You have a different issue here that requires some expertise you are unlikely to find with even a competent tax or probate expert.
I'm guessing the life insurance is SGLI which is a little different than conventional life insurance. You'll need to request assistance through the National Guard casualty assistance officer. A military attorney is available to consult with you and the widow at no expense to either of you regarding SGLI beneficiary designations and waivers.
Best of luck.
