Anymore..... After 15 years and 4 children, youngest is 6. She does not think she wants to continue our marriage.She said she still cares for me, but not love. I have a marriage counsel set up for next monday, but it don't look good. She said diff.individual events over the past 10 years have caused her to loose the love. I have not done anything that would warrant a divorce, stuff that most should forgive and forget. I asked about the thousands of great things that I think that I have done for her/us---the family, and I guess its never enough. She has not had to work for the past 14 years, we have a beautiful house, vacation at the beach 3 weeks a year, a pool in the back yard----- a life that I think most woman would love to have------------I am fit, in shape, and have never had a problem in the looks dept. I love her like I have never loved another. Has anyone of you guys turned this situation around?????

When they're done, they're done......

All I'll say is I've NEVER seen one comeback. I've seen people divorced and remarried years later, but I've never seen the divorce stopped.

When they decide, they decide. On average I'd say they've been planning it for at least a year before the words are ever said aloud.

Good luck

Start squirreling away a secret stash of loot

this....i made myself miserable for 3 years trying to turn mine around....granted i was dealing with an extreme situation as to the why but there really isnt any changing their minds....

Yep

Be better off acting like it don't bother you, sucks.

Good luck

It can turn around I hope you go to a good counsellor however.

I've zero experience on the subject, but you could use a bit of optimism. Keep your chin up, talk to the counselor and some prayers. Couples do overcome rough times.

Some times the fire just goes out. Start protecting assets and tangibles immediately.

If you're a good man, there will be other fish in the sea that have noticed.

She obviously isn't happy. No matter what happens the kids come first, best advice I know to give....Hope this can work out well

if you do split, bury your pride and only do what is in the best interest of the kids.....granted dont put yourself in the poor house.....but being vindictive towards your kids mother cause your hurt will do little but hurt your relationship with them in the long run....i have a better relationship with my oldest stepdaughter than she does with her mom because of my behavior versus hers....Kate spent the holidays with me, not her mom cause its what she wanted....

Don't mean to pry but why do you think she is unhappy?


Did you bone another chick and it's been buggin' her?




Do not answer that question on the internet, forget I even asked.

Be real careful during any marriage counseling what you say can and will be used against you if at all possible. Been there before and came away with the impression that counseling is nothing but a waste of time and money. But your mileage may vary. I would also advise you to start collecting cash and anything else you can "hide" asap. Best of luck to you.

What he said. Good luck and hang tough.

If it is any consolation, there is probably someone out there who is more deserving than she. I hope you find her.

You would always feel like you're walking on eggs from now on. It's best to let it go and get a Good Female divorce attorney, trust me.

Set aside some cash at your workplace or with a friend. You'll need it eventually.

Usually she has someone else scoped out, and that third party will cause you trouble. Get things rolling as fast as you possibly can, because she is feeling bad and a bit guilty right now. Not so as time goes on.

I'm awfully sorry to hear this and am sure you are a good husband and provider. I've been where you are, and grew up with a dad in Reno NV who was an attorney. Been around it enough to give valid advice.

Best Wishes
L2S

I was waiting for the punchline.
Sorry to hear about your problem. I was married 25 years and mine got cancer and died. Now I don't know if I want to take a chance on another one or not.
I have done some dating and found one who was divorced five times!!!!!
whelennut

Helpful Not Helpful
1 Corinthians 13:4-7 ESV / 43 helpful votes

Love is patient and kind; love does not envy or boast; it is not arrogant or rude. It does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful; it does not rejoice at wrongdoing, but rejoices with the truth. Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.


Your situation is not an unusual happenstance with women.

So, either God does not know much about women, or she never loved you and was more enamored with the idea of kids, house, dog and security.

Of course, she could be lying and still does love you - but now desires fun and excitement more. Women have been known to take that option too.

You arent the first or last to taste this crap, but it too will pass. Then, you can tell her to kiss your ass.

Take care, good fortune and God bless.

No matter how things turn out, remember this....youre gonna be ok. It might not go the way you want it to right now, but I promise you, though it probably doesnt make sense right now, you will be fine. God bless.

No, Samolsen, never stepped out of line. She says the main problem is/was that I never made her feel like we were a team. I work 40-60 hours a week and she stayed home with the kids. I also took care of everything inside/outside the house.I fix everything...cars, tractors,washers..ect... So I ask her if what I do is NOT 50% what the heck is???????? I never said the word NO to her, If she didn't feel like cooking,, pizza was always ok with me, I just dont know. Church on every sunday, other friends or family think were are the perfect family.

honestly, sounds like she is bored and decided the solution is a divorce, granted this is going on very lil info over all....

Or, did she bone someone else and he/she/it is bugging her?

Damn. I am ver sorry to hear of this. I wish you and your family all the best.

Are you really happy? with here?? I bet she has made your life hell for a while? I have been in same situation and tried to do everything to please her and she just made it impossible to work anything out. She already had a complete support group lined up and complicit in her decision, other girl friends. I should have said Well Bye and got on with my life. I went to several counselor's until I had a counselor say,to me , that it was her problem and the quicker I realized it the better off I and my kids would be. Tough to be in your situation. I feel your pain.
I would ask her one time if she really wanted to go to counseling. If she say no,then BYE. Save your money,emotion and time. I was looking at it as a loss and I should have been looking at it as a big win. I did not have to put up with her crap anymore and I could go where I wanted and do what I wanted without the fights and emotion roller coaster. Hope the best for you and your children.

You Rock, Sir.

Has she said what she would like? I mean, i know that we all do things that our spouses may not like, but i usually just ask my wife how i can make it right.

Perhaps she wants a career? Maybe she needs something to do? The kids are in school during the day right? Boredom could be a huge part of this.

