Home Forums Hunting & Shooting Hunter's Campfire Tired ---------------------------------- ---------------

A friend of mine was surprised to learn recently that I wasn�t interested in shooting a gun. The reason for that is easy to understand, too simple to need detailed explanation.

The fact is that I�m tired, guys. Nothing desperate. Nothing complicated. Nothing profound. Nothing to complain about or to cry about. Not depressed. Not fishing for pity. Just simply tired. That�s only normal for a worn-out ol' husk.

I�m tired of shooting. Tired of hunting. Tired of guns. Tired of writing. Tired of out-living cherished long-time friends who were younger than me. All the gun things have lost their obsessive fascination. I�m just flat worn-out, that�s all. Simply worn-out.

I�ve been hunting since the early 1930s. Lost count, years ago, of the critters that I�ve killed and caught. Of the places that I�ve hunted. Of cherished, irreplaceable hunting partners who�ve died and left me behind. Even the memories are losing their savor.

Lost count of the nice guns (hundreds?) that I�ve owned. The cartridges and other gun stuff that I�ve designed and built, some for myself, some for others.

I�ve been writing since 1946 (published since 1947). Lost count, long ago, of the stuff that I�ve written through the years � from poetry and essays though several kinds of books. Hundreds.

My old friends are dying faster than I�m making new ones.

I have very few kin left � none close enough for visits.

The only thing that still gives me pleasure is fellowship with friends. I have many good friends, thankfully, but haven�t met most of �em face-to-face. Most are too far away for visits, so fellowship these days runs awfully thin, few, and far between.

Campfire Sh�thead is right � I�m the guy whom he called a �miserable old bastard,� but I�m not the guy �who refuses to die.� I�m a guy for whom happiness will be that fine, dusty, gray powder that comes out of the crematorium, with the dental gold sifted out.

That ol� sweet chariot that�s soon a-comin� for to carry me Home can�t come too soon or swing too low to suit me. But I can�t wade that gulf, so I�ll just wait for it. Ready to go get some rest.

A decade or more ago, I wrote this little thing for my family and friends �

Mon Bon Voyage

If pine trees sigh when I die,
Let no one ooze a tear.

If grass turns brown as angel�s frown,
It�s not �cause I�m not here.

If the sky be blue, let none of you
When sets my last day�s sun.

Where grass is green, let you be seen,
One and all, having fun.

IOW, don�t mourn, don�t miss me, celebrate! I'll be gettin' some rest!

When your day comes heaven will be a better place..God Bless!!! Woody

Ken, I really hear ya re: the 'tired' thing..

I've lost interest in a lot of things over the last couple years.. Now, I'm wondering just what the heck I'm gonna do with all the firearms related 'stuff' I've accumulated..

The thought of moving all this out to SD makes me wanna curl up in a fetal position..

Ken, if this is "tired", I sure would have loved to have met you when you were a spring chicken!

I also wish I were closer, for I enjoyed my visit more than you know.

I hope your day is full of wonder and bright surprises!

Ed

Life is a lesson in "letting Go". Learn that lesson well and learn it young. It will serve you well through the years.

And the planet earth, the campfire in particular a much sadder & poorer place.

Yes that age & health thing makes us all old and miserable. Only human nature to lose interest in things of the past that made us smile.

Its mutch worse to be young and so miserable that your pleasure comes from calling others miserable old bastards. GW

Ken,

Have a dear friend that is like you. Had a long, productive life and has so many medical issues, she is just ready to go join her husband. I know where your at but still find myself looking for your posts on the campfire. They ALWAYS bring a smile to my face. When you go, you will be missed more than you know. Ray

I get that way when I read "Ecclesiastes".

Less reading , more writing[on the 'fire] is in order!

A clear & succinct dissertation, sir.

Never met you, never expect to, but my remembrance & mental picture of you from your writing & comments here will be long.

When the time comes, I wish you a safe & easy journey; sometimes, regardless of what some may think, when there is little to live for, there is simply little to live for.

My Best Regards,

MM (Bill)

Well, Ken, at least you can brag you've done just about everything. So that's worthy, eh?

It is funny how time changes our perspectives and priorities. I have become more thoughtful and less brash as I get older. I think more about other�s perspectives. I feel very sorry for some people like my parents that never have really �lived�. Those that are just going through the motions and never really enjoyed life; those that know the cost of everything but the value of nothing�..

I enjoy reading your posts, and hope you find peace while still on this earth. I know your insight is still valued here. I just listened to this scripture while driving to work this morning. It�s one of my favorites. 2nd Tomothy 7-8 �I have fought the good fight, I have finished the race, I have kept the faith. Now there is in store for me the crown of righteousness, which the Lord, the righteous Judge, will award to me on that day�and not only to me, but also to all who have longed for his appearing. �

Dave, I'd like to keep at 'em until I can do some of 'em well, but I'm just too "give out." As the old saying goes, I've got a hitch in my git-along � and this time, it's total and permanent.

