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He's a philosopher as well: Q. Dick, My mate was very critical of my new Chinese lever shottie and reckons it's just cheap Chink [bleep]. Surely the people that invented gunpowder know a thing or two about making fine guns?
A. Your mate is right, Chinese guns take it up the arse like a poofter chook. Don't let the fact they discovered gunpowder blind you to their inability to make anything more exciting than fireworks with it. I mean Arabs invented oil and although they get good money for it, they haven't really worked out anything useful to do with it besides lubing up the nearest goat. The Japs invented really sharp swords...then the [bleep] went to war with a nation that invented Winchesters. Life is very complex and full of uncertainties written in stone. What's a poofter chook? RWE Poofter = Gay Chook = Chicken I was tossing and turning last night worrying that the subtleties of the Australian language may pose problems for the Campers here...but decided to let you guys in on the website ..... ...hell ! you saved our arses in the Battle of the Coral Sea in WWII and took most of the bad press for Vietnam (we were there... but nobody noticed !  ) You guys have done surprisingly well with our lingo ...I think !!! goodonya guys !
Sunny Australia ....but currently stuck in Spain..
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Campfire Ranger
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the one thing a Brit i know and i could always agree on is that the Aussies dont speak english 
A serious student of the "Armchair Safari" always looking for Africa/Asia hunting books
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Campfire Kahuna
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Is Foster's really Australian for beer, if so, I'm sorry.
Back in the heartland, Thank God!
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"..........we were there... but nobody noticed." Ossie: Some of us noticed, and will never forget,  ! ,
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the one thing a Brit i know and i could always agree on is that the Aussies dont speak english Cant argue with that ! One tip in speaking 'strine' or Oztralian 'tho is to pinch your nose whilst speaking (or have your nasal passages surgically sealed) ! works a treat.. and you'll be understood across the length and breadth of that sunny, brown, parched and slightly wacky island/continent ?..
Sunny Australia ....but currently stuck in Spain..
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...hell ! you saved our arses in the Battle of the Coral Sea in WWII and took most of the bad press for Vietnam (we were there... but nobody noticed ! ) on a similar note, my Father in law was stationed with a bunch of Aussies in Japan during the Korean War and had to eat at your mess hall.....says you are a good bunch of folks but your taste in food was horrible.....boiled onions, mashed pumpkins and his "favorite" mutton brains and kidneys on toast for breakfast.....he damn near starved but said he was in good company
A serious student of the "Armchair Safari" always looking for Africa/Asia hunting books
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Is Foster's really Australian for beer, if so, I'm sorry. Les I tend to agree ...Fosters ?? like the Australian Soccer team after the Krauts beat us 4-zip....a national disgrace !!! Fosters 'was' an Aussie icon....but alas it's just swill for innocent tourists now !!! ..... it was bought out by multinationals....and has been abandoned in megalitres by the average Aussie ..... I can buy it in the supermarket here in Spain (brewed in the EU) and in the UK its brewed in Scotland I think...it's about as popular now in Australia as a pork chop at Jewish wedding(or Mosque) see...we're even handed here!.. Australian beer with cred... VB (Victoria Bitter) Toohey's Coopers Swan Lager Carlton Cold plus many more we even have a Queensland beer called XXXX !!!(!!!! no it aint a condom...'tho drink to much of it and after looking through the beer goggles.... it can lead to the use of the latter.... 
Sunny Australia ....but currently stuck in Spain..
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Campfire Kahuna
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Have heard good things about Toohey's. UMMMM BEER!
Back in the heartland, Thank God!
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...hell ! you saved our arses in the Battle of the Coral Sea in WWII and took most of the bad press for Vietnam (we were there... but nobody noticed ! ) on a similar note, my Father in law was stationed with a bunch of Aussies in Japan during the Korean War and had to eat at your mess hall.....says you are a good bunch of folks but your taste in food was horrible.....boiled onions, mashed pumpkins and his "favorite" mutton brains and kidneys on toast for breakfast.....he damn near starved but said he was in good company Rattler, Your 'outlaw' (father in law!!) should have taken the hint about the food when he saw the 'MESS Hall' sign !!!! geeze !!!! but ....times have changed and I can assure you that mutton brains has gone off the menu ...kidneys on toast is not a big seller either... ...But I wouldn't put it past the Aussie cooks to have served up that rubbish especially .....'as the Yanks were coming for breakfast....'...knowing our sick sense of humour the diggers (soldiers) would even probably eat the stuff too...to continue the scam....only to regurgitate 30 mins later and go back to the Mess hall for some real tucker ..ie: bacon, sausages and eggs.... ....You have to watch them Aussies ....they are crafty, sneaky buggers....
Sunny Australia ....but currently stuck in Spain..
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LOL......my FIL spent the time pulling seaplanes out of the water and never fired a shot in anger or had one fired at him.....apparently some of the Navy and airforce boys in the big planes that were in the air for more than 6 hours or so kept food in a galley but for the shorter flight rarely ate it......him and the rest of the Americans stationed with the Aussies took to stealing the fly boys uneaten food off the planes and eating it instead of eating with you guys......and that chit was on the menu day in and day out and wasnt them just [bleep] with us Yanks....there was a big celebration when the Americans finally put in their own mess hall 
Last edited by rattler; 06/21/10.
