I usually dont admit to doin stupid schit, but this'n has me laughin my ass off

Dad called awhile ago when he got home from camp, and I told him I got some powder and stuff for his birthday. I told him id bring it over this afternoon. I was kinda in a hurry cause the morning has been so hectic. I jumped in the shower and cleaned up, got out and went to spray on deodorant. My girlfriend spent the night last night and she always lets extra stuff here so she can do her hair. Well I wasnt paying attention and she had her hair spray right next to my deodorant, guess which one I grabbed?? Took all of 3 seconds for my under arms to feel like brillo pads Back in the shower I went. I believe when she comes over tonight im gonna leave the seat up out of spite...lol

LOL, good one

Back in the day when the kids were small I used Desitin as a toothpaste, that was something tasty

Oh man I can imagine

Not me but my ex husband.

He came home late with only 30 minutes between us and our expected time of arrival at a wedding. He was rushing around trying to get ready, and getting angrier every minute that passed by, after brushing his teeth, he reached up for the mouthwash in the general area it normally sat, and promptly filled his mouth with rubbing alcohol ! After realizing what he did. he spit it out and screamed to the top of his lungs, an immediate call to poison control helped the situation, but his mouth was raw for several days, and he wasn't allowed to smoke, which added insult to injury !

Right after work about six months ago and before the wife got home, I saw a small bag of peanut butter cookies.. I grabbed one and thought this was the crappiest PB cookie I ever had.. Very little taste, dry as toast.

Wife came home later and I told her to never get those stupid cookies again because they sucked.. She asked, "what cookies?" I showed her the bag and she started LHAO... It was a bag of peanut butter flavored dog biscuits.. Grrrrrr..

Why do they package those damned things in containers that look more like snacks for humans??? (I know, I know - marketing)..

Wiped my butt after having applied Icy Hot. Gave a whole new meaning to the phrase "light my fire"!!!!!!!!!!!! Definately not meant for application anywhere remotely near the puckerstring.

Patiently waiting for the poor sod who'll admit grabbing the BenGay tube instead of the Preparation H...

Kinda related-

In the dark a tube of toothpaste feels just about identical to a tube of K-Y.

My wife didn't find it nearly as funny as I did.

LMAO! you guys got me rollin...I dont feel so bad now

How about turning from the vanity after applying BenGay to my shoulder and taking a whizz...... BEFORE THROUGHLY WASHING MY HANDS!!

Otherwise, most everything I did between the ages of 13-20 or so.

When I was about 5, I saw in National Geographic where some native types tied vines around their legs and jumped of some wooden towers. I thought that looked like a grand idea, so I stole Momma's 1/2" garden hose, snuck off into the woods, climbed a big tree and tied one end around my foot and the other to a limb. I still remember it like it was yesterday. Not so much that it worked perfectly, but the fact that I hung upside down, hanging about 2' off the ground for hours, until Mom came outside and heard my screams.

30 or so years ago I used to travel the gunshow circuit on the east coast. Buy low, sell high was the plan. I was 22 years old and was in heat love with a 19 year old gal. Anyway, she said she would try dove hunting if I got her a smaller shotgun. I was up in PA at a show and found a really clean "Remington" pump .410. I offered up a tremendous trade - Nearly new S&W Model 27 in the presentation box. The guy jumped at the trade and I didn't see him again. That night I was checking out my trade goods and for the first time noticed that they had misspelled "Remington" as "Revelation"! The Sears store brand shotgun was not worth a lot! Not nearly as much as that model 27!

Bob

I had rubbed my then BF's back with IcyHot, which led for some reason to a rather passionate session between us, or at least till our various body parts started to burn like hell. In the heat of passion I had forgotten to wash my hands, and WOW WEE !!!! Never ! Ever ! Again !

Woke up at midnight, packed for the first day of CA deer season, drove 4 hours, parked at my spot well before daybreak, unloaded the truck, and the last thing pulled out the rifle.

I'd brought a Ruger .22, instead of a .30-06

After I stood there motionless for a few minutes, I packed back up, and drove home.

Never pack for a hunting trip, when you are asleep.

gives a new dimension to The Shocker huh?

Anybody ever played poker till the wee hours of the morning while drinking beer outta one bottle and spittin snuff in another one?

Nuff Said.

Gunner

Actually believing that I can win an argument with my wife.

Got into an argument with a liberal once and tried to argue facts.

