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Irishman Shamus was driving down the street in a sweat because he had an important meeting and couldn't find a parking place. Looking up to heaven he said, "Lord take pity on me. If you find me a parking place I will go to Church every Sunday for the rest of me life and give up me Irish Whiskey!"



Miraculously, a parking place appeared.



Shamus looked up again and said, "Never mind, I found one."

Sadly, that's the way it goes, sometimes . . . . . likely too often.

A new lad in town walked into the pub and ordered three pints o' Guiness. The barkeep thought it was strange to order like that, but drew them up and took them to the table. The fellow drank them over the course of an hour and ordered three more, which he drank in the same fashion. He paid his tab and left.
He was back the next night and the order was repeated. This went on for a week, and the barkeep had to ask, "Why?"
"Well, me one brother is in America and the other in Australia, and when we parted, we agreed ta drink like this as a way of keeping our bonds to each other."
The story spread through the town, and the man became a local legend.
About six months later, the man came in and ordered two pints, not three. Word spread like wildfire, and people discussed the matter over many a pint, or a wee dram of Tullimore Dew. For several nights, this went on. Two pints were ordered and sipped, two more were ordered and sipped, still over the course of an hour per pair, and then he went home.
The barkeep finally said one night, "I'm so sorry fer yer loss, but the whole town is upset as well. Which brother has passed on?"
"Oh, me brothers are in fine health, sir. What makes ya think otherwise?"
"Well, you've only been ordering two pints at a time instead of three, and we thought, well, you know..."
"Well now, thanks fer yer concern, but me brothers are just fine. It's me. I've given up Guiness for Lent."

Murphy finally died at work at the distillery. He fell into the vat of whiskey and drowned. They tried to rescue him several times but he fought them off.
(He did however manage to get out three times to pee.)
When cremated, they say the fire lasted 5 days.

St. Patricks Day is an excuse for the rest of the world to party and fight and get drunk. To the Irish, its just Tuesday, they do that every day anyway.

Murphy lay in hospital covered in bandages head to foot - with just two little slits for his eyes.
''What happened to you?'' asked Cassidy.
''I staggered out of the pub and a lorry hit me a glancing blow and knocked me through a plate glass window.''
''B'god,'' said Cassidy. ''It's a good job you had all those bandages or you'd have been cut to ribbons!''

An Irishman arrived at Logan Airport and wandered about the terminal with tears streaming down his cheeks.
An airline employee asked him if he was homesick.
''No,'' replied the Irishman, ''I've lost all me luggage.''
''That's terrible, how did that happen?''
''The cork fell out of me bottle.''

God created whiskey so the Irish would not rule the world!

From the documentary "The Appalachians" : "There's an old saying about the first settlers in West Virginia. When the Germans first arrived they built a good barn. When the English first arrived they built a church. When the Irish arrived they built a still. When there was a fight brewing the German settlers liked having the Irish with them as they were tenacious fighters, but equally glad to see them leave when the fight was over."

I looked at my wife and said, "the Irish, that's our people".

I'll have all of you guys know I'm half Irish, and I don't know whether to be offended by all this.... or pour myself another whisky and LMAO!!!
Thanks, I needed that, its been one of those days...
Ingwe

Why is there oil in the Middle East and potatoes in Ireland? Because Paddy had first choice!

Why wasn't Jesus born in Ireland? They couldn't find three wise men...

How do you confuse an Irishman? Give him two shovels and tell him to take his pick....

I wonder if my grandma O'Malley would have secretly thought these were funny? She was pretty serious.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=05YQ2mSMejc

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8mOWSlGrAnk

Truer words were never spoken...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3ix7q8N0I2w

My name and one quarter of me is Irish, Doninga and Thomastown dontcha know.... the other three quarters being German. The Irish in me is still waiting for the German to leave.