Donkeys kill more people annually than plane crashes or shark attacks.

So watch your Ass.

Stanley died in a fire and his body was burned pretty badly. The morgue needed someone to identify the body, so they sent for his two best deer hunting friends, Cooter and Gomer. The three men had always hunted and fished together and were long time members of a hunting camp.

Cooter arrived first, and when the mortician pulled back the sheet, Cooter said, 'Yup, his face is burned up pretty bad. You better roll him over.'

The mortician rolled him over and Cooter said, 'Nope, it ain't Stanley .'

The mortician thought this was rather strange, so he brought Gomer in to confirm the identity of the body. Gomer looked at the body and said, 'Yup, he's pretty well burnt up, Roll him over.'

The mortician rolled him over and Gomer said, 'No, it ain't Stanley .'

The mortician asked, 'How can you tell?'

Gomer said, 'Well, Stanley had two azzholes.''

''What! He had two azz-holes?'' asked the mortician.

''Yup, we never seen 'em, but everybody used to say: 'There's Stanley with them two azzholes.' ''

Cooter and Gomer are both now employed in the Biden administration as planning, development, and strategy consultants.

LOL !

Bravo!

Funny and sad at the same time,cuz you know it's true.

Cooter and Gomer went to the auction and bought two pigs, took them home and put them in the pigsty.

Cooter said,' how will we know which is who's?'

Gomer jumps in and takes his knife, cuts the tail off one... there, that's mine.

That night the pigs got in a big fight and when Cooter and Gomer checked them in the morning, neither pig had a tail.

Cooter say's 'cripes' what will we do now.

Gomer jumps in with his knife and cuts the ear off one... mine.

That night same thing, pigs got in a huge row. Cooter and Gomer check them in the morning, neither had any ears.

'Damn Gomer what are we to do.'

Gomer looks at the pigs, finally say's...

'You take the black one and I'll take the white...'

LOL times two.

I have a neighbor across the road with donkeys.
The loudest most obnoxious MFers you could imagine.
Braying all hours of the night.
I despise the rotten things.

I have a neighbor across the fence that owns several donkeys. When I am waiting on hogs to show up on my bait at night the donkeys start braying when hogs are moving in. If I hear them start up it is time to get ready to shoot. The lady offered to give me some of the donkeys but I told her free was too expensive.

LOL.

Great joke and what perfect timing!


Always loved me some Andy Kaufman.

I gave my g kids adopted burros for Christmas, my son and DIL are still plotting revenge.



mike r

I was expecting something about AOC.

Those Mountain Canaries are music to my ears

Did you buy life insurance on them? Our parents bought us a fully functional (uncut) jackass when we were kids. All he wanted to do was bray, and do his best to kill us when we tried to ride him. The best cowboy around came to straighten him out for us and get him rebroke to ride. He was a big strong black man and good with training unruly horses. He got on that donkey and it was a rodeo. He took Monroe down in the woods and threw him off into a locust thorn tree. After that Rusty was never ridden again.

When I was 5, my dad's friend Sherman had a donkey out in our pasture. Dad would throw me on that donkey, no halter, bridle, saddle... just grab on and try to stay on.

It was the meanest SOB, if it wasn't trying to bite you off it'd buck and if that didn't work, try and rub you off on the barbed wire fence, I hated that donkey.

In his last years, Sherman still had a horse at dad's, he passed a few years ago, but went over every day to ride in the winter, spent his summers in Utah... I'd remind him of his mean donkey and he'd just laugh, remembering me riding that bastard as a tyke.

Kent

Nope, just staked them out on the front lawn at 0600 hrs on Christmas morning with a blue or pink ribbon with the G kids names on them. Getting into a gated community w/ your buddy's horse trailer is not easy but is doable. Ringing the doorbell continuously for 2 minutes was worth it.


mike r

Mike,

come north a bit and take a couple of horses off the Devil's Garden for them grandkids when they're done with the donkeys.

Word is, they make great companions if you manage to get young ones!

Breed stock guy I worked for got one to break headstrong snowstorm.

Bring those yearnings in to get ready to show, some just wouldn't give
in to the halter and lead rope. Got drug around quite a bit.

So Billy gets this donkey, and we tie a calf twice his size on.
Dam cow had no choice. Donkey just walked around, the calf either
walked or got drug.

Then one Friday a couple guys forgot to in hook a calf.
Donkeys don't need the water a struggling cow does.
I think it was Sunday when they found the donkey, dragging a
nice, dead, young Simmental heifer.

Maybe if Dad had gone to the expense of having him gelded the results would have been far different. Those jacks are randy critters that can benefit from a hormone reduction.

👍

Donald Trump, Queen Elizabeth, and Vladimir Putin all die and go to Hell. While there, they spy a red phone and ask what the phone is for.

The Devil tells them it is for calling back to Earth.

Putin asks to call Russia and talks for 5 minutes. When he is finished, the Devil informs him that the cost is a million dollars, so Putin writes him a check.

Next, Queen Elizabeth calls England and talks for 30 minutes. When she is finished, the Devil informs her that the cost is 6 million dollars, so she writes him a check.

Finally, Trump gets his turn and talks for 4 hours. When finished, the Devil informs him that the cost is $5.00.

When Putin hears this, he goes ballistic and asks the Devil why Trump got to call the USA so cheaply. The Devil smiles and replies,

"Since Biden took over, the country’s gone to hell, so it's a local call.

🤣🤣

We were on a tour in Costa Rica when our bus host/ guide told us this one.

When he was 10 or so his grandfather ( grandparents raising him)gave him a burro. “That’s like giving an American black teen a new Cadillac”

One day he and his bud skipped school and rode the jack a couple miles down to the swimming hole. Timing it to get home again as if they had been in school all day, they didn’t count on that Jenny in heat on the way home. The jack ran over and mounted her with both boys still aboard, yelling and screaming. They were a couple hours late getting home with the jack and we’re grounded “for quite some time”.

He told it better....

On my very first pack trip back in 68 or so,we had two mare horses, two geldings, one stud Shetland pony, one uncut jack donkey and three mini mollie mules.The old cowboy that took us was 86 and when he went, all his stock went with him. Going up the mountain.The jack donkey kept trying to mount one of the mares that was in heat.The donkey had a full pack and the mare had my buddy riding her.There was a lot of yelling both from my buddy and the jack.The mare seemed happy.

The Shetland stud was let to run loose and the three mini mules were picketed on a 25 ft line.Two of the three mollies were in heat and every morning we would awake to the Shetland stud screaming while he was mounting the mollies and the donkey was braying because he could not get to the mare.

That was the noisiest camp I have ever been in, but it started my fascination with mules.

I stole that just now...

I as lucky enough to own a Mammoth Jack named Cactus Black Jack. He won every show I took him to even Bishop Mule Days. You could put 10 kids on him and he would be in hog heaven but let another animal cross him and they died. The old Assarians rode them into battle. I can't immagin 10,000 of those brayin' and chargin' that would be some scary stuff. Dad had a mammoth jenny that would spend all day moving a brush pile to get at a jackrabbit and kill it. Donkeys are the only animal that ever spoke to a man in the bible.