Home Forums Miscellaneous Topics Private Forum Forgiveness...

Does any one else struggle with hardening of the heart? I know I am. I just can't seem to forgive some due to excess of getting burned time and time again. I want to turn this around but I guess for now it can't. Maybe it wont.
BTW, I am sick and tired of the standard churchy answer that God has a plan. Yea, I know that, I know this is a vapor, I know ya gotta keep praying but I am freakin FED UP!!!
How does one get back to forgiveness for someone in real time?

Bootsfishing,

So sorry for your situation. I was there when I helped a guy and gave him a place to stay and money. How did he thank me? He rapped my 16 year old daughter! Forgiveness requires a decision by the forgiver. That's all there is to it. Forgiving frees you from your bonds.

Yea, how would you do that if you had to live with him for the next several years?

So sorry to hear that. I would have killed him and relied on God's forgiveness for me.

He married my older daughter, so we're still connected.

Sent PM

Holy cow......

You're a better man than me.....

As to this
The Lord doesn't require us to place ourselves time and again into a harmful situation. Forgiveness only means that you get rid of all anger and bitterness out of your heart. It's for your benefit, so that your spiritual walk won't be hindered. I was in a situation where I said I forgave someone yet I continued to have anger and hate over the situation. The Lord called me on it and after much prayer showed me what I had to do to get rid of the bitterness in my heart. I had to bless this person who had stolen inheritance from me. The Lord had me make up an elaborate care package and give it to this very poor person who had stolen from me. I didn't want to, but the Lord told me that a seed of love would overcome all bitterness and he was right. I don't see that person or allow them to steal from me any more, but I wish them well and I don't ever even think about the theft unless a question like this comes up.

Boots,

You know what the right thing to do is. It is a decision you will have to come to yourself. There are no magic scripture bullets to shoot forgiveness into your heart. Sorry if this sounds too blunt. I am on your side.

Forgiveness is a process. It is not something that happens "kazam!"... at least not for me.

As I tell the inmates I talk to during Kairos: forgiving someone is very different from condoning what that person did. So often, people think that "I forgive you" is synonymous with "It's okay." No, it's not okay and never will be. But you can still forgive.

Forgiveness is a choice. Keep trying. If at first you don't succeed, choose that path again.

Penny

My father was bullied by his father for years, to the extreme. He left home the day after he graduated from high school and didn't go back for many years. He later was saved and tried to forgive his father. He told me many years later that he'd tried and tried to forgive his father but it just wouldn't come. He kept praying for God's help and I'm pretty sure he got it but those things are almost impossible to forget.

I think God is the only one who can forget sins and iniquities by choice. What really maters is that we rid ourselves of any bitterness caused by wrong to us. Most often it requires the act of telling someone that you have forgiven them. Even then there is nothing wrong with confronting someone who has done you wrong and letting them know the harm they caused and giving them the chance to repent while you forgive. Confrontation is sometimes a necessary part of the healing process.

Is it possible to forgive the transgression even though you retain the memory of the event? I think it is. I know a guy whose ex-wife stepped out on him while they were still married and eventually left him with a huge financial loss and no contact with the child they had together. He has forgiven her, though she didn't ask for forgiveness, and yet he still remembers the events of the past. He does not dwell on them, and he does not hold them against her. It works well for him.

2 Corinthians 2:10 To whom ye forgive any thing, I forgive also: for if I forgave any thing, to whom I forgave it, for your sakes forgave I it in the person of Christ;

Walking in the flesh, it is impossible, but in the person of Christ, walking in the Spirit, it will work.

"He does not dwell on them"
I think this is the key to knowing you have forgiven someone. When there is bitterness and anger in your heart you will dwell on the wrong. That wrong will effect your life in all kinds of negative ways, depending on what the wrong was. What God wants is for us to live free. That's why we are to forgive, so that we can lead healthy lives. It's possible to remember in our heads but if we have cleansed our hearts, we will not dwell on a hurt or wrong toward us.

Sometimes wrongs can even be suppressed to the extent that we don't dwell on them but they still effect our lives. An example is not having trust in one person because of betrayal from another. We need to examine ourselves and confess our faults to one another that we may be healed. There is extreme value in being able to talk with a brother in Christ when you trust them completely with your secrets and know that they only have helping you in mind. There is a program called "Living Free" that helps show churches how to do this.

Mr. R H Clark speaks of this well. Thanks.