1. How hard , or soft should the cast lead be ?
I cast the Lyman 457193 (405 gr RNFP) for my 45-70s. I use wheel weights for smokeless loads and cast 40:1 and 30:1 for BP loads. I know the BP loads are in the 1200 fps range. The smokeless loads are 54 gr IMR4350 - I have never run them over a chrony, so don't know fps for sure, but would estimate in the 1500 to 1600 fps range. I lube all with a home-made lube (similar in consistency to SPG) and put a .035"+/- card wad under the bullet.
2. Where to purchase such bullets ?
As said, I cast my own. Try Buffalo Arms for purchase.
I shoot a Shiloh Sharps (30" barrel), a Rem Rolling Block (34" barrel) and a Marlin 1895 Cowboy (26" barrel), all in 45-70.