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Joined: Feb 2001
Posts: 73,096
Campfire Kahuna
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OP
Campfire Kahuna
Joined: Feb 2001
Posts: 73,096 |
Q. What's the Cuban National Anthem? A. Row, Row, Row Your Boat.
Q. Where does an Irish family go on vacation ?
A. A different bar.
Q. What did the Chinese couple name their tan, curly-haired baby? A. Sum Ting Wong.
Q. What do you call it when an Italian has one arm shorter than the other?
A. A speech impediment.
Q. Why aren't there any Puerto Ricans On Star Trek? A. Because they're not going to work in the future either.
Q. Why do Driver Ed classes in redneck schools use the car only on Mondays, Wednesdays and Fridays? A. Because on Tuesday and Thursday, the Sex Ed class uses it.
Q. What's the difference between a southern zoo and a northern zoo?
A. The southern zoo has a description of the animal along with a recipe.
Q How do you get a sweet little 80-year-old lady to say the 'F' word?
A. Get another sweet little 80-year-old lady to yell, 'BINGO!'
Q. What's the difference between a northern fairytale and a southern fairytale? A. A northern fairytale begins, ....'Once upon a time...' A southern fairytale begins,... 'Y'all ain't gonna believe this [bleep].'
Q. Why doesn't Mexico have an Olympic team? A. Because all the Mexicans who can run, jump or swim are already in the United States
George Orwell was a Prophet, not a novelist. Read 1984 and then look around you!
Old cat turd!
"Some men just need killing." ~ Clay Allison.
I am too old to fight but I can still pull a trigger. ~ Me
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Joined: Aug 2004
Posts: 28,196
Campfire Ranger
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Campfire Ranger
Joined: Aug 2004
Posts: 28,196 |
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Joined: Nov 2009
Posts: 15,885
Campfire Ranger
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Campfire Ranger
Joined: Nov 2009
Posts: 15,885 |
Old Turd- Deplorable- Unrepentant Murderer- Domestic Violent Extremist
Just "Campfire Riffraff and Trash"
This will be my last post! Flave 1/3/21
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Joined: Oct 2009
Posts: 16,718
Campfire Ranger
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Campfire Ranger
Joined: Oct 2009
Posts: 16,718 |
Let 'em be offended. "They" will have to wait a bit to heard however - as my laughter is quite loud.
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Joined: May 2003
Posts: 31,240
Campfire 'Bwana
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Campfire 'Bwana
Joined: May 2003
Posts: 31,240 |
I am deeply offended by people who are offended by things I find inoffensive.
Cleverly disguised as a responsible adult.
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Joined: Aug 2004
Posts: 28,196
Campfire Ranger
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Campfire Ranger
Joined: Aug 2004
Posts: 28,196 |
Here is another good batch of the offensive...I'm counting on the software to do my editing of profanity.
Warning: These jokes may offend you....if so, too bad. ____________________________________________________
Some guy just knocked on my door selling raffle tickets for poor black orphans. I said, �[bleep] that � knowing my luck, I�d win one!�
What�s the difference between an illegal Mexican and ET? ET looked better, smelled better, learned English, didn�t claim benefits, had his own [bleep] bike, and wanted to go home! ____________________________________________________
A guy gets a call from the police telling him that his house was robbed. The offenders had also consumed all of his beer and had raped his wife. A moment of silence passes and the guy says, �I can�t believe they [bleep] my wife after only five beers!� ____________________________________________________
Got this text from my brother recently. It read. �Can I stay at your house for a while? The ol' Lady kicked me out after she caught me measuring my cock. It just reaches the back of her sister�s throat!�
______________________________________________________
* Was banging this nice Lady over her kitchen table when we heard the front door open. She said, �It�s my husband! Quick, try the back door!� Thinking back, I really should have ran � but you don�t get offers like that every day. ____________________________________________________
Sorry for not calling you on New Years, I just got out of jail. I got locked up for punching the [bleep] out of this idiot at a party. In my defense�when you hear an Arab counting down from 10, your instincts kick in. ____________________________________________________
My wife just came in and said, �I don�t know if I am coming or going. �I said to her, �Judging by the look on your face, you�re going � �cus when you�re coming, you look like a [bleep] Down Syndrome kid trying to whistle!� ____________________________________________________
I saw a fortune teller the other day. She told me I would come into some money. Last night I [bleep] a girl called Penny � is that spooky or what? _____________________________________________________
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Joined: Jan 2007
Posts: 7,297
Campfire Tracker
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Campfire Tracker
Joined: Jan 2007
Posts: 7,297 |
At first I was offended that you left me out.So I read it again,#9 I feel better now.
Ideas are far more powerful than guns, We dont let our people have guns. Why should we let them have ideas. "Joseph Stalin"
He who has braved youths dizzy heat dreads not the frost of age.
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Joined: Nov 2006
Posts: 8,557
Campfire Outfitter
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Campfire Outfitter
Joined: Nov 2006
Posts: 8,557 |
An American, a Scot and a Canuk were in a terrible car accident. They were all brought to the same emergency room, but all three of them died before they arrived. Just as they were about to put the toe tag on the American, he stirred and opened his eyes. Astonished, the doctors and nurses present asked him what happened.
