is more random than funny really, I'd like to send a tip of the hat to Doc Rocket who proved again the good stuff he's made of. Good luck on your move too Doc.

Anyway, I've posted here that I was involved in a pretty close scrape when I was 15 that landed me in the hospital for a couple months.

Now during that time I was going out with a young lady and we actually ended up dating for about a year and a bit before parting ways.

Not long after we married, my wife and I moved two provinces and 1200 miles west. Like most of the folks I went to school with, I'd lost track of this girl completely. I'd heard once that this high school girl friend had become a nurse and recalled thinking at that time that couldn't be as she was rather squeamish around cuts and scrapes.

Fast forward about 25 years and I'd managed to run my left hand through a table saw doing a bit of a number on 3 the fingers. On the bright side, the thumb is still in factory fresh condition!

The wonderful doctor who stitched the fingers back on at the ER, a South African chap of Chinese extraction - cool accent he had - said that the hospital in a city 4 hours north of here could likely fit me in faster than the larger center an hour and a half north.

So it came to be that my good wife and I washed up in the waiting room of the surgery ward at 7:00am the next morning.

I hadn't slept all that hot, and when I looked at one of the nurses it didn't click in right away that I should know her. The second time I looked at her, I said to my wife, "that looks like _____ might look like, but I haven't seen her for 2� decades"

The words had no sooner left my lips when she walked over, looked at my bandaged hand and said,"It looks like you're still taking good care of yourself Dwayne."

As I stammered some sort of reply/greeting she then asked, "So how's married life?"

I was sufficiently recovered enough to reply, "It's great thanks."

She turned to me and said, "I wasn't talking to you actually Dwayne!" - which gave my wife a much needed laugh.

After that we all had a very pleasant but brief visit catching up on our respective families. She ended up helping get us a quiet place to rest while I waited for surgery, which was much appreciated as I didn't get in until 5:00 that afternoon.

So that's my random ex-girlfriend story tonight Leighton. As always, I hope you and yours have a great week.

Dwayne

Well into the process of becoming whipped, maybe? And I don't mean anything having to do with cream.

Some good stories, DocRockets is exceptionally so.

Keep downing the juice, it'll come to you, I promise!

What to do wit' it? Hell, you Billhillies is slow on the uptake. Upon finishing my virgin shag--which took place in a storage locker in a apt. complex basement on some stranger's couch amidst some boxes and X-mas ornaments-- I was overtaken with a romantic urge to do...something for my queen. Without her asking, I took off a sneaker (yep they were still on), ripped off a sock and offered it to her to use, as I was fresh out of clean towels.

I still remember the look on her face. Well, as best I could see, what with me seeing triple in what light there was, coming from the bare bulb down the hall... Even after sharing a 1/2 gallon of V in a plastic jug--with Kool-Aid powder mix added for color--I didn't forget my manners. I was going to be her knight, after all! Chivarly ain't dead, boys!

#1 - she must have been a real keeper if she cleaned up with your sweaty gym sock.

#2- WTF were you doing with your sneakers still on? What is this, Victoria era London? Did you leave your powdered wig on as well?

Brian.

There's a story I REALLY want to tell here, as it involves no less than three hilarious moments, but I'm in the same boat as Bristoe. Even if I used nothing but medical terms, it'd still be too dirty.

Brian.

(In a Girly Voice): Oh Leighton,..you're my HERO...!

TFF....

This is a good thread...

I was seeing a little princess that was more serious than I was. When my cousins wedding came around I didn't tell her about it, because you don't take sand to the beach. I came home a few days later and decided to swing by her place, to say the least, she was a little mad. During the discussion she made the comment that she should cut me off, I replyed "just how the hell you gonna do that, you don't even know where I am getting it". She started throwing glasses and plates at me from the sink, that was the last time I saw her.

Someone, please introduce this cat to whiskey. The non-lookers can be TIGERS in the sack. I mean, beggin' for mercy and getting none kind of tigers. Or so I read somewhere...

You speak the truth my friend.

Brian.

Rob, how long will we have to wait?

I was in college visiting a former girlfriend in her dorm room in another city 100 miles away. Had to get up and come back early to do a bird survey the next day. Being a consciencious sort I was up and out on my motorcycle before dawn.

I was accompanied on the bird survey by girl B, who was wanting to learn the birds, I rode direct to the site, she met me there at sunrise.

I have often said that if more guys knew what often happens when you take a woman bird watching, they'd be out buying bird guides. See, you're off in the woods, can't talk much or in low tones, and you're showing them something beautiful. A bottle of wine and a blanket just in case usually pack pretty compact in a daypack.

