Home Forums Hunting & Shooting Hunter's Campfire Wife doesn't love me

+100
Don't take this as being because of you having done something or not doing something, It's her flaw and there is nothing wrong with you!
I know you don't want to hear this but the sooner you take off the blinders and get your head straight the sooner you can get a good attorney and protect yourself and rights with your children
Heck she may even give you custody of the children.
This is a rough time and it sucks but face it head on,things will get better!

Get your guns out of the house.
Keep your cool. Getting slapped with a restraining order or some domestic violence charge may prevent you from keeping your firearms.

Been there done that ! I agree, when they are done they are done most times. I've been a single dad forever and tried at the time to turn things around but the more I did the more I looked pathetic in her eyes�Oh and 9 times out of 10 they have a boy friend and I don't care what they tell you�mine would leave the marriage counselling and head for the boyfriends place afterward.

As hard as it was I had to back away, foremost protect my son(I fought for and was awarded residential custody), secure assets as best I could (a lot was co mingled so it is what it is) and most important curb any violence or hostility�that can get you looking like the bad guy real quick.

Fast forward to present�.Brought closer to my faith, made back a good portion of the assets robbed from me through the separation/divorce, have a well adjusted 16 year old son and live with a good woman.

BY the way we did have another try at it couple of years after the divorce�Another expensive mistake�Just my experience.
It's hard but try and stay positive and pay attention to things�I made countless mistakes during the "Rough times" because I could not focus on anything else and I had to go it alone for the most part.
God Bless!

Why would you put this chit on the internet?

?

Maybe to let someone know that no matter how much you care for a woman not to let her screw you over twice?

Well, maybe he's a little disoriented after his wife wrecked his world.

It happens.

Now that he's gotten his advice, however, this thread should die - since it can't be deleted.

Sorry to hear about another one of these. You'll notice you're hearing a lot of the same things, over and over. It's unfortunate how many of us have been there. Depending on your state, it may not matter what's really been going on, but between her cell phone log, browser history, emails, and credit card statements, you'll get an awfully good idea.

The advice you're getting is sound, and it's not just that you probably should heed it: your children need you to heed it.

If you're not convinced you want to file for divorce yet, get a lawyer, anyway. They do what you tell them to, and you can always tell them you want to sit tight for a while. What you can't do, is go back in time to get their advice, when it's already too late to protect your kids and/or cover your a$$ets. Hope for the best, but be prepared for the worst.

Also, beef up your support network, pronto. Get with your buddies regularly, see if there's a divorce care group at your church, line-up trusted childcare/babysitting services for when you just gotta get the hell outa dodge, find counselors for yourself & the kids. If you really get frustrated, PM any of us. But don't post anything in open forums.

It's gonna be a wild ride, but now is the time for you to be the man your kids need you to be.

FC

Just another sign the world has gone crazy. A man can love and fight for and die for a woman he loves. Vice vera, not so much.

Sounds to me like she has her mind made up - and counseling will only prolong the outcome.. I wish you the very best, but I think the odds on a continuance are less than 10%..

Birddog65-
Sorry to hear about your situation. Been there, done that. Reading the responses here was like re-living the entire thing all over again. 95% of the responses are spot on though, and you need to pay attention.
Take some time off work, starting this morning, for as long as you need. You will need several days minimum. While it's tempting to immerse yourself in work so you dont have to think about things, it will be the most costly week you have ever spent at work.
GET A LAWYER NOW ! ASAP! NOW, COMPRENDE?! Pick the 5 best lawyers in town and set up an appt. Initial consults are usually free, or minimum charge. By the time you have talked all 5, you will know several things. You will know which one you like/trust. you will have been given some good advice. You will likely have figured out who her lawyer/law firm is as they will not be able to talk to you. Likewise , she will not be able to use the lawyers you have talked to, assuming she doesn't already have one (she's had a lot of time on her hands, 98% chance she has one already).
Get your guns, all of them, out of the house. Pick a trusted friend that you are absolutely sure could no how, no way be diddling your wife, and "sell" them to him. You have bills to pay you know, and you definitely do not want your wife telling her lawyer or a judge that she "feels threatened". The atmosphere at YOUR house is about to get emotional and adversarial, if it hasn't already.
Speaking of which, DO NOT LEAVE THE HOUSE UNTIL A JUDGE TELLS YOU TO. Grab a sleeping bag and hit the couch in the basement. Treat your wife as nicely as you can , don't argue, don't plead, don't be disagreeable, but DON'T LEAVE. It's your house and you have a right to be there, as long as you don't pose any threat, real or perceived or even imaginary to your wife or kids.
Get your self to the bank(s) and close or split all joint accts. as well as credit cards. Get a couple of your own, convert balances to cash and "do something with it". You'll figure it out. You'll need access to it, but no record of it later. You've got a lot of unexpected expenses right now, remember?

Now for the rest of it.
Don't try to figure it out. Chances are very high that she doesn't want you to be able to. It will just make your head hurt worse.
Don't post on social media until after it's final. No Campfire, no facebook, no twitter, nothing. You can read if you like, but do not air your dirty laundry. It's not like we wouldn't be happy to power wash it for you, but it's very likely that any good lawyer is going to read and/or monitor anything you say or do. If you have to blow off steam, pay a counselor.