Please tell me how to balance my life with my kids? I adore them all and we have great relationships. I cant imagine not living in the same house----not afraid to say that tears are rolling down my face.

I'd say she has made plans for her future that do not include you. If it is presented as a fait accompli then it's been in the works for years.

I was EXACTLY where you are in your life 12 years ago.

I wasn't able to turn it around.

You can't build a wall high enough or a fence strong enough, or love her more if she wants out. Don't beat yourself up about that. It ain't you dude. As hard as it is, you got to let her go. She obviously has something broken, I would venture a guess that you have been keeping the lid on the boiling pot for a long time, and it finally boiled over. It ain't you. It is her. So while you ain't perfect, don't beat yourself up about her decision. If she is anything like mine, she will try projecting the blame on you.

12 years later, my kids realize now that while I am not perfect, it was their Mom who is the damaged goods. While not bad, she is messed up as a soup sandwich, and they see that now. And the foolish choices and statements she makes. Point being, in time, the kids will see what is messed up. So will her family and all your friends.

Don't speak I'll of their Mom - ever, and they will see you were the one with class and character and she was the one who doesn't have those things.

I wish you the best. It is awful. I wouldn't wish what you are going through on my worst enemy.

If it comes down to it, ask for custody.

As for balancing your life with your kids? I will pass on the best advice i ever received from a member here.

Your life is no longer about you. The children come first. You need to do what is best for them. If that means they go with mom, then so be it. Do your best to be a good father regardless. They will thank you for it in the long run. And the advice regarding keeping the bitterness out of your relationship with your kids is crucial. I saw that with my father all my life. Its screwed up.

quite simple STAY IN THEIR LIVES, just cause you and their mom split does not take you out of the equation at all....keep whats in their best interest at the forefront of all this and you being there is a part of this....

get a damn good lawyer and make sure the language is there that keeps you in their lives

get it done as quick as possible, dragging it out to make her pay is only going to hurt your relationship with them and gain you little in the long run

dont run down their mom in front of them EVER

aint gonna lie, it all really phuggin sucks and is stressful as hell, just put whats best for your kids first and get through it as quickly as you can.....

i drug out giving up on my ex who had moved on from me for three years past what i should of and all it did was screw me up worse....didnt phase her one bit....

You may turn it around, but she has a boyfriend.

I make 6 figures, but it wont be enough to run our house and a place for me?? how does that work?? am I going to be flat broke-busted the rest of my life? She has a degree and can make 40-50k if she had to. will the courts make her go back to work?? How will I be able to live like that.

I have been in your shoes. In my opinion, the only way she may come to her senses is that she realizes what SHE lost. I would absolutely take the high road with the kids, but I would not let her see you sweat right now. Take the lead on the next steps regarding the Living situation, Money, Arrangements with Kids, etc. Once she realizes you are not going to be her punching bag, she may come to the realization of what she may lose. In other words, the best defense, is a good offense right now. Best wishes!

P&Y

That's why you need a good attorney, soon.

whelennut, Sorry for the loss of your wife. Don't know if you had children but if you did, don't get remarried. Shack up, cohabitate, life partners, whatever you want to call it, but re-marriage will end up screwing over your kids. Just my perspective, good luck on the dating scene!

COVER YOUR ASS NOW!!!!!!!!!!

Protect as many assets as you can, talk to a lawyer in the morning.

Protect your kids, emotionally and financially.

You need to go get a very good Lawyer, right now. Ask him how to get the most for you and your children. The courts won't make her do anything. She believes you are going to support her and you need to get your a$$ covered right now. You will then be in a better place to help your children. She has a plan and you need to get ahead of the curve quick.

Like was said earlier, you're gonna be okay. That's probably hard to see right now. Do not beat yourself up over this. It's okay to be introspective and ask what or if you could've done better, but don't bear the brunt of this.

I do believe that no matter how good a woman is, that their nature is to not let go of one branch until they have a firm grip on another. Sounds brutal to say, but many have lived it. I hope that's not the case here.

Take care of yourself and your kids, stay steady at work, and seek good counsel. Friends will expect you to lean heavily on them during the times ahead. Do so.

I hope the best for you.

I honestly think everything happens for a reason.

Be thankful for your kids and roll with the punches I guess.

It ain't you friend - and like others have said; be strong find a good lawyer, and don't let her see you sweat.

Let it go , no worth the effort .

Each case is different but my first wife started running around so I split. Gave her everything in the divorce and just walked away with what fit in a hundred dollar car. I got all the debt. When the divorce was final I went bankrupt on all her debt and then stole both kids. I worked for me because the state was about to grab the kids because on neglect and abuse. I have not seen her or heard from her since and that was 37 years ago.

Met and married a wonderful woman who is sitting next to me as I post this.

THIS.

If you're not above a little spying, hack her Facebook account and check your cellphone bill. Should be easy to find the guy's name.

Im not 100% certain i follow you. What i mean is that maybe she wants something to do. The court cant make anyone work.

With regards to how you would live with her working? Same way everyone else does, go to work, come home, spend the evenings with your family. You might even have to work different shifts. Who knows. In the end, the time you spend with your kids and family is all that matters. Your income has nothing to do with it.

My wife and i both work. We need the two incomes to make ends meet. Now, our kid goes to daycare with a friend who watches children from our church. We pay her and just chalk the time spent working as part of life.

You can your kids will be ok. As i got older, i came to see the things my dad did for me as what they were. The good and the bad. It formed a lot of the things i have done for my son. As it is, there is nothing i wont do to keep my son with me, or in the best situation i can provide.

I never question why i went to babysitters, or any of that as i knew my parents were working to make a better life for us. They made sure to tell us so.

I repeat, you will be ok. No matter how bad it seems now, things will get better. Just make sure your kids know you love them and the rest will be worked out between you and your spouse.

