Know you've seen your fair share, any you want to share?

For me, one that stuck in my mind was found late one night in a restroom at a base in Vung Tau, SVN while attending an instructor pilot course.

"You can whip it, you can shake it, you can beat it on the wall, but when you put it in your pants the last drop will fall."

What ya got?

4.5 stars. Would poop here again

Hose to short and your pump too weak?
Ya better bend down low or you’ll pizz on your feet!

Worked at a bar many years ago.

Scrawled on the wall next to a toilet in the ladies room:

“My crotch smells like an Alabama Slammer”

Always hoped to make the young ladies acquaintance. 😂

Seen on the wall of a Porta at MCB 29 Palms:

Once a Marine
Always a Marine
Hell, once was enough!

My favorite was in a rest stop in the 70's

"Jimmy Hoffa phone home!"

Here I sit broken hearted.

Tried to chit, but only farted.

Please remain seated throughout the entire performance.

In Vietnam, I was a crew member on C7A Caribous, hauling supplies and troops where ever they needed to go in country. Frequently, one of our passengers was an Air Force Staff Sergeant reporter for the Stars and Stripes. As an aside, he was compiling a book of all the outhouse graffiti he came across, and there was some really funny stuff, along with profound poetry. Said he hoped to publish it upon his return to US, don;t know if he ever made it back or not.

Please do not throw cigarette butts in the urinal. It makes them soggy and hard to light.

“Does the name Pavlov ring a bell?”

Do not buy this gum!!!! It taste like rubber!!!

Seen on the wall at NAF Sigionella in 1979: "Officers, please do not eat the urinal cakes!"

The joke’s in your hand, not on the wall.

I worked in Alaska as a young man...

Before sorting out where and what... I went to Fairbanks (planned to take the old CJ-7 further North, but pussed out).

After observing every house... on every street... for sale I elected to drink.

At the local corner bar I began.

In the restroom on the wall... it said

"Oh Lord, Please give us One More Pipeline... We promise to not piss it away. Amen"

The one I remember the most was on a wall in a basement bathroom at work. It's was a joke about President Nixon, the details of which I no longer recall.

The reason I remember it was, when I read it, it was probably around 2006. I was siting there thinking "Jesus Christ, when was the last time they painted this bathroom!?!?"

"Fighting for peace is like fugging for virginity."

All bleep, over ten pounds, please lower by rope.

It was all over Phillmount Scout Ranch.

Construction site port a potty...big bold arrow pointing down at the s hitter with the words Meskin stew pot😂

My favorites are:

"I'd rather have a bottle in front of me than a frontal lobotomy"

and (in the school bathroom)

"Flush twice...It's a long way to the cafeteria!"

I remember printing on the wall facing the stool that was done in a triangle standing on its point. It started out with large print describing one aspect of a beautiful woman. The succeeding lines had smaller and smaller print, each line providing more intimate detail of her delights. The final, tiny, line at the bottom said, "You are now tschistting at a 90 degree angle to the bowl".

There was an old hermit named Dave
Who kept a dead whore in a cave
That's mighty cold c-nt
He said with a grunt
But look at the money I save.

No matter how you shake
and how you dance
the last drop
always falls in your pants.

If you shake it more that twice, you're playing with it.

In the bathroom in JR High -- Flush twice, its a long way to the lunch room.

“Here I sat with my buns a flexin, I just gave birth to another Texan”

"Step up closer, that's not a Winchester in your hand."


RS

In the office where I used to work, which had men and women, this was on one toilet wall on a sign somebody made up. The women had no problem with it and benefited most:

If your hose is too short,
and your pump is too weak,
stand close to the bowl
or you'll piss on your feet.

Wow! Thought everybody knew this one!

Here I sit,
All in a caper
Some s.o b.
Stole all the paper.
It's almost train time
And I can't linger
Look out a$$
Here comes my finger!!!!!

Here I sit on the pooper squeezing out a new state trooper

Sorry about the globs of cu.m so slippery on the seat, I dropped my drawers to take a schitt but instead I beat my meat

Those are the only two I remember

At the FOB in Basra, Iraq there as a pretty notorious gal in the US Army there. She was known for being readily available and then I found this in the line of portable crappers"

"The Porta Potty Princess was here"

“Once you lick the lollipop of mediocrity you will suck forever”

Please keep your arms and legs inside the outhouse at all times.

Sit back and enjoy the ride!

"Don't be afraid, have a seat. A healthy crab can jump 10 feet".

LOL…that is funny!

Here I sit an wonder why, I have gas and my mouth is dry.

“Better judgement has a way of creeping up on you, like a State Trooper in your rear view mirror.”

