Home Forums Hunting & Shooting Hunter's Campfire Idiots with a PA system

An old friend of mine called yesterday and reminded me of a couple tales from my past that I forgot about. Kind of long, but this is one of them. I figured it'd make a few folks laugh. Northern Dave, I hope I haven't inspired you... This is the same guy with the poop stories I sent you.

In High School, my buddy and I decided his Chevy Blazer needed a loud speaker. I'm the nerdy one, so I got right to work. I don't remember how I rigged it up, but we got a hold of a decibel meter and it was 121 decibels. I remember that! We had the speakers hidden, so no one could tell it was us. You talked into an old CB microphone. We had a lot of fun with that thing in traffic. If someone was driving slowly in the fast lane, we'd let them know. We were never too mean about it. We'd just call people out for there actions if they were doing something they shouldn't. It was loud enough that no one could tell where it was coming from, and we could always see the other drivers laughing. Some favorites we remembered:

"Ma'am, get off the cell phone and drive with both hands. You're endangering my life and the lives of other drivers. You're swerving all over the road like you drank a couple bottles of night train."

"White Ford F-250 with the lift kit. Way to cut off that woman. I bet she's someone's grandma. Way to be a azzhat. Also, the balls on your truck are really classy. I'm glad you reaffirmed that is has power and is big. I wasn't sure. I bet she's on her way right now to make her sick grandaughter some chicken noodle soup. She just stopped by the *local family that raises chickens* to get some old hens. She has such an awful case of the flu, they're considering the hospital. I'm sure the new Rascal Flatts CD you're going to buy is not as important as her grandaughter's health, but that's just my opinion. You know what they say about opinions." We remember this one really well. This was the 3rd car this guy had cut off. The old lady pulled over because she was laughing so hard. We did too and talked to her. She thought we were hilarious and said she wanted a loudspeaker of her own. It turns out she was the grandma of one of our friends. She stopped by me and my buddy's dual graduation party.

In the drive out line at McDonalds when we could hear the customer at the window being irate about there meal being wrong. "This is McDonalds, not haute cusine. Take your McRib and move on. Yelling at someone probably making minimum wage will accomplish nothing but stress them out and give you a heart attack. Wait, you're eating McDonalds. If you want a heart attack, keep on yelling. I apologize sir. It looks like I'm the one that's acting inappropriately."

It even came in handy once. We lived 20 miles from the nearest stores, so my mom had instructed me to buy some flour. I forgot. We were heading out of town and had to be 30 miles in the wrong direction within 40 minutes, so we didn't have time. I saw the neighbor lady's car.

"Nanny and Jack, this is your neighbor. My mom asked me to buy flour, but I forgot and have to leave town now. If you're going to the grocery store, please get her some." She said she was confused, but got the flour.

We ended up taking it off after about 8 months of fun. We figured it was too fun to be legal and we'd eventually get in trouble for it.

Years ago I was driving on I-5 when a very loud voice told me my back door ajar. Scared the heck out of me.

Had one of those in HS. We also rigged it to play farm animal sounds. Seeing peoples faces at a cross walk when a car suddenly says, "Moooooo!!!!!!" was pretty fun.

I used to have an old 86 CJ7 that i drove 25 miles to school every day thru interstate traffic, i never could go over 60mph in that thing lol.
After almost being run over by a few semis and cut off by jacked up trucks, i installed a 4 horn train horn under the hood and welded up a pipe bumper that was tapped as a air tank for the horns.. Hehe word got around that little town quick, i was never cut off again lol. But yes i scared a few ppl into the ditch:)

I can remember a time many years ago a buddy and I was running together at the top of the Cabbage Patch south of Pendleton, OR when he yelled back to me on his CB Radio: "Hey Gator, I just went by a sign the read 'First Warning Step Grade Truckers use a lower gear!' What does that mean?"

My reply to him was: "With a handle of 'Gator' I'm a flat land trucker, I've got no idea what it means. Let me get out my CDI Driver's Manual and see what it says. O.K. I got it let me see. Oh Damn it just flew out the window so I guess we'll just have to wing it keep the pedal to the metal; and let it fly."

All the time this is going on there is some little gal down in Pendleton is yell at us on her CB to slow down we're coming to a big steep hill. Did I tell you that both of us used to run over the Cabbage Patch at six times a week weighing 80,000 lbs with no Jake Brake or Retarder.

Bob comes up behind this CF set of doubles and says over the CB to the CF driver: "My brakes are getting a little warm do you mind if I ease up behind you and you can brake for both of us."

To which the Corn Flake driver eases over to the right shoulder and Bob eases on by him with everything under control.

The things we used to pull to combat the boredom out there driving over the road.

Another time coming out of Salt Lake City I was running behind this CF Driver on I-80N (now I-84) and a South Bound driver asked the Driver ahead of me how he was doing and the CF Driver came back with "Oh, I'm driving this rig drinking coffee, talking on the CB Radio and Choking my Chicken." So he sticks his arm out the window holding a rubber chicken by the neck.

There was a Utah State Trooper Driving between me and the CF Driver and he had no sense of humor what-so-ever as he pulled the CF driver over and gave him a ticket for failure to maintain control of the vehicle.

In the Marine Corps we had a system called a "Loud Hailer" on our CH-46 helicopters. You could scream at the enemy on the ground and put the fear of God into them.

I had a PA in my truck in highschool, i had it switched to play off the CB Mic or the radio. We used to cruise around town blasting this