Sir, I hope that day is a good ways off. I learn a little something pretty much every time I read one of your posts, even when you're tired.

Indeed.! I got to the Campfire late and enjoy reading your posts. You're quite the linguist and can say more with less, better than just about anybody I've ever seen.

My grandma complains "she doesn't have any friends cause she's outlived em all".! I guess we're all going to get to that point sooner or later.

I've come to appreciate your wit and I imagine you've got quite a sense of humor. When I saw the thread title, it made me thing of this.

Hope you can stick around for a while longer, if not, I hope you have a peaceful journey.

I understand, friend. I understand.

I'll see ya on the other side.

Ken

Doesn't mean I have to like where you are in life. But I think I can certainly understnad it, and if not fully, then later in life I"ll more clearly understand.

Godspeed to you and as we all know, there is a reason for everything, God has you here for a reason still. For me, I think its someone we can look up to on the campfire.

But when the time comes, I'll shed a tear with a smile on my face and thank God that you are with him.

Jeff

I understand completely. You seem to be experiencing the tiredness of life that grips those of us who journey too near the curtain. It is a long journey, toward uncertainty through a world that never approaches our expectations of what it should be. We expect great things, treasures that enrich and enrapture us and never fade, only to find that everything we love and treasure changes and is lost. For me these things were my expectations, my goals and my desires, yet all proved no more real than a shimmering mirage dancing on the drifting sands of time�s wasteland.

My first lesson was that each day is a separate reality, that we are on a journey through time and history that we never expected or desired. We laud and covet things and circumstances that once grasped turn to sand rapidly pouring through our fingers. Parents and family die, some unexpectedly, some in ways so languishingly torturous as to provoke disbelief at the horror. Friends and acquaintances come and go. They are so valuable to us for the companionship and discourse we share, only to be plucked from us by death, or distance, or merely a receding of interest. My second lesson was that the world changes our possibilities. When I was a boy, my desire was to be a railroad engineer driving those monstrous black steam locomotives. How was I to know that before my thirteenth birthday this possibility would fade irrevocably into history? Where I found myself at age eighteen was working in the horse show business, gaited Saddlebred Horses, Hackney Ponies, and American Standardbreds. It appealed to my anachronistic nature, a throwback to a cabinet of Edwardian curiosities. Yet this too lasted a little less than a decade, for I changed with age and circumstances, and tired of long trips by rail and van to fairgrounds for weeks at a time. Lesson three was most frightful of all, that I myself was subject to change. Everything about me was also on a journey through change, where the present becomes the past, experience becomes memories, and I myself am becoming history.

Through it all my interest in firearms remained steadfast, a comfort if you will. There were new guns to be purchased, loads to be tested, ideas to be tried, competitions to play with, custom rifles to be commissioned. I never much liked hunting, being allergic to most game meat except wild pig. So I took up varmint hunting, little targets at long range. I read everything I could get my hands on. Curiously, this too began to change at about age sixty. First, I noticed the gun magazines were not as interesting as they once were. Nothing much was being discussed that was new to me, or enticing as it once was. Same old stuff, hashed over and reheated. I find myself toying with the idea of allowing my subscriptions to lapse. Everything seems to be less important. Yes, I still go varmint hunting, as I did last Wednesday, and enjoy trips to Oregon to hunt with my old friend I have known since age twelve. My guess is that I caught a peek behind the curtain, a glimpse of the reality behind it all, that this isn�t the real world, the final destination.

Now I wonder what it all means. Were we mere analog creatures in some Great Experiment? Could there be another reality, akin to a digital world where everything is more to our expectations? There is a question for a tired and disillusioned mind to contemplate. Maybe this too is part of the plan, to prepare for the setting aside of the things of this world only to take up those of the next. I wonder?

I find the older I get, the more interesting heaven looks. I've a lot of family and friends there.

With age comes knowledge, Mr. Howell, and you possess a lot of it. You will not spend one day longer, or one day less, on God's green earth than he intended. So, share what you know with others that others will be blessed as The Good Lord has blessed you with knowledge and skill. Emulate yourself.

For we are not merely receptors of God blessings but it's streams and arteries delivering it wherever God wills. Otherwise, we would be like The Dead Sea with only an inlet and no outlet.

God bless you sir.

Ken,

I understand and appreciate what you're saying. It's easy to to lose interest in activities.

The one thing I will always have is a great admiration for nature and all if it's beauty. A sunset, a view of the mountains, birds, wildlife, a stream, a lake ........

Don't forget about these treasures in life. It doesn't always have to involve an activity to put a smile on your face.

Best wishes,

fish head