Still ashamed that I even tried.

Yeah...that feeling that you get when you realize that they're both empty is pretty bad.

Worse yet is when I realized the filter on that cigarette butt halfway in my mouth wasn't my brand.
Yep.

I did that - one time.

Trying to drink beer and keep a chew going at the same time was dumb enough for me.

Back in the 60's and early 70's Preparation H and Ultra-Bright toothpaste had very similar labels, especially in low-light conditions.

Yep.


Twice.

After the second time, I switched to Close-up.

Concur X'2 Gents.

Gunner

Dats easy, keeping the bottles separated after about 18 is when it gets dicey fer me.

Gunner

I learned long ago young sprout, it's best to just grunt and give agreeing nods.

They are cute when they gets mad aint they? LOL

Gunner

Did basically the same thing except I grabbed baby powder instead of mouth wash.

Taking a leak after cutting up some Hungarian Wax Peppers.

Was drinking beer and eating hot wings. The wings were really hot and I was pretty buzzed. I had enough beer I went to the restroom and realized I didnt wash my hands very good.

My junk was on fire the rest of the night.

I had bought Buddy Moore (my dog) some of that fancy ass dog food in a little can that has a human food sounding name because he wasn't eating.

He ate some and I put the rest in the refrigerator.

My Dad came home and thought it was something my step mom had gotten at the store and made a sandwich out of it.

Buddy was pissed.

BTDT , slicing and thumbing the guts outta jalapenos with Wifey, then going out to take a leak, yessir, unforgettable, sat in a damn chair for three hours with a damn ice pack in my lap.

Gunner

Yer a brave man.

Gunner

while drinking beer I tend to lose track of where I sit the cans...and I find 2-4 beer 1/2 drank over the next week or so...mowed the lawn with some beers sit the beer on a stump as I mow....2 weeks latter i'm mow'in I round the conner ..there is my beer! yum... down it went ....IT was old full- of dead bugs and spider webs.. gag & dry heave city......

I thought with my little head and married my first wife.

Ed

At work late one afternoon slicing habanero peppers to prove to an employee he couldn't just eat them raw. Yep - looked at the clock, ran to take a leak and then went and jumped in the truck headed to the kids ballgame. Got about 20 yards before the fire began on my little friend. Had to wait for a train to pass as the fire roared out of control and the tears were starting. Made it to a McDonalds for a large cup of ice which I immediately dumped down my pants to the complete shock of the little lady at the window. When the wife got home from the ballgame fussing at me for not being there, she found me standing at the bathroom sink with my privates in a sink full of milk and ice. She just turned around and walked off saying "maybe you can explain that later, I don't want to hear about it now."

You should have looked her right in the eye and said "I'm just reloading it -- I will get back to you later".

<rimshot>

John

HAHAHAHAHA!

I did the Jalapeno on the junk once...never a habanero.

A W F U L

Not me, but my sister-in-law.

It was thanksgiving and she had spent all morning getting the turkey and side dishes ready. She didn't have much time left before everyone arrived, so she rushed upstairs to fix her hair, fix her make-up and put in her contacts. She's blind as a bat and what she thought was contact solution, turned out to be crazy glue she uses for her nails. As soon as that contact hit her eye, it stung like the devil and she yanked it out, unfortunately it pulled some tissue with it.

Actually turned out to be a pretty severe eye injury that required some laser surgery to fix.

I don't get within striking distance.

I also did the pepper deal except, I cutting off small strips of ghost peppers. I reached in the ice chest for a cold one and cooled my brow with ice cold water. I was blinded for 15 min. Eyes closed - O.K. Eyes open - you can't keep 'em open. Learn the hard way - you don't forget it.

Many years ago in the middle of the night I mistook a bottle of mercurochrome for nasal spray.

Wasn't good....

locked the keys in my dad's truck, which i had driven to my baseball game, parents coming later.

realized the door was locked and explained to dad. he was pissed and bitched at me the whole way back home to get the spare. i went in to get the spare and grabbed a snack an checked the score of the indians game. rode back to the park- 12 miles one way- and realized when we got there that i had forgotten the key. lol

not a pleasant ride back home again


also took a ride at age 8 on my grandpa's mechanics creeper. decided i'd belly flop down on it and ride down his long concrete drive. the wheels stuck in a crack halfway, stopping the creeper. i did not stop, however, landing on my face. was sure i was dying, but i'd just sanded off some skin on my nose and forehead.

sure i got some more...will have to think

Was working on a knotter on the baler and finger in wrong place.


