Home Forums Miscellaneous Topics Humor, Jokes, and Riddles When insults had class:

A Member of Parliament to Disraeli: "Sir, you will either die on the
gallows or of some unspeakable disease."
"That depends, Sir," said Disraeli, "on whether I embrace your
policies or your mistress."

"He had delusions of adequacy." - Walter Kerr

"He has all the virtues I dislike and none of the vices I admire."-
Winston Churchill

"A modest little person, with much to be modest about." - Winston
Churchill

"I have never killed a man, but I have read many obituaries with
great pleasure." - Clarence Darrow

"He has never been known to use a word that might send a reader to
the dictionary." - William Faulkner (about Ernest Hemingway)

"Poor Faulkner. Does he really think big emotions come from big
words?" - Ernest Hemingway (about William Faulkner)

"He has never written a phrase that did NOT send a reader to the
dictionary". - (Unknown about Conrad Black).

"He can compress the most words into the smallest idea of any man I
know." - Abraham Lincoln

"I didn't attend the funeral, but I sent a nice letter saying I
approved of It." - Mark Twain

"He has no enemies, but is intensely disliked by his friends." - Oscar
Wilde

"I am enclosing two tickets to the first nigh to my new play; bring a
friend...if you have one." -George Bernard Shaw to Winston Churchill
"Cannot possibly attend first night, will attend second ... if there
is one." - Winston Churchill, in response.

"I feel so miserable without you; it's almost like having you here."
- Stephen Bishop

"He is a self-made man and worships his creator." - John Bright

"I've just learned about his illness. Let's hope it's nothing
trivial." - Irvin S. Cobb"

He is not only dull himself, he is the cause of dullness in others."
- Samuel Johnson

"He is simply a shiver looking for a spine to run up." - Paul Keatin

"There's nothing wrong with you that reincarnation won't cure." -
Jack E Leonard

"He has the attention span of a lightning bolt." - Robert Redford

"They never open their mouths without subtracting from the sum of
human knowledge." - Thomas Brackett Reed

"In order to avoid being called a flirt, she always yielded easily."
- Charles, Count Talleyrand

"He loves nature in spite of what it did to him." - Forrest Tucker

"Why do you sit there looking like an envelope without any address on
it?" - Mark Twain

"His mother should have thrown him away and kept the stork." - Mae West

"Some cause happiness wherever they go; others whenever they go." -
Oscar Wilde

"He uses statistics as a drunken man uses lamp- posts ... for support
rather than illumination."- Andrew Lang (1844-1912)

"He has Van Gogh's ear for music." - Billy Wilder

"I've had a perfectly wonderful evening. But this wasn't it." - Groucho
Marx

Lady Astor to Churchill: Sir, if you were my husband I'd poison your tea!

Churchill: Madam, if I were your husband, I'd drink it.

Churchill once rode a train in a fairly inebriated condition. A woman seated next to him exclaimed "Sir, you're drunk!" To which he replied, "Madam, you're ugly, but I'll be sober in the morning."