A serious student of the "Armchair Safari" always looking for Africa/Asia hunting books
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Dick, I hear a lot of conflicting opinions on what is causing global warming and it's effects on the planet. You're a student of nature, what do you think is going on here.
A. Well, it's pretty simple really. At no time in history have there been so many politicians, the sheer amount of [bleep] and greenhouse gases that these vermin produce has never been equalled. Not even the dinosaurs went close. If we are serious about tackling global warming then the answers are obvious...forget Kyoto, forget bullshit carbon trading or taxing. The answer my friends is to piss off most of the politicians. Knock em on the head and plant them in the garden, the planet will thank you.
If you cann't stand my spelling use the ingore feature.
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LOL......my FIL spent the time pulling seaplanes out of the water and never fired a shot in anger or had one fired at him.....apparently some of the Navy and airforce boys in the big planes that were in the air for more than 6 hours or so kept food in a galley but for the shorter flight rarely ate it......him and the rest of the Americans stationed with the Aussies took to stealing the fly boys uneaten food off the planes and eating it instead of eating with you guys......and that chit was on the menu day in and day out and wasnt them just [bleep] with us Yanks....there was a big celebration when the Americans finally put in their own mess hall Your Commanders obviously read Napoleon's advice on 'Armies marching on their stomachs' .... ...poor old diggers 'tho .....with the US guys out of the mess hall they now had to eat two servings of mutton brains !!!! Apparently in Australia during WWII there was an expression the local girls had for US servicemen on R & R ...something like "Overfed, overpaid, oversexed and over here !!!"
Sunny Australia ....but currently stuck in Spain..
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I wonder: does Dick has a large female fan club? Q. Dick, I know you don't normally answer any questions of a personal nature but I have no mates and I'm truly desperate. I overheard my wife telling her girlfriend that she has to fake all her orgasms when making love with me. I feel cheap, used & inadequate what would you do?
A. Get even with the bitch and fake all foreplay.
Is it too ambitious or too naive to look for an honest politician? Or simply a useful one?
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Q. I've just become the proud owner of an Anschutz bench rifle. After shooting it for the first time I'm a bit worried that it may not be competitive enough according to some of the results others on hunting forums are regularly getting with ease. What is your take on this?
A. I'm glad you asked, your rifle is fine and the information on the internet is fine. What those guys on the net aren't telling you is that to shoot really great groups you really need to do some serious work on your keyboard. Most keyboards are shipped with a "lawyer's" return key...way too heavy. You need to replace the return spring under this key with a much lighter one and make sure the rubber membrane is free of Coke or Coffee spills which will cause a lot of creep.
Is it too ambitious or too naive to look for an honest politician? Or simply a useful one?
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Q. Dick, I recently spent three miserable days in the mountains with two blokes I had not hunted with before. One bloke spent every waking hour sermonizing the ethics and obligations to the hunted animal to me, while the other fat bastard would have drowned out a rock concert with his snoring and constantly stole food and drinks off me. When I fronted him, he said he used to be a sniper and kept watching me all day long with that 1000 yd stare. Am I just being too sensitive?
A. Just put it down to experience. I'm very careful as to who I take along hunting; yet I always keep a bag of lime and a long handled shovel in the car for when my judgement lets me down. I suggest you do the same.
Is it too ambitious or too naive to look for an honest politician? Or simply a useful one?
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I hope our resident gunwriters will laugh too! Q. Dick, I'm often dismayed and confused after reading articles in many of the well known shooting magazines. It seems incredible to me that some of the best known gun writers are happily writing stories about shooting "trophies" they have bagged with the assistance of a guide, usually on a game ranch? As I'm talking about hunting in Australia not Africa or anywhere exotic, surely these blokes with their experience and knowledge of our own country don't need the training wheels, do they?
A. You'd be surprised. With the onset of old age and dementia, most of these guys would get lost not long after they walked past the letterbox and couldn't find a trophy in Peter Brock's display cabinet. You might be surprised to know that a good guide needs to be a puppet master foremost and have a good supply of rubber gloves to "point" these guys in the right direction. It's all about ethics really, is a root still a root even if you pay someone for it?
Is it too ambitious or too naive to look for an honest politician? Or simply a useful one?
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It's all about ethics really, is a root still a root even if you pay someone for it? Aussies are great to drink beer with, providing you stay more sober.
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Australian beer with cred...
VB (Victoria Bitter)
Toohey's
Coopers
Swan Lager
Carlton Cold
plus many more Used to be able to get Swan over here but I've not seen it in a long time. Good stuff.
If something on the internet makes you angry the odds are you're being manipulated
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It's all about ethics really, is a root still a root even if you pay someone for it? Aussies are great to drink beer with, providing you stay more sober. RWE Actually the Krauts arent too shabby when it comes to 'getting on the piss' ('drinking beer') I went to a pub in Madrid (weekend before last) to see Australia get humiliated (4-zip) by the Jerrys.... and to add insult to injury ...they drank the pub dry....just when I needed a final cleansing lager...(lo seinto no cerveza! - sorry no beer !)......no, no.. I didnt mention 'the war'....but felt like doing it.... 
Sunny Australia ....but currently stuck in Spain..
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Campfire Outfitter
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Broncos are officially the worst team in the nation this year.
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