This is the baler. The knotters are on top.

I had a terrible head cold. I put visene in my eyes to help the puffy burning. You know the routine, head back drop in the eyes. The I went to use a nasal inhaler. I tilted my head back, inserted nozzle into nose and squeezed bottle. That stuff running down the back of my throat tasted pretty bad.

I've responded to comments while listening to a voice mail.

In the 80's I was shearing up near Ivanhoe and hutting it with a fellow named "thistle", he and a couple of other drunks were on the piss and he was stubbing his cigarette butts out in a mostly empty bottle next to his bunk...sure enough I woke in the morning to go to the mess when I saw the dill upend the whole sodden mess into his gob and drink it down, he did not even remember doing it.


Still makes me queasy.

Not sure if this is worse, but last week I was talking to one of my service techs on my cell and I picked up my desk phone and started dialing to make a call related to our discussion.

That's when I knew I needed to slow down a bit.

set myself on fire once

another time decided to weld an exhaust pipe under the car while it was raining, really electrifying

Details, man. We need details.

Done that to stxhunter,just not on purpose. As a matter of fact,can think of two different times when I was taken to a Doctor/Hospital.

IMO, broad head wrenches are cheaper than stitches.

In the background you'll see "sickles" and "sections" which are tri-angled shaped. Those sections are like a Great White Sharks tooth ie they are serrated and will cut. Well,was working on the swather getting ready for the up-coming season,as usual had my finger in wrong place and my employee pulled the "sickle" and cut my left-hand index finger. It took 8 stitches to close it,AFTER cleaning out the cut.

While waiting for my wife too pick me up,it was interesting to watch the blood exit (small squirts) my finger with each heart beat.

A friend had forgotten his insect repellant one morning on a deer hunt. It was dark as we unloaded the truck and got our stuff together. I handed him what I thought was my squirt bottle of Cutter's insect repellant, but was actually a bottle of doe pee. He squirted a big puddle into his palm and had rubbed it all over his hands and face before he got a good whiff of the stuff he was rubbing. When we got through laughing at him, we flipped a coin to see who got to hunt next to him.

Stitches? I damn near cut my finger off with a muzzy and I just hollered for my ex to grab a towel and super glue. Really cant feel my finger from the last joint out and the fingerprint, well I didnt get it lined up right, but ill be damn if I was goin to the hospital over that. Veins werent spurtin blood so I was good to go.

Shooting cheap 9 mm reloads of unknown quality -- but I only did it once...

You ever hear of anyone welding on a gas tank and hearing the gas boiling inside it?

OK, me either...

Had jellyfish tentacles all over my crab pot lines and must have Had some on the back of my hand when I itched my nose with it. Felt like a fire in my nostril and I couldn't stop sneezing

I drove my 4 wheeler under water and messed it all up, and it was new

squirting starter fluid on the pit a gust of wind blew the fluid and flames back on my shirt. went up like a torch. my two stepsons knocked me down and rolled me to put them out. burnt my hair, eyebrows off had some burns on my face and chest, but my hands got the worst of it from trying to pull my shirt off .had to do the whirlpool therapy and stuff for a month afterward.

Yeah, but how were the burgers?








Just kidding. Glad you're OK.

watched a movie with a quilt over me to keep warm. big spider crawled across my lap. smacked it- hard. apparently my balls were right under the spider. did some fetal position moaning. lol

I did some very stupid things when I was a kid in the USArmy but
the man above was watching over me and I remained unscathed.
A friend of mine's FIL is a loud mouth know it all and anything
you have done, he has done better and he wont hesitate to get
up in your face and tell you so. This has gotten him into a
few scuffles over the years of course. Anyhow once we were
at his place drinking beers at the picnic table and he was
going on a rant about how he could rebuild a car engine a heck
of alot better than his son and friend were doing at the time in the drive way by the picnic table. It was a very hot day and he
was drinking soda instead of beer and had sat his soda down for a second and a wasp went inside the can. When he took another drink he got stung pretty bad on his upper lip and it immediately swelled up pretty bad. He started yelling and swearing while the rest of us tried not to laugh.

I tased myself in the nuts one night

When I as about 12 I tried to see how straight up I could shoot an arrow...

