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Joined: Dec 2003
Posts: 86,284 Likes: 27
Campfire Oracle
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OP
Campfire Oracle
Joined: Dec 2003
Posts: 86,284 Likes: 27 |
I've seen some of these before, but a few new-to-me versions. Happy Friday!
THAT'S WHEN THE FIGHT STARTED...
My wife sat down on the couch next to me as I was flipping channels. She asked, "What's on TV?"
I said, "Dust". And that's when the fight started
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My wife and I were watching Who Wants To Be A Millionaire while we were in bed... I turned to her and said, "Do you want to have sex?" "No", she answered. I then said, "Is that your final answer?" She didn't even look at me this time, simply saying "Yes.." So I said, "Then I'd like to phone a friend"...And that's when the fight started
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I asked my wife, "Where do you want to go for our anniversary?" It warmed my heart to see her face melt in sweet appreciation. "Somewhere I haven't been in a long time!" She said...So I suggested, "How about the kitchen?"...And that's when the fight started
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Saturday morning I got up early, quietly dressed, made my lunch, grabbed the dog, and slipped quietly into the garage...I hooked the boat up to the truck, and proceeded to back out into a torrential downpour. The wind was blowing 50 mph, so I pulled back into the garage, turned on the radio, and discovered that the weather would be bad all day. I went back into the house, quietly undressed and slipped back into bed. I cuddled up to my wife's back, now with a different anticipation, and whispered, "The weather out there is terrible". My loving wife of 10 years replied, "Can you believe my stupid husband is out fishing in that?" And that's when the fight started
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A man and a woman were asleep like two innocent babies. Suddenly, at 3 o'clock in the morning, a loud noise came from outside. The woman, bewildered, jumped up from the bed and yelled at the man, "Holy Crap. That must be my husband!" So the man jumped out of the bed; scared and naked jumped out of the window. He smashed himself on the ground, ran through a thorn bush and to his as fast as he could go. A few minutes later he returned and went up to the bedroom and screamed at the woman, "I AM your husband!" The woman yelled back, "Yeah, then why were you running?" And that's when the fight started
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I tried to talk my wife into buying a case of Molson Canadian for $24.95. Instead, she bought a jar of face cream for $17.95. I told her the beer would make her look better at night than the face cream...And that's when the fight started
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A woman was standing nude, looking in the bedroom mirror. She was not happy with what she saw and said to her husband, "I feel horrible; I look old, fat and ugly. I really need you to pay me a compliment." The husband replies, "Your eyesight's damn near perfect." And that's when the fight started
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I took my wife to a restaurant. The waiter, for some reason, took my order first. "I'll have the strip steak, medium rare, please". He said, "Aren't you worried about the mad cow?" Nah, she can order for herself.." And that's when the fight started
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My wife and I were sitting at a table at my hight school reunion, and I kept staring at a drunken lady swigging her drink as she sat alone at a nearby table. My wife asked, "Do you know her?" "Yes", I sighed, "She's my old girlfriend. I understand she took to drinking right after we split up those many years ago, and I hear she hasn't been sober since". "My God!" said my wife, "Who would think a person could go on celebrating that long?" And that's when the fight started
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After retiring, I went to the Social Security office to apply for my SIN. The woman behind the counter asked me for my driver's license to verify my age...I looked in my pockets and realized I had left my wallet at home. I told the woman that I was very sorry, but I would have to go home and come back later. The woman said, "Unbutton your shirt". So I opened my shirt revealing my curly silver hair. She said, "That silver hair on your chest is proof enough for me," and she processed my Social Security application. When I got home, I excitedly told my wife about my experience at the Social Security office. She said, "You should have dropped your pants. You might have gotten disability too". And that's when the fight started
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When I got home last night, my wife demanded that I take her someplace expensive...so, I took her to a gas station. And that's when the fight started
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My wife was hinting about what she wanted for out upcoming anniversary. She said, "I want something shiny that goes from 0 to 150 in about 3 seconds". I bought her a bathroom scale. And that's when the fight started
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One year, a husband decided to buy his mother-in-law a cemetery plot as a Christmas gift. The next year, he didn't buy her a gift. When she asked him why, he replied, "Well, you still haven't used the gift I bought you last year!" And that's when the fight started
If you take the time it takes, it takes less time. --Pat Parelli
American by birth; Alaskan by choice. --ironbender
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Joined: Nov 2004
Posts: 21,700 Likes: 3
Campfire Ranger
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Campfire Ranger
Joined: Nov 2004
Posts: 21,700 Likes: 3 |
Good readin' right there.
"The number one problem with America is, a whole lot of people need shot, and nobody is shooting them." -Master Chief Hershel Davis
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Joined: Oct 2009
Posts: 16,718
Campfire Ranger
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Campfire Ranger
Joined: Oct 2009
Posts: 16,718 |
Ya s.o.b., I'm getting my first chance at solid food in a week - a dandy sandwich, with all the trimmin's - but I'm laughin' too hard to take a bite!
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Joined: Jul 2006
Posts: 62,043
Campfire Kahuna
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Campfire Kahuna
Joined: Jul 2006
Posts: 62,043 |
Mike.....those were mass forwarded. Great find.
