Funny quotes.

"In my defense let me say, I thought the lady police was a prostitute." Homer Simpson.

Sounds like something bill clinton would say

There are many more. This place could use some humor tonight.

go to the 0:28 mark or so. Perhaps not a quote, but close enough for me:



Geno

“Sometimes you just have to pee in the sink.”
― Charles Bukowski

On wolf culling controversy:

"We can't just let Nature run wild"

Wally Hickle, Alaska Gov. (He was right , too!).

"I refuse to join any club that would have me as a member." Groucho Marx

"Any woman who would have me isn't good enough for me." Me

Way back when, I was on USFS trail crew, 10 days out , 4 days off.

First night back in camp, we asked Brian how his date with a divorcee over the weekend went. What sticks in mind was:

"She said her ex was a pervert, and he really must have been. At least she wouldn't do anything strange with me!"

It was a good 4 hours before anyone of us 4 could meet anyone else's eye without all of us breaking up again.

better laugh while we can, cause if we dont get trump re-elected and take back control of the House, there's not going to BE a USA in 5 years. We'll have 50 million more illegals by then, and it will collapse our economy.

The two quotes that respectively define and guide my life.

"I love mankind, it's people I can't stand." - Linus Van Pelt

"There is no problem so big or so complicated that it won't go away if ignored long enough". - Charles Brown

"What, me worry?" Alfred E Neuman. Photo from Anchorage Daily News calendar)

There are 2 levels there, boys.....

God gave us two eyes, two ears and only one mouth for a reason.

"No good deed goes unpunished."

I don't know who said it, but it seems to hold true.





Another famous Alaskan quote.....On L-48 eco-nazis protesting oil drilling and energy development:

"Let the bastards freeze in the dark."

Joe Vogler- Founder, Alaska Independence Party (echoes my sentiments exactly)

If you were my husband, I'd poision your drink..........
Sir Winston: Madame, if I were your husband, I'd drink it.

Sir Winston: "Madam, in the morning, I will be sober, but you will still be ugly!"

Joe was murdered....

“It isn't so much that liberals are ignorant. It's just that they know so many things that aren't so.”

― Ronald Reagan

The most terrifying words in the English language are: I'm from the government and I'm here to help.

Ronald Reagan

You do understand that the bastards freezing in the dark would include yourself, right?

Steve Jobs- "My girlfriend always laughs during sex-- no matter what she's reading."

My wife has cut me down to once a month, I'm lucky I know two guys she cut off completely.

Rodney Dangerfield

There are three kinds of men. The one that learns by reading. The few who learn by observation. The rest of them have to pee on the electric fence for themselves. - Will rogers

Pogo, "We have met the enemy, and he is us."

“That's three quotes? Add another quote and make it a gallon.”



The whole bit -

If everyone’s thinking the same thing, someone’s not thinking.
- Gen. George Patton

The problem with quotes on the internet, is that you can’t tell if they’re authentic.
-Abraham Lincoln

It’s queer how out of touch with truth women are. They live in a world of their own, and there has never been anything like it, and never can be. It is too beautiful altogether, and if they were to set it up it would go to pieces before the first sunset. Some confounded fact we men have been living contentedly with ever since the day of creation would start up and knock the whole thing over. – Joseph Conrad, Heart of Darkness

May those who love us love us.
And if they don’t love us
May God turn their hearts.
If He doesn’t turn their hearts
May He turn their ankles
So that we’ll know them by their limping.

"Everything you've ever wanted is on the other side of not giving up"

Any woman who has to pick a man from a fight isn't worth having.
my father after an acquaintance got in a fight over a woman

That's another one that was said long before someone made it famous. This can be traced back at least as far as Will Rogers, maybe farther. Kennedy's 'ask not' quote is another one but I can't remember who said it first.

Stolen from Emo Philips......stand up comedian. Great line.

Or maybe Emo stole it from Al.

Not verbatim, W Churchill " if you are 20 and you don't vote labour, you have no heart- if you are 40 and you do, you have no mind "

Rodney was simply the BEST!!

Sir Winston Churchill to a young lady at an event … "Miss would you go to bed with me for a million pounds? Why, Mr Churchill, I suppose I would! Churchill … How about 10 pounds? Mr. Churchill who do you think I am? Miss, we've already established that. Now we're just negotiating a price!

You seem unfamiliar with Joe Vogler.

One of my bosses would encourage me with "Surely someone stupider than you has accomplished this."

My wife, after she pointed out I was falling down on my husbandly duties, which I attributed to old age:

"I hear these stories how you can outhike all these 20 year olds, but you can't outphuck one?"

You're playing worse and worse every day and right now you're playing like it's next month.

Herb Brooks

Reporter: "Coach, what do you think of your team's execution?"

Darrell Royal: "I think that would be a good idea."

“The road to hell is paved with good intentions”.

Don’t know who wrote it but it works for me.

Ronald Reagan to the surgeons after being shot, :Please tell me you're Republicans".

The 45 acp is not the perfect round, it is the round chambered in the perfect pistol
Jeff Cooper

Sometimes you just have to wait until it's the right person's idea...........
Me.

If it’s too tough for you, it’s just right for me. A friends grandfather who was an absolute hoot.

'It's deja vu all over again' Yogi Berra

My dad was a POS who never taught us anything but a History teacher in middle school said his dad said " I can't make you do anything, but I can damn sure make you wish you did". God bless Mr Stone.