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Joined: May 2002
Posts: 10,033 Likes: 1
Campfire Outfitter
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Campfire Outfitter
Joined: May 2002
Posts: 10,033 Likes: 1 |
"She married the best the man in town, it was a very small town mind you"
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Joined: Jan 2016
Posts: 12,106 Likes: 10
Campfire Outfitter
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Campfire Outfitter
Joined: Jan 2016
Posts: 12,106 Likes: 10 |
Bierce is one of my favorite satirists. Definition: Lawyer; A person trained in circumvention of the law”.
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Joined: May 2002
Posts: 10,033 Likes: 1
Campfire Outfitter
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Campfire Outfitter
Joined: May 2002
Posts: 10,033 Likes: 1 |
"You couldnt find your own azz with both hands and a flashlight"
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Joined: Jun 2001
Posts: 32,184 Likes: 4
Campfire 'Bwana
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Campfire 'Bwana
Joined: Jun 2001
Posts: 32,184 Likes: 4 |
I'm not very good at it. Best I can do is GFY. Succinct tho. Aye, and you've yet to learn that you could practice silence and leave folk wondering about your ignorance, but you insist on confirming it. RB There is that!
The only true cost of having a dog is its death.
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Joined: Feb 2010
Posts: 3,923
Campfire Tracker
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Campfire Tracker
Joined: Feb 2010
Posts: 3,923 |
If I’m having a bad day. Ambrose Bierce’s writings always bring me back…….. One of my favorite writers! Basis for the Gregory Peck movie Old Gringo. He was good in it. Others in it……well
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Joined: Sep 2010
Posts: 31,438
Campfire 'Bwana
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Campfire 'Bwana
Joined: Sep 2010
Posts: 31,438 |
Young lady I knew, "I feel like a conniving slut".
Me, "... You're not conniving."
"I can't be canceled, because, I don't give a fuuck!" --- Kid Rock 2022
Holocaust Deniers, the ultimate perverted dipchits: Bristoe, TheRealHawkeye, stophel, Ghostinthemachine, anyone else?
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Joined: Jan 2006
Posts: 69,474 Likes: 18
Campfire Kahuna
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Campfire Kahuna
Joined: Jan 2006
Posts: 69,474 Likes: 18 |
Bierce is one of my favorite satirists. Definition: Lawyer; A person trained in circumvention of the law”. And some have specialized in circumcision of the law.
“In a time of deceit telling the truth is a revolutionary act.” ― George Orwell
It's not over when you lose. It's over when you quit.
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Joined: Jan 2001
Posts: 7,988 Likes: 3
Campfire Outfitter
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Campfire Outfitter
Joined: Jan 2001
Posts: 7,988 Likes: 3 |
"Wisdom has chased you but you have always been faster"
"Am I fat? he asked his friend... Friend:- "I know 5 fat people and you are 4 of them"
Never underestimate your ability to overestimate your ability.
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Joined: Dec 2003
Posts: 86,318 Likes: 30
Campfire Oracle
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Campfire Oracle
Joined: Dec 2003
Posts: 86,318 Likes: 30 |
Describing a black hooker's gold tooth: Bawdy dogstar in the ordurous jaw of Fellatio Major. Cormac McCarthy Yes! My old friend Sirius. There you are!
If you take the time it takes, it takes less time. --Pat Parelli
American by birth; Alaskan by choice. --ironbender
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Joined: Dec 2003
Posts: 86,318 Likes: 30
Campfire Oracle
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Campfire Oracle
Joined: Dec 2003
Posts: 86,318 Likes: 30 |
Then there is this classic;
Ya don’t sweat much for a fat gal!
Apologies to LBP. 😎😉
If you take the time it takes, it takes less time. --Pat Parelli
American by birth; Alaskan by choice. --ironbender
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Joined: Nov 2004
Posts: 10,047 Likes: 4
Campfire Outfitter
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Campfire Outfitter
Joined: Nov 2004
Posts: 10,047 Likes: 4 |
"He's a large turd in a small cesspool."
I used to say that in reference to my hometowns big shots that had never lived anywhere else.
After selling his large successful business my grandpa asked a local woman if she would sleep with him for a million dollars. She thought about it for a few minutes and then replied "yes, she would". He then asked if she'd sleep with him for $10. She then got upset and said "what do you think I am". He replied, "We've already decided that now we're just arguing over price".
Bb
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Joined: Sep 2008
Posts: 5,747 Likes: 1
Campfire Tracker
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Campfire Tracker
Joined: Sep 2008
Posts: 5,747 Likes: 1 |
At work we used:
"He's not very good but he sure is slow"
"He does it nice cause he'll do it twice"
"Quality takes time but not that much time"
Sarcasm, no extra charge...
"Camping places fix themselves in your mind as if you had spent long periods of your life in them. You will remember a curve of your wagon track in the grass of the plain like the features of a friend." Isak Dinesen
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Joined: Jun 2006
Posts: 46,191 Likes: 8
Campfire 'Bwana
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Campfire 'Bwana
Joined: Jun 2006
Posts: 46,191 Likes: 8 |
"Your wife is so fat, she buys her dresses at Davus Tent and Awning."
A wise man is frequently humbled.
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Joined: Jun 2006
Posts: 10,517 Likes: 1
Campfire Outfitter
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Campfire Outfitter
Joined: Jun 2006
Posts: 10,517 Likes: 1 |
Good thread here; especially for someone like me that needs to plagiarize some of these witty insults to use on others. Wish that I were articulate and creative enough to come up with stuff like that on my own. There;.... I confessed to one of my shortcomings.
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Joined: Jun 2019
Posts: 10,046 Likes: 10
Campfire Outfitter
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Campfire Outfitter
Joined: Jun 2019
Posts: 10,046 Likes: 10 |
"If you don't have time to do it right, how will you ever find the time to do it over?"
"You're just like my old hound dog- - - -if you can't eat it or screw it, you pizz on it!"
"If your brain was gasoline, it wouldn't run a pizzant's motor scooter halfway around a BB!"
"You say you live by your wits- - - -I guess half a life is better than none at all!"
Ignorance can be fixed. Stupid is forever!
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Joined: Jan 2016
Posts: 12,106 Likes: 10
Campfire Outfitter
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Campfire Outfitter
Joined: Jan 2016
Posts: 12,106 Likes: 10 |
Doc to Chester on a Gunsmoke episode: “ You could put your brain in a mustard seed and it’d roll around like a peanut in a boxcar”.
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Joined: Jun 2017
Posts: 320
Campfire Member
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Campfire Member
Joined: Jun 2017
Posts: 320 |
Smile and say : don’t be a fool. It never offends anyone
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Joined: Sep 2015
Posts: 10,252 Likes: 7
Campfire Outfitter
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Campfire Outfitter
Joined: Sep 2015
Posts: 10,252 Likes: 7 |
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Joined: Jun 2007
Posts: 29,786
Campfire Ranger
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Campfire Ranger
Joined: Jun 2007
Posts: 29,786 |
The most heartfelt insult I have ever heard was when a female neighbour was talking about her employer. She said that he should have been left on the sheets to dry.
She meant it.
These are my opinions, feel free to disagree.
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Joined: Jun 2019
Posts: 10,046 Likes: 10
Campfire Outfitter
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Campfire Outfitter
Joined: Jun 2019
Posts: 10,046 Likes: 10 |
"Your Mama should have swallowed you!"
"It's too bad your Mother didn't believe in the Lewinsky method of birth control!"
Ignorance can be fixed. Stupid is forever!
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