Bet ya' Mac won't show them to his wife!!
The pessimist complains about the wind; the optimist expects it to change; the realist adjusts the sails. William Arthur Ward
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Joined: Aug 2003
Posts: 13,547
Campfire Outfitter
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Campfire Outfitter
Joined: Aug 2003
Posts: 13,547 |
A husband and wife were watching a TV show - the starlett woke up in the morning looking perfect and in full make-up.
The wife sneered, "I wish I looked like that in the morning."
The husband replied, "I wish you looked like that all the time."
That's when the fight started...
Forgive me my nonsense, as I also forgive the nonsense of those that think they talk sense. Robert Frost
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Joined: Oct 2009
Posts: 16,718
Campfire Ranger
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Campfire Ranger
Joined: Oct 2009
Posts: 16,718 |
From a mile away - but it's funny!
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Joined: Dec 2003
Posts: 86,284 Likes: 27
Campfire Oracle
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OP
Campfire Oracle
Joined: Dec 2003
Posts: 86,284 Likes: 27 |
Easy find. Thought it'd be a distraction to the drama.
If you take the time it takes, it takes less time. --Pat Parelli
American by birth; Alaskan by choice. --ironbender
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Joined: Jan 2005
Posts: 54,842
Campfire Kahuna
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Campfire Kahuna
Joined: Jan 2005
Posts: 54,842 |
This one hurts!
My wife was hinting about what she wanted for out upcoming anniversary. She said, "I want something shiny that goes from 0 to 150 in about 3 seconds". I bought her a bathroom scale. And that's when the fight started
Back in the heartland, Thank God!
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Joined: Sep 2009
Posts: 42,027 Likes: 6
Campfire 'Bwana
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Campfire 'Bwana
Joined: Sep 2009
Posts: 42,027 Likes: 6 |
Paul.
Paul.
"Kids who grow up hunting, fishing & trapping, do not mug little old Ladies"
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Joined: Sep 2009
Posts: 42,027 Likes: 6
Campfire 'Bwana
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Campfire 'Bwana
Joined: Sep 2009
Posts: 42,027 Likes: 6 |
Paul.
Paul.
"Kids who grow up hunting, fishing & trapping, do not mug little old Ladies"
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Joined: Sep 2009
Posts: 42,027 Likes: 6
Campfire 'Bwana
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Campfire 'Bwana
Joined: Sep 2009
Posts: 42,027 Likes: 6 |
My all time favourite !! Paul.
Paul.
"Kids who grow up hunting, fishing & trapping, do not mug little old Ladies"
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Joined: Sep 2009
Posts: 42,027 Likes: 6
Campfire 'Bwana
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Campfire 'Bwana
Joined: Sep 2009
Posts: 42,027 Likes: 6 |
Paul.
Paul.
"Kids who grow up hunting, fishing & trapping, do not mug little old Ladies"
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Joined: Apr 2004
Posts: 61,130
Campfire Kahuna
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Campfire Kahuna
Joined: Apr 2004
Posts: 61,130 |
......................................................
I took my wife to a restaurant. The waiter, for some reason, took my order first. "I'll have the strip steak, medium rare, please". He said, "Aren't you worried about the mad cow?" Nah, she can order for herself.." And that's when the fight started
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Ask Les about that one... I believe he has first hand knowledge of how that turns out.
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Joined: Dec 2003
Posts: 86,284 Likes: 27
Campfire Oracle
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OP
Campfire Oracle
Joined: Dec 2003
Posts: 86,284 Likes: 27 |
Figures... Ya can count on Les!
If you take the time it takes, it takes less time. --Pat Parelli
American by birth; Alaskan by choice. --ironbender
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Joined: Sep 2008
Posts: 1,578
Campfire Regular
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Campfire Regular
Joined: Sep 2008
Posts: 1,578 |
Great stuff! Thanks for the chuckle
Turn me loose, set me free, somewhere in the middle of Montana!
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Joined: Jan 2005
Posts: 54,842
Campfire Kahuna
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Campfire Kahuna
Joined: Jan 2005
Posts: 54,842 |
White wine washes out fairly easily.
Back in the heartland, Thank God!
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Joined: Jan 2006
Posts: 19,819 Likes: 1
Campfire Ranger
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Campfire Ranger
Joined: Jan 2006
Posts: 19,819 Likes: 1 |
Mike.....those were mass forwarded. Great find.
Bet ya' Mac won't show them to his wife!! I sent them to a friend who is sitting through a CLE session this afternoon and DD dared him to read them during the session. If he doesn't get thrown out, it's not my fault.
"Be sure you're right. Then go ahead." Fess Parker as Davy Crockett
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Campfire Tracker
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Campfire Tracker
Joined: Nov 2006
Posts: 4,570 |
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Joined: Dec 2003
Posts: 86,284 Likes: 27
Campfire Oracle
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OP
Campfire Oracle
Joined: Dec 2003
Posts: 86,284 Likes: 27 |
White wine washes out fairly easily. your wife did the washin for ya?
If you take the time it takes, it takes less time. --Pat Parelli
American by birth; Alaskan by choice. --ironbender
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