I'm thinking this would be the Uber TV show.
Flave and Shrapnel being the stars of the show.
How should the pilot show begin?

Have always wondered why they don't do a show like that...

Find out why John Doe was fed to the pigs..

Find out why John Doe was pushed into the corn Harvester.

Lots of possibilities..

I'd have all the actors wear aviators and talk about cocks all day.

Would they all drive Toyota's?
With 270's in the gun racks?

Who was last seen ridin' around with that fat
chick in the back of their truck before she
disappeared.

Flave is a chicken expert?

Nope

They would all drink cheap beer.

Shrapnel would carry an 1874 Sharps and 1851 Navy Colt revolvers along with a genuine Sheffield Bowie while wearing plaid Pendleton shirts and Wranglers.
Travis would carry a Mickey Coleman custom 6.5x.284 and Glock .40's in a double pistol rig with Glock 42's in a pair of ankle holsters and a Chris Reeve tanto and three Benchmade automatic knives clipped to the cargo pockets of his 5.11's. His shirts are all UnderArmor.

They ride in various Toyota Tundras and Ford F-350's.

The plot of the pilot episode would be the investigation into the slaughter of the local Judge's pet sheep in a sleazy motel next to a country & western bar.

A redheaded stranger (female) would be the mystery witness to the crime. A few witnesses report seeing a tall older man wearing a leopard print thong running through the alley and several fired .270 Winchester cases were found on the ground just outside of the door to the motel room along with an empty bottle of 15 year old single malt Scotch.

A pot of chili WITH beans was simmering on the hot plate in the motel room and there were four different brands of Cuban cigar butts in the ashtray on the nightstand.

The Judge is nowhere to be found.

Ed

Who stole all the Gideon bibles....

You mean the Gideon's Bible was stolen from the sheep's room, too!?!?

Bastids!

Ed

Ed, the perp could easily be found by checking the comdom found next to azz of the sheep with the suspects' favorite brands, not to mention the impact marks i. The sheep skull matching a custom set of nunchuks

Think Felix and Oscar....but funnier.

And gayer.

Lots gayer

You check the condom. I don't do that CSI scheit anymore.
Besides, you gotta have samples on file to compare against.

Who's man enough to ask Shrapnel for a sample?

Ed

boy, after a while it becomes easier to describe people doesn't it? The only thing left out was the female agent wasn't mentioned and was probably pregnant.

Bo need to ask, just swab travis's cheek

But by who? The Judge? Travis? The sheep? Was it a ewe or a ram in the room?

Not Shrapnel, he's the clean cut family man.

Ed

There would be .222 mag casings at the scene of the crime.

But the projectile was from an SC manufactured Model 70 chambered for 375 H&H. Only one of those alleged to exist in the world. Owner spends his time in Pinedale Wyoming and the Florida Keys.

Only one. One shot, one kill.

Ed

I only know of one man who owns a .375 RCBS Improved (.270 necked up to .375) and I wasn't there! Honest, swear to God!

Ed

Gruff could be our token homosexual.



Travis

pffft...we all know you want Daryl!

We probably wouldn't solve much because all the clues of any value would end up on TRadio.




Travis

The crime scene tape would have GFY GFY GFY GFY GFY

That'd be sweet.


Much obliged if be I could the token bisexual or something like that, thinking random guest appearances.

Gruff and I could hook up, or we could bang you. Your call.

Is it Jack D. season again?

There had better not be.....I swam across oceans and the children starved for those.

But they may have come from a 'Flave Precision rifle.....left hand gain twisted, 1-7.8 muzzle twist, for utter confusion in a ballistics lab.

Think a Carcano on crack.....

Since I'm writing the script I will keep me the raper and not the rapee.

SURPRISE!



Travis

You guys just don't get it...

If there is good schit at the crime scene we take it and the crime remains unsolved. Our success has nothing to do with solving cases. It has to do with monetary gain.



Travis

Sam,

I'm thinking Gruff could wear roller skates all the time. And be one of those gay informant types that we run into on the street and "grease" for information.



Travis

PS- "Grease" means rape.

It's not rape if you(the rapee..) enjoy it.



UBER SURPRISE!?

So there is no SPAM residue?

I have a tube of Super Glue, a blacklight and a hundred bucks that your pie hole doesn't eat ALL the gelatin....

I'm thinking we could have a cold case involving a dead rattler and an alive Sam. We'll trace your connection back to farmers.com.

UBER creepy.




Travis

The story would not be complete without a token pet, like maybe Jet the wonder dog...

Who drove the Yellow Avalanche to panhandle on the street corner before mugging a 98 year old man for 12 cents?

(Hint- He left a CD at the scene)



Travis

That'll be our drug dog.

ingwe can be the dog expert and an additional token homosexual.



Travis

Its farmersonly.com.....you Havre City folks just don't get it.....


Jet looks like he was shot with a Jet....

If Havre was in Wisconsin, would it be pronounced Harv?

That is a pretty good story line, you've thought this out......

Actually Jet was chasing a cat out of my garage and ran into a chain link fence. He was stuck there for nearly 10 minutes before I got a pipe wrench out of the basement and twisted his jaw sideways to unscrew him through the fence...

You are the perfect Samaritan.....

Looks like Jet chased that cat through my fan belt...

No.

The connotation does not even register.

The majority of Havre are Bears fans.

As nice as I can be without a GFY, you friggin Viking.....

Lets keep it in the universe of believability.

The gay cop (gotta be modern) has a crush on the token white christian male bearded giant cocked firebreather Gruff, and tries to pin random crimes on him but fails epically and comically at the end of every episode.

Sam's guest appearances (they are many) always involve fun and silly antics. To include random horseback appearances where he saves the 'Flave and Shrap when their boyota chokes out in the middle of the breaks where they are lost.

