Home Forums Hunting & Shooting Hunter's Campfire Dealing with the Issues Associated with Elderly Parents

Certainly not my intent to make light of a horrible situation. My mom had a stroke a few years back and it's had a definite and permanent impact on my parents lives (as well as the rest of the family). Here's to hoping for the best outcome for you and yours! Heading for a nervous breakdown may be a more accurate description of my wife's current state at the moment

My business does support for those type of facilities, among other facilities like Assisted Living. You boys just hear about the tip of the iceberg. Going into them several times a week, some of it will rip your heart out.

My mom is 85 and still healthy, but she gets vicious when anyone even mentions the words Nursing Home. I'll never knowingly be a patient in one.

I've been dealing with these issues for several years. First I quit work to take care of my wife and before she passed, my mother needed help. She's now 92 with dementia and failing health. I have one sister but it's a tossup between her and mom which one will pass first.

I've lived my entire life knowing full well that the only person that I'm positive will always be there is me.

I think much is dependent on the individual. I'm fairly confident that if people want to go, they will go. Lots seem to enjoy sticking it out to the bitter end, even though life is miserable.

There's something to be said for a massive heart attack.

And you're still one of heroes, but you knew that already.

This, Mom has pretty much fallen to me as a result of being the one that stayed close by. My wife has Cancer so I am looking at a pretty lonely future as we have no kids. Have a niece and nephew but don't really want to burden them though it may not be totally avoidable. Just thinking how it can be as easy as possible. Hopefully a period of good health and self sufficiency and a massive heart attack to finish.

All I can say is this.

Thank God my mother has me and my wife.

We have been blessed in our lives. So we were able to buy my mother a really nice place and a really nice car. She worries about absolutely nothing in life except spoiling my kids.

That is the way I want it.

5. Honor thy father and thy mother.

If I wasn't in the picture, it would be grim for her. She would be taken for everything.

Shucks Scott! Not really. Just a guy out on a long limb doing what you gotta do!!!

I'm no different than all the other posters on this thread. The really awesome thing is every single one of us will do what's right! Regardless!!! Simply put, it's what we do!!!

I look at it this way. The mission is sacred.

Being an only child, I did o.k. by Mom, Dad and Granny, thanks to a damn good wife.

All I know is you do the best you can in the best way you can and it will work out as best it can. That's how people have been doing it long before all the fancy and well funded trusts and other legal vehicles. Not that those aren't great if you got 'em, but if you don't you just need to go with what you do have.

My Mom came to live with us for the last four years of her life. She had severe osteoporosis with a pronounced hunch in her back and was told her bones would break like toothpicks if she fell. Well, she fell twice at my house in four years, and one in the hospital on the tile floor two days before she died. She went to the Lord without a bone broken, just like Him. I often prayed the Lord would take her in her sleep, and He did, the first night she was in the Hospice with her head in her folded hands and a sweet smile on her face. We took her to every doctors appointment and juggles schedules to make that work. It was never a chore as she always had a smile on her face when we came down to see her first thing every morning.

I know that is not as easy as it's been for some of you, and I am sorry for that. Sorry for you but not for me. If I was closer, I'd gladly help if I could. But the bottom line is, this is really the bottom line in how we live our lives and take care of those we have real obligations for. There may be nothing more defining in who we are, than this.

They become wards of the state, and are typically put in the worst of the worst convalescent facilities. I'll eat a bullet before I ever get to that point!!!

My parents are dead, but I would never let that happen to my in-laws...I happen to have wonderful in-laws that I love as if they were my own parents. I'll take a lesser job, I'll work from home, I'll do whatever it takes; they're NOT going to a skid row con-home.

you are right about convalescent homes being a terrifying prospect.

My wife and I worked hard to be able to plan on early retirement and several seasonal residences. Both of our parents lived in our town and we both became their caretakers. 3 died in their home and my mom spent 1 day in a hospice. 10 years of our life was spent in a manner that allowed these great people to see their end with dignity. There is no accomplishment in either of our lives that means more.

Please listen to Ed M and give your children the gift of a planned exit and they will really know how smart their parents were.

Kaywoodie and you others that did and do the hard things right, you define being "A REAL MAN'.


mike r

About half of the trust deals with financial stuff, the other half specifically with health/death issues.

i have spent about 40 years now in a retirement area, as a financial consultant, and i could say a lot about what i have seen, both good and bad.
My mother moved out of her house to take care of her mother when it became time, and eventually we built an addition on our house for my mother. The last seven years of her life she lived with us, and i watched her have these ministrokes, and a downhill slide in mental capacity. It became a 24hour a day, seven day a week thing, for both my wife and myself.
She died in my house with us by her side. Another couple of days we would have broken for sure. The strain was just so much.
Dementia and altzheimers are the slow killers, and i have dealt with that too, in addition to taking care of it now is certain situations.
Sometimes you hope for a heart attack.

Something to be said for "dying with dignity"
Go out on your terms

Both of my parents are in decline (dad has heart problems and broke his hip twice in a year, and now is wheelchair bound; mom is frail with pretty bad memory issues). When we saw the signs, we coerced them into moving into what's called a continuing care facility. It goes from independent living in apartments to assisted living to basically hospice.

I think we were lucky in getting them in early, because once they got in to the facility they were being watched 24/7 by the staff (most of them are EMTs). It sure ain't easy on any of us, but a decent facility goes a long way towards making it tolerable. These places are expensive, though, and if you can get your parents to plan far enough in advance, you can get insurance to cover assisted living type of needs.

I feel for you, my ride isn't over yet. I moved my Mom close about 8 years ago so I would know she was being taken care of. Last summer my wife suffered a severe brain injury and I had visions of going from the assisted living center with my Mom to the skilled nursing facility with my wife. Fortunately my wife has recovered better than 99% of the people with her injuries.

My parents are having their 70th wedding anniversary in a couple of weeks (God willing). I won't go into details, but I am their caretaker and I am doing my best not to live that long.

Bingo, though most do not make what this means crystal clear hence my previous post. Our trust does.

Pat,

My wife was the one designated in her family as well. She, a formal paralegal, spent a load of time seeing that all was right. The simple fact was that her parents had it right via a proper trust made for smooth sailing. With my dear wife's prior knowledge she nailed it for her and her two brothers with all clearing near three years after death. This with a pretty minor estate.