Home Forums Hunting & Shooting Hunter's Campfire Ramblings of an Aging Baby Boomer.

One of the best and worst things I did was in becoming a nurse. In many cases, I'm taking care of people who were the rocks of their families and are now approaching their end. I had a hospice patient assigned to me yesterday but it's not her I'm talking about. Rather, it's her husband who began his adulthood at a place called Saipan. There were other battles, but that was his first. It can't be long before he faces his last, but that chapter hasn't been written yet. In watching his children assemble, all well dressed, educated, professional, established, respectful and loving, I'm sure he and his wife were "Salt of the Earth" types who were born to raise kids and make good citizens. The wonderful woman who is soon to pass was obviously a great mom. Many tears were shed in the decision to go hospice.

My Mom was one of twenty-one children! She had twenty brothers and sisters, all single births, one mom and one dad. Each and every one were blue collar, married and raised families and whose children then married and raised families and I don't know of one that is on welfare. When you see your parents work like a dog to feed you, and when you have parents who make you work to do your part, you have a different approach to responsibility.

I see way too many of the other kind now. I suppose when parents stopped teaching their kids about shame, they started teaching them about entitlements. Shame is a wonderful teacher. A decent dose of shame once in a while is the perfect tonic for a healthy mind. Being ashamed of one's personal behavior denotes an understanding of what proper behavior is, and shame is a great motivator. If more people understood the proper instilling of metered doses of shame to their children, they'd raise better citizens. Some people put more effort into training their dogs than some people put into training their children, which is why we have packs of while dogs running the streets of our major cities, disguised as humans. I fear there will come a time in the not too distant future, when the only way to control them will be to treat them like one would treat a pack of wild dogs. Of course, that's only the stuff of Hollywood and can't happen in real life.

The next time I have a 10 year old of a patient come to my counter and say: "I want a soda", I'm going to tell them to go back to their Mom (there is never a Dad) and find out the proper way to ask for a soda and when they can do it, I'll give them one. I'll probably get fired. The good news is, there's plenty of nursing jobs open.

Had a 10 year old on the bus (he is that kid that comes from money) say 'Hey, turn on the heat'.

I immediately told him that my name isn't HEY and a PLEASE is appropriate.

Today he got on the bus and said 'Mr. Scott, would you please turn on the heat?'

LMAO... It's interesting that some of the best instruction in manners does NOT come from home OR in school...

We may disagree on 90% of things, but on that you're to be congratulated for helping a kid learn a most valuable lesson..

So - congrats Scott..

I have a 3, 2, and 1 year old and I am a stay at home dad with all three. My daughter, the 3 yo, has had some bossing problems so I have decided to start working on her manners right now. I am not looking for sir and ma'am yet, just please and thank you. My wife is a school teacher and she will tell you that manners and parental involvement are 2 things that are very much lacking today.

And respect needs to be a 2 way street. I'll often answer a 7 year old's question on the bus with a 'Yes/no sir'

Well said, and I agree 100%. Wife and I have raised 6 kids into adults, with a 16 year old left, they are all well-mannered and we get compliments for how well-behaved and pleasant they are. It is a job to raise them right, but that's what we signed-up for when we had them!

Yup. The point is, you be the kind of person you want your children to become.

One thing that I heard as a kid but you don't hear many parents say these days is "you ought to be ashamed of yourself." Another is "just who do you think you are?" I don't hear anyone saying that these days, but as kids it always put us "in our place."

Nowadays it's all about "empowerment" and "validation." Which are only OK if you have some balance. Without any "who do you think you are's" to balance things out, what we're left with are a bunch of spoiled brats who are (I saw this the other day and think it fits) "blissfully unaware that there are other people using the planet."

After my last Yankee rant it is time to turn the tables.

The Mr. Scott was learned at home from folks who know manners. I am guessing here but I think he was taught well and just trying to see what he could get away with when not at home. Your addressing him in a respectful manner reinforces good behavior
and manors.