If I had done better by an inch I woudnt have gotten to write this....

OK, when I was a wee lad one wintery, freezing cold February day I was trying to start up my snowmobile. I had squeezed the throttle a bit (ok a LOT), but it wouldn't start. Choked, primed. Pulled and pulled. Nothing.

No problem thinks I, I have a solution. I squirt some Ether-start in the carb and give a good healthy pull.

Well, the balanced and blue-printed 440 jumped to life. In fact, it ROARED to life because the throttle cable was frozen wide-open.

It crossed the 30 feet or so to the side my folks house and proceeded to try to climb the wall up to the window. In the process destroying all kinds of siding, molding and everything else before I hit the "kill switch".

Watching slap-stick comedy as a kid about people stepping on a rake and it comes up to whack the person who stepped on it .... well ...it does really work ....had a hell of a lump for days ...

Believing a chick that told me she was on birth control.

Shot thru the cab of a 69 Ford and out the open
drivers side window with a 12 gauge.
Peppered the hell out of my dad's garage.

I dunno....does cutting down a tree with a Huey main rotor count?

mistaking a jar of dip catfish bait for a jar of Skippy peanut butter in a dark boat catfishing and beer drinking good thing I was good enough to pass my pard the first sandwich

another time i shot a hole through the door of my dads van at a stop light with a colt python. there was a DPS trooper next to me how he didn't hear it i don't know. The next morning a little bondo and paint, my dad didn't notice it till 2 yrs later when the paint started to fade. there might have been some beer involved.

Pissed on a kid once. Streaked at my ten year high school reunion. Shot a hole in my dads Jeep with a 22. Shot a hole in my Toyota Corolla with a 12 gauge. Got married. And again. Believed the first one. And the second.
But it's all good. Tonight I smoked a Cuban cigar with my daughter.

Depends on how big the tree was and how urgently it needed cuttin.

I was replacing the ECM on my Dodge diesel and my dad who had just blown out his back was helping me, handing me the tools. We had been discussing the finer points of all things diesel when unbeknownst to me he decided to switch subjects. He said, "Did you hear about all the problems "Bob" is having?" I said, "With what", as I leaned down into the engine compartment to reach the failed component. My dad responded, "With depression." I wasn't quit hip to the fact that the conversation had switched gears from diesel trucks to our mutual acquaintance, and with my head down in the enging compartment I thought he said Bob was struggling with compression. I sat up, looked at my dad and said, �That�s too bad. Did he blow a head gasket?" The old man gave me a weird look and said that it sounded like that there was all sorts of things going wrong at once. I asked him if Bob was going to try and fix it himself or if he was going to take it somewhere. Again, the old man gave me a weird look and it was at this point we were both starting to realize that something was going wrong with this conversation. He said, "He should probably see a professional but knowing Bob he'll try to fix it himself and make it worse." I looked at him and asked, "Really, I always thought Bob was pretty handy with a wrench?" My dad looked at me, shook his head, and said, "What the [bleep] are you talking about?"
We decided we wouldn't tell anybody about that conversation.

I decided to teach my wife a lesson.


there's a thread about it on "mechanical gurus need help"


6 wasted quarts of Mobil 1 later, 6 quarts of ATF and an hour and a half of my time

I learned my lesson, NEVER attempt to teach the wife a lesson.


also wifey related, we were at the boat launch back from our cabin and I'd been adjusting the trailer bunks for a better fit for our boat. After making the adjustments needed I asked her to go ahead and back the trailer up. She uh was having a difficult time doing so. But no prob I was relaxed and happy with our time at the cabin, the boat ran well and I'd adjusted the bunks. "Hop out honey, I'll do it, I don't care if you can't back up a trailer, you're pretty."

holy smokes did that make her red hot! Wasn't trying to be funny , I was sincere. But it did not go over well. At all. She told my boys "don't ever say that to a woman you care about!"


So now I try and tell her, "baby, you ain't as pretty as you used to be, you wanna go practice backing up the trailer?"


I swear to god you just can't please women!

Buddy of mine at Ft. Polk pulled this one.

Bob and Mike were trying to diagnose why Bob's Blazer wouldn't start.
Bob, was sitting on the fender apron pulling plug boots and sticking a Philips screwdriver in them to check for spark while Mike sat in the divers seat turning the ignition key.
After checking the first two or three and finding no spark Bob decided to check one more.

