Home Forums Hunting & Shooting Hunter's Campfire Shopping with the wife...

After I retired, my wife insisted that I accompany her on her trips to the local grocery store. Unfortunately, like most men; I found shopping boring and preferred to get in and get out. Equally unfortunate, my wife is like most women - she loves to browse. Yesterday my dear wife received the following letter, from the local store manager:

Dear Mrs. Harris:

Over the past six months, your husband has caused quite a commotion, in our store.
We cannot tolerate this behavior and have been forced to, ban both of you from the store.

Our complaints against your husband, Mr. Harris, are listed below and are documented by our video surveillance cameras:

1. June 15: He took 24 boxes of condoms and randomly put them in other people's carts when they weren't looking.

2. July 2: Set all the alarm clocks in Housewares to go off at 5-minute intervals.

3. July 7: He made a trail of tomato juice on the floor leading to the women's restroom.

4. July 19: Walked up to an employee and told her in an official voice, 'Code 3 in Housewares. Get on it right away'. This caused the employee to leave her assigned station and receive a reprimand from her Supervisor that in turn resulted with a union grievance, causing management to lose time and costing the company money. We don't have a Code 3.

5. August 4: Went to the Service Desk and tried to put a bag of M&Ms on layaway.

6. August 14: Moved a, 'CAUTION - WET FLOOR' sign to a carpeted area.

7. August 15: Set up a tent in the camping department and told the children shoppers he'd invite them in if they would bring pillows and blankets from the bedding department to which twenty children obliged.

8. August 23: When a clerk asked if they could help him he began crying and screamed, 'Why can't you people just leave me alone?' EMTs were called.

9. September 4: Looked right into the security camera and used it as a mirror while he picked his nose.

10. September 10: While handling guns in the hunting department, he asked the clerk where the antidepressants were.

11. October 3: Darted around the store suspiciously while, loudly humming the, 'Mission Impossible' theme.

12. October 6: In the auto department, he practiced his, 'Madonna Look' using different sizes of funnels.

13. October 18: Hid in a clothing rack and when people browsed through, yelled 'PICK ME! PICK ME!'

14. October 22: When an announcement came over the loud speaker, he assumed a fetal position and screamed;
'OH NO! IT'S THOSE VOICES AGAIN!'

15. Took a box of condoms to the checkout clerk and asked where is the fitting room?

And last, but not least:

16. October 23: Went into a fitting room, shut the door, waited awhile; then yelled very loudly, 'Hey! There's no toilet paper in here.' One of the clerks passed out.

Townlife Magazine

I though you mailed to your wife cause you had gotten bored of the grocery store's hunting department even though the meatloaf-pult is almost as much fun as the trebolone`....

My wife didn’t think it was as funny as I did. 😁

Outstanding synopsis, DMc

Some good chuckles,,,thanks

Lol. Good stuff.

🤣

Good one David ! 😂

That's funny

was a kid my Grandfather would take my Grandmother to the store and wait in the car. I am now my Grandfather.

I'd get my wife in the produce section of the supermarket and tell her to "come look at these!"

And lead her to the cucumbers and grab a small one in one hand, and a huge one in the other, and wag them up and down and ask her which one do you want!? LOL...

That'd embarrass the hell out of her. Especially if there were other shoppers around!

If he were a real man he wouldn't let his wife force him to go shopping with her. He would tell her to go by herself.

I've never done those, good ideas.






If you ever put your cart in line at the checkout, then go shopping for more,
you will end up with more.
If I'm behind you.


Folks have been known to find candy bars, and whatever else is for sale within easy reach.



Scotty,


My Pap was the same, never understood it.
No I do!

Recently I've really been trying.
The kids aren't with her much, so I tag along. To give her company, and to work
on my patience with people. Only 54, and it's gotten bad. Too much I won't do
because of crowds. Stuff I would like to do.

Run the cart into her heels a few times, you’ll soon be banned from shopping.

If I let my wife go grocery shopping by herself, the only snacks we have are kale and celery sticks…….

Best laugh I had in quite awhile!😀
Thanks for posting. Hope you don’t mind me stealing it to pass on to some friends!

I don’t hardly shop with Wifey, fug that

Not groceries especially. Like most men I get in and get what I’m after, and get out.
I would occasionally visit a mall or big department store and browse around. We often did bookstores together. I’d browse history she’d look at cookbooks or fiction.
I don’t mind it very much but Penny was known to linger in shoes.😀 She’s another one with dozens of pairs!😀
Reon

I was also wondering if I should print that out and tell my wife, "hey, you should see THIS!!"

I'm still quicker than she..

How are you in a gun store, or the power tool section at Home Depot?

Not bad with power tools. I musta dodged that fetish that some guys have.
I do wish they had those battery powered impact wrenches when I was young. Working in a salvage often involved breaker bars and pipes or the smoke wrench, occasionally both!
I know guys who have lots of knives. Myself I have 6, 4 Kershaws and two Old Timers by Schrade.
One of those is a gift from Dad when I started hunting.
Gun shops? It depends! I browse the used ones, but I only look for a 788 Remington. I have 3, a.308, .243, and a .22-250. If I ever run across one in .223, I’ll probably get into trouble.
Usually looking for components, primers and powder. I got A lot of bullets.
But other than say Cabelas like in Wheeling or Hamburg, I seldom spend more than 15 or twenty minutes unless there’s a conversation started.
My only other big weakness is books. I have a Nook from B&N, but I have a couple hundred others that I bought earlier. Lately I seldom buy a paper book. If I do I read it and pass it on to a friend with similar interests.
I did enjoy trips to a mall with my spouses, and other than trying to drag Penny out of a shoe store, I never got into trouble.😀
Reon

Please do. That's why it's here.