This time I had neither, not having any ulterior motives, I mean, hey I was in college, it ain't like I never met women.

But... a couple of hours back in the woods and she was pretty and one thing led to another...

She said to me... "Its been a long time for me, has it been a long time for you too?"

...of course I replied.. "Why, yes it has"... or words to that effect.

What I really wanted to say was... "I dunno, what time is it?"

Birdwatcher

She said to me... "Its been a long time for me, has it been a long time for you too?"

The loose ones always use that line.

1: I never said she *accepted* it. But then she was a Townie, and none too bright. Drop-dead gorgeous, and not brain-damaged, but not a terribly cerebral lass.

2: We weren't at the Four Seasons, dude. She was on the run and it was a wintry cold, snowy Boston night. We had nowhere to go, and the filthy storage shed in the almost black darkness of a basement of a Boston apartment complex, one where her Russian friend Kira lived, seemed like the lesser of two evils, as lying on the greasy concrete floor was the other option. I had to jimmy the lock to get into the unit to use the couch. In that stage of my life, I was hyper-cognizant of the potential need to scram in a hurry. Like NOW in a hurry. Consider trying to make good an escape in the snow, with the lass, both of us as drunk as a pair of bloody monkeys, with bare feet. The kicks stayed ON.

How about another wing man/blind date yarn?

I do not really have any EX-gf stories, because I never met a woman who could qualify for GF until I met my wife. But there are a few girls out there whom I dated once upon a time.

About thirty years ago Buddy #1 asked me to go with him, as his GF and her cousin had planned a Birthday outing and they really needed a fourth.

Turned out the cousin was about five foot four, blonde, an azz like Jennifer Lopez, and a chest like Raquel Welch. The four of us had a great day, went out to dinner, ended up at a drive in theater watching Chris Reeves play Superman. Me and this hot little blonde in the back seat of my 71 Toyota Celica.

We took the girls home, and I went on home to the farm. For about three weeks, about three times a week, the phone would ring and it was this luscious little blond.

We eventually made plans to go out again. The second date concluded with me dropping her off at her apartment about 3:00 AM. As I headed for the door to go home; She mentioned that I was "probably way too tired to safely drive fifty miles back home"

I agreed that she was probably right and proceeded to crash on the couch; whereupon she grabbed me by the hand and said "Nobody sleeps on the couch at my house."

She led me around the corner into her bedroom, and as I plopped back onto the bed, she proclaimed; "Nobody sleeps in my bed with their clothes on."

That was Saturday morning, and I was not heard from again until Wednesday. I rested up all day at my buddy's house on Wednesday and made it back to work on Thursday.

We met up again the next weekend, but it had become apparent that the chick, while built like a sack of kittens, and twice as much fun, was far too promiscuous to consider her as a serious relationship.

A couple more weeks pass without seeing any more of this chick and I figure she has moved on and I am looking toward the horizon as well. Friday afternoon comes along. I get off of work and drive over to Buddy #2's house. He just happens to be the older brother of Buddy #1.

I see their Dad at the house. "Hey Where is Buddy #2" I ask.

His Dad replies, "Heck if I know. He came flying in here after work. Put the camper on his pickup and took off.....for the hills I guess."

I look out toward the barn and see both of our dirt bikes through the open door. "Heck, he can't go to the hills with out his motor cycle."

So I back my Toyota pickup toward the barn and load up the two Hondas. Then I head a couple hours up the road toward our favorite camping spot.

Sure enough, Buddy #2's pickup and camper is parked there. But no one is around. As it is now about Midnight, I lay down across the seat of the Toyota and grab a little shut eye.

Next thing I know, the sun is peaking through the tops of the timber and I see signs of life in the camper parked about fifty yards away. So I drop the tailgate of the Toyota, unload both bikes and fire them up.

Just about then I see this same luscious little blonde come flying out of the door of the camper and head off into the woods at a run.

It takes her about fifteen minutes to work up the nerve to show her face again. Both of us guys were sitting on our bikes side by side with our helmets on. She came out of the trees and stared at my bud for a while, then stared at me for a while.

He asked her, "Were going riding, you coming with us or hanging out in camp?"

She stared at him for a while more, then she stared at me again for a while. I swear, she thought we ought to be going to fist city.

I guess she was not listening a few weeks earlier when I told her "A woman worth fighting over, will not put her self in a position to be fought over."

Finally she disgustedly agreed to go along for the ride, and we actually had a pretty good day.

But I often laugh at how Karma can work out sometimes. My Bud told me that Blonde Chick accused us guys of planning to meet up at the camp just to embarrass her.