She's the one that wants out. Make HER get out. You leave the house, and you won't be able to get it back. She wants out, let HER pay the piper. I refused to be buffalo'ed into a lifetime of alimony/support to someone who made the choice to end it, and in no uncertain terms I let that be known. Since she knew I was a man of my word, she knew I'd carry thru. In the end, I gave up everything but a '99 Ford truck, my guns, clothes and tools. It all fit in a 6x12 enclosed trailer and back of the truck. I took a $1000 a month ranch job just in case the judge ordered maintenance. Hell, I am still getting by just fine, since she don't cost me anything.......

No matter how bad this hurts, and it will, finding the right new one will be worth it.

Like previously stated .... "when there're done, there're done".
You were blindside by this but she has been working on this for a longtime.

From this point forward, think with your head and only your head. You need to not let heart/feelings make any decisions.

Get yourself legal representation ASAP and don't try to be the nice guy until it is finalized.

Its business and only business until the divorce is finalized.

If its truly meant to be, she will comeback on her own.

This^^^ with about a 99% certainty.

Women don't just fall out of love and decide to move on. Love is tied to security with them and unless things are really bad like they're getting beaten or continually cheated on they don't just "fall out of love" and decide to give up security. They generally don't move on until they have another security blanket lined up, which your wife almost certainly does. The description of what she said and the way she carried things out is pretty much straight out of the cheating wife playbook.

I'm sorry, I was there about a year and a half ago and it sucks. You have two priorities right now to concentrate on, your children and your financial estate. Try to keep the children out of it as much as possible, which is impossible I know, but do your best. After that you've got to try and come out of it with at least a shirt on your back. She'll do her best to keep the boyfriend hidden but he's arcing around out there, count on it. Her goal is going to be to walk out with as much of your estate as she can to start the new love nest with him. She's going to try and portray everything as your fault, playing on your emotions to guilt you into giving her more in the divorce, don't let her do it. Get the best divorce lawyer you can afford, the laws are already stacked against the man so you've got to protect yourself the best you can. You can't continue to be a good dad to your children if your ex puts you in the poorhouse, which can easily happen with the crazy divorce laws we have today. You have to keep your emotions in check and think clearly, remember it's no longer a marriage but rather a business transaction.

1. Get the best lawyer you can afford
2. Don't fall for her emotional blackmail
3. Locate the boyfriend. It doesn't do much legally but it can help turn the tide of the divorce if you can show what's really going on.

So you are telling me that I wont have to leave my house. I can make a stand?

You need to obtain legal representation tomorrow.

Forget all else that is in your head at the moment.

DON'T MOVE OUT!!!

You don't have to move out until a judge tells you that you have to.

Beyond that you need to talk to the best lawyer you can afford, and you need to do it yesterday.

I'm sorry for your troubles.

ofcourse that is an option but get a lawyer ASAP....as someone else said, do not move out if that is the end result you want, soon as you leave, even if its "just for now" you have lost a big part of that piece of the battle if its part of what you want in the end...

From experience I speak: get a lawyer right now. Store your guns and important papers at a friends house. Stay in your house with the kids, don't move out.

And, above all, bless her for she is leading you to a better place. This will be very apparent in the fullness of time. Believe me.

What Crow Hunter said. Who says she get the house and kids?? This is a fight you need to win.

^^^This^^^

"I don't love you anymore / I want a divorce" translates to "I've found someone better/ richer than you"

Been there done that, so I'm speaking from experience. Counseling will only be a waste of your time and money if she's already made up her mind.

I know things look bleak, but they will eventually get better. As others advised, get yourself a good attorney and protect your children and assets immediately.

Absolutely. It would seem that you have seen too much of the TV divorce. I know how that goes. It happened to my Dad with his ex. She got EVERYTHING. He got 18 years of child support and pain.

You can make a great stand with proper legal representation. Get it ASAP. It will make all the difference.

Forget any of the stalking/spying and playing mind games advice.

Get legal representation tomorrow and program yourself to deal with all this like it is a business transaction and be 'professional'.

What is the current divorce rate in the US? Something like 60%?

some very good advice here by guys that btdt


I was close, but successfully backed away from cliff's edge.


but will say this, you don't stand a snowball's chance in hades if you don't do the part about quit thinking with your heart and think with your head.

it's your children's mother that wants them to grow up in a broken home, not you

your job is to protect your children, that means making the best decisions you can for YOU to take care of them.

do the spying or hire it done, hiring it done is more efficient and less heartbreaking, though it will still suck to find out there's another guy, unless there's not of course.

50/50 custody

hit her with the news, you can no longer afford to work as much cause you're no longer part of a team, that YOU plan on having your kids as much as she does.

she needs to go to work and you need to work less

stick to your guns, it's your only chance for her to see "it's not going to work out like I planned"

one of two things will happen, she'll have a change of heart towards you, for better or worse, either way you're better off

but you've had the warning shot fired across the bow, even if you reconcile, it's time to have a squirrel nest somewhere.

sent you a PM as well, mine worked out, most don't

prayers for you and yours bud, including her, hope she realizes what she's doing before it's too late.

those are your babies, they deserve the best life possible

hint; a divorced upbringing ain't it

hint 2: you ain't the one wanting the divorce

do it for your kids, they deserve it

Shop for a nasty female attorney beginning tomorrow. I was in your shoes about 20 years ago. Chances are good that her plan is alteady in motion. My ex was having a go with my former best friend in my house. Lovely. Chin up and get through it for your kids. Don't get all pissed off and do anything to help out her cause or get yourself arrested. Best wishes.

