Home Forums Hunting & Shooting Hunter's Campfire What not to say when dealing with grief

A good article, and very much worth the read:

Dealing with Grief

Penny

thank you for your post.

Grief can be excruciatingly painful. trust me on that one.

dealing with grief is a process that takes time. surely, we can all agree to that reality.

In the condolence line after the memorial service for Carol Anne, a sweet lady patted my arm and murmured "I know just what you're going through. My cat died last year."

I knew that she meant well, so I just smiled and said "Thank you."

(It just now occurs to me that she may've been a spinster.)

Dumbassed spinster maybe, Ken.
Sorry, also, for your loss.

I have heard 1, 4, and 5, of what NOT to say a lot. Number 1 is the one that really pizzes me off the most.

I have used variations of 1 through 5 of what say sometimes when I can think.

Thanks for posting.

I'm sure that the large number of blockheads on here will never understand that minister's blog.

It is truly astonishing what some presumably well meaning people say in a time of grief. Been there.

People feel like they have to say something, but they don't know what to say. So that leads to their saying something outrageous but not intended to be that way. Ken gave an excellent personal example.

I have gotten so that I never ever say, "I know how you feel" or even "I can imagine how you feel" unless I have been through exactly the same set of circumstances.

Most of the time, just being there and listening is better than saying anything. Or if you have to say something, say, "I love you and I am here for you. What can I do to help you?" or something along those lines.

Penny

Sometimes a long term hug is the best thing you can do.

Good advice. - oldundertaker

This blockhead does. I read it twice. Some of the dos I already knew but I did learn from reading it.



Tim my friend, sometimes your depth truly amazes me. Some day I hope to sit with you face to face.

I'll agree with you there!

Penny

One of the few worthwhile things I've seen on the *7%$$#@ Huffington Post.
Thanks for sharing.

Mom had raised her much younger brother Shep, so he was both brother and "son" to her emotionally. When he died when he was only 32, she was doubly stricken. (I was 21, at home on emergency leave, so I remember it all too well.)

At home, she was strong, calm, and unemotional, and went about her every-day matters as she usually did.

But whenever a lady friend rushed into her arms with sobs and "Oh, Evelyn!" she went to pieces and was still shaken for a while after her "comforter" had left. But then she went back to normal. There were several such "comforters" for several days after Shep's death, and the same inevitably repeated pattern of behaviors was unmistakably obvious.

I was increasingly proud of my mom and increasingly disgusted and furious with her "comforters."

Accentuating grief is no way to assuage it.

You are not a blockhead my friend.

I'm working on it. I have a new Honda CR-V. Maybe next summer. We'll have to see.

Thanks. I just said to my wife that, "Penny is one woman I would like to meet." Maybe someday.

If the shoe fits I am willing to admit it.


Maybe we should invite Penny too.

Sure. Think we will have to include Barak?

Barak is anything but stupid. He would not let her unguarded in the wilds with you and me.

Like just about everybody else who shows-up here at the 'fire from time to time, "Barak" is a lot nicer guy in person than on-line.

And "Penny" is in no way ever a disappointment.

He could.