This is something I seldom find in Yankee land but often find in the real South. It is one of the many thing I appreciate about the South and is often shown here By our Southern members.

It is something I feel we Yankees would be better of adopting but do not see it ever happening.

My son was raised old school instead of the politically correct "Dr Spock" way ( whose kid comitted suicide )...

at the same time I have never physically punished him... when he made 'wrong choices' we sat down and discussed it, and explored what might be a better choice... been that way since he was 3...he knows yes ma'am and yes sir is the proper response to adults....

he turned out to be a 4.0 student, loved by his teachers, an Eagle Scout, a lot of respect and trust from those above him..

many folks blame it on the kids, for the way they act... but instead I maintain they are just a product of their environment... if they have no respect for anything, they learned it from their parents...left overs from the "Me" Generation...

I've dealt with a lot of boys in scouts, who have no dad in their lives, and little respect for a lot of things.... but what has always amazed me, is how many of them adapt to just the opposite when they were exposed to it...and they were actually validated...

much like Scott describes responding to kids on a bus with yes sir and no sir....

Good parenting is really a declining art in this country, and has been since the mid 70s....and kids nowadays are products of that environment...

liberals are products of spoiled kids, who if they were told no on something, it only meant that they had no thrown a big enough tempertantrum to get their way yet......

when my son was young, he use to come ask dad to do something, when I knew he had asked his mom already and didn't get the answer he was hoping for... my response to him was.. " what ever your mom said is what I am going to say.." he learned he wasn't going to get away with playing one parent off the other... like many other kids get away with...

Had a good relationship with my dad as well. He knew the secret to stopping bullying. I was a pretty popular jock and musician in High school. He told me: "Find the kid who has no friends, and be his friend."

one of my step sons, when he was 10 had both the sweet tooth and also was pretty good at being a clepto....
will throw in here, that he was also encouraged by his dad to undermine me in anyway possible... and was rewarded for that...

one day he tried to bum some money from me so he and his little buddies could go up to the Holiday Gas station and load up on candy... I told him he didn't need the candy, so I wasn't going to give him the money...

he gets all pissed off, and starts stringing this line of crap that he learned from his dad... to which I respond, that I may not give him money for candy, but I can darn sure change the taste in his mouth, to be like a bar of wet soap.... he got the idea and shut up...

he takes off on his bike with his two friends... hour later he is sitting on the front door step with his buddies and they have a whole bunch of candy they are downing.... so I come out and asked him where he got it from and he nervously makes up this lie, that his dad dropped by and gave them $20...

$20 for candy??? uhhhhh yeah...yeah....

so later that afternoon, I get Nick, and tell him that I was sorry for refusing for him to be able to go down and get a bunch of candy... so to make it up to him I was going to take him down and let him buy all the candy he wanted....

he was thrilled and couldn't get in the car fast enough.... so we drive down and he is all buddy-buddy with me now...so I go over and let him pick up all the candy he wanted from the candy rack... and he takes a lot of it... all smiles etc...

so we go up to the counter to pay for it, and I asked the clerk to see the manager... she asks why, kinda on the defense, and keeps asking if there was anything she could do... I just tell her I'd love to talk to the manager, as I was a happy customer and wanted bring it to his attention.... that did the trick...

so out comes the manager, and asks me how can he help me...

I let him know 'that young Nick here would like to get all of this candy here'...... "ummmmm okay sir..." young Nick is ALL Smiles...

However do you remember him in here earlier this morning with a couple of his friends? " well yes sir, I see him in here a lot"...

Well I brought the young man down, because he wants to tell you that he has been coming in here and swiping candy for quite a while...... Nick is no longer smiling....

"ummmm okay sir..... how can I help you?" as he is looking dubiously at Nick now... the manager wasn't sure what to do...

well first, he'd like to give you $20 out of his bank account to pay for the candy he swiped this morning.... secondly he is here to apologize to you for doing all of this...