I know of two couples that had real bad issues. One had an affair and the other couple just had problems. Both are doing fine now after 14 yrs and 5 yrs. It took a lot of prayer. There is something wrong in her life and she is empty and doesn't know what to do about it so she is looking in the wrong direction. Most likely the best thing is pray together and take control of the situation. She also most likely needs a part time job so she feels like she is part of the team. She doesn't feel important right now so you both need to work together on this. I would set some goals like something that would interest her and something YOU CANT DO FOR HER!!. Pray ,, be possitive and never give up. She will come around. Right now she is looking for leadership from you so she can follow and be a part of the team. This has been going on for 5 -10 yrs so a bandaid won't fix it. A restructure of the marriage is in order. You don't know how to fix it but God does and you have to pray for wisdom about this. After 27 yrs we are still married and it can be very hard cause my wife and I are so different but we always work it out. Without God in our lives we would have been done a long time ago.

You will probably have more money than you had before. YOU can not make her happy, people have to make themselves happy. Secure the lives of your children and yourself, now...

If she wants "Out"....help her move! Stay in the house until you're told by a Judge otherwise. Her choice...her consequence!

This varies by state. In some states, if you back a bag and leave the house in just a few days, there will be a court order preventing you from returning.

Bottom line. Get a good attorney, and do it tomorrow.

As for income, in some states they can impute income to her, even if she doesn't work, for the purposes of figuring Child support. Alimony isn't as common as it used to be, but again, it's a state-by-state issues.

Best of luck to you.

FORGET ABOUT THE BOYFRIEND!

It will only lead to added problems if you pursue the boyfriend in any manner. She'll use it against you!! You are a "sneaky, dangerous, obsessed stalker"...

Get the picture?

Let that go, and go get a FEMALE Divorce specialist attorney.

Yesterday...

Nobody said go after the boyfriend, that would be stupid. He does need to have a detective locate the boyfriend for evidence purposes in the divorce. In most states now adultery will keep a judge from awarding alimony.

In my own divorce a year ago my ex tried to keep her boyfriend hidden. I trotted out 400 hours of recordings, 700 pages of GPS tracking data showing her at his house, and a detective with video recording of her coming and going at his house after spending the night with him multiple times while I was away at work. She'd been lying to her attorney the whole time and he had the deer in the headlight look when he got hit with that. The day before the court date she settled. As I type this I'm lying on the couch in the house that I kept, the house that she started out demanding in the divorce papers along with $2500 a month alimony which she didn't get either.

It matters. Don't go into a fight unarmed.

Sorry, man.

Your biggest punch in the gut now is to realize you made the wrong choice when you picked this one.

The divorce is not your choice, but you have no choice. It doesn't reflect on who you are.

Don't worry about the money, don't worry about the house, about the neighbors, the cars. It'll all take care of itself if you just do the right thing from here on out.

Decide who you want your kids to think you are, and act that way. You are what you do.

From now on, it's just a business deal. She will be covered in guilt, and you can use it. Get all that you are entitled to, and shelter the kids as best you can. There will be a time to tell your side of the story, when they are about 28, and have their own kids.

Find a good, very good, lawyer, now, and find a really, really good counselor for yourself, RIGHT now.

You will be just fine.

Perfect advice Dutch.

I agree.

My thoughts as well.

Birddog65: I am sorry to hear of your tough situation.
I know that you will come through this a stronger person.
I am hoping your Mrs. will come to her senses and your relationship renews itself - if not, remain positive and upbeat as best you can - especially in front of the youngsters.
I have been married, this time, for 39 years and can commiserate with you fully from my distant past experiences!
Again wishing you the best and hoping you can stay strong.
Hold into the wind
VarmintGuy

I'd say get to the bank and get an account in your name only too. Transfer as much as you can to it you're going to need it. Good luck.

She has at least 6 month jump on you... You need to ditch the marriage counselor and get a lawyer...

This story is offered as a ray of hope...

A friend of mine found himself in a situation very similar to yours...

He is a fortune 500 executive and, enjoying the good life, married a stunning lady 20 years younger. Now I value other qualities, but she is attractive, and I understand his motivations, and let's just say that he didn't marry her for her brains.

Anyway, 10 or so years and a couple of kids later she decides she is now "out of love" and wants to separate, divorce, etc. and asks him to leave.

The nerve of these ..."wives"...

So we talked...

He's looking at leaving his home and family, sharing assets, losing his home, and hefty child support and weekends with his kids that he dearly loves, etc...while she and a long parade of "boyfriends" use his multi million dollar home as a personal resort.

That's a grim reality for anyone to face.

It's so sad really, because he is a really good guy, but being a "really good guy" wasn't helping him a bit in this unfortunate situation.

It even brought a tear to my eye...

The "I love you but I'm not in love with you" is a huge red flag dude. Assuming you have been a good husband, are not a drunk, a serial cheater, or beat her, the alternative is she has already found someone else, and is in "the fog".

Women are like monkeys swinging from branch to branch. They won't let go of the branch they have until a new one is in the other hand. Women RARELY just walk away from a good, decent, or even fairly poor marriage without having another guy all set up on the back burner.

-The "ILY,BINILWY" thing is a red flag.
-Has she been especially argumentative lately over small bs or nothing at all? More critical of you than ever?
-Does she have a cell phone that she's recently started locking or takes with her wherever she goes? On the computer more, or locks the computer?
-New outfits? Working out, looking better, more concerned with appearance?
-Running more "errands" than usual?

You get the idea. Don't mean to insult your wife, but the ILYBINILWY thing along with asking for divorce or separation...well, MOST of the time that means one thing (again, assuming YOU aren't a major tool and deserve to be sent kicking rocks).

If she's cheating, and if you want to save it, blow up the affair, expose her and him to everyone of importance in their lives, then start immediately pulling back from her and YOU initiate divorce proceedings. She'll be blubbering and blowing snot bubbles on hands and knees begging for you to forgive her and take her back. Then you need to decide if you even want that any longer.

