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Joined: Oct 2006
Posts: 9,205 Likes: 2
Campfire Outfitter
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Campfire Outfitter
Joined: Oct 2006
Posts: 9,205 Likes: 2 |
My first wife left me for another guy back in 1987. At the time I was crushed, she was beautiful, her family had a big ranch out in the country and my life revolved around them, I was simply heartbroken. Though I carried the pain around inside for several years, I went to work on making a better me. I hit the gym hard, worked a ton of O.T., hunted & fished my ass off and made up for a lot of lost time with the ladies...  About 25 years passed before I saw my first wife again and I realized right then what Garth Brooks was singing about when he sung the tune "Some of God's greatest gifts are unanswered prayers." Looking back there is no way in the world my life would have turned out as well as it did if it weren't for her leaving me, of course I had no children at the time and that's a huge difference, but be strong, go forward and realize that so much of the good in life is no accident, but instead, the fruits of seeds well sown...
Proud NRA Life Member
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Joined: Oct 2006
Posts: 1,931 Likes: 2
Campfire Regular
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Campfire Regular
Joined: Oct 2006
Posts: 1,931 Likes: 2 |
What kind of mother "walks" out on her child? That's unusual. That is what has floored me the most. Now she wants to take him to her parent's this weekend, and I said no. Her behavior is too erratic to trust her with him. Between now and when you see the judge, what you do with your child will help set precedent for how the judge rules in a custody case. In other words, if he's staying with you and you're fixing him lunches, taking him to school, make dinner etc., the judge will want to preserve some stability/normalcy for your son and is more likely to leave custody as it is. As others have said, find a lawyer and the sooner the better. Precedent is a huge thing going forward.
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Joined: Jan 2005
Posts: 6,383 Likes: 3
Campfire Tracker
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Campfire Tracker
Joined: Jan 2005
Posts: 6,383 Likes: 3 |
Get the best lawyer you can find immediately. No matter how much you love her protect yourself and your son.
My son went through a very similar situation 10 years ago, I gave him the same advice and he chose to ignore it because "she said that she would be fair and not take advantage of him because it she still loved him and it would be a friendly divorce". Long story short - 10 years later he is still giving practically every penny he makes to her for child support, alimony and house payments. Oh, and she has been married twice more since then.
Like Ingwe said - there is a good chance she already has someone in the wings.
A good lawyer will cost you some serious money but can save you a lot of grief.
drover
223 Rem, my favorite cartridge - you can't argue with truckloads of dead PD's and gophers.
24hourcampfire.com - The site where there is a problem for every solution.
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Joined: May 2007
Posts: 5,749
Campfire Tracker
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Campfire Tracker
Joined: May 2007
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Said she was going to her friends house for the night. Um, yeah... she didn't. NO BS, I was blindsided. We weren't fighting, slept in the same bed. As was said, lawyer-up, and clam-up. You're about to find out a lot of crap that's going to make you furious. Don't lash out at her, though. One of you has to be the grownup for your son, so make sure it's you. You'll get through it. This, too, shall pass. Like a kidney stone... FC
"Every day is a holiday, and every meal is a banquet."
- Mrs. FC
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Joined: Nov 2003
Posts: 28,605
Campfire Ranger
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Campfire Ranger
Joined: Nov 2003
Posts: 28,605 |
went through a divorce in May and while my situation was different, mainly no kids involved and wasnt blindsided, but i will say listen to the guys that say quit openly posting and get a lawyer NOW....by your description of her behavior something is seriously phugged on her end....get legal advise NOW for your sons sake if nothing else cause she obviously aint thinking of him if you were truly blindsided by her....
A serious student of the "Armchair Safari" always looking for Africa/Asia hunting books
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Joined: Nov 2013
Posts: 28,913 Likes: 17
Campfire Ranger
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Campfire Ranger
Joined: Nov 2013
Posts: 28,913 Likes: 17 |
I'm very sorry about your trouble. My own divorce after 36 years was just finalized a couple of months ago. It is just like experiencing the death of a dear one.
Protect yourself and the child. Lawyer up good and tight. Don't be suckered into anything.
It's a tough row to hoe, but it will pass.
What fresh Hell is this?
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Joined: Apr 2005
Posts: 670
Campfire Regular
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Campfire Regular
Joined: Apr 2005
Posts: 670 |
Got divorced in 2011. Didn't listen to all the great advice I got then about getting a good lawyer. Fell for the "lets stay friends and just get a mediator. Save a lot of money too!" Well I got @#$%ed and will be paying a large portion of my salary to the @$%^@$ for at least 3 more years.
I don't blame her though. I got good advice and simply didn't follow it and am paying the price. Was in a bad place mentally then and accepted that everything was my fault, etc...
GET A GOOD LAWYER AND FIGHT FOR YOU RIGHTS. Your child deserves it both financially and as an example of being a man.
"Socialism produces bad music, bad art, social stagnation and really unhappy people", “I am a conservative, and you may not like that, but I am.” Frank Zappa 1986
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Joined: Oct 2008
Posts: 1,508
Campfire Regular
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Campfire Regular
Joined: Oct 2008
Posts: 1,508 |
Looks like you have quit posting which is good. If your still reading document every phone call, text, or meeting.
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Joined: Mar 2011
Posts: 14,712
Campfire Outfitter
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Campfire Outfitter
Joined: Mar 2011
Posts: 14,712 |
Go seek legal council NOW, TODAY, Protect yourself and your relationship with that child, ASAP.
It's 1:20 your time, right? Get on the phone now and line up a divorce lawyer. Do everything the lawyer says, and don't write your wife any emails, or to anybody else who knows her. Best not to share any details on the 'Fire or any other internet forum. Like from this moment. Excellent advice.
