Home Forums Hunting & Shooting Hunter's Campfire WHERE to retire in America

You can retire to Phoenix, Arizona where...

1. You are willing to park three blocks away because you found shade.

2. You have experienced condensation on your hiney from the hot
water in the toilet bowl.

3. You can drive for four hours in one direction and never leave town!

4. You have over 100 recipes for Mexican food.

5. You know that "dry heat" is comparable to what hits you in the face when you open your oven door.

6. The 4 seasons are: tolerable, hot, really hot, and ARE YOU SHXXXN' ME?!

OR you can retire to California where...

1. You make over $250,000 and you still can't afford to buy a house.

2. The fastest part of your commute is going down your driveway.

3. You know how to eat an artichoke.

4. You drive your rented Mercedes to your neighborhood block party.

5. When someone asks you how far something is, you tell them how long it will take to get there rather than how many miles away it is.

6. The four seasons are: Fire, Flood, Mud, and Drought.


OR you can retire to New York City where...

1. You say "the city" and expect everyone to know you mean Manhattan.

2. You can get into a four-hour argument about how to get from Columbus Circle to Battery Park, but can't find Wisconsin on a map.

3. You think Central Park is"nature."

4. You believe that being able to swear at people in their own language makes you multi-lingual.

5. You've worn out a car horn. (Ed. Note: If you have a car).

6. You think eye contact is an act of aggression.


OR you can retire to Minnesota where...

1. You only have four spices: salt, pepper, ketchup, and Tabasco .

2. Halloween costumes fit over parkas.

3. You have more than one recipe for casserole.

4. Sexy lingerie is anything flannel with less than eight buttons.

5. The four seasons are: almost winter, winter, still winter & construction.


OR you can retire to the Deep South where...

1. You can rent a movie and buy bait in the same store.

2. "Y'all" is singular and "all y'alls" is plural.

3. "He needed killin" is a valid defense.

4. Everyone has 2 first names: Billy Bob, Jimmy Bob, Mary Ellen, Betty Jean, Mary Beth, etc.

5. Everything is either "in yonder," "over yonder" or "out yonder."

It's important to know the difference, too.

OR you can retire to Colorado where...

1. You carry your $3,000 mountain bike atop your $500 car.

2. You tell your husband to pick up Granola on his way home
and so he stops at the day care center.

3. A pass does not involve a football or dating.

4. The top of your head is bald, but you still have a pony tail.

OR you can retire to the Midwest where...

1. You've never met any celebrities, but the mayor knows your name.

2. Your idea of a traffic jam is ten cars waiting to pass a tractor.

3. You have had to switch from "heat" to "A/C" on the same day.

4. You end sentences with a preposition: "Where's my coat at?"

5. When asked how your trip was to any exotic place, you say,
"It was different!"

OR finally you can retire to Florida where...

1. You eat dinner at 3:15 in the afternoon.

2. All purchases include a coupon of some kind -- even houses and cars.

3. Everyone can recommend an excellent dermatologist.

4. Road construction never ends anywhere in the state.

5. Cars in front of you often appear to be driven by headless people!

The Bluegrass,...where God vacations,...

That right THERE will preclude me from moving ANYWHERE that has no winter..

The bastids up here begin tearing up roads the very SECOND the last snow flake melts and quit only when blizzards FORCE them off the road.. At least, in the winter, we can actually drive somewhere and not see a freakin' flagman or are detoured by road construction..

or:

Penn., where everything goes in the frigidaire.

N.J., where they have the shore not a beach.

East Fla., where everyone north of Boca Raton has a N.Y. accent. Everyone south of Boca has an hispanic accent. If they do speak English.

West Fla., Where everyone speaks with a Indiana accent.

Boulder, Co, where they want to be San Francisco. But without the good seafood.

Nashville, where with enough makeup and good electronics, you too can be a country star. No one need know you can't really sing.

Washington D.C., where with no experience, no proven education, no proven place of birth, and no proven ethnicity, you too can run a large country.

I'm from the great plains. The mountain bike thing made me laugh. I've never cared about how the vehicle I drive looks as long as it's safe and running well. I do most of the work myself on it. However, I've had a couple mechanics basically tell me, "Except for looking like a pile of crap, this thing runs great." I put more money on my back in camo than it would cost to buy my car on the open market. It's all about priories.

TLee, I thought YOU were in the perfect retirement location.

$3000 is not too much for a really good mountain bike here in western Colorado.

I am getting a bit bald but I don't want a ponytail.

Boulder (and the mess that is Denver) is over on the other side of the continental divide.

Public land in all directions for shooting, hunting, biking etc.

I'm Going to Texas

I fixed your post.

TC

Don't know where. The grand kids will probably move as their folds change jobs. I'll probably remain in the Northern Virginia area and travel to see them. NOVA has excellent transportation,medical and cultural activities.