My Daughter has an assignment due tomorrow that includes a brochure that lists the services and numbers of "helplines"...unfortunately in a moment of weakness she has asked for my assistance.
The idea being that there is the requirement of an introduction on one side of the brochure.

This is what I came up with and to tell the truth I am pretty good with it...my Daughter is somewhat unimpressed.

" Do you need help.

Are you one of those perpetually needful people that cannot go about your everyday life without the support and sympathy of all those around you, do you require a shoulder to cry on, a pocket to pilfer, a charity to plunder?

Well today is your day�on this brochure you will find all of the above, there are helplines manned 24 hours a day by uneducated cretins who are totally lacking in empathy, there are whole groups of over-indulgent worthies that will pander to your every need or whim.
You will no longer have to be responsible for your own trials, tribulations, or incredibly pathetic decisions, nor will you need to think of the future or others ever again, YOU will henceforth be fully entitled to put your own interests and dependencies first�even above the welfare of those closest to you!

Don�t wait�ring now for that golden glow of contentment only available from Government assistance."




Apparently I now have to go and fix it...and I am guessing this is why I didn't do so well at school.

Fix what ? ,spelling and grammar look fine to me, Factual and to the point

Like she should complain if it is due tomorrow? Did she get it today?

I thought you would direct to the Democrat office!

Love kids and "dad, could you..." when it is just about due!

Cheers, chris

i give it a strong B+

Tell you're daughter it's ironic that she is writing about help lines, and that she asked you for assistance, and after providing said assistance, she didn't want it.

There's a lesson in there.

Classic. That's some funny shiite right there...

Absolute perfection....