BUT, you first need to determine if this is the case. If she is having an affair, you need to blow it up (figuratively). If she is, get concrete, undeniable evidence, and then confront her (not before you obtain the evidence though...otherwise she'll deny, deny, deny).

IF she is having an affair, chances are the signs are there, and you've ignored them or they've gone over your head. It happens when you trust someone.

On the other hand, if she has just flat checked out, is playing or feeling the part of the bored, unloved, middle aged housewife, you can turn that around as well I believe, but it might be tougher, and the "180" not so easy to work from your end. First thing, were it me, I'd give her the "space" she wants. All of it she could handle. Nothing will drive a woman further away than clinging onto them when they are in the process of pulling away. Make yourself scarce. File for divorce. Make her think more about her life without you, than she's thinking about her life with you. That is done by making her experience it.

But wait...that's not the end of the story...

Like I said we talked, and it would certainly take some kind of miracle for him to turn the situation around.

Praying and waiting for a miracle, while noble, might be effective in some cases, but in others, maybe not so much.

To make a long story short, here's what he did...

He resigned his 6 figure position with the Fortune 500 company.

The reason, he told everyone, the company, and including his wife, was that he was willing to sacrifice his career to spend more time with his family and to work on his marriage.

So with zero income, any financial settlement to the wife would be greatly diminished, and the cost of the divorce, attorney's fees, etc would have to be paid out of mutual assets, (rather than coming out of his end), the house would be lost, cars repossessed, credit collections, etc...

A sobering reality indeed for wifey...

Now I know that most guys wouldn't have the inner fortitude to make such a decision, but the first rule of any negotiation is to level the playing field, and remember that he's a Fortune 500 executive and he's not afraid to make Executive Decisions.

So fast forward 10 years later...yep, the happy family is still together, and the boyfriend is long gone.



I call it win/win.

I empathize with your pain and anxiety. Divorced 15 years ago after 25 years of marriage. Ended up closer to my 3 daughters and now SIL's than I ever imagined. I pray for your strength as I have never seen a successful reconciliation. God has a plan, and remember, when He closes one door, He open's another.

God Bless,


DMc

After my divorce, for the next two or three years I would not have been able to afford to buy a woman dinner even if I had a date. I hope it doesn't go that way for you.

Listen up, wake up!

She has been planning on leaving you for some time at this point. Ask yourself what else is going on, is she burning through the credit cards, she may use the marriage counseling to play you for time while getting into position to tap you out.

The judge is your worst enemy, he doesn't care about you, he just wants to clear his cases so he can play more golf. Here is how he does it. He will set the separate temporary support payments for her and the kids so high that you will be actually wanting the final hearing, but it want come fast enough for you (at the final hearing they have to set the payments within the state controlled guidelines), which will be about half of the amount he temporarily sets. Then her lawyer automatically has three opportunities to postpone and string you out. This accomplishes saving the judge his time because you will be too broke to try for custody, or anything that would take more hearings, etc.

It would be worth it for you to take off a half day of work and sit in your county family court and listen to the cases, and learn how many ways the state divides your life and hope of a future.

Others on this thread have warned you to squirrel away some money. Make that CASH, because the courts can close all of your bank accounts until after the final hearing.

The answer to your question is no, your wife will not be made to go to work, because the court holds you responsible to maintain her in the style she has been accoustomed to or the judge will put you in jail. Of course after the divorce is over she will go back to work or marry another man.

Unless she is deeply emotional, committed, and willing about HER desire to "work it out" in marriage counseling, it is over. So sorry.

If you want to win the Game of Love sometimes you have to play Hard Ball...

It's been posted here before..."Women divorce for ONE reason, they think another bull will make them happier and the grass will be greener in a new pasture."

I'm truly sorry for the situation you're describing. Lots of men are giving you sound advice here.

Take it.

+100
Don't take this as being because of you having done something or not doing something, It's her flaw and there is nothing wrong with you!
I know you don't want to hear this but the sooner you take off the blinders and get your head straight the sooner you can get a good attorney and protect yourself and rights with your children
Heck she may even give you custody of the children.
This is a rough time and it sucks but face it head on,things will get better!

Get your guns out of the house.
Keep your cool. Getting slapped with a restraining order or some domestic violence charge may prevent you from keeping your firearms.

Been there done that ! I agree, when they are done they are done most times. I've been a single dad forever and tried at the time to turn things around but the more I did the more I looked pathetic in her eyes�Oh and 9 times out of 10 they have a boy friend and I don't care what they tell you�mine would leave the marriage counselling and head for the boyfriends place afterward.

As hard as it was I had to back away, foremost protect my son(I fought for and was awarded residential custody), secure assets as best I could (a lot was co mingled so it is what it is) and most important curb any violence or hostility�that can get you looking like the bad guy real quick.

Fast forward to present�.Brought closer to my faith, made back a good portion of the assets robbed from me through the separation/divorce, have a well adjusted 16 year old son and live with a good woman.

BY the way we did have another try at it couple of years after the divorce�Another expensive mistake�Just my experience.
It's hard but try and stay positive and pay attention to things�I made countless mistakes during the "Rough times" because I could not focus on anything else and I had to go it alone for the most part.
God Bless!

Why would you put this chit on the internet?

?

Maybe to let someone know that no matter how much you care for a woman not to let her screw you over twice?

Well, maybe he's a little disoriented after his wife wrecked his world.

It happens.

Now that he's gotten his advice, however, this thread should die - since it can't be deleted.

