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Joined: Feb 2001
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Campfire Kahuna
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OP
Campfire Kahuna
Joined: Feb 2001
Posts: 73,096 |
Two boll weevils grew up in South Carolina. One went to Hollywood and became a famous actor. The other stayed behind in the cotton fields and never amounted to much.
The second one, naturally, became known as the lesser of two weevils.
George Orwell was a Prophet, not a novelist. Read 1984 and then look around you!
Old cat turd!
"Some men just need killing." ~ Clay Allison.
I am too old to fight but I can still pull a trigger. ~ Me
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Joined: Feb 2001
Posts: 73,096
Campfire Kahuna
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OP
Campfire Kahuna
Joined: Feb 2001
Posts: 73,096 |
The Doctor's Drink
A doctor made it his regular habit to stop off at a bar for a hazelnut daiquiri on his way home. The bartender knew of his habit, and would always have the drink waiting at precisely 5:03 p.m.
One afternoon, as the end of the work day approached, the bartender was dismayed to find that he was out of hazelnut extract. Thinking quickly, he threw together a daiquiri made with hickory nuts and set it on the bar.
The doctor came in at his regular time, took one sip of the drink and exclaimed, "This isn't a hazelnut daiquiri."
"No, I'm sorry," replied the bartender, "it's a hickory daiquiri doc."
George Orwell was a Prophet, not a novelist. Read 1984 and then look around you!
Old cat turd!
"Some men just need killing." ~ Clay Allison.
I am too old to fight but I can still pull a trigger. ~ Me
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Joined: Dec 2006
Posts: 52,680
Campfire Kahuna
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Campfire Kahuna
Joined: Dec 2006
Posts: 52,680 |
Liberalism is a mental disorder that leads to social disease.
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Joined: Feb 2001
Posts: 73,096
Campfire Kahuna
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OP
Campfire Kahuna
Joined: Feb 2001
Posts: 73,096 |
Fire in a Kayak
Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly, but when they lit a fire in the craft it sank.
This proves once and for all that you can't have your kayak and heat it, too.
George Orwell was a Prophet, not a novelist. Read 1984 and then look around you!
Old cat turd!
"Some men just need killing." ~ Clay Allison.
I am too old to fight but I can still pull a trigger. ~ Me
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Joined: Jan 2005
Posts: 54,842
Campfire Kahuna
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Campfire Kahuna
Joined: Jan 2005
Posts: 54,842 |
I was caught stealing lettuce. Can you blame me? I was just trying to get a head.
When it comes to constipation, I�ve been a colonic underachiever.
Back in the heartland, Thank God!
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Joined: Jan 2005
Posts: 54,842
Campfire Kahuna
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Campfire Kahuna
Joined: Jan 2005
Posts: 54,842 |
Grand Canyon National Park, people actually put these questions to the Park Rangers:
"Do you light it up at night?"
"Is the mule train air conditioned?"
"Where are the faces of the presidents?"
"So, is that Canada over there?"
Not to be outdone, visitors to Mesa Verde National Park had to know, "Why did they build the ruins so close to the road?" At Carlsbad Caverns, "So what's in the unexplored part of the cave?" And at Banff National Park, "Is that food coloring in the lakes?"
Back in the heartland, Thank God!
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Joined: Feb 2008
Posts: 11,697 Likes: 1
Campfire Outfitter
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Campfire Outfitter
Joined: Feb 2008
Posts: 11,697 Likes: 1 |
____________________________________________________________
Dying gets closer every day
Lloyd McCarter and the Honky Tonk Revival
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Joined: Jan 2005
Posts: 54,842
Campfire Kahuna
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Campfire Kahuna
Joined: Jan 2005
Posts: 54,842 |
A group of championship chess players checked into a hotel and, while waiting for dinner, stood around in the lobby bragging about their recent tournament victories. This went on for about an hour until the manager stormed out of the office and ordered them to disperse. Buy why?", they asked, moving away. "Because," he roared "I can't stand chess nuts boasting in an open foyer."
Back in the heartland, Thank God!
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Joined: Jan 2005
Posts: 54,842
Campfire Kahuna
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Campfire Kahuna
Joined: Jan 2005
Posts: 54,842 |
Evidence has been found that William Tell and his family were avid bowlers. Unfortunately, all the Swiss league records were destroyed in a fire. Thus we�ll never know for whom the Tells Bowled.
Back in the heartland, Thank God!
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Joined: Jan 2005
Posts: 54,842
Campfire Kahuna
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Campfire Kahuna
Joined: Jan 2005
Posts: 54,842 |
A marine biologist developed a race of genetically engineered dolphins that could live forever if they were fed a steady diet of seagulls. One day his supply of the birds ran out, so he had to go out and trap some more. On the way back, he spied two lions asleep on the road. Afraid to wake them, he gingerly stepped over them. Immediately, he was arrested and charged with transporting gulls across sedate lions for immortal porpoises.
Back in the heartland, Thank God!
