Home Forums Miscellaneous Topics Military OK veterans...how long?

So I've been home about 4 years now and just noticed a couple months ago that I'm no longer constantly scanning the roads for IEDs when I drive. Piles of trash or whatnot in the road still give me the willies, and I'm not certain I'll ever be calm in a crowd again.

Anybody else have anything similar, or am I just weird? I'm not complaining or whining, I guess it's just part of my wiring now and has taken some getting used to. I'm pretty sure that fella that I was before deployment just flat is not going to be seen again.

I've been meaning to ask for a while, down here away from the peanut gallery.

Thanks in advance.

Dave

Superdave, my prayers are with you. I hope you find peace in your daily routine.

Semper Fi,

You were much older then, you're younger then that now. Don't expect people to understand, they can't imagine that world. It's been thirty seven years but somethings never change. You're well on your way to becoming a new, better and more exciting person. You now know that you can accomplish anything, you can survive anything. Best wishes

I guess I'm just looking to hear of any other quirks anyone might be willing to share. This stuff's pretty personal, and there's some other things best kept to myself. I would understand if this thread went completely unreplied to.

Don't get me wrong, my tour was pretty mild compared to many. I don't want to sound like I'm trolling for sympathy. It's just that in the back of my mind I was hoping so someday be 'back to normal' and shed all the trappings acquired in that particular year. I guess it's taken this long to realize that there is no back to normal, a guy just plays the cards he has. Too much time brooding will lead to even more of life passing by.

I rationalize it with the few upsides. It's certainly a defining moment in one's life to regain consciousness inside a field hospital. There's not a day that goes by that I don't thank God for being alive and tell each family member I love them. Whenever I get to feeling sorry for myself I look at pictures of the wreck and think about a couple inches either way and I'd have been dead or a vegetable.

And I count the others on my team as brothers to this only child. We keep in touch and talk when we can. I would not give them up even if somehow offered a clean slate.

But, on the other hand, I kind of wish I could go to sleep when it's windy. I just start to drift off and think "oh, it's just the wind...it's just the wind blowing on the tent...it's just the wind blowing on the tent in Afghanista....@#$%%! I'm back in Afghanistan, and wake up.

I guess what I am trolling for is some "yeah, me too"s. Not that I would wish this stuff on anyone. Just looking for some company I suppose. Somebody told me once "All men have scars, all soldiers have nightmares, that's just the way it is."

Dave

Been there done that, Dave. You will never get over the experience completely. I was an infantryman from in the late 60's to the early 90's. Been thru and seen a lot and still have flash backs, cold sweats, nervious tics, you name it.
It gets easier to deal with as time passes but something will happen or you will see something and it all comes rushing back.
If you are having REAL problems, VA has some help available-Go see them. They can help.

"All men have scars, all soldiers have nightmares, that's just the way it is."

This statement hits the problem right on the head. The good lord made each of us alike and each of us very different. What I mean is that, just like any other experience human beings can share, those of us who have lived the life will be able to empathize with you while those that have not won�t. That is why those that have been there can never really explain it those that have not because there is no common frame of reference that has been mutually shared and therefore, can be mutually understood.

Now to answer your question, no you will never really ever get �back to normal� because what is normal for you is no longer what is normal for those around you. However, as time goes on the memories will fade slowly but surely. Faces will dim, place names will become intermingled as will the snapshots of the events you experienced that you captured in your mind. Their order of occurrence will become jumbled in your mind and if you are lucky, over time the sudden awakenings in the middle of the night will begin to come further and further apart. Over time you will begin to associate the little things, wind, smells as well as various sounds and other perceived senses, with the life you have recreated for yourself back here at home instead of the times you spent �over there�. You will no longer wake up at 2 am to see your wife cringing in the chair in the corner of your bedroom because your thrashing about in bed scared the bejeeves out of her because she wasn�t sure whether you would have hurt her or yourself. The �stare� will slowly dim as your eyes return to a semblance of the shine they held in your youth. Newer memories will slowly begin to replace the older ones, though never really quite all the way.

So, no you will never really get back to normal again, but over time, if you are one of the lucky ones, you will be able to come home again.

It's been over 40 years now for me, and I still avoid areas in trails and paths that are constricted by obstacles on the sides. I just don't walk where it seems like it's the easiest because of conditioning. I don't think it's a handicap, but I'm betting it never goes away.

Waune

superdave
An observation from a guy turning 61 today-I was in Viet Nam 68-69 as an artillery man. Saw some stuff, but nothing like the grunts.
I think the best thing to do is to accept those changes you see in yourself, but to not cultivate them.
I have seen some guys that came back when I did that seemed to act as though they wanted the effect to stay with them forever. They let themselves get up in the night and do perimeter checks of the yard, always insist on sitting with them backs to thee wall in a public place, in other words, seem to deliberately remind themselves.
Some of these guys saw real combat, some didn't- Another guy I know spends his day on the computer talking to other Viet Nam vets.
You need to get on with your life, yet not deny those feelings you have. You just don't deliberately feed them any more than you can help.
Did I make any sense? This is difficult for me to talk about, and I almost never do, but wanted to offer you some moral support.