Sorry to hear about another one of these. You'll notice you're hearing a lot of the same things, over and over. It's unfortunate how many of us have been there. Depending on your state, it may not matter what's really been going on, but between her cell phone log, browser history, emails, and credit card statements, you'll get an awfully good idea.

The advice you're getting is sound, and it's not just that you probably should heed it: your children need you to heed it.

If you're not convinced you want to file for divorce yet, get a lawyer, anyway. They do what you tell them to, and you can always tell them you want to sit tight for a while. What you can't do, is go back in time to get their advice, when it's already too late to protect your kids and/or cover your a$$ets. Hope for the best, but be prepared for the worst.

Also, beef up your support network, pronto. Get with your buddies regularly, see if there's a divorce care group at your church, line-up trusted childcare/babysitting services for when you just gotta get the hell outa dodge, find counselors for yourself & the kids. If you really get frustrated, PM any of us. But don't post anything in open forums.

It's gonna be a wild ride, but now is the time for you to be the man your kids need you to be.

FC

Just another sign the world has gone crazy. A man can love and fight for and die for a woman he loves. Vice vera, not so much.

Sounds to me like she has her mind made up - and counseling will only prolong the outcome.. I wish you the very best, but I think the odds on a continuance are less than 10%..

Birddog65-
Sorry to hear about your situation. Been there, done that. Reading the responses here was like re-living the entire thing all over again. 95% of the responses are spot on though, and you need to pay attention.
Take some time off work, starting this morning, for as long as you need. You will need several days minimum. While it's tempting to immerse yourself in work so you dont have to think about things, it will be the most costly week you have ever spent at work.
GET A LAWYER NOW ! ASAP! NOW, COMPRENDE?! Pick the 5 best lawyers in town and set up an appt. Initial consults are usually free, or minimum charge. By the time you have talked all 5, you will know several things. You will know which one you like/trust. you will have been given some good advice. You will likely have figured out who her lawyer/law firm is as they will not be able to talk to you. Likewise , she will not be able to use the lawyers you have talked to, assuming she doesn't already have one (she's had a lot of time on her hands, 98% chance she has one already).
Get your guns, all of them, out of the house. Pick a trusted friend that you are absolutely sure could no how, no way be diddling your wife, and "sell" them to him. You have bills to pay you know, and you definitely do not want your wife telling her lawyer or a judge that she "feels threatened". The atmosphere at YOUR house is about to get emotional and adversarial, if it hasn't already.
Speaking of which, DO NOT LEAVE THE HOUSE UNTIL A JUDGE TELLS YOU TO. Grab a sleeping bag and hit the couch in the basement. Treat your wife as nicely as you can , don't argue, don't plead, don't be disagreeable, but DON'T LEAVE. It's your house and you have a right to be there, as long as you don't pose any threat, real or perceived or even imaginary to your wife or kids.
Get your self to the bank(s) and close or split all joint accts. as well as credit cards. Get a couple of your own, convert balances to cash and "do something with it". You'll figure it out. You'll need access to it, but no record of it later. You've got a lot of unexpected expenses right now, remember?

Now for the rest of it.
Don't try to figure it out. Chances are very high that she doesn't want you to be able to. It will just make your head hurt worse.
Don't post on social media until after it's final. No Campfire, no facebook, no twitter, nothing. You can read if you like, but do not air your dirty laundry. It's not like we wouldn't be happy to power wash it for you, but it's very likely that any good lawyer is going to read and/or monitor anything you say or do. If you have to blow off steam, pay a counselor.

Always, ALWAYS take the high road. As has already been said,be the man you want your children to think you are, always. As a businessman, you know what this means, and how to do it, no matter how difficult it may seem at the time.

This is a temporary condition. How you conduct yourself will have a lasting/ permanent effect on your children though. You need to pay attention to the long game by playing the short game very very well.

This truly is a temporary condition. On the day you were born and on every day before and after, there were more women born than men. Someday when this is past and you get your feet back under you and your head screwed on, you will find one that truly does appreciate you, and you'll wonder why or how you ever ended up where you were.

If it does turn out that you defy all the odds, your wife suddenly pulls her head out and takes a gulp of fresh air, etc.,
it does not change one word of what I posted above. Do not sit around and hope for that flash of enlightenment on her part.

Good luck and check back in when the dust settles.

You have to do the counseling. I know a few couples here that were in your shoes more or less, did some long counseling, and are as strong as they were in the start of their marriage.

One of them was my best high school friend.

But when it turns out the other way after making the effort, then you have to know to just move forward

No. I'm saying don't leave voluntarily. I fell for the 'you leave while we separate' B.S. Don't do it. Take a hard stand and tell her to go.....

Sorry for your problem. Down the road it will most likely turn out for the best. Just not with her. Good luck.

THIS THIS! I am in the midst of seeing this next door to my office as we speak. 15 year marriage, two wonderful kids and all of a sudden she looses 15 or so pounds, get her hair done very nicely....a little more makeup.....shorter dresses, higher heels.....and she tells my friend "I'm not in love anymore". And then it comes out.....there's "this guy" out there that's "just a friend". Um hmm...and I'm a Chinese rocket pilot! Turns out she's been seeing him for a good while before the divorce talk ever came up.

I'm lucky. I'm married to the most beautiful woman I ever laid eyes on. She's more beautiful inside than she is outside. As I've said before, she has zero snakes in her head and will hang with ANY girl posted on the "223AI" thread. Our secret? 33 years of a Christ centered marriage.

I'd use the FIDO principle if I were you: Forget It and Drive On.....and, like others have said, lawyer up with the meanest female lawyer you can find.

I wish you luck.

