Home

Maybe that�s why I was so taken aback by an article in the Pittsburgh Tribune-Review that theorized that Ben Roethlisberger�s boorish behavior throughout � well, throughout his entire existence � may be attributable to the head injuries and concussions he sustained while playing football and riding his motorcycle.

According to the Tribune,

"Frontal lobe brain trauma has long been known to affect mood, judgment, interpersonal relations, foresight and the inhibition that keeps most others from displaying inappropriate social behavior -- what's called �executive function� by neurologists and psychiatrists.

"People who suffer repeated head injuries often exhibit signs of aggression, childishness, impaired self-control, inappropriate sexual activity and alcohol abuse, according to the National Institutes of Health."
Oh, I see. None of this is his fault. Ben wants to be a nice guy. He wants to respect women. But the head trauma won�t let him. Interesting. Makes perfect sense.

Though, just to play devil�s advocate, there is an alternate theory the NIH may want to consider. Perhaps � and I�m just spit-balling here � but perhaps Ben is just a horse�s ass.

Because, you know what�s also associated with inappropriate social behavior, childishness, and alcohol abuse? Being given an absurd amount of money at a ridiculously young age while surrounding yourself with yes-men who would never dare call you out on anything, lest they risk cutting off their funnel to your petty cash drawer.

Think about it. Roethlisbergeritis can afflict any athlete in any sport (basketball, baseball, golf). Musicians seem to repeatedly come down with Big Ben Syndrome, and actors � do I really need to remind everyone about Charlie Sheen Disorder?

His head injuries make him do that. If only he had taken his medication that night, this whole mess could have been avoided. Heck, he might have taken that young lady out on the town for a KFC Double Down and a Littlebucket Parfait.

Alas, no. Ben�s disease, Roethlisbergeritis, took over his mind and body, made him buy drinks for Milledgeville sorority girls, forced him to scream �all you bitches take my shots,� and then rendered him powerless against the urge to sexually relieve himself with the nearest female � whether she was willing or not (sigh, allegedly).