Has shrap ever graced the Boyota?

I'd bet a sugar cookie that's a negatory....

No he hasn't. But ask Gruff about how to park a Power Wagon when there is snow on the ground.

UBER funny.



Travis

My bad.



Travis

I'm heading to Montana towards the end of the month for a couple weeks for birds. Am I to believe I'm going to run into a bunch of bears fans or is it just a Havre thing?

Lost in a sea of confused man love...



Can you still say cock on here?




I see it showed up on the screen.



Cool.




Lets keep it in the universe of believability.




My cock is/was only 7.25" long(limp).



That was measurement taken in the 'autopsy' room, by a hot nurse(s), guest appearance #9. "Where's Ace?!!!!!!!!" special double episode.



Ace killed me and Rattler both......



You and Flave have to hunt down Ace and kill him(with your bare hands, ran out of ammo, etc..), on his terms, high in the frozen mountains of northwest Montana.....

Shrapnel and Ingwe could fly a helicopter and save you all....

Nope....but "rubber fist" always passes with flying colors...or colours, if at the teet/wang tip of the HighLine....

Who plays the required Special Agent Hotchick?

I was thinking 2 hot nurses.

Derby Dude.

Not.

At least it's female?

Derby Dude and Ace could hook up.


Pretty sure I wouldn't bone any members on this website.




We would outsource all skanky nurses.

Canada?

Canada would work, or northern MT. Thinking hot Scandinavian chicks....


Wonder if there really is any on that farmersonly website?

Has to be.

Iowa is full of stupid, blonde Scandinavian farmer's daughters, and this is but one state full of them......

Mostly mongrels here(myself included).



Aviators would also be a given?

I pretty much think all you have to do is become a member and post cock pics...or have pics of yourself in a Steiger cultivating, nekkid of course.

Word to the wise is that they might gain anywhere from 60-300 pounds depending on after cock diet....curds and whey being primary culprits.....

Exactly, never let a woman get too 'comfortable'....

Flave told me it's all about mind games on NCIS Havre.....

When they thrive on day old doughnuts, spitting pubes apparently isn't a big deal....YMMV/DFTFT....

I could go for a doughnut right now actually.

Now there is the crime.

Good one Dave!!

Picturing a recurring sight gag where every time flave opens the truck door, a loose firearm, dead critter, rubber fist, falls out to clatter on the ground.

That, and recurring findings of dead hookers in trunks.

This is not fiction...

Correct. That is actually pretty close to reality.




Travis

hoping that rubber fist isn't mounted to a sawzall.

Since NCIS stands for NAVAL crime invest... how exactly are you gonna work sailors & marines into a Montana plot?

I found a badass patrol vehicle for heavy work. Even has a rear mount winch. It only has 200000385837484 miles on it.

Actually its Navel.

Everyone has a belly button. Those that don't are aliens and that's where most the gunfire comes into play.

This is starting to sound like that UBER Chitty show Fargo but should be much funnier and UBER-ER

One of the episodes must include the theft of "gold coins".

Wrasslin between Gruff and Shrapnel a must.


Crazed Fluoride ingesting pick up drivers running the high line, whilst trying to pawn off over priced guns for sex.


The possibilities are endless.


Clyde

"Hmmm....this unknown perp is highly intellegent ...
...definitely not a Texan." - deflave

That should read "overpriced sex for guns..."

An entire season is going to be dedicated to Adair.

Murder by Bullschit




Travis

NCIS Havre team has been dispatched to a hutterites compound to investigate the missing Havre high school football team members suspected of being used to as breeding stock for the female members of of the compound.
Flave is befuddled as to weather the females are sheep or .....
Reports of dead midget hookers from
Great Falls also surfaced from other parts of the Belt line. Suspects include TAK but no pictures have of TAK (male or female) have been seen in the area inclding the "Bob".

You phuocers already got the best plots. Who owns the chopper? Gotta know so I can tell fans whose stick I've been manipulating.

DD will be like TC. But different.....

Garage forensics...

Say what?

He's saying your helicopter won't look the same.



Travis

Exactly. Different paint job....

The mystery redheaded female witness, who might, or might not, be another Investigator and might, or might not, be pregnant with someone's Love Child.

Ed

They can never seem to keep full sized carrots in stock in the precinct break room fridge.

You're thinking of zucchinis.



Travis

This was investigated thoroughly. We determined no crime was committed.



Travis

I should hope not, his was gayly painted. And I won't fly anything that doesn't have a trigger on the stick.

All sticks should have a trigger.

BD

PS: I got to go work on my tan.

I got the Copter...

I'm guessing you bought that thing for $8.00 and sold it for $50K.



Travis

And flew the oil right out of it...

Rooskie chitt, bad paint job, dirty tail boom, can't beat the air into submission 6 days a week. No trigger, no rockets, no way.

And it has wheels. How cute.

It's gay enough for NCIS Havre. Buddy of mine might fly it.

Find Travis's 'chopper...




NO, REALLY, there is a helicopter in that picture !!

Skids and a copilot, SHAZAAM!

It appears that ride will have a joystick.

I saw no skids. And I looked twice.



Travis

Hmmm...who's going to be your colorful medical examiner type, who examines the bodies?

Doc Rockett? Sandcritter? Eyeball? or?

I'm thinking Snyper.




Travis

Maybe BrotherBart.



Travis

Oh wait...

It's supposed to be a dude? I vote DocRocket.




Travis

You also need at least one good looking woman in the cast, or you'll have fewer viewers...

She's looking for a new job.....






and she can suck-start the Batmobile...




NOW we need a BEER assistant... Where's Refrig-girl ??

Leopard spot thongs and red heads don't mix too well.

Just sayin'........