"Well," said the American, "I remember the crash, and then there was a beautiful light, and then the Canadian and the Scot and I were standing at the gates of heaven. St. Peter approached us and said that we were all too young to die, and that for a donation of $100, we could return to the earth."
He continued, " So of course, I pulled out my wallet and gave him the $100, and the next thing I knew I was back here."
"That's amazing!" said one of the doctors, "But what happened to the other two?"
"Last I saw them," replied the American, "the Scot was haggling over the price and the Canadian was waiting for the government to pay for his."
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Joined: Aug 2003
Posts: 39,003
Campfire 'Bwana
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Campfire 'Bwana
Joined: Aug 2003
Posts: 39,003 |
None of these offend me - that in and of itself offends me.
Me
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Joined: Feb 2004
Posts: 7,731
Campfire Outfitter
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Campfire Outfitter
Joined: Feb 2004
Posts: 7,731 |
The Zoo and Fairy Tale ones were pretty darn funny... and spot on!
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Joined: Dec 2000
Posts: 29,348
Campfire Ranger
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Campfire Ranger
Joined: Dec 2000
Posts: 29,348 |
Q. What do you call it when an Italian has one arm shorter than the other?
A. A speech impediment. � Real-world (Jeddah) equivalent � Saudi who can't drive his car because the horn won't blow. � Corollary � What does a one-armed Italian need most? An interpreter.
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Joined: Oct 2006
Posts: 21,959
Campfire Ranger
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Campfire Ranger
Joined: Oct 2006
Posts: 21,959 |
I am deeply offended by people who are offended by things I find inoffensive. This. I think.
"For joy of knowing what may not be known we take the golden road to Samarkand." James Elroy Flecker
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Joined: Dec 2008
Posts: 78,300
Campfire Oracle
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Campfire Oracle
Joined: Dec 2008
Posts: 78,300 |
I find the lack of an anecdote about African-Americans in the OP offensive.... Clearly racist...
"...the left considers you vermin, and they'll kill you given the chance..." Bristoe
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Joined: Jul 2010
Posts: 1,839
Campfire Regular
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Campfire Regular
Joined: Jul 2010
Posts: 1,839 |
I find the lack of an anecdote about African-Americans in the OP offensive.... Clearly racist... Ok, just for you. One African-American joke..... Barrack Hussein Obama. Did you hear Obama gave up making speeches in the south cause every time he got on stage the rednecks would start bidding on him?
The original international turd
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Joined: Aug 2005
Posts: 26,337
Campfire Ranger
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Campfire Ranger
Joined: Aug 2005
Posts: 26,337 |
I find the lack of an anecdote about African-Americans in the OP offensive.... Clearly racist... Ok, just for you. One African-American joke..... Barrack Hussein Obama. Did you hear Obama gave up making speeches in the south cause every time he got on stage the rednecks would start bidding on him? i'm a Southerner and i'm deeply afended with that remark. i clearly state for the world to know that the Hussein man is not for sale. no matter what Soros might or might not offer.
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Joined: Feb 2001
Posts: 73,096
Campfire Kahuna
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OP
Campfire Kahuna
Joined: Feb 2001
Posts: 73,096 |
George Orwell was a Prophet, not a novelist. Read 1984 and then look around you!
Old cat turd!
"Some men just need killing." ~ Clay Allison.
I am too old to fight but I can still pull a trigger. ~ Me
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Joined: May 2005
Posts: 16,554
Campfire Ranger
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Campfire Ranger
Joined: May 2005
Posts: 16,554 |
I am SO offended by this thread! (When do I get my check?)
The key elements in human thinking are not numbers but labels of fuzzy sets. -- L. Zadeh
Which explains a lot.
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Joined: Jan 2001
Posts: 59,140
Campfire Kahuna
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Campfire Kahuna
Joined: Jan 2001
Posts: 59,140 |
Didn't read 'em all, so apology up front if duplicate.. What do you call two Mexican firemen? Jose and hose-B. Why were there only 400 Mexicans that the Alamo? They could only find two buses.. What's a seven-course meal in Ireland? A baked potato and a six-pack.. How do you make a Norwegian woman more attractive? You give her a massage rubbed with lutefisk. How do you get Minnesotans to buy Queen's tix? Offer 'em Grain Belt at $7.50/bottle..
Ex- USN (SS) '66-'69 Pro-Constitution. LET'S GO BRANDON!!!
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Joined: Jun 2005
Posts: 13,800
Campfire Outfitter
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Campfire Outfitter
Joined: Jun 2005
Posts: 13,800 |
RE: "Oh Hell !!" ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~
Q: What is the difference between a woman sitting in a bathtub, and a woman sitting in church?
A: One of the women has hope in her soul.
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Joined: Mar 2007
Posts: 24,370
Campfire Ranger
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Campfire Ranger
Joined: Mar 2007
Posts: 24,370 |
Folks that are offended by a simple word or two, must not think much of themselves to begin with.
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