What Bob hadn't considered was his bare leg against the steel fender apron aaannd his thumb being to close to the shaft of the screwdriver. Lo and behold, that Blazer decided to start.

Poor Bob sat there on that fender shakin' like a dog shyten' razor blades yellin' something that sounded like shutitoffshutitoffshutitoff

He still had a bad case of the shakes when all the laughter died down.

Didn't pay attention when "putting in just for points" and was given a guaranteed sheep tag you could buy over the counter. Its a ten day season with a quota of 2. Little to know chance unless your local or have an outfitter. Bummer.

Well I'm still waiting on the statute of limitations to expire before I admit to any of my more impressive stupid moments

Let me brainstorm for a minute over lunch and think of some good ones.

I wont say anything more about myself, but since my dad doesnt come to the 'fire I can talk about him

We had our own Auto business for over 20 years and lets just say safety wasnt a priority...lol. A neighbor brought his Lumina in because it was vibrating badly. A common problem was the front motor mount, well it was broke. We had one on the shelf. Dad was kinda in a hurry so he got a 2x4 and a diggin iron out figurin on fixin it quick. He took the old bolts and mount off then went to put the new one on. Me and Barry, another neighbor, were standing close and the old man told us to stand back, he needed room to pry the motor forward. He stuck the diggin iron between the firewall and motor and Barry said you sure thats safe? The old man was strong as an ox, he didnt say a word, just grabbed the diggin iron with both hands and pulled the motor forward. Gruntin hard he said grab that bolt and put it in there quick. I didnt make it two steps and the diggin iron slipped and hit my old man square in the forehead! Almost layed him out!!! Me and Barry laughed like hell as a big goose egg started showin up on dads head. The old man was [bleep] pissed we were laughin!! But a couple minutes later he was laughin right with us

Mine is a three parter. Part one: I was 18 at the time and I put out a cigarette in the palm of my hand on a dare. Well, I of course I got a big blister and it eventually turned into a big wart-like growth.

Here is where part two comes in: I put Compound W on it and it ate out everything except for a core that went pretty deep into my palm. I wanted it out of there so I got a good grip on it, took a deep breath and yanked it out. It hurt like the dickens, blood started welling out and it took about an hour of direct pressure to stop the bleeding.

Part three the next day: I really didn't want the growth to come back so I reckoned that some more Compound W was in order. Trust me when I say that you don't want to put Compound W into an open wound. Imagine holding your hand up to a flame up close for about 8 or 10 hours. The pain was incredible and nothing I did made it any better. On the bright side, the growth never came back.

Good news,I have not done anything Dumb today......























YET!

Oh here we go, I just thought a good one!


Last august in SD I was drinkin' with some buddies at a local bar, this is of course how any good story starts.

Well seated on the outdoor deck, cards became the form of entertainment. As liquor flowed freely and the game became more lively, I decided I would impress a young lady who was with us. Well the wind whipped up, and a card flew off the deck. In the blur of an eye I jumped off the two story deck after it. Of course wearing flip flops

Black-out

The next morning, once I drug my hung-over ass outta bed I fell over as my feet hit the floor. I looked down and saw my now jacked up, purple foot.

ER, doctor, then podiatrist. Then physical therapy for 3 months. 6 months out of the gym, habitual pain, and 2 grand poorer I had neither a good foot nor the lady I intended to impress.




EDIT - Did learn a few lessons though
The quality of your health insurance is important.
Don't ever wear flip flops and drink.
Don't ever, ever, ever mess up your feet.

gawd o mighty but I could picture that! made me ROR

I hail from the same part of the country


there's a reason folks poke fun at us I guess


physician HEAL thyself

nice job

if I ever decided to put out a cig in my palm, I'm callin you first!

too cheap to buy rubbers?

Your daughter smokes cigars?

lmfao

Ok. Let's see now.

BB gun fight with my brother. Shot each other up pretty good before dad took our guns away.

Playing cowboys and indians with my brother. My brother was the indian and shot me in the foot with an arrow.

Blew the hell outa the TV while playing with dad's .38spl.

Put a .22lr round through the ceiling over my bed.

Chambered and fired a .308 round in a 25-06 rifle.