Nick is all quiet....so Nike you want to do this and ask this nice man to please not call the cops and let them know of your confession for swiping stuff from his store for a long time, right????

that opened him up... he's turning bright red, since he is a natural redhead....and nervously tells the manager, yes sir...I am sorry for stealing from your store.... and it won't happen again...

the manager smiles and sticks out his hand to shake Nicks and tell him he is proud of him for coming forward, and is changing his ways...

Nick has a big smile on his face, and is thinking he's off the hook now....

I thank the manager, and tell him while we appreciate his cooperation, that young Nick still has a desire to make up for all the other times he had stolen from his store...

the manager does'nt know how to respond to that... so he asks what did I suggest.... Nick is back to being nervous...

I tell the manager that the parking lot is always dirty and full of trash people throw around, no matter how well the stores best efforts are.... so young Nick would like to come down here every other Monday, Wednesday and Friday and Sunday to clean up your parking lot....

Aren't ya Nick??? he's all nervous and mad... and silent again.... so the manager doesn't call the cops on ya, right?

that produces a nervous yes sir from him....

the manager tells me we don't have to do that, to which I respond.... "oh yes we do"....

well we don't have the manpower to manage him to do that sir...

that's okay, I'll be right here supervising him....

and I'd like to add, that is every morning on those days, along with in the afternoon, both twice a day.... 'right Nick'??

yes sir!!! yes sir!!!!

and we'll start tomorrow at 10 AM.....right Nick? another nervous yes sir, with undertones of anger...

so we shake hands with the manager, and leave the store...


we get outside to the car and Nick is pissed... I'm not doing this!!!

uhhhh yes you are.....

well, YOU don't have to do anything, picking up trash...

uhhh, yes I am going to be down here helping you pick up the parking lot...and remember, I wasn't the one that was busy swiping stuff from the store...

so I made sure, true to our word, we were down there on those scheduled days and picked up the entire parking lot... and let the manager know when we got there, and when we were done, and asked him to inspect the job down, so that he was happy with it...

This was an opportunity to teach Nick responsibility and accountability... something he had never been exposed to...
It also teached him honesty...and embarrassed him into not feeling it was okay to steal something from others...

He also got rewarded that each time we were down there, the staff were greeting him... both for his job he was doing, but also because they didn't have to clean up the parking lot...

when he was done, the manager would offer him a soda or a candy bar for his hard work in the afternoon...

He got to be real well liked by the staff of the store/gas station...and he responded accordingly....

when the month was over, the manager offered me to pay him, and I declined right in front of Nick... saying Nick appreciated it, but he was paying the store back for all the stuff that he had stolen before... right Nick?? uhhhh Yes sir...

but after that, there was two dividends that paid off....

Nick would drop down to the Holiday Store at times and go in and see the manager, and tell him that "His" parking lot looked kind of dirty, so he was going to pick it up... he'd even bring a few of his friends to help out.... who were happy to be rewarded by the manager with a soda or candy bar when done.... but he took ownership of it...did that all summer, several times a week on his own...

the second thing he learned was not to steal stuff from others...

overheard one of his friends say one day on the front door step, "Hey lets go down to Holiday and swipe some candy"... no way! was Nick's response... I'm not stealing anything from Holiday, they are my friends....

"okay, lets go over to Wally's Market and swipe some candy over there!" Nick responded NO way Again....

so they kid asked, "Are they your friends there too???" NO responded Nick...

"why not then" asked the kid...

Nick's response was ( and I had to smile).... "because I don't know how, but John will find out again and then I'll have to go over there and admit it to Wally, plus John will have me picking up the parking lot for the next month,, and I don't feel like picking up another parking lot twice a day, 4 times a week for the next month!"

Who says kids don't learn anything.... you just have to teach them accountability, responsibility, honesty.... and follow up and consistency with them as an adult... and lead by example...

