Home Forums Hunting & Shooting Hunter's Campfire The art of insults

A member of Parliament to Disraeli: "Sir, you will either die on the gallows or of some unspeakable disease.”

"That depends, Sir," said Disraeli,"whether I embrace your policies or your mistress."



"He had delusions of adequacy." -Walter Kerr



"He has all the virtues I dislike and none of the vices I admire." - Winston Churchill



"I have never killed a man, but I have read many obituaries with great pleasure." -Clarence Darrow



"He has never been known to use a word that might send a reader to the dictionary." -William Faulkner (about Ernest Hemingway)



"Thank you for sending me a copy of your book; I'll waste no time reading it." -Moses Hadas



"I didn't attend the funeral, but I sent a nice letter saying I approved of it." -Mark Twain



"He has no enemies, but is intensely disliked by his friends." -Oscar Wilde



"I am enclosing two tickets to the first night of my new play; bring a friend, if you have one." -George Bernard Shaw to Winston Churchill



"Cannot possibly attend first night, will attend second . . . if there is one." -Winston Churchill, in response



"I feel so miserable without you; it's almost like having you here." -Stephen Bishop



"He is a self-made man and worships his creator." -John Bright



"I've just learned about his illness. Let's hope it's nothing trivial." -Irvin S. Cobb



"He is not only dull himself; he is the cause of dullness in others." -Samuel Johnson



"He is simply a shiver looking for a spine to run up." -Paul Keating



"In order to avoid being called a flirt, she always yielded easily." -Charles, Count Talleyrand



"He loves nature in spite of what it did to him." -Forrest Tucker



"Why do you sit there looking like an envelope without any address on it?" -Mark Twain



"His mother should have thrown him away and kept the stork." -Mae West



"Some cause happiness wherever they go; others, whenever they go." -Oscar Wilde



"He uses statistics as a drunken man uses lamp-posts . . . for support rather than illumination." -Andrew Lang (1844-1912)



"He has Van Gogh's ear for music." -Billy Wilder



"I've had a perfectly wonderful evening. But I'm afraid this wasn't it." -Groucho Marx

"You appear to be an unwashed fellator with Oedipal tendencies and canine ancestry!"

I used that one regularly when referring to several of my ghetto students. Few, if any, were able to translate.

"I bet you're the kind of guy who could get a complete physical examination by a proctologist."

LMAO
Good post

Winston Churchill and Mark Twain were masters at the insult craft.

What can I say about your wife that hasn't already been said about Afghanistan?

Churchill and Lady Astor hated one another, but being aristocrats they attended most of the same functions. At one gathering Lady Astor looked at Churchill and said, "If I were married to you, I would give you poison." Winston looked at her and said, "If I were married to you, I would drink it."

It astounds me how you contrive to get yourself in the company of women such as she when most would beg impotency!

Bessie Braddock MP: “Winston, you are drunk, and what’s more you are disgustingly drunk.”

WSC: “Bessie, my dear, you are ugly, and what’s more, you are disgustingly ugly. But tomorrow I shall be sober and you will still be disgustingly ugly.”

Describing a black hooker's gold tooth: Bawdy dogstar in the ordurous jaw of Fellatio Major.
Cormac McCarthy

I refuse to discuss it with you. I will not get in a duel of wits with an unarmed man.
RB

You are nowhere near as bad as they all say.

During a studio "wrap party," on the completion of photography of A Bill of Divorcement,, 1932, the co star, Kathrine Hepburn walked up to the star, John Barrymore, who was savoring a few cocktails and said, "Mr. Barrymore, I want you to know I am very happy I shall never have to act with you again."

Barrymore took a drink, looked at her and said, "My dear, I didn't know you ever had."

L.W.

You can insult the hell out of someone and get away with it if you give em a big smile after you say it. I had an old boss that was a master of that craft.

My wife likes to watch The Weakest Link. They have some good insults that are worth remembering.

In case of a water landing, who's here that we can use their head as a floatation device... 😁

My favorite one that I used on engineers, the college you attended owes your parents a rebate on your tuition. 😛

If I’m having a bad day.
Ambrose Bierce’s writings always bring me back……..

Look, Skippy, I do not have enough patience, or enough crayons, to draw enough pictures to adequately explain this to you......

I'm not very good at it. Best I can do is GFY. Succinct tho.

One of my favorite writers!

Aye, and you've yet to learn that you could practice silence and leave folk wondering about your ignorance, but you insist on confirming it.
RB