Yep. 14 years down the drain, 3 year old son.

Damn. Sorry. Lawyer up.

Jeez, I'm sorry to hear that, DC223. Best of luck to you moving forward.

Ugh. Feel really bad for the kid. Sorry and good luck.

Ouch! You and your son have my prayers.

Ed

What's going on? Any chance of reconciliation?

very heartbreaking, my dev, was over yesterday, 36 years gone, i hope you have good friends and a good church to help you . talk to several att, before settling on one, most are just after the $$$, you will soon find out who your true friends are and it may suppress you who they really are. god bless.

Regardless of everything else, don't let her have your son...

I got a divorce in 1990. All I can say to you this early in yours is best of luck. If my experience is of any value your life will get better. It will take some time for that tho happen however.

Well that just sucks. Stay strong, for yourself and your little boy.

Sorry Drew.

On the bright side, as bad is it may appear now, it will likely get worse.


Don't mean much now, but if it's the worse thing you go through in life you got it made. Hopefully 2 adults can prevail and realize it's not about them.

the good aspect of divorce, is that it frees you up to get on with the rest of your life.
As for the pain and suffering, well that too will pass.

Thanks all.

I came home from work on Wednesday and she was standing in the drive way. Said "I am moving out."

I pleaded with her to stay, and we talked for an hour or so. Said she was going to her friends house for the night. She hasn't been back, and today said she isn't coming back. I have been with my son the last couple days.

NO BS, I was blindsided. We weren't fighting, slept in the same bed. Celebrated my 43rd birthday together on Monday night.

Go seek legal council NOW, TODAY, Protect yourself and your relationship with that child, ASAP.

It hurts BUT you're better off without her. Guaranteed.

^^^

This. And protect your assets..the faster you move while she is feeling guilty, the better off you'll be. And I promise you, she is feeling guilty. Again I say, when it is the woman's idea, 95% of the time there is someone waiting in the wings�.

BTDT.

To a "serious man", divorce is very painful.

I once saw a "Pain Chart" showing the relative amount of "real pain" felt by someone facing a variety of different, unhappy "events" in their lives... and on a scale of "100", here's the percentages-of-pain as best I can remember 'em:

The death of a child: 98%
The death of a loved spouse: 95%
The death of a marriage (divorce): 91%
The loss of a valued job: 81%

So if you're feeling really "bad" over your divorce, now you can see why.

What kind of mother "walks" out on her child? That's unusual.

Who ever wrote that chart has never lost a child.

Sorry to hear that. Prayer sent.

That is what has floored me the most. Now she wants to take him to her parent's this weekend, and I said no. Her behavior is too erratic to trust her with him.

rarely such a thing as a "friendly" divorce. Get started while guilt prevails. The child is your family now, and the wife and yourself are now "in the business of raising a child." . Not sure if those words are of help, they were said to me 18 years ago. They DID help, and I raised my son by myself. He is now in his second year of college and thriving. I wish you and yours the same.

Sorry DC - thoughts and prayers with you and your son.

Things most always happen for a reason.

rarely such a thing as a "friendly" divorce. Get started while guilt prevails. The child is your family now, and the wife and yourself are now "in the business of raising a child." . Not sure if those words are of help, they were said to me 18 years ago. They DID help, and I raised my son by myself. He is now in his second year of college and thriving. I wish you and yours the same.

In that case, you better double down on getting the attorney ASAP.

You'll want some clout if she feels compelled to go law on you.

Old guy told me that, " theirs an ass made for every seat ". the new love of your life is just around the corner. I did the divorce thing after 3 kids and 20 yrs. I stayed single for 3 yrs., and remarried. that was 30 years ago. It still works. Shame on her, and don't let the door hit her in the ass on the way out. Gird your loins once she gets a lawyer. She ain't your friend anymore.

if you don't approach the court about your boy today she will and soon probably today or Monday.
Life sux right now do yourself a favor and help yourself all you possibly can

Wish you the best. Sorry to hear this sad news.

It's 1:20 your time, right? Get on the phone now and line up a divorce lawyer. Do everything the lawyer says, and don't write your wife any emails, or to anybody else who knows her.

Best not to share any details on the 'Fire or any other internet forum. Like from this moment.

Sorry. Did she give reasons?

And avoid like the plague any face to face opportunity for disagreement. If she finds a shyster lawyer he will not be above advising her to push an argument to the point it can be called domestic violence.

A push, moving her arm out of the way as she tries to block your exit, a little extra spittle spray during a loud argument. Anything at all that can be blown all out of proportion gives her tremendous advantages in who lives in the home, has custody, etc. It is just meant to paint you as the devil but it ends up costing you your firearms forever!

Have a witness every time you are together.

Sorry to hear that. Mine did the same thing back in '98. Blindsided. Keep your chin up, get ducks in a row and protect yourself and your child.

Sorry to hear that.

Damn, sorry to hear that. If you ever make it back down to these parts, there's a beer and/or a place to crash for ya. Dave

Sorry to hear that. I hope you and especially your son the best. Just from what I experienced with my parents divorce, I'd follow much of the advice you've been given.