Danger Will Robinson! I never have gone on a blind date. After seeing what some of my boys got for a prize, I nixed that rite of passage right off the to-do list. Blind date indeed. Shyt, most times they got set up with a female that made them wish they *were* blind. But then see above for my post RE: whiskey and tigers.

I hope she wasn't a Gypsy. That sounds like an evil eye moment if there ever was one!

I'd have tossed a bucket of water on her. Witches melt, y'know!

Nowhere near as bad as some of the above, but funny to me anyways: I was 17 at the time, had just started dating this girl who was 16. She came from a nice family, very conservative folks. Was next to the youngest of 5 daughters and her father was a drill sargeant. One night I dropped her off by her house and we were standing on the back porch underneath the light around 11 or 12 o'clock. Everything was going good until I noticed my t-shirt was on inside out. Don't think I've ever got the hell outta Dodge so fast! Luckily nobody inside noticed, or I wouldn't be able to type this today...

I'm too much of a gentleman to tell a story on myself, but I'm a crappy enough friend to tell one on a pard.

Said pard fogged up the windows at the drive-in with some babe. The next morning he noticed a note tucked under the windshield wiper of his car. With God as my witness the note started out:

"After last night at the drive-in, I know you love me..."

Reminds one of an old joke:

The girl�s father approaches the boy�s father and said, "I'm a little mad at your son." The boy�s father asks why, and the reply was, "His name was written out in pee in the snow off of my porch." The boy�s father says "We all do that. What's the big deal?" To which the girls father replies, "Ya, I know, but this time it was written in my daughters handwriting."

CFVA just reminded me of another funny tale.

I met a girl in high school and we had decided that it was time to go out on a date. I went to her home to pick her up and it was in a nice new part of town. There were several vehicles at her place so I parked on the street, walked across the lawn, up the stairs and rang the door bell. I met her mother, who was a nice looking lady. She offered to show me their home, which was magnificent and she was quite proud of. We walked through the down stairs, making a large loop to a set of back stairs, where we went to view the top floor. Everything was done in real wood, light colored carpet, and super fixtures. I was amazed at the sites I was seeing. We travelled through some nice bedrooms and offices. We even went into some hidden rooms upstairs. There were theater style light ropes that would light sequentially when you got to stairs, closet lights turned on automatically. Everything was pretty well laid out. When the tour was over, we ended up back at the front entry way, coming down the front stairs. I was halfway down the stairs when I heard her mother scream out loud..." OH GOD!!! WHO STEPPED IN THE DOG [bleep]!!!"

There was a nice set of size 15 tracks through most of the house!

The bright side is things didnt really work out and I only had to go back for a few more visits!

My adventures in the bizarro world of "dating".

So ..............

We decide to go back to her place. Turns out "Sybil" is a care giver with a elderly live-in patient residing in one of the two bedrooms in her smallish apartment. She didn't want her roommate to become upset with the fact that she drug me home for a romp in the hay so she doses grannny up with an extra sleeping pill. And just to be clear, this was her idea - not mine.

After giving granny a little time for the drugs to kick in we start fooling around and before we get too hot and heavy I need to hit the head. As I start to enter the bathroom she says "Before you go in there I need to tell you something. There's one part of me that isn't real"

WTF???????????

I go into full fuggin' panic mode at this point. I'm thinking to myself "What kind of horrible medical device am I going to find in the bathroom? Maybe it's something grotesque like colostomy bag".

My mind races trying to remember ...... two hands - yep ... two feet - yep ... two boobs - yep.

"I can't think of any parts that looked fake". ? ? ? ?

Then she says "I wear a hair fall". I'm still paniced and I'm thinking "WTF is a hair fall?" when it dawns on me that it's just a hair extension - a wig.

Whew ............... I can deal with that. Panic mode over, granny's asleep so let's get busy.

She informs me that's there's no need to worry about birth contol. She's fixed. OK. Then she proceeds to tell me the story behind it. "Sybil" got knocked up when she was seventeen and hated being pregnant, giving birth and raising a child soooooooo much that never ever would she go through that again. When she was 22 years old she made the decision to get her tubes tied. During her pregnancy all she could think of and I quote "get this thing out of my body - out, out, out" while flapping her hands like she was shooing a fly from her cootchy.

I have a pretty good tolerence for bizzaro and besides ...... "I was gettin' me some" so the adventure continued.


There is more to story but I need to take a break.

Mine's pretty mundane...

While in Jr. High, I was smitten by a lass in one of my classes. We got along quite well so at a school dance one evening, I summoned up the courage and asked her to be my girl friend. As a token of our bond, I gave her my St. Christopher medallion and chain. It couldn't have been more than a couple of days later when a mutual friend approached me, handed me my St. Christopher and said "Lisa says she doesn't think it's going to work out. She says you're too immature." I blinked a couple of times, shrugged my shoulders and replied "Well, I'm only in the 7th grade."

