It’s usually a big surprise!!!

That "depends" . . .

Anyone sneeze so hard a squirt comes out?

Only the hotel hot tub.

Do liquid farts count?

Asking for a friend.

Never trust a fart.

No....But a few of us took a dump in Flaves yard.

Seemed a better solution than shîtting in our pants.

😬🦫

No

I was about to start this thread a couple hours ago.

Who hasn't?

Ate something horrid once and on the way home had cramps and gurgling something fierce. Broke every traffic law in the books. Finally pulled into the driveway, got outta the truck and waddled my way into the house and bathroom. That schit (literally) wasn’t gonna wait one second longer. Damn it all to Hell, couldn’t even get the pants off. Swiped the curtain and straight into the shower, clothes and all LMAO.

Cause you might get a Shart.

Eating camp food once at 10,600 ft on a Co archery elk hunt. Sat on a ridge one cold morning below and off to the side where they travelled to bed. Had to go. Headed to the cool creek down the ridge and to the side away from their bedding area to keep them from smelling it in afternoon thermals.

Asked the Lord to not let me crap till i got in the creek. Well, HE didnt let me crap till i got in the creek.

Dayom that was one more cold ass bath.

Comes a time that sphincter has a mind of its own.

I'm 64, so I'd say not in the last 60 years or so, not that I can recall. And I'm sure I'd be able to recall such an episode.

How about just skid marks? A co-worker (who goes about 350 lbs.) insists that every man has skids, EVERY man, EVERY day. No exceptions!
I can easily see where he may have that problem, but I can't relate. Maybe he should buy brown boxers.

Yes! I was launching the boat and had just got back from parking the motor home when my gut began to growl. The restrooms were 100 yards from the dock and I began the panful squeeze trot up the hill. Just as I reached them I heard the door close and lock. I quickly checked the women's room, no luck occupied! I turned and headed across the road for a 100 yard trot through the woods back to the motor home. Twenty five yards from the motor home and I didn't make it. It was so bad I filled one sock. I have to admit after 175 yards and the restroom disappointment it felt good. Lucky for me the motor home was backed into the space and was hanging in the woods. I opened the door, stood behind it dropped my pants right there. The shower was in front of the door so I was able to enter the shower in just two steps. I cleaned up, redressed and got out a garbage bag. I didn't need those cloths anyway.

After I got back to the boat my wife was wondering what took me so long. My explanation sent her up the ramp to the restroom. She laughed so hard she almost peed her pants

You all heard my excessive drinking in FRG, 501 levis, and buck knife story.


So yep sure have.
👍👍👍👍👍😄😄😄😄😄😄

Got the Buck knife when I was 12.


Still let people with their " sharp" knives use it when they are gutting a deer doing cross cut sawing on belly skin with theirs.

SMH.....


Stop ....
Please.....

Here is a sharp knife.
Use it...
Cause your killing me right now watching you.....

I'm taking the fifth.
Paul B.

Just last week…

There are ….. ‘degrees’

Typically at the conclusion of an unfortunate series of events.

Everybody does when they first get here and
for a while after. If you live long enough, you
will again before you leave

When you have your colonoscopy, the
beverages you'll be swilling will make
you soil yourself. Nobody can avoid it

Here pull my finger.......😳😳.....not that hard ..

6 months or so ago I had diarrhea all one day, part of the night. The RIGHT NOW! kind. I stayed home - never got more than 50 feet from a toilet. Worse than the colonoscopies or giardia I've had.

Next day my wife was working her volunteer job and the dogs were insisting on their walk, so I waited until 10:30 to be sure the chits were done. They were not - just laying in ambush. 100 yards from home on the return they struck. I figured I could make the house, and did.

I did not factor in the time it would take to open the door and cover the last 20 feet to the nearest toilet.

If there is a next time, it's the ditch, traffic or not - hell - it's state park there anyway.

Even the strongest of men can’t hold a [bleep]…

LOL ! True

One of the first things I ever did was cshit my pants. Kept doing it for nearly three years until my parents got me to stop.

Was down with the Covid for about 2 months, you have not had the schizzlin' fits until you have had the Covid schizzlin' fits. Absolutely uncontrollable liquid surprise after surprise.

Yup ......A loose turd waits for no man.

Yeah just now.

Why fight it.Just chit your pants and keep truckin.