I'm trying to get him to stop posting.

NOT down the drain, you've got a son out of the deal.

Focus all the emotions your feeling right now into doing what's best for you and him.

You've got lots of ears here....

Sorry for your pain brother. I understand the advice that others are giving regarding getting a lawyer and you should take it.

I just want to tell you that I was divorced 15 years ago and luckily it was friendly. I paid child support for a couple of years and I was my own man again. It took awhile to pay off the accumulated debt but I made it.

12 years ago I married a beautiful, loving woman that has enriched my life in too many ways to count. These days coming will be dark and tough but you will come through it fine. Hang in there and we are praying for you.

Just as long as he quits open posting about it.

Very sorry to hear this. Wishing the best for you and your son.

My first wife left me for another guy back in 1987.
At the time I was crushed, she was beautiful, her family had a big ranch out in the country and my life revolved around them, I was simply heartbroken.
Though I carried the pain around inside for several years, I went to work on making a better me.
I hit the gym hard, worked a ton of O.T., hunted & fished my ass off and made up for a lot of lost time with the ladies...

About 25 years passed before I saw my first wife again and I realized right then what Garth Brooks was singing about when he sung the tune "Some of God's greatest gifts are unanswered prayers."

Looking back there is no way in the world my life would have turned out as well as it did if it weren't for her leaving me, of course I had no children at the time and that's a huge difference, but be strong, go forward and realize that so much of the good in life is no accident, but instead, the fruits of seeds well sown...

Between now and when you see the judge, what you do with your child will help set precedent for how the judge rules in a custody case. In other words, if he's staying with you and you're fixing him lunches, taking him to school, make dinner etc., the judge will want to preserve some stability/normalcy for your son and is more likely to leave custody as it is.

As others have said, find a lawyer and the sooner the better. Precedent is a huge thing going forward.

Get the best lawyer you can find immediately. No matter how much you love her protect yourself and your son.

My son went through a very similar situation 10 years ago, I gave him the same advice and he chose to ignore it because "she said that she would be fair and not take advantage of him because it she still loved him and it would be a friendly divorce". Long story short - 10 years later he is still giving practically every penny he makes to her for child support, alimony and house payments. Oh, and she has been married twice more since then.

Like Ingwe said - there is a good chance she already has someone in the wings.

A good lawyer will cost you some serious money but can save you a lot of grief.

drover

Um, yeah... she didn't.



As was said, lawyer-up, and clam-up. You're about to find out a lot of crap that's going to make you furious. Don't lash out at her, though. One of you has to be the grownup for your son, so make sure it's you.

You'll get through it. This, too, shall pass. Like a kidney stone...

FC

went through a divorce in May and while my situation was different, mainly no kids involved and wasnt blindsided, but i will say listen to the guys that say quit openly posting and get a lawyer NOW....by your description of her behavior something is seriously phugged on her end....get legal advise NOW for your sons sake if nothing else cause she obviously aint thinking of him if you were truly blindsided by her....

I'm very sorry about your trouble. My own divorce after 36 years was just finalized a couple of months ago. It is just like experiencing the death of a dear one.

Protect yourself and the child. Lawyer up good and tight. Don't be suckered into anything.

It's a tough row to hoe, but it will pass.

Got divorced in 2011. Didn't listen to all the great advice I got then about getting a good lawyer. Fell for the "lets stay friends and just get a mediator. Save a lot of money too!" Well I got @#$%ed and will be paying a large portion of my salary to the @$%^@$ for at least 3 more years.
I don't blame her though. I got good advice and simply didn't follow it and am paying the price. Was in a bad place mentally then and accepted that everything was my fault, etc...

GET A GOOD LAWYER AND FIGHT FOR YOU RIGHTS. Your child deserves it both financially and as an example of being a man.

Looks like you have quit posting which is good. If your still reading document every phone call, text, or meeting.

Excellent advice.

Tough deal.
I feel for you.
Hang on.

DC223:

Retain the BEST lawyer in your area and VISIT the rest so that your wife is denied adequate legal counsel. Strike first and strike hardest, 'cause she will if you don't.

My Friend.,

When a woman leaves like that it means only one thing. SHE Has Another MAN.....Do as everyone says and get a lawyer quick. Do not talk to her without the Lawyer. Do not see her without the Lawyer or at least someone you can trust. And most of all do not raise your voice for any reason......

My experience, when it comes at you out of left field like that......there is another dude involved.

Protect yourself accordingly. Get the kid and give her whatever else she needs to move the puck on. I would say 99 times out of a 100 the guy is better off in the long run and the woman hits a downward spiral chasing the D.

Like I said, my experience, take it for what its worth. Good luck!

P.S. Best advice I can give you is the fastest way to get over a woman is to get on another one.