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Joined: Mar 2009
Posts: 24,619
Campfire Ranger
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Campfire Ranger
Joined: Mar 2009
Posts: 24,619 |
Tough deal.
I feel for you.
Hang on.
Have Dog
Will Travel
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Joined: Dec 2002
Posts: 18,009 Likes: 11
Campfire Ranger
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Campfire Ranger
Joined: Dec 2002
Posts: 18,009 Likes: 11 |
DC223:
Retain the BEST lawyer in your area and VISIT the rest so that your wife is denied adequate legal counsel. Strike first and strike hardest, 'cause she will if you don't.
Last edited by gonehuntin; 09/12/14.
"To compel a man to furnish funds for the propagation of ideas he disbelieves and abhors is sinful and tyrannical." -- Thomas Jefferson
We are all Rhodesians now.
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Joined: Nov 2013
Posts: 5
New Member
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New Member
Joined: Nov 2013
Posts: 5 |
My Friend.,
When a woman leaves like that it means only one thing. SHE Has Another MAN.....Do as everyone says and get a lawyer quick. Do not talk to her without the Lawyer. Do not see her without the Lawyer or at least someone you can trust. And most of all do not raise your voice for any reason......
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Joined: Oct 2010
Posts: 5,328
Campfire Tracker
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Campfire Tracker
Joined: Oct 2010
Posts: 5,328 |
Thanks all.
I came home from work on Wednesday and she was standing in the drive way. Said "I am moving out."
I pleaded with her to stay, and we talked for an hour or so. Said she was going to her friends house for the night. She hasn't been back, and today said she isn't coming back. I have been with my son the last couple days.
NO BS, I was blindsided. We weren't fighting, slept in the same bed. Celebrated my 43rd birthday together on Monday night.
My experience, when it comes at you out of left field like that......there is another dude involved. Protect yourself accordingly. Get the kid and give her whatever else she needs to move the puck on. I would say 99 times out of a 100 the guy is better off in the long run and the woman hits a downward spiral chasing the D. Like I said, my experience, take it for what its worth. Good luck! P.S. Best advice I can give you is the fastest way to get over a woman is to get on another one.
Last edited by Mink; 09/12/14.
"If dogs don't go to heaven, when I die I want to go wherever they went." -Will Rogers
"If you have a lot of self control you don't need a lot of government control" - Thomas Sowell
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Joined: Jan 2005
Posts: 22,884
Campfire Ranger
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Campfire Ranger
Joined: Jan 2005
Posts: 22,884 |
Thanks all.
I came home from work on Wednesday and she was standing in the drive way. Said "I am moving out."
I pleaded with her to stay, and we talked for an hour or so. Said she was going to her friends house for the night. She hasn't been back, and today said she isn't coming back. I have been with my son the last couple days.
NO BS, I was blindsided. We weren't fighting, slept in the same bed. Celebrated my 43rd birthday together on Monday night.
She's got somebody on the side. No mother walks out carefree on her little kid, leaving him with the man she says she wants to divorce. Life is gonna be painful as it all comes out.
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Joined: Nov 2003
Posts: 28,605
Campfire Ranger
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Campfire Ranger
Joined: Nov 2003
Posts: 28,605 |
and will say even when you see it coming it phugging hurts and i didnt have a son to focus on....dont dive into a bottle, wont do your son any good and wont do you any good, yeah it numbs chit a bit but it just drags it out cause you aint dealing with it....i spent a hell of alot of time by myself battling my demons at ScottF's after the split....lost 20 pounds due to the stress though it should have been impossible with my thyroid being out of whack at the same time....got to go through the break up every night in my dreams, sometimes more than once a night....
going on 4 months later it still hurts but the worst of the sting is gone cause i dealt with it instead of hiding from it....
A serious student of the "Armchair Safari" always looking for Africa/Asia hunting books
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Joined: Aug 2007
Posts: 19,496
Campfire Ranger
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Campfire Ranger
Joined: Aug 2007
Posts: 19,496 |
Retired cat herder.
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Joined: Aug 2007
Posts: 1,735
Campfire Regular
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Campfire Regular
Joined: Aug 2007
Posts: 1,735 |
Take care of yourself and your Son. I'd seek professional help too.
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Joined: Jan 2002
Posts: 12,885 Likes: 5
Campfire Outfitter
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Campfire Outfitter
Joined: Jan 2002
Posts: 12,885 Likes: 5 |
man, I'm sorry. Follow these guy's advise, and get the best lawyer.. Then tell the lawyer he is NOT TO PICK A FIGHT. It's going to hurt, and you'll wish you had stock in Kleenex for a while. However it came about, it is over, and if she walked out, it's her decision. You aren't going to change that.
The biggest pain is the realization that the woman you picked 13 years ago was not the woman you thought she was. You aren't going to like the details as they come out.
While she is still feeling guilty, draw up the outline of the asset split and the custody split. She'll be receptive to the "have to keep things stable for your son" argument. Use it.
Then, go buy some more Kleenex. You'll need it.
Sic Semper Tyrannis
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Joined: Jul 2006
Posts: 8,514
Campfire Outfitter
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Campfire Outfitter
Joined: Jul 2006
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the best revenge is banging her little sister. hang in there. 
**********************
[the member formerly known as fluffy}
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Joined: Oct 2001
Posts: 6,036
Campfire Tracker
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Campfire Tracker
Joined: Oct 2001
Posts: 6,036 |
the best revenge is banging her little sister. hang in there. Awww, Fluffy. We are not all wired like you.  Besides, what if she has no sister?
When its time to fight, you fight like you are the third monkey on the ramp to get on Noah's Arc... and brother, it is starting to rain!
The chair is against the wall.
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