Been in this circle (and still in it somewhat) but I signed up for the long haul and my boys lives are at stake. My boys are what have been one of my sources for me to act as I want them to remember me by, no matter what happens, and my first source is God Himself. My wife and I have dodged that bullet so far and it is only due to His direction. I did go and talk to an attorney after I found out she had, what a breath of fresh air that was, before she let me know, but she had told her mom, sister and the boys that she was going thru with it. We are still together, almost a year later and every day is forward progress. A day at a time, a day at a time. May yours turn around and may your heart reflect all that is good.....

There are two days in every week about which we should not worry, two days which should be kept free from fear and apprehension.

One of these days is Yesterday with all its mistakes and cares,
its faults and blunders, its aches and pains.

Yesterday has passed forever beyond our control.
All the money in the world cannot bring back Yesterday.

We cannot undo a single act we performed;
we cannot erase a single word we said.
Yesterday is gone forever.

The other day we should not worry about is Tomorrow
with all its possible adversities, its burdens,
its large promise and its poor performance;
Tomorrow is also beyond our immediate control.

Tomorrow's sun will rise,
either in splendor or behind a mask of clouds, but it will rise.
Until it does, we have no stake in Tomorrow,
for it is yet to be born.

This leaves only one day, Today.
Any person can fight the battle of just one day.
It is when you and I add the burdens of those two awful eternities Yesterday and Tomorrow that we break down.

It is not the experience of Today that drives a person mad,
it is the remorse or bitterness of something which happened Yesterday and the dread of what Tomorrow may bring.

Let us, therefore, Live but one day at a time.

If she is a Christian, she needs to repent. Most will not. The first counseling session will tell you clearly where this is going to go. A person never "falls out of" love, since love is a decision one makes in the first place.

She has either been using you for all these years to simply get what she wants, or else someone else is buttering her bread now. Most likely both. Women do not go to the extremes that you are describing simply due to a mid-life boredom crisis. Either way, it's her problem.

Her girlfriends are your enemies now.

GET A LAWYER! Even a bad one is better than going it alone.

Women also leave and get a divorce because of physical, mental, and emotional abuse by their spouse. Women also leave and get divorced because the kids are being abused by the husband and it is the only way to save them. Women also get divorced because they believe they don't have to sit at home and wait for her husband night after night to come home and crawl in bed next to her while smelling of sex and another womans' perfume. Women leave because they have as much right to leave as men.

All that aside and the OP is as he stated a good guy,hard worker and family man
Not a cheating,mistreating,wife or child abuser
What would you think Miss Lynn?

All that's been said by multiple posters already.



In the absence of that women rarely leave because they're bored or "have fallen out of love". They might start an affair because they're bored and that might lead to them leaving, but the affair is usually the tripwire. If the husband's been a douche then that's a different story, but barring that type of behavior the vast majority of the time they trot out the "I love you but I'm not in love with you" line it means they're sleeping with another guy.

Really ? I must of have missed that somewhere, not.

Ignore my ass or tell me to [bleep] off, but do not discount me.

Actually, I am just expressing my own opinion here, the independent thought thing.

My first question to her would have been "What's his name?"

I think there is his side, her side, and the truth.

If you can't read and interpret English then you should be discounted.

=======

Lawyer, not 24H.

99% of the time , assuming there is no abuse, she has found someone else. Kick her butt out and don't look back.

Let's have some female advice, Miss Lynn. Assume the OP is a good guy, what do you think is going on?

Uhuh....

Godogs57, I sure enjoy reading posts like yours which are few and far between. I wish everybody could experience the same kind of beautiful marriage that my Hilda and I had for more than fifty years. When we got married, we both said "till death do us part" and that was the way it was. I sure miss that beautiful lady. I always thought she was as near to being perfect as a person could be. And being Christians, we will be together again soon. Forever.

The never working part is scary.

She's gonna go for the gold.

Get a lawyer. Be objective. Be smart. And be as manipulative and full of schit as possible.

I'll keep you in my thoughts.



Travis

Probably got sick of living with a narcisist.

TFF.

"Goddammn woman! I'm a good lookin' sumbitch!"



Travis

IF she married young, and never spent any real time being single, she may be wanting to go back now, and do ALL the things she wanted to do back then, but knew being a wife and being a mother prohibited it. It happens to men and women.

She was home for 14 years, she probably would have been better off being out working, getting away from the walls that housed her day after day.

IF she doesn't like herself, then how the hell is she going to LOVE him.

Did they HAVE to get married ? Or was it a free will thing. That makes a difference for many over the years.

Did THEY spend any time together, not kids, not church, not anything, BUT they alone. Even a half hour a day makes a difference to love and life.

Neither is 100% innocent. He is not perfect, only Jesus was perfect, and he is not Jesus.

Like I said, there is his side, her side, and the truth.

The only ones that matter at this point are the innocents, the children, and the better of the two parents will be the one that puts the kids first, and keeps it as clean as possible, they will come out the Victor.

Is it possible she is cheating ? Maybe, but why ? Money ? If she has found someone with money as everyone says, then she doesn't need his, and all she needs is to leave and be with the man who has the money. She does not need to ask permission to leave, married or not, she is not a prisoner. Money will buy her a lawyer that will fix it all for her, one way or the other anyways.

If he wants to know, he should ask her, he claims life was perfect between them, so if it truly was, he truly knows her, and he will know whether she is cheating or not. Men and women do not truly want to ask this question, because the answer, for a short time or a long time, makes them feel as inadequate as hell, and it hurts, the pride first, and then the heart.

Maybe in the end, she just wants to go, and she doesn't want to take him with her, period.

IF so, he should just move forward, concentrate on the kids and himself. There is a future without her, and chances are it is going to be so much better than the one he has now. He can never say NEVER.

Damn ! Just damn ! Truth hits the streets....

Whatever. She has a boyfriend, but doesn't want that to come out before the settlement. Listen to Bob.

Good post but I take issue with this comment.