DigitalDan;
Thanks for the chuckles this afternoon sir.

Somewhere north of Cody, WY on the 120 - maybe Clark, WY

"Some come here to take a S...t. I come here to leave one"

Hadn't really thought about how we use the phrase wrongly sometimes...

Dwayne

Sort of like "She gives a great blowjob!"

On a bathroom wall along the interstate in ND somewhere probably close to 30 years ago:

Here is sit upon pooper,
giving birth to a North Dakota State Trooper.

He who writes upon bathroom walls
Rolls his shiet in little balls
He who reads these words of wit
Eats this little balls of shiet



Be like dad , not like sis , lift the lid before you piss

Kenneth

Lid, or seat?

Sis would make a mess with the lid down.

Poets who write on chithouse walls,
Roll their turds into little balls.
Folks who read these lines of wit,
Eat the little balls of chit.


In an port a pot on a jobsite:
You’ve just entered the Mexican Space Shuttle!

Mathman
Always got to be difficult ?
😀

Obama doll birthing station.

A fighter pilot always does a good preflight. Make sure there’s toilet paper 😊

Be an Aussie, not a Kiwi, have a Pizz, not a Wee wee.

Here I sit all broken hearted.
Came to chit but only farted.

Mary had a little bike, the pump was on the front, every time she hit a bump the pump went up her c*nt.

In a lot of construction site Porta Potties-

"Hey, this is (name of foreman usually)- I'm under the seat. Come get me at quitting time..... "

Or one that make me laugh out loud in the outhouse first time I saw it- "Scotty, don't beam me up I'm taking a shiiiiii....( and a line going up the wall)

In a bathroom in Alaska- " I sure hope there aren't any bears in this bathhhhhhhroooooo......... and a squiggly line going toward the door...

Due to the toilet paper shortage...please use both sides!

Portable on a job site,

This is a teepee for you to weewee,
not a wigwam to beat your tomtom

Or, No matter how much you shake and squeeze
the last drop goes in your BVDs.

The reality of it doesn't completely set in until you reach an advanced age.

On this toilet seat I sit
Trying hard to take a [bleep]
And as I write upon these walls
Sneaky crabs invade my balls

About 10yrs ago my two sons and I were having a beer at the Salty Dog Saloon on the Homer Spit and there were 100’s of 1$ bills stapled to the walls with messages on them. In the men’s room above the urinal was one that said “Andy chugs cock for a Buck”. I had to take a pic and send it to my sons hunting buddy Andy.

Written on the bottom of the door, in little letters.

I suppose, I suppose,
Your ass is higher than your nose.






Truck drivers with 13-speed shïtter,
please use low range,
toilet not equipped with mud flaps.




On the wall on the right.

"Shïthouse tennis, look left."

On the left wall.

"Shïthouse tennis, look right."




Here I sit, broken hearted
Came to schidt and only farted
then one day I took a chance,
tried to start and schidt my pants.



On the TP dispenser,
"JB Hunt pay roll, do not exceed 1800rpm"

Read the top a couple of times.

Ive crapped in Germany,
Ive crapped in France.
Before crapping here again,
I'll crap in my pants.

Latrine at Fort Carson
‘Lifers are like flies—they eat $hit and bother people’

And then its not a drop.

I think ill start carrying a felt tip pen.

Dimocraps are like flies - they eat schiett and bother people.

Call 867-5309

Quite a place the Salty Dog be. Last time I was there, there were bras hanging from the rafters. Seems is a lady would launch her flopper stopper and get it to stay in the rafters, she got a free drink. The wife had an amaretto sour.

There were Sharpies hanging from a cup near the restrooms so you could write a poem on the wall. And you could use your pocketknife to carve your initials in the tables. Yup an interesting place.

On a coffee shop restroom wall across from UT Austin.

666 - the number of the beast.

668 - the neighbor of the beast.

I absolutely love shlthouse poetry.


John Wayne toilet paper.
Rough, tough, don't take shlt off nobody.


Here I sit all broken hearted.
Tried to shlt but only farted.
The time has come I must not linger.
Look out butt, here comes my finger.

The Salty Dog is my kind of place. I need to make another trip there.

Then one day I took a chance,

Tried to fart and chit my pants.

Pico Blanco also!

Eagle Scout 1989

I always heard it as

no matter how you dance and prance,
the last two drops go down your pants!

AND
" the beatings will continue until morale improves"!!

Had a tool box with that bumper sticker on it! Drove management mad!
Finally a shooter came out while I was elsewhere getting parts and scraped
it off my toolbox! I might have punched him had I been there but I was a contractor
at the time and didn't want to put them in jeopardy! AND heck it was only a bumper sticker!
Would have enjoyed seeing the geek actually doing something! lol

On the way to my first deer hunt 1973. Maine turnpike rest area. “Smoke dope it’s your only hop.”