I may have been immature, but I was wise beyond my years.

I suppose I've got a couple that are worthy.....

A few years back, after the ex and I split up; my best friend and his wife walked into a bar that we were scheduled to play our pool league in later that evening.
As we walk in, I notice four women at the bar; one of which was the bartender on the morning shift and quite hot. The next in line for hotness was a brunette that noticed our entrance. The other two slip my memory for the moment.
As we sat down at a booth, my back was facing the girls and my friend and his wife sat across from me. The night bartender walks up and asks us what we'd like to drink. My friend orders and hands her some cash for their drinks. She asks me and I told her "I'll have a Coors light". She said "how are you paying for it?" I said "those girls over there are going to buy it for me."...(grin)
Needless to say, my friend, his wife and this bartender were all laughing and skeptical. That is until she walked over there and the 2nd most hot said "sure".......Well the rest was history and I didn't need my buddy to give me a ride home that night.
My friend's wife still shakes her head and laughs about that one.

I'll tell you one in a few months....

Doooood!!!

Have a little faith, baby!!

Quick last disaster: came home from work late, and not trying to wake her up, sneaked in like a cat burgular, only to find the apt. dark. Figured the girl was out. Sat on the couch and was about to flip on the idiot box when I heard *something* in one of the bedrooms. Set the remote down all quiet like, thinking maybe I imagined it, when it came again. Noise sounded like someone clapping their hands together, and I thought I heard some moaning. WTF?!? I went to the closet and grabbed my SKS, and as quietly as I could loaded a magazine and put a round into battery. I heard the sound again, and the hair on the back of my neck stood up. There was *definitely* someone in my bedroom, which didn't have any light on. I crept silently up to the door, which was cracked a couple inches.

I looked in, and though I saw something in the corner. There was just enough light from the streetlights outside the windows to see the figure. I saw movement, and flicked off the safety ready to do some damage, and then saw, with horror, what was making the sound. Then I heard "I HATE YOU!", then the noise. It was the girl, having a full-blown breakdown. She was a babbling, inconsolable train wreck, with wild eyes. The sounds I heard were of her slapping the shyt out of herself, sitting in the dark.

I'd only been with her a few weeks, and called her brother, who came from out of state, and took her to a psych facility. Turns out, she was manic with serious depression, was bi-polar, had OCD and had gone off her meds in secret, as she figured that if I found out she was so messed up, I'd leave her.

The brother asked me what I planned to do. I told him to take me to a ATM. He asked why, and I told him that I was going to leave him with my portion of the next month's rent, as I would be moving out the next day.

I still thank Heaven to Mergatroid--for her and myself-- that she didn't off herself with one of my tools.

I bet she was a Tiger.

I can vouch for the fact that bi-polar women are crazy good in bed.

Kinda like a threesome?

Laughed out loud at that one...

only half the time,though.

You have no idea. Sometimes it was like she hated my little friend, trying to like... KILL HIM, using, well...a... nevermind.

Nice, but only 7.4, I'm afraid. The meatball factor hurt your score.

Damaged women can be fun for a while!I guess God thought I could handle them cause he sure sent me plenty!

Most of them were redheads.Coincidence?

Jeez, I dated some nutjobs, but nothing as serious as that!

Last year, I dated three women who admited to being thrown in the loony bin within the last 5 years. Another one didn't admit to it, but I wouldn't be shocked if she had spent time in a padded room either.

And people wonder why I have zero interest in dating these days.

Brian.

The scary thing was that I'd never, ever seen her like that, and I'd messed around with her for 15 years off and on, since HS. It was truly a Sybil type thing. Last I heard she was married with kid. A scary thought. Hopefully all worked out, but that kind of nuts I just couldn't deal with. I wish her nothing but all the best. And him. Better man than me. Or not as good as coming in the house all quiet like...

I decided to break up with one chick because, well, she was just too damn dumb. Petite and horny, but dumb.

After I gave her the news and she ranted and raved a while, then I left. The next day she finally said, alright, I'm over being mad, let's have a goodbye dinner. I pick her up to go out, and she walks out of her apartment with her dress tucked into her pantyhose. This confirmed I was making a sound decision.

You just ruled out about 98% of the single women on the planet.

Brian.

since I hit 50 I have noticed a pretty fair number of single women about - and yes, a lot of them, you can tell why they are single...

I've found out the hard way that single women are single for a reason. All the nice, smart women I know were taken by the time they were 20. They all have husbands and kids now. Good women don't last long on the open market.

Brian.