Well, today is not a good day. Seems that Mom wound up in the ER today (why does the Gub-mint make medicare/medicaid patients go thru the ER?). As many of you know, she has stage 4 lung cancer. Diagnosed 14 months ago, she has beat the odds 'till now. she was weak and said that she felt heavy and tired. Her skin was a bit ashen, an indicator of lack of oxygen to the body. Her doc said taker her to the ER, and we did.
We thought Mom has fluid on the lungs, but that was not the case. It appears that the tumor is large, and growing. It is now collapsing one lung. Yes, there are tests yet to go....but it appears that this is it. There is really nothing that can be done. Mom signed a DNR, so they are going to do what they can, to make her comfortable. She is not in pain, so that is OK. She is on oxygen though, and soon, per the docs, the pain will come. if they are right, she will go down fast. I am personally praying that God take her fast, that she not suffer.
I remember toddling up to her and being lifted into her lap. I remember running to her arms, afraid of the waves at the beach. I remember her strength. now, I must be the one who is strong, I must be the one to hold her. I will show my grief to my Lord and my family in private. Always, the one who bore me was there, even when we were emotionally distant, and God has given us time to bond again. I am so thankful for that, and I will be there for her now.
Soon, my mother will pass to the next world. I will mourn her not being there, but knowing that she has a personal relationship with Jesus, Praise Him! Knowing that she will be sitting at the right hand of the Father, never to again know pain and remorse, is not a reason to be sad, but to rejoice.
Of course I ask for prayers, for my Mom, and that I may show strength.
Thanks to all for reading
Well, today was....what it was. First, I have to say Praise the the Lord God on High! In all of this, I see HIM, and for that I am SO thankful.
But, enough about me.....Today, we met the hospital docs (Do not be fooled by Obama-care, when in hospital, you use their docs, not yours) and they basically laid it out - my Mom's cancer is no longer responding to the chemo. the tumor is growing, and quickly, or at least quicker, per them and in consult with my Mom's doc. It is invading the lung space, preventing the use of that lung. The doc has basically said that we are out of treatment options. Now, we must move to a process of balancing the level of care Mom wants to the level comfort she is wiling to give up of hold onto. She does go home tomorrow, so we have care-givers to line up and all of that, and soon enough, Hospice. Eva Mae Adams Brannon was born in 1935. her time in this world is short.
I am not eaten with grief, I am not falling apart. It felt good to be with her, just be there for her. After all of this, I am also relieved to just know, and after a night and a day as a hospital visitor, pretty tired. But mostly, I am just numb