Anybody can pizz on the floor
Be a hero
Schidt on the ceiling.

Swing it to, swing it fro, watch the little bastard grow. When it's hard, on with the hunt. Back to the bar to find some [bleep].

In days of old
When men were bold
And rubbers weren't invented
The men took socks
And wrapped their cocks
And babies were prevented.

33 years in construction, gave me some insight on schitthouse poetry. When the crews were white, you have some real witty and funny stuff to read in the cherry huts, but when the Mexicans moved in and took over construction, the level of content went from witty humor, to hundreds of sketches of puzzies, pricks and the word "Puta". In my earlier years I thought somebody could put out a coffee table book of fine schitthouse poetry, some of it was funny stuff.

On the ass-gasket dispenser..."One Free Tennessee Turtleneck With Each Deposit."

"Flush twice, it's a long way to Mexico". In CA

beat my meat on the toilet seat, do da do da all the do da day

I'll tell you the worst thing I ever saw in a job-site schitter. A paper plate full of chicken-wing bones and an empty coke can. Somebody bought a plate of wings off the roach-coach, and then sat inside the schitter to have lunch. WTF? Come on, really?

From years ago - The Purple Cow Resturant near Hardin, MT which is next to the Crow Rez - "Custer wore Arrow shirts".

Just below it - "Custer was fine when he left North Dakota".

drover

I used to draw all kinda of hearts, kisses, dicks and whatever else on my tests at high school, college and military schooling. I got used to teachers and instructers just shaking their heads.

Saw this one just this week.


Warning: the ribbed condoms don't taste like ribs at all.

Best one I've ever seen was as a junior at Clemson University.....it went like this:

"as I sit here amidst the vapors
I realize someone had used all the papers
Time for class, no time to linger
Look out azz, here come the fingers"

Amazing what you remember 45 yrs later!

"There I spied a niqqer,
with a trigger that was bigger,
than an elephant's proboscis,
or the whanger of a whale."

From The Grapes of Wrath by John Steinbeck.

L.W.

If its Brown and Root flush it

What’s the difference between an elephant and a Mexican grandmother?
About five pounds

The Shoe Tavern, Ellensburg, WA, circa '76... Written on the condom machine "WA State Trooper Raincoats"

This toilet paper is John Wayne approved:

Rough and Tough and don’t take chit off no one.

Stall wall back in high school.

My favorites are: Here I sit my buns a flexin giving birth to another Texan
And some stickers someone had made on the hand dryers that said
" Push button for a Clinton speech"

Had a stall at work with a target drawn on the wall labeled bugger darts. Yep it had buggers stuck to it.

I remember seeing an ass gasket dispenser with "free cowboy hats".

“Don’t throw matches in the toilet Crabs can pole-vault.”

In a bathroom at Grubb's restaurant in Rock Springs Wyoming. 1977.

Don't throw toothpicks in the toilet, the crabs can pole vault out.

kwg

For a good time call 867-5309

Ok Andy, if you say so !

I went for a second chance,

This time i chit my pants!

There have been a few versions of this one but I read:

Here on the Toilet I sit.
I am so brokenhearted,
I paid a quarter to s__t.
And all I have done is farted,

Over the urinal at Fort Custer:

This is the qualification range. If you have failed to zero your weapon, please be seated in the remedial marksmanship trainer in the stall to your right.

Old70

Here i sit all broken hearted
Tried to [bleep],but only farted
A little while later I took a chance
Tried to fart and schitt my pants

Above the urinal in a porta potty read,
What you're doing right now is against the law
A mans hand holding a little boys penis

In several FBO’s

Pilots with short pitot tubes please taxi up close to the urinal.

I recall a multi-stanza poem about Barnacle Bill the Sailor written on the wall of a Boy Scout camp cabin when I was a kid. Man, I wish I had transcribed it. When you read it, you could hear how it would sound if sung in an opera. It was EPIC!

In the day old...
When Knights were Bold...

They left their load...
Beside the road...

And walked away contented.

-------------------------------------------------

Still like the Fairbanks one better...

"Oh Lord, Please give us One More Pipeline... We promise to not piss it away also. Amen"

Seen in a U-M bathroom stall:

Don’t drop acid, take it pass/fail

Old70

Someone wrote "I f*cked your mother."

Someone below wrote, "Go home dad. You're drunk."


Another one. Arrow pointing down and gap below stall wall. Above it, "Beware of gay limbo dancers."