Some of the trolls here are so full of crap that they schit their face.

Long story short. Heading down the interstate. Rest area ten miles. I can and did make it. But didn't make it across the parking lot. Only went in the restroom to cut my shorts off with my knife and clean up the best I could.

I can only blame it on the half dozen pork tamales I'd had the day before.

too bad the resident doesn't have that excuse...

Years spent driving longhaul.


Oh, yeah.

Even after I got a scrub bucket trashcan lined with bags for the truck.
Sometimes a place to pull over I'd just too far.



Heading toward the Atchafalaya basin bridge.
Felt just great even though I had loaded up at Crawfish Town.
Between the get off and the get back on ramps for the rest area,
BRRRRP! My gut didn't growl.
They roared.
"I can make the almost 20 miles to the rest area in the middle.
I'm only 23. Old people schidt themselves."

About 2 miles in, I was full clenched, goose bumps. Cold sweats.

Made the rest area!
"Yippeee!

Waddled in, bending only my knees. Hips were locked.

You know how cows let down their milk coming in to be milked?

I could feel my chit letting down as I knew I was going to be
able to drop my slurry.

"Oh, Fudge!"

A church bus had stopped in front of me.
There was a line for the only hole in the men's room.

Looked toward the ladies room, could here voices.



I aged a bunch that day.

The rest of the story is too schidty to tell.

Hahaha

hahaha

No schiett

I ate a whole regular size bag of flaming hot chicharrones in one sitting once. I don’t recommend doing that on a road trip.

I’m 63 going on 64 in two weeks. I no longer can afford to trust any fart. Not even popcorn farts which have a reputation for being dry.

LOL

#Jerroldlosthisass

Close, but I haven't Bidened since I was toilet trained.

Yes, yes I have. Wasn't my finest moment.

The interval between eating and chitting has gotten shorter every year. So far it is a bit of anal leakage while squeezing tight and trying to run to the potty. So far no full Nadlers yet.

Beaver schit his pants after crossing state lines.

Promptly ran back to the safety that is Oregon.

LOL

Not yet but there is still time.

A long time ago when I was, I think 22 I found a crows nest up about 20’ in a tree. Told my brother and he asked if I could check it for egg/chicks because he wanted a pet crow. The place was about 20 miles from town on a dirt road and me and a friend drove there and I proceeded to climb the tree and tried walking out on a limb while holding a limb above me. Well either the limb broke or I just slipped and fell and landed flat on my back. Friend said I was in and out of consioness for about half hour before I came to. I was hurting bad but he helped me back to the truck and headed for the hospital. This was the 70’s before cell phones and air evac. On the way back I asked him “What’s that smell”. He said I think you crapped your pants and he was right. Luckily I had no broken bones but a badly bruised spine.

Just in your 60s??

You guys got lots of surprises coming!!

This is why I don't drink egg nog any longer. Key in the frond door and the dance ended then and there. I was mortified even though no one was around and I lived alone. Went to a christmas party with her before we were married. Just left the party and heading home and I holler to pull over. She pulls off the freeway and onto a side street I jump out and jump over a 5 foot fence into someones yard. Climbing back it the car she asks whats wrong " oh nothing had to make a call about some chit I overlooked"

It isn’t about what happens in a man’s pants. It’s about how he transgresses adversity.

Sargent Barnes -

“I shyitt on alll youu”

I'd like to say 'No' - but that doesn't explain the skid marks.

I remember sharting once on a hard sneeze, but that was a long time ago. I don't recall the circumstances, just remember it happening to me. LOL.

One thing I have noticed as I've aged, though: I get a signal alerting me that time is short. "You will be taking a shit in about 45 seconds...you may choose where, but not when. Countdown starts NOW."

Old fishing but used to say it had a teaspoon of water in it

No but I cshit on my boots, trying not to cshit my pants! Just lucky I guess.

LOL. Been there done that. 🤠

2 times in last year.. once while driving my 94yo granny to her doctor. it forced all up my back and down back of thigh i pulled over and cut off my underwear real quick. granny asked me did i step in it.

going to work at 4am, had to pull over right then on a overpass or make a terrible mess and a dificult call into work. i sprsayed all over the wall of that bridge and was trying to clean up when a cop pulled up and turned on his lights.. he saw what happened turned his lights off and bid me a good day