Nick didn't have much to complain about when I was out there picking up the parking lot with him....


he admitted when he was in his teens, that incident and one other really changed his attitudes in life...he is far from the little punk, when he was in high school....

Seafire,
There was a lot of wisdom in the way you handled the situation with Nick. I wish I could have had that wisdom when I was dealing with my children.

You handled it a lot better than I would have done.

Good job.

Thanks Mickey....

initially a kid can take a lot of attention to get them on the right track... but once they are, it gets a lot easier..

I have found that kids have to know 'what's in it for them'...

they crave attention and emotional support, yet are denied it by many parents in today's fast paced world...

his older brother, I made start carrying groceries in the house for his mom, taking out the trash and opening doors for her...

after he did so, I asked him how he felt about it... his first response was he did not know..

so I asked him did it make him feel bad about doing something for his mom, and he said no... then I asked him did he feel good about doing something for his mom, and he thought for a few seconds and answered, yeah, kinda...

so then I asked him how did he think his mom felt about it, and did he think she appreciated it.... he responded, yeah I guess so...

then I asked him what do you think your mom will feel when you've down a lot of nice things for her, and you want to go do something, how inclined do you think you she'd be to let you go do some of the things you'd like to do, when you started showing you are maturing and being responsible...

he started to smile like the light went on...

see how all this stuff works I asked him....

yeah he said with a big smile... after he started doing those things, he got use to it in a short period of time...and started doing the same thing for grandma and his aunts...

kids don't have to be shown the right way many times to get it in my experience... but there is always exceptions... especially among kids who have identity crisis es they are dealing with all the time...


when they are littler, it is all the more easy... my daughters, when they were young, I use to ask them a simple question when they did something wrong... " do you want a happy daddy or a mad daddy?"

they of course would answer a happy daddy.... then I'd ask them how could they get a happy daddy... they quickly knew it was the opposite of what they just did, that would have gotten me angry, but I was able to stay calm....

I had few problems with them, compared to their mom, whose solution for everything was to scream at them and punish them...

I gave the girls acknowledgement and spent time with them... mom couldn't be bothered, because sitting on her fat ass was more important to her, and having to get off the couch was what pissed her off the most...

she'd scream at our oldest daughter at aged two, to get to bed 100 times and she'd be up 101 times...

I'd go get her and asked did she want to watch TV with Daddy... she'd say yes, so I'd let her come in and sit by me watching TV and I'd just twirl her hair slowly with a finger for about 60 seconds and she'd fall asleep, and I'd go put her in the bed sound asleep...

my ex never learned...a good reason she is now my ex...

Like a piece of clay. Cool. So when do you plan to spring your impromptu civics lesson on how it's funny and plenty okey dokey for parents of kids his age to post pics of their taping the eyes of those kids to make a joke backing up the 'chinks ain't human' stance? How about the social studies lecture on how geography and race can be used to effectively judge large groups of folks across the board? That young lad has no idea of the wealth and depth of quality life lessons he's in for!

P.S. Apologies, Mr. C. Great posts and I agree.

I think he's bright enough to sniff a city punk that has likely used the race card more than a few times in his lifetime and is forever a victim.

I'm liking the odds that none of those kids will become punk ass victims.

You're probably right. Hell, some day he might grow up and become the POTUS. Then again, he might become some washed up angry white boy who takes pride in giving life lessons to kids on the way to 4th grade and leaves a slime trail of hate behind everywhere he crawls. At least a slug serves a purpose.

"angry white boy"

You're better than this.

I am also a nurse in an acute care hospital. I see the same things from the younger generation. Had a heroin addict the other night and it was pain meds every 4 hours. Eventually the doctor figured out that the pt was detoxing. Still took 3 nights before things quieted down. Upon release the pt stated that a fix was in the near future. WTF You and I paid for the hospital stay. I am getting ready to leave nursing.

Mike