Another on on condom dispenser, "This gum tastes like [bleep]"

In the men's room in a restaurant in southeast Colorado is a sign above the toilet. It has a picture of a deer inside of crosshairs. The sign states, "It is amazing how a man can hit a running deer at 300 yards yet miss the toilet at 1 foot away.

Here I sat,

Dick in hand,

Beating it like a one man band

When I came with a terrible roar,

I almost blew down the Schithouse door.

The saying in the outhouse in a very “rustic” run down fishing camp in Canada: “Booking a fishing trip to Kello Lake Lodge gives true meaning to the saying go f uck yourself”. No truer words were ever written.

I saw this in a San Francisco rest room.
Someone wrote, "My mother made me a h o m o sexual."
Underneath that was the reply, "If I give her the wool, will she make me one?"
Paul B.

Bumper sticker too.

Saw a similar one in BC while driving through Canada.

Here I sit
My ass hole hurtin’
‘Cause I just schit
Another Albertan

My response to that is that my deer rifle has sights and Willie has a mind of his own.

Kilroy Was Here

Please aim straight- those after you my be on all fours

Note taped on closed toilet lid- Please don’t flush! Possible world record. Gone to get camera.

The bar in Chicken has ladies panties on the ceiling.

With the Kilroy drawing?

You may paint these walls to hide my pen but the shlthouse poet will strike again!

Didn’t see these classics posted.

Those with short bats, step close to the plate.


We aim to please.
You aim too, please.

In a porta chiter in Iraq....

"Don't use the sink, it tastes like piss."

I have written Jesus Saves in more than a few

You can piss in London, you can piss in France if you don’t piss you’ll piss you pants

Probably in every military base in the world, " flush twice. It's a long way to the chow hall."

[bleep] poets, you sons a bitches, if you stop to read this, you'll surely [bleep] your britches.

Oh! I found a similar "Barnacle Bill the sailor"

https://genius.com/The-controllers-barnacle-bill-the-sailor-lyrics

I remember a verse that went
"What if I should have a baby
What if I should have a baby
Asked the fair young maiden

We'll dig a ditch and bury the bitch
said Barnacle Bill the sailor"

I didn't know it had a history too.
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Barnacle_Bill_the_Sailor

This was in a porta potty.

“You are now sitting in the captain’s chair of a Mexican space shuttle”…

Restaurant bathroom sign , "We aim to please, You aim too, Please!"

In a Port=o=let on a job, arrows to the urinal, "Mexican Welding Helmet"

We aim to please! You aim too…PLEASE!

Remember, no job is finished until the paperwork is done

Good Lord. Chicken has a bar? The last time I was there it only had a tiny trading post with a single gas pump up front. The gas pump was the older type with a 10 gallon glass bottle on top. You would use a hand pump on the side to pump the desired number of gallons of fuel you wanted and then let gravity drain the hose into your tank. My oh my progress has arrived in Chicken.

I once heard of a house that a bunch of young ladies living in. Someone painted on the bottom of the toilet seat, "It's nice to have a man in the house."

“Boss earns a dollar, I earn a dime.
That’s why I [bleep] on company time.”

The boss gets a dollar
I get a dime
That's why I poop
On company time

Saw a similar plaque above each urinal in the Enlisted Club at NAS Keflavik - "Marines, Please Do Not Eat The Urinal Mints"

Not graffiti, but my best bathroom stall caper was back when the company I worked for moved us into a new office. Everyone got name plates for their office door. So one morning I came in early and took two of the nameplates off the offices of two guys who were real practical jokers and used double-sided tape to put one on each door of the two stalls in the men's room.

Everyone who came out of the men's room was cracking up, and somehow they all knew who did it.

Here I come to sit and think . . .
But all I do is sh*t and stink . . .

When I was young and had no sense
I stuck my dick in an electric fence
It curled my hair and tingled my balls
And made me schit in my overalls.

Above a urinal at college.

"Freshman, don't eat the big mints"

"For a good time, call SACharlie" (This would be in the men's room of course)

Been over 30 years since I saw it at Philmont so I don't remember it all. But something about

a tree surgeon named Lee,

who had a young lady in a tree.

<Missing lines but ends with>

That's a moss covered hole, not me!

Dale

There is a toilet mounted probably 16” from a facing wall in a hardware store I sometimes frequent. On said wall is an “X” and it reads “for maximum torque place head here”

Not clear how that applies “torque”! 😉

1980 in a truck stop in New Mexico, a poet wrote... There was a man from Nantucket whose prick was so long he could suck it. As he wiped off his chin, he said with a grin, if my ear was a c*nt I would f**k it.