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Posts: 54,842
Campfire Kahuna
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Campfire Kahuna
Joined: Jan 2005
Posts: 54,842 |
An Indian chief was feeling very sick, so he summoned the medicine man. After a brief examination, the medicine man took out a long, thin strip of elk rawhide and gave it to the chief, instructing him to bite off, chew and swallow one inch of the leather every day. After a month, the medicine man returned to see how the chief was feeling. The chief shrugged and said, �The thong is ended, but the malady lingers on.�
Back in the heartland, Thank God!
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Joined: Feb 2006
Posts: 8,639
Campfire Outfitter
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Campfire Outfitter
Joined: Feb 2006
Posts: 8,639 |
Look out!! Les is back too!!! 
Speak softly and use a big bore...
Where's El Cid when we need him...
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Joined: Jan 2005
Posts: 54,842
Campfire Kahuna
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Campfire Kahuna
Joined: Jan 2005
Posts: 54,842 |
A skeptical anthropologist was cataloging South American folk remedies with the assistance of a tribal brujo who indicated that the leaves of a particular fern were a sure cure for any case of constipation. When the anthropologist expressed his doubts, the brujo looked him in the eye and said, �Let me tell you, with fronds like these, who needs enemas?�
Back in the heartland, Thank God!
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Joined: Dec 2008
Posts: 180
Campfire Member
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Campfire Member
Joined: Dec 2008
Posts: 180 |
The lone ranger, riding across the desert, came across a railroad track and followed it, then came across Tonto, with his ear upon the track. The lone Ranger dismounted,, layed his ear to the track,, than said to Tonto: " Tonto, I do not hear the train coming." To which Tonto repied: " Yea, it has been that way all day."
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Joined: Nov 2009
Posts: 15,896 Likes: 1
Campfire Ranger
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Campfire Ranger
Joined: Nov 2009
Posts: 15,896 Likes: 1 |
Somebody, ppplllease, post a spider! 
Old Turd- Deplorable- Unrepentant Murderer- Domestic Violent Extremist
Just "Campfire Riffraff and Trash"
This will be my last post! Flave 1/3/21
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Joined: Aug 2002
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Campfire Ranger
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Campfire Ranger
Joined: Aug 2002
Posts: 19,131 Likes: 4 |
The Lone Ranger and Tonto were riding across the plains when Tonto jumped off of his horse and put his ear to the ground. After a couple of seconds, he said "UG, Buffalo come". The Lone Ranger was amazed and asked Tonto how he knew that. Tonto replied "UG, face sticky". miles
Look out for number 1, don't step in number 2.
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Joined: Dec 2000
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Campfire Ranger
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Campfire Ranger
Joined: Dec 2000
Posts: 29,348 |
By far the best punster whom I've ever known was my buddy Lloyd Meredith. Quick. Original. Convoluted.
One night, his wife said that she could understand why the corn on her little toe made her toe sore, but she couldn't understand why it made her whole foot hurt.
"Why, haven't you heard?" Lloyd popped back, "Great aches from little-toe corns grow."
We were working on a vehicle for NASA to use on the moon, the "lunar excursion module," which we all called "the LEM."
One day, I asked Lloyd "You know what we're gonna hafta call the pilot of this thing?"
"No, what?"
"The LEMman. And you know what we're gonna hafta call his copilot?"
"Tell me."
"The LEMman aide."
"That has appeal!"
(As if I didn't already know that I'd met my master!)
"Good enough" isn't.
Always take your responsibilities seriously but never yourself.
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Joined: Feb 2001
Posts: 73,096
Campfire Kahuna
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OP
Campfire Kahuna
Joined: Feb 2001
Posts: 73,096 |
George Orwell was a Prophet, not a novelist. Read 1984 and then look around you!
Old cat turd!
"Some men just need killing." ~ Clay Allison.
I am too old to fight but I can still pull a trigger. ~ Me
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Joined: Dec 2002
Posts: 9,193
Campfire Outfitter
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Campfire Outfitter
Joined: Dec 2002
Posts: 9,193 |
By far the best punster whom I've ever known was my buddy Lloyd Meredith. Quick. Original. Convoluted.
One night, his wife said that she could understand why the corn on her little toe made her toe sore, but she couldn't understand why it made her whole foot hurt.
"Why, haven't you heard?" Lloyd popped back, "Great aches from little-toe corns grow."
We were working on a vehicle for NASA to use on the moon, the "lunar excursion module," which we all called "the LEM."
One day, I asked Lloyd "You know what we're gonna hafta call the pilot of this thing?"
"No, what?"
"The LEMman. And you know what we're gonna hafta call his copilot?"
"Tell me."
"The LEMman aide."
"That has appeal!"
(As if I didn't already know that I'd met my master!) ![[Linked Image]](http://i83.photobucket.com/albums/j303/Scoutmaster_Rick/smileys/clap.gif) ![[Linked Image]](http://i83.photobucket.com/albums/j303/Scoutmaster_Rick/smileys/bowdown.gif)
=====================
Boots were made for walking
Winds were blowing change
Boys fall in the jungle
As I Came of Age
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Joined: Jan 2005
Posts: 54,842
Campfire Kahuna
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Campfire Kahuna
Joined: Jan 2005
Posts: 54,842 |
That guy is a true genius!
Back in the heartland, Thank God!
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