Home Forums Hunting & Shooting Hunter's Campfire A limerick

I once knew a man from Australia,
He painted his arse like a dahlia.
The colors were bright, it was quite nice,
but the smell was an utter failure.

Ohhhh, don't get me started!

(PG-13 if you don't want to read further...)





I once sat with the Duchess for tea,
It was just as I thought it would be,
Her rumblings abdominal
were surely phenomenal,
But everyone thought it was me!


A mortician's daughter named Addie,
Once said to a randy young laddie,
Now do as I say
and we'll have a great lay,
For I've buried more stiffs than my Daddy!


There once was a woman named Alice,
Used a dynamite stick for a phallus,
They found her vagina
In South Carolina,
And her anus was found west of Dallas!


I have literally thousands more, but these were among the few more or less, probably less, suitable for a public forum.

I once thought the world of a friend
Who turned-out to be, in the end,
(I should've known from the start!)
The southernmost part
Of a horse with a northerly trend.

... one of the American classic limericks by (IIRC) Oliver Wendell Holmes:

The Reverend Henry Ward Beecher
Said "The hen is an elegant creature."
The hen, pleased with that,
Laid an egg in his hat.
Thus did the hen reward Beecher.

... and one that I sent to my brother at NSA, home of a national cryptographic school:

A creative young agent named Joad
Used a most ingenious code:
Every message he sent,
He twisted and bent
And tattooed on the tongue of a toad.

... but let's not get started on the hermit named Dave (who kept a dead whore in his cave) or the young man from Rangoon (who was born six months too soon), not to mention the young man from Nantucket ...

There was a young man in St. Clair
who was "doing" his wife on the stair
the ballusters broke, so he doubled his stroke
and finished her off in mid-air

...or the classic:

Under the spreading Chestnut tree,
the village idiot sat.
Amusing himself by abusing himself,
and catching it in his hat.

The only ones I can remember all rhyme with Nantucket.

There once was a young lady named Etta
Who fancied herself in a sweater
The reasons she had, they weren't bad
But I know of two that were better!

Don'tcha just love to look at Jeannie
In her beautiful new bikini?
Two wisps, lighter than air,
One here and one there,
And nothing but Jeannie betweenie.

There was a young lady named Eva
Who filled her bath-tub to receive her

She took off her clothes
From her head to her toes

And a voice from the key-hole cried...
..."BEAVER"

There was a man named Magee,
whp screwed a baboon in a tree
The results were most horrid,
all ass and no forehead
three balls and a purple goatee

OR:


There once was a woman named Alice
Who used a dynamite stick for a phallus
They found her vigina
In South Carolina
And parts of her anus in Dallas.

A classic.

Here lies the bones of screwy Dick
Cursed at birth with a corkscrew pr**k
His whole life was just a hunt,
for the girl with the corkscrew c**t

He finally found her, but fell over dead
Son of a bitch, it was left hand thread

There was a young man from Mass
Who went out in search of some ass
He lucked up and found it
[bleep] up and drowned it
That should have been it for his ass

BTW Mary Jo Kopectney(sp?) would have turned 66 today if it weren't for a drunk'n Kennedy and 4 foot of water...

~~ There was a young lady named Hatch
~~ Who doted on music by Bach.

~~ She said, "It's not fussy
~~ like Brahms or Debussy;

~~ Sit down and I'll play you a snatch.

A debutant out in St. Paul
Wore a newspaper dress to a ball
But the dress caught on fire, and burned her entire
Front page-sporting section and all

The Twenty Four Hour Campfire,
Has members which demonstrate ire,
Such a strict status quo,
That the posts from Bristoe,
Encourage it's flames to leap higher.

There was a young lady from Bright,
who travelled much faster than light
She set out one day, in a relative way,
and arrived the previous night.

Once was a fairy named Bloom,
Took a lesbian up to his room.
They argued all night
Over which had the right
To do what, with what to whom.

Once a young lady from Niger
Smiled as she rode on a tiger
Came back from the ride with the lady inside
And the smile on the face of the tiger.

There was a young man from Boston
Who drove a baby Austin
There was room for his azz and a gallon of gas
His balls hung out
and he lost'em

A very strange bird is the pelican
his beak holds more
than his belly can
I'll be damned if I know
how the hellhecan