Fred

Its been 5 years for me. We had it pretty dang easy over there being an aviation unit, but we still got tasked out to do some "stuff". Took me about 6 months to "calm" down. The dumpster truck would scare the bejesus out of me every morning about 3 times a week. Bad dreams ect. I did the typical GI party thing for about a year and then ETSed. Six months later I was in the national guard wishing I had stayed active duty. Alot of my buddies went back over for a second or third rotation and I went home. I deal with alot of guilt over that.
ismith

From one Vet to another that is the bottom line.

Thanks fellas.
Dave

Been "home" since July '05 and out of the Army since Aug '06 and I still catch myself with some stuff. Mainly its big open areas with tall buildings, overpasses, and cars that come flying up on me from behind or (esp.) flying down the onramp right next to me. I was in the Fallujah area and Ramadi w/ 1st Batt. 503rd INF. The VA (for all of its faults, and its got several) is not to bad w/ helping folks w/ PTSD. The hospital near me has mostly combat vets (mostly Vietnam era) as councilers.
Personally, I went through about a year and a half of drinking a fifth of Jack a night and nearly got a DUI before I woke up and desided to get some help.
As for getting over it, you will learn to live with it, but you don't get over it completely. A book that explains some of it pretty well is "Courage After Fire" by Keith Armstrong, L.C.S.W., Suzanne Best Ph.D, and Paula Domenici Ph.D. It is written specifically for OIF/OEF vets. All 3 of the authors are VA PTSD docs at the San Francisco VA hospital who have dealt with vets from WWII onward.

I am not a vet so I can't really give you an answer.

Anyways the reason I am posting in this thread is to say thank you, to you and all vets. Even if you hear it a thousand times a day its still not enough for all the sacrifices you make.

So thank you and I hope that you can find peace.

For myself "it" has diminished but Vietnam has never gone away. The desire to make it do so can cause one to stuff their emotions and that helps little in interpersonal relationships.

By "outing" it as you are doing I believe you will reduce it's effects.

I would recommend working on it with pro's and trying to discover the source of any guilt you may feel. Understanding why I felt the way I did was important to help me decide what to do with the feelings.

I still cry when I see the Vietnam memorial. I'm pretty sure that is a good thing.

I don't think I'll ever be "over it". Still duck when I hear unexpected loud bangs, still eyeball ahead everywhere,still get some harsh dreams. So what?? To this day I feel a genuine bond with other combat vets. Best bunch of guys anyone could want to associate with.

Welcome home brother! Be proud as you have joined an elite group that is far removed from those who have never heard the crack and buzz of angry bullets, and worse. Look inside and you will find strength and confidence that only the "hottest flame" is able to produce. As someone said previously, yes we do have scars and even dreams, but that is who we now are and that isn't at all bad. We have had experiences that others can only read about. FYI: After 40 years I still involuntarily shudder and get goose bumps each time I hear the whap, whap, whap of a twin blade helicopter.

I am in the AF and deployed with the 25thID, but I never left the base. It took me a while just to readjust to being home. Heck, I woke the wife several nights telling her to get to the bunker from the sound of the fan in the bedroom. I feel for you guys that were outside the wire. I am going back in a few more weeks, and I am just hoping to not wake the wife up for a trip to the bunker when I get home. I work with a girl that did convoy duty, and after 2 years, she is still having problems. She's going back in Dec., but not for convoy duty. Got a buddy in the same job as I am, that was shot at several times while doing his job. I am going to where he was last summer, but it's calmed down quite a bit there.

In all my years this is the first reach out I have seen. It is much like someone who is asking for what to expect as time goes on. The future is what is exciting. I was an 18 year old volunteer in 1968, just 6 weeks out of high school when I did my time. Arrived at MACV in December of '68 and left in Feb '70, 15 months all in the Infantry. To answer from my experiences it was 5 years to really adjust. The time may have gone faster but I stayed in the 36th ABN Bge of the Texas NG so there was lots of returning vets around to "refresh" the memories. I did re-enlist in 1978 and went to OCS. I was close to Washington D.C when the Vietnam Memorial was dedicated on Memorial Day, 1982. Three of of went from Aberdeen Proving Grounds and I tell you the emotions came back, in spades! I saw several guys I had known years before and the identification with them really started what I call the final release. The public acceptance of the combat vetern is so much better than 30 years ago. I feel that there is an open acceptance of vets needing help. The country is proud of who we are as a nation and what these modern veterans represent. I'm very pround of our newest greatest generation.

In closing I would say just the asking in this post and the replies from all who have responded show life experiences form us, guide us, shape and teach us. Look forward to every thing in life. Quite frankly with the Presidential elections coming up, the country needs focused citizens to vote and lead. I feel that combat veterans are the only ones qualified to lead the nation. Keep the faith, God is great and he will bless us as a nation. Our mission statement is simply stated in the fourth stanza of the Star Spangled Banner.

Welcome home.