She's got somebody on the side. No mother walks out carefree on her little kid, leaving him with the man she says she wants to divorce. Life is gonna be painful as it all comes out.

and will say even when you see it coming it phugging hurts and i didnt have a son to focus on....dont dive into a bottle, wont do your son any good and wont do you any good, yeah it numbs chit a bit but it just drags it out cause you aint dealing with it....i spent a hell of alot of time by myself battling my demons at ScottF's after the split....lost 20 pounds due to the stress though it should have been impossible with my thyroid being out of whack at the same time....got to go through the break up every night in my dreams, sometimes more than once a night....

going on 4 months later it still hurts but the worst of the sting is gone cause i dealt with it instead of hiding from it....

Dang.

Take care of yourself and your Son. I'd seek professional help too.

man, I'm sorry. Follow these guy's advise, and get the best lawyer.. Then tell the lawyer he is NOT TO PICK A FIGHT. It's going to hurt, and you'll wish you had stock in Kleenex for a while. However it came about, it is over, and if she walked out, it's her decision. You aren't going to change that.

The biggest pain is the realization that the woman you picked 13 years ago was not the woman you thought she was. You aren't going to like the details as they come out.

While she is still feeling guilty, draw up the outline of the asset split and the custody split. She'll be receptive to the "have to keep things stable for your son" argument. Use it.

Then, go buy some more Kleenex. You'll need it.

the best revenge is banging her little sister.


hang in there.

Awww, Fluffy. We are not all wired like you.
Besides, what if she has no sister?

Sorry to hear that, DC.
I'd likely do like the others have recommended and keep silent on the topic. Particularly if she knows you frequent this place.

I hate to agree with this but its true. I know it is the last thing you want to hear. This is experience talking too, as others have said get a good lawyer.

You and your Son are better off without her.Like the others say Lawyer up.I hope everything goes your way!!!

Get a lawyer now. Don't post details here, do not let her provoke you. I wish you well.

Makes you wonder. When I left my marriage the only thing I wanted was my kids, period.

Without a doubt.

I'm right there with the rest about getting a lawyer , not getting caught alone with her , don't even raise your voice , document her leaving your child and anything she may say. Almost certainly there is another man. There is also a very good chance that he is married also and is going to bail now that she has left you. It's all fun and games for him until now. DO NOT take her back ! Get your divorce and child custody settled and then you can be magnanimous. Better to put your child through this hell just once rather than drag it out and run him through years of chaos . The pain will fade but if you are like me you may never trust your judgment about women again. It has been over eight years for me me and I can't get closer than FWB with a woman.

That's all you wanted but is that all you took?

Lots of advise here. As I have not been through this I will let the ones who know what they are talking about give it. Sorry things came to this.

Right! Lawyer up as soon as possible and find the best lawyer you can afford. When I got divorced 30 years ago my wife's lawyer wiped the floor with my lawyer. Don't try to be reasonable with your wife or have any sympathy for her because she won't return the favor. Do what's best for your son and yourself.

What is the Bastids name?

Did you know things were bad?

What did you do to cause this? Did she say?

Seriously now, you are not the only one who has been drug through this BS.

There is usually a reason for that. Seems to be a lot of walkouts going on here at the 'fire?

Not if Mr Perfek doesn't want the kid.

This^^^. She could be hooking up with a muzzy. The judge needs to know she left without concern for him- and someone may have told her about it.

DO NOT LET YOUR CHILD LEAVE WITH HER ! Talk to your lawyer first and maintain custody. Possession and precedent are 90% of the law . Get a sob lawyer and do exactly what he tells you to do. No sympathy or compassion what so ever.

Also -- get your guns out of the house. If she makes any claim at all of abuse or claims you threatened her, they'll show up to take'em.

This^^

Get the best lawyer you can afford, not all of them are created equal. I went through it about a year ago, a very good, very expensive lawyer saved my bacon. He was worth every penny. You're already starting out with a disadvantage by being a man, the divorce laws are stacked against you in a big way. Keep contact with her to an absolute minimum and then only in the presence of witnesses. At the very least have a recorder in your pocket. Do NOT let her take your son "to her parents for the weekend", if you do that'll be the last you see of him until the judge awards you visitation.

There is another guy, that's guaranteed. Women don't act like that unless there is one. Hopefully she'll be so infatuated with him that she just wants out as quick as possible and will leave your son with you.

Yep, that was my first question.

Who is the other man.

I'm sorry you're going through this. I was fortunate to have an attorney for a father during my messy one with my son's mother.

Here is what you need!! Get this kind of attorney and get your guns out of the house immediately!

http://www.marilynyork.net/

DC223,

A bit late here, but sorry to hear the news. Plenty of advice here so I'm sure you don't need mine. Plenty of us around if you need an ear.

It's more difficult to keep hidden when one comes home every night from work.

File a restraining order as her behavior is of that you worry for the safety of your child......this will also help you months from now

Yes, as ridiculous as it may sound, file a restraining order against her to protect the kid.

You're not going to get a fugging restraining order... Jesus Christ.

It is however, good that she left. You have the house and the child. Get a lawyer ASAP. Throw all that love and caring schit out the window. You are WAY ahead in the game she has forced you to play.



Travis