10 years ago when I was 40. Brush pile, 1/4 gallon of old 2 cycle mixed gas, July heat of about 100F, no wind and standing slightly down hill from the pile dressed in shorts and old deck shoes. Did you know fumes will creep down hill in the 5 minutes you spend yacking with your brother and when you set the pile on fire a huge fireball will engulf you? Did you also know that drop and roll will put you out, but that burnt flesh will pick up an amazing about of dirt and grass? I thought I was tough and could always stand a tremendous amount of pain. I proved to myself I am a pu$$y and that daily burn scrubbing will make a grown man cry. Also, pain medication will not lessen the agony associated with burn care. On a positive note and to my complete surprise-most of the hair on my lower body grew back and there is nearly no scarring.

Now everytime I set a brush pile on fire, my wife reminds me not to use gasoline. I am so glad I have her around to prevent me from repeating my mistake.

Perry

That'll be the day...........

MM

You and my dog.

When my lab was 2 we were at a cabin and he was up on the second floor balcony while I was on the ground in front of it. He heard my voice and decided to come be with me. Since the balcony railing was only some logs stuck together he could just jump straight off of it, which he did.

From the ground it was one of those moments suspended in time. He was in midair in a nice swan dive position, I was wondering how badly he would splat, how many places would he break his legs, where would I bury him, all kinds of things in that brief second.

Fortunately, he landed on his front feet and being a tough young dog all he did was bang his chin on the ground, let out a Yip! and walk away.

Not until just then. We just had to be able to say we smoked a Cuban. She's 19 by the way.

Not me buy another guy in navy dive school. Open water compass run in Chesapeake bay and jellyfish were everywhere. We finished a dive and were on back on the boat getting ready for lunch. He reached around and pulled a jellyfish off his back and while it was in the palm of his dive glove decided to stab it with his dive knife. Ended up loosing the two middle fingers of his left hand and getting a free trip to civilian life.

I was about ten years old when I found out a Styrofoam cup doesn't make a very good gasoline container.

Damn, Pat. I'm not stupid enough to admit the things I did like that.

There are only two ways to argue with a woman, and neither one works.

Re-wiring a lamp for my daughter's college apartment. New socket and cord. Plugged her in, screwed in light bulb and of course it did not light up. Unscrewed light bulb, and....well you can guess the rest.

Girls said I was dancing like Michael Jackson.

Telling a mate that it was OK to shoot the rabbit out the drivers side window with his .22 Hornet (he was passenger side, I was drivers side, so end of barrel was about 12 inches off my nose), and forgetting to put my fingers in my ears...

After making some bacon wrapped poppers I used the bathroom. Within minutes the pager went off and I was off on a service call.

Did you know it takes about 15 minutes from the time you take a piss with jalapeno juiced hands until the pain starts?

Now I am standing in a womans house with my goods on fire and my eyes watering. What to do? Continue the stupidity and rub my eyes.

I must have been a hell of a sight when she rounded the corner to see me grabbing my crotch looking like a teenage drama queen with all the tears rolling out of my burning eyes.

Took some explaining.....

Too funny! She musta thought you were some kinda pervert.

When I was a kid I was burning some garbage on my grandma's property with one of my friends. It wasnt a very big pile of
garbage and we were waiting for it to burn up so we could go
do something else. I found an old small lady's spray deodorant
can in the weeds and we were wondering if it would explode if
we threw it in the fire. I tossed it in the fire and nothing
happened. About 5 minutes later my dad showed up and was talking
to us while watching the fire. I had forgotten about the spray
can and my dad was standing in front of the fire when the can
suddenly came shooting out of the fire like some kind of firework on the 4th and missed my dad by a few inches. It didnt explode but it made a loud hissing noise and flew a good
40 or 50 yards. My dad gave us a look like "what the heck was that?"

Yes.

And because fair is fair, I'll add one of my own (such a wealth of fodder, but this is a good one).

One sunny August day in 1986, I drank a quart of vodka and decided I was OK to take my buddy's Ninja for a spin. I went down doing 80 on a hard left turn in traffic, with cars parked on both sides. Bike ended up in a dozen pieces. About the same as me. I was clinically dead for some 8-12 minutes, depending on who was asked. Cost me a lung, more than 35 days in ICU, half a dozen broken bones, massive tissue damage, some 300+ sutures and 4 major surgeries.

So, what do I win?

Good times.

The "Steel balls" award. And a "glad you made it" pat on the back.

