Home Forums Hunting & Shooting Hunter's Campfire shamanic gum

The peace of the early morning Campfire was suddenly destroyed as the shaman came roaring in.

"Everybody!" he exclaimed. "I've found it."

"It wasn't me!" said another. "I made it to the bushes last night. Honest!"

"I've got the answer!" said the shaman.

"The answer to what?" asked a camper.

"To what?"

"To how I'm going to make money now that I've been ditched by the foundry! I've got an invention."

"What kind of invention?"

"It solves a problem inherent to deer hunting." said the shaman. "I've always wondered how guys could spend all this money on scent control products and then do nothing about their stinky breath."

"It's been done." said a camper. "Go Google gumoflage."

"Ah!" said the shaman. "Gumoflage is only half the answer. I've solved the rest of the problem."

"What problem is that?"

"So you have chewing gum that takes scent away." said the shaman. "How do you disperse a cover scent?"

"I use boot pads."

"I use a drag."

"I use scent bombs."

"I carry a live goat with me." said one fellow.

"A live goat?"

"They reek." replied the fellow.

"Does it work?"

"It depends on how you define 'work.'" replied the fellow. "I don't see many deer, but the goat and I have get along just fine. I don't get lonely on my stand anymore."

"I finally took this Gumoflage thing to a whole new level." said the shaman. "You no longer need all these scent products. All you need is gum. Cover scent gum. Here."

The shaman started passing out an assortment of gum sticks. Some were marked "Grape" "Apple" "Persimmon." Others had more exotic flavors: "Pine" "Cedar" "Fox Urine" and "Skunk Urine"

"Well," said the shaman. "Try 'em!" Some campers complied. Others hesitated.

"What's the matter?" asked the shaman.

"No thanks." said a camper, passing the stick back.

"Here, I'll trade you." said another camper.

"What have you got?"

"What have you got?"

"Skunk Urine."

"I've got Interdigital."

"I've got Doe Estrus." added another. "Anyone want to swap?"

"I'll swap you a Tarsal Big Buck Challenge"

The man with the goat offered to take that one. He popped it in his mouth and started to chew. "Not bad!" he said. "Do you have one for my goat? " Several sticks were quickly offered.


"So," said the shaman proudly. "Do I have a winner?"

The goat is a really good idea. You prolly never thought of this but besides providing good cover scent it'll change common halitosis into something more outdoorsy when you use it as a cough tube.

Shaman we got to team up here. You got the internals and I got the externals. I have invented a sportsmans deodrant. I plan to call it GONE. When you smear it on you disappear and everything just stands around and wonders where the hell the smell is coming from.

BCR

Excellent, as usual!

Loved the goat

Now that's really icky!



. . .


"Funny," said the fellow, with the goat. "I've never seen a goat spit anything out."

"Is there a problem?" asked the shaman. As he turned to see what was going on, several wads of gum came out of campers mouths and flew into the fire.

"Problem?" said the fellow. "No, not a problem. I just think it's funny that my goat just spit up his gum."

"He doesn't hunt deer, does he?" asked the shaman.

"No," said the fellow. "He just comes along for the company."

"But you like the gum." said the shaman. "Right?"

"Oh," said the fellow. "Fine by me. I don't have much of a sense of taste or smell. "

"Would you be interested in becoming a member of my pro staff?"

"Sure." said the fellow. "What do you want me to do?"

"Just use my special shamanic gum," said the shaman, "And then tell how successful you are."

"I'm not very successful." said the guy.

"You've killed deer, haven't you?"

"Why, yes. Is that a requisite of the job?"

"I'd think so." said the shaman.

"Oh, certainly. Yes, I have. I kill one every few years."

"Good." said the shaman. "Then you can tell how much your hunting success improves when using my gum."

"Oh," said the fellow. "You mean killing deer while hunting?"

"I'd think so." said the shaman. "Is there a problem?"

"Well," said the fellow. "I'm actually a benchrest shooter. That's why I'm on here. I just deer hunt so my goat and I can have quality time together. I've never actually shot a deer."

"Never?"

"No." said the fellow. "I'm learning though."

"How long have you been at it?"

"Fifteen years."

"Oh." said the shaman dejectedly. "But you said you killed deer every few years. How's that?"

"I hit them with my pickup. About every couple of years, I total the truck hitting deer. Do you think the gum will improve my chances?"

"Roll down the window." said a camper that wished to remain anonymous. "No deer will come near this stuff!"

The shaman whirled around, but no one would meet his gaze.

While your idea has merit, I see some problems for our senior hunters who have dentures. Although it possibly does have economic benefit for those employed in the dental fields.

Your mind is much more creative than mine so I would suggest you work on an alternative delivery system that is more compatible for the entire spectrum of hunters/huntress.

What is nearly universal in hunting camps across this beautiful and magnificent country-"God bless America" music softly playing in the background.......

Give up? Gas Shamen, gas aka flatulence!!! A simple pill with the right aromatic ingredients: Cover scent, sexual attractant sent, food scent, marking scent, combined with gastric distributive properties would be a product all could use.

A spin off product would be a specially designed call activated by forced air. Fawn bleats, buck grunts, you name it. An elk bugle would be a difficult design-may take and EXTRA strength tablet. The possibilities are endless. National calling championships with major sponsorship and prize money would be just around the corner.

When you get rich please remember me.

Your humble follower.


Another advantage is that it would be hands free calling and you couldn't forget or lose you call.