Home Forums Hunting & Shooting Hunter's Campfire some funnies... well I think so...

1. Two blondes walk into a building..........you'd think at least one

of them would have seen it.


2. Phone answering machine message - "...If you want to buy marijuana,

press the hash key..."


3. A guy walks into the psychiatrist wearing only Clingfilm for shorts.

The shrink says, "Well, I can clearly see you're nuts."


4. I went to buy some camouflage trousers the other day but I couldn't

find any.


5. I went to the butchers the other day and I bet him 50 quid that he

couldn't reach the meat off the top shelf. He said, "No, the steaks are

too high."


6. My friend drowned in a bowl of muesli. A strong currant pulled him

in.


7. A man came round in hospital after a serious accident. He shouted,

"Doctor, doctor, I can't feel my legs!" The doctor replied, "I know you

can't, I've cut your arms off".


8. I went to a seafood disco last week...and pulled a muscle.


9. Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly. They lit a fire in the

craft,it sank, proving once and for all that you can't have your kayak
and

heat it.


10. Our ice cream man was found lying on the floor of his van covered

with hundreds and thousands. Police say that he topped himself.


11. Man goes to the doctor, with a strawberry growing out of his head.

Doc says "I'll give you some cream to put on it."


12. 'Doc I can't stop singing The Green, Green Grass of Home' "That

sounds like Tom Jones syndrome. 'Is it common?' "It's not unusual.


13. A man takes his Rotteweiller to the vet. "My dog is cross-eyed, is

there anything you can do for him?" "Well," said the vet, "let's have a
look

at him" So he picks the dog up and examines his eyes, then he checks his

teeth. Finally, he says, "I'm going to have to put him down." "What?
Because

he's cross-eyed? ""No, because he's really heavy"


14. Guy goes into the doctor's. "Doc, I've got a cricket ball stuck up

my backside." "How's that?" "Don't you start."


15. Two elephants walk off a cliff...boom, boom!


16. What do you call a fish with no eyes? A fsh.


17. So I was getting into my car, and this bloke says to me "Can you

give me a lift?" I said "Sure, you look great, the world's your oyster,
go for

it.'


18. Apparently, 1 in 5 people in the world are Chinese. There are 5

people in my family, so it must be one of them. It's either my mum or

my Dad, or my older Brother Colin, or my younger Brother Ho-Cha-Chu?

But I think its Colin.


19. Two fat blokes in a pub, one says to the other "Your round." The

other one says "So are you, you fat bast**d!"


20. Police arrested two kids yesterday, one was drinking battery acid,

and the other was eating fireworks. They charged one and let the other

one off.


21. "You know, somebody actually complimented me on my driving today.

They left a little note on the windscreen. It said, 'Parking Fine.' So

that was nice."


22. A man walked into the doctors, he said, "I've hurt my arm in

several places" The doctor said, "Well don't go there anymore"

logstove,

You are correct--some are funny! <img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

muddy

OH geez, it is good to see you back Loggy. Le

Without geometry, life is pointless.

When you dream in color, it's a pigment of your imagination.

Reading while sunbathing makes you well-red.

A man's home is his castle, in a manor of speaking

Dijon vu - the same mustard as before.

When two egotists meet, it's an I for an I.

A bicycle can't stand on its own because it is two-tired.

What's the definition of a will? (Come on, it's a dead giveaway!)

A backwards poet writes inverse.

In democracy your vote counts. In feudalism, your count votes.

A chicken crossing the road is poultry in motion.

If you don't pay your exorcist, you get repossessed.

With her marriage, she got a new name and a dress.

Show me a piano falling down a mine shaft, and I'll show you a flat
minor.

When a clock is hungry, it goes back four seconds.

TLee: Hey, Loggy! How's your new pet fish doing? You told me he was really something special.

Chris: To tell you the truth, I'm really disappointed in him. The guy who sold him to me said I could teach him to sing like a bird.

TLee: You bought a fish because you thought you could teach him to sing like a bird? I can't believe it!

Loggy: Well, yeah. After all, he's a parrot fish.

TLee: I hate to tell you this, Loggy, but while you might be able to teach a parrot bird to sing, you're never going to get anywhere with a parrot fish.

Loggy: That's what you think! He can sing all right. The thing is, he keeps singing off-key. It's driving me crazy. Do you know how hard it is to tuna fish?