We were moving hay bales down from the top floor of a three story barn by dropping them out of a window to the back end of a wagon attached to the tractor. Three of our other brothersd were stacking them up nice and neat on the hay wagon. My younger brother was doing his best to help but he was scared witless by even a height of thirty feet so he used a triple loop of bailing twine to tie himself to a bale of hay that was sitting next to the window - and where we rested and had a drink of water when the heat was about to make us pass out. We has just completed the last bale when he stood up and said - Well I guess there is room for one more as he pushed the bale he had been sitting on - and was well attached to by a six foot hunk of bailing twine - out the open window. It took all of a nano second or two for him to realize what he had done and was about to do. I'm still laughing right now, thirty some years later. The look on his face was beyond description. Luckily he landed on the pile of hay bales, which at this point in time was only 12 feet below the window, but he didn't know that when he was unceremoniously yanked backwards out the window.

Good days and good brothers!

Steel head award, more like. GD idiot I was, and lucky to still haunt this lovely blue marble after that day. The pat on the back I'll take, though.

When I was about 10, it was my job to burn the garbage out back in the wire incinerator. As I was standing there one gray spring day, I noticed that the onions that had not been pulled from the garden now had very dry-looking tops. I snapped one off, noticed how brittle and dry it was, snapped off the other end, and had a sudden stroke of genius. Thus began the only venture that I have ever had into the world of smoking. I stuffed the organic tube full of dry grass, stuck one end into the fire, noticed the thick smoke curling from the end nearest me, inserted said end into my mouth, and took a hard pull. This resulted in the burning grass instantly transitioning from the tube into my mouth. The experience was not exactly a pleasant one and convinced me that any form of smoking was best left to others.

You are VERY LUCKY and the pat on the back,consider it done.

Not me but a very good pard decided the elk scent might cover his so he sprayed it on his clothes...contrary to the directions...He spent the day playing cat and mouse with a rather large black bear that thought he smelled the Mother Load...btw he was archery hunting elk.

I finished a day shooting with one round left for my pistol. I stuck it in the cylinder and thought, five actions and it will be in battery. So I pointed it down in front of my feet and pulled the trigger. Bang. Scared the heck outta me.

To this day I have no good explanation for why but....

When I was 10 or 11 I cut the exposed portion of a bullet from a .22. Left with a case and a little lead in the end I laid it on the concrete walkway to my house. I got a hammer and proceeded to hammer the whole thing flat. Was pretty good and flat and I gave it one last smack. BANG Oh crap, I wonder if anybody else heard that? I went and put the hammer up and my arm felt wet. WTF? Looked down and my arm and jeans were all bloody. Sure enough a sliver of lead had gone into my arm on the inside of my elbow. I went inside and using rubbing alcohol and a razor I attempted to dig it out, but realized quickly it wasn't going to happen. My older sister was waitressing at the time, and I called her to come and take me to the ER. Turned out to be no big deal, and as far as I know it's still in there. But damned was I more than a little worried for a bit.

My brother and a buddy were camping for a week on a long point at a local lake. I was hiking in to check on them when I heard a pretty loud pop. It wasn't a gun, but I couldn't place it. So I picked up my pace and came over the last hill above the campsite just to see the two of them tearing off clothes and jumping in the lake. One of the dimwits decided baked beans sounded good, so they threw the intact can in the fire. Needless to say, the boys both had burns on exposed skin from the bean bomb that blew up. The best part was the burn holes where the beans went in one side and out the other of the tent. I nearly pissed myself laughing.

Stuck a .22 shell in a medium fresh cow pie; hit it first shot. Cow flop shoe to knees. Long bicycle ride home; difficult explanation.

Knew a guy who would get silly when drinking beer but was other
wise pretty harmless. One Sunday afternoon his two kids were
gathering apples in the back yard and putting them in baskets.
He was feeling pretty good and took an old fishing pole and stuck
a small apple on the end of it and proceeded to show his small
children how far daddy could launch an apple across the highway
which was about 150 yards from the yard. After about the 10th
apple got thrown and listening to his kids laugh hysterically at his drunk actions, he turned around to find a small crowd of
neighbors and one police cruiser in his driveway. He didnt hit
any cars but someone called the PD about apples landing on the
freeway. His wife came out of the house and started screaming about wanting a divorce after the officer told her about the complaint. The officer stood and listened to the wife rant for about a minute and got back in his cruiser and left without issuing a citation.