Always, ALWAYS take the high road. As has already been said,be the man you want your children to think you are, always. As a businessman, you know what this means, and how to do it, no matter how difficult it may seem at the time.

This is a temporary condition. How you conduct yourself will have a lasting/ permanent effect on your children though. You need to pay attention to the long game by playing the short game very very well.

This truly is a temporary condition. On the day you were born and on every day before and after, there were more women born than men. Someday when this is past and you get your feet back under you and your head screwed on, you will find one that truly does appreciate you, and you'll wonder why or how you ever ended up where you were.

If it does turn out that you defy all the odds, your wife suddenly pulls her head out and takes a gulp of fresh air, etc.,
it does not change one word of what I posted above. Do not sit around and hope for that flash of enlightenment on her part.

Good luck and check back in when the dust settles.

You have to do the counseling. I know a few couples here that were in your shoes more or less, did some long counseling, and are as strong as they were in the start of their marriage.

One of them was my best high school friend.

But when it turns out the other way after making the effort, then you have to know to just move forward

No. I'm saying don't leave voluntarily. I fell for the 'you leave while we separate' B.S. Don't do it. Take a hard stand and tell her to go.....

Sorry for your problem. Down the road it will most likely turn out for the best. Just not with her. Good luck.

THIS THIS! I am in the midst of seeing this next door to my office as we speak. 15 year marriage, two wonderful kids and all of a sudden she looses 15 or so pounds, get her hair done very nicely....a little more makeup.....shorter dresses, higher heels.....and she tells my friend "I'm not in love anymore". And then it comes out.....there's "this guy" out there that's "just a friend". Um hmm...and I'm a Chinese rocket pilot! Turns out she's been seeing him for a good while before the divorce talk ever came up.

I'm lucky. I'm married to the most beautiful woman I ever laid eyes on. She's more beautiful inside than she is outside. As I've said before, she has zero snakes in her head and will hang with ANY girl posted on the "223AI" thread. Our secret? 33 years of a Christ centered marriage.

I'd use the FIDO principle if I were you: Forget It and Drive On.....and, like others have said, lawyer up with the meanest female lawyer you can find.

I wish you luck.

Been in this circle (and still in it somewhat) but I signed up for the long haul and my boys lives are at stake. My boys are what have been one of my sources for me to act as I want them to remember me by, no matter what happens, and my first source is God Himself. My wife and I have dodged that bullet so far and it is only due to His direction. I did go and talk to an attorney after I found out she had, what a breath of fresh air that was, before she let me know, but she had told her mom, sister and the boys that she was going thru with it. We are still together, almost a year later and every day is forward progress. A day at a time, a day at a time. May yours turn around and may your heart reflect all that is good.....

There are two days in every week about which we should not worry, two days which should be kept free from fear and apprehension.

One of these days is Yesterday with all its mistakes and cares,
its faults and blunders, its aches and pains.

Yesterday has passed forever beyond our control.
All the money in the world cannot bring back Yesterday.

We cannot undo a single act we performed;
we cannot erase a single word we said.
Yesterday is gone forever.

The other day we should not worry about is Tomorrow
with all its possible adversities, its burdens,
its large promise and its poor performance;
Tomorrow is also beyond our immediate control.

Tomorrow's sun will rise,
either in splendor or behind a mask of clouds, but it will rise.
Until it does, we have no stake in Tomorrow,
for it is yet to be born.

This leaves only one day, Today.
Any person can fight the battle of just one day.
It is when you and I add the burdens of those two awful eternities Yesterday and Tomorrow that we break down.

It is not the experience of Today that drives a person mad,
it is the remorse or bitterness of something which happened Yesterday and the dread of what Tomorrow may bring.

Let us, therefore, Live but one day at a time.

If she is a Christian, she needs to repent. Most will not. The first counseling session will tell you clearly where this is going to go. A person never "falls out of" love, since love is a decision one makes in the first place.

She has either been using you for all these years to simply get what she wants, or else someone else is buttering her bread now. Most likely both. Women do not go to the extremes that you are describing simply due to a mid-life boredom crisis. Either way, it's her problem.

Her girlfriends are your enemies now.

GET A LAWYER! Even a bad one is better than going it alone.

Women also leave and get a divorce because of physical, mental, and emotional abuse by their spouse. Women also leave and get divorced because the kids are being abused by the husband and it is the only way to save them. Women also get divorced because they believe they don't have to sit at home and wait for her husband night after night to come home and crawl in bed next to her while smelling of sex and another womans' perfume. Women leave because they have as much right to leave as men.

All that aside and the OP is as he stated a good guy,hard worker and family man
Not a cheating,mistreating,wife or child abuser
What would you think Miss Lynn?

All that's been said by multiple posters already.



In the absence of that women rarely leave because they're bored or "have fallen out of love". They might start an affair because they're bored and that might lead to them leaving, but the affair is usually the tripwire. If the husband's been a douche then that's a different story, but barring that type of behavior the vast majority of the time they trot out the "I love you but I'm not in love with you" line it means they're sleeping with another guy.

Really ? I must of have missed that somewhere, not.

Ignore my ass or tell me to [bleep] off, but do not discount me.

Actually, I am just expressing my own opinion here, the independent thought thing.