Travis

Well said. The OP said hard work 40 to60 hours a week to provide big house with pool. Things do not make us happy nor do things have anything to do with love.

In the meantime, I think we ought to share a coffee and a cookie, and a mountain view

LOL. Yeah, my first thought too.

Forget the counselor...cancel the appt. & make one with an Atty. file the papers...tell her that since you love her, you don't want to stand in her way... If she's half stepping to make you squirm, she'll be the one suggesting counseling. When & if she does, twist the knife a little...tell her that since she suggested this, you're not sure you'd ever be able to fully trust her again & will have to think about it....if she's serious, it's better to make it happen as quick & painless as possible...Sit the kids down & explain the situation in the kindest, gentlest way you can.
The absolute worst thing a man can do with a woman who suggests ending a marriage, is to beg/plead or act "needy"...

Amen ! Never met a dollar that made me happy, but I can think of many shared walks and talks and laughs and even tears that have....

That's not true at all. Lots of possessions make me happy. My house. My truck. My guns. My wife. New tires. Beer. A picture of Mike Ditka. Fox News. The list is endless.




Travis

I disagree. The kids will be panicked, and will clamor for answers. You're a long way from having answers for them, so they'll just be anxious as hell until you do.

Instead, I'd suggest you carry on as normally as possible 'til you've got things settled, then tell the kids.

That's my $.02, and it's FREE.

FC

This is sage advice for all of us to heed. It is easy to get "caught up in things" and let this get lost in the shuffle.

OP I hope for you and all involved sake that things turn out the best they can be.

Good luck and God Bless.

twofish

Don't have time to read the whole thread before work, but you got some good advice early on.

Beware the "it's over for sure" advice, nobody can say that. It's not over until it's over. Most of us have taken a royal screwing at the hands of a screwed up woman, so it taints our perspective some. If we were honest, most of us were at least partially complicit in our own screwing, in some way. If nothing else, we had a good dose of wishful thinking going. Alot of the advice is geared to keeping you realistic for this reason. Keep your head and take care of business.

To me it sounds like you're a self-made man that places too much value on the $. Since when did money make everything perfect? If you were poor you could still be happy with the right spouse. If you're rich with the wrong spouse, forget it. Also sounds like you made life more about you and your career and less about being a servant husband, in the sense that your purpose is to help her realize fulfillment in her life. Sure, you did all the material things, but those don't fulfill her, they fulfill you.

Since this is the campfire, I'm assuming someone already told you to pork her sister, her best friend, and the nearest college cheerleader you can find. Don't go that route.

It's easy to say when you have money. If you're working too many hours to support the family the wife wants you home more. If you are home more and barely paying the bills the wife wants you working more.

This entire post is the gayest thing since AIDS.



Travis

Oh, the drama.

He ought to tell her this:

A six pack and a thirty minute nap and I won't even remember your name.

Don't move out, biggest mistake you can make. Hire an attorney today.

You have as much right to the house and kids as she does but it will be a fight. A fight you can win.

I went through this many years ago and got custody of my two boys when they were six and eight. Had to sell the house and split the proceeds. The mother had visitation rights.

I raised them and paid for everything through college. It wasn't easy and it certainly wasn't cheap but it was the best thing I ever did. I didn't remarry until they were both out of college and off my payroll.

Remember this and repeat it daily: "Bless those who disappoint you for they are leading you to a better place". The wisdom of this may not become apparent for several years.

I was only four sips into my coffee and almost neti potted my dark roast.

Having been where you are, please heed the advice from several responders...protect your assets. She has made her decision and I doubt she is going to change her mind. I did not protect mine and lost almost everything. She has joint access to all of your accounts and she will use those assets. Everyone I know that has gone through this has experienced the same. Get a good attorney right now. If she is saying the marriage is over, you need to listen to her. She made that decision months ago and is just now telling you. Good luck.

Is that an encrypted way of stating you almost fugged yourself?




Travis

Yep. There's no changing their mind. And if they decide to come back, it's temporary.

It may not be what you want to hear but... suck it up, pick yourself up by the boot straps and move on....or don't. It's your choice.

If you choose option "a", in a year you'll be a better person for it. You may realize it wasn't as good as you thought it was.

I wish you and your children luck.

I think 222 Rem just invented a new pick up line.

"Can I neti-pot your dark roast?"




Travis

Almost.......

Add that to "can I have a Nut Hugger?

And to expound on this a little further, if she does have someone on the side, there has to be a reason for it.

IMO, that reason might be that she is getting something (other than sex) from him that is missing in your relationship with her. I went through this about 15 years ago myself and no matter how hard I tried to fix it, it was not fixable so I sucked it up and moved on, literally.

Best of luck to you.

Should be wildly successful at Ag Expos, County Fairs, and Livestock Sales everywhere.

I can't believe You forgot COCK.

Not so fast there Quick Draw...

"First, get her to a doctor for a full thyroid workup to rule that out"

Move on and don't look back. Keep the kids at the front of your priority list and be nice. I agree with one of the other posts, get a good female divorce attorney. Remember, you can't control another person, but you can control what you do. Life will suck for awhile, but you won't get more than you can handle. Better days will be ahead. I will keep you and your family in my prayers.

If your youngest is 6 then be prepared to live like that for 12 years. Try for joint 50/50. I'm not sure if you'll have to pay alimony in PA or not.

I got 50/50 custody and I have 75% placement, but we came up with that on our own. See if you can? We wrote our own decree with the aid of a mediator. It was much less expensive. We had very different hobbies, so splitting household items came down to who wanted what furniture.

That said, we both had jobs and our own retirements. We split the equity in the house and that was that. It was really that simple for us.

now, I'm not saying there wasn't any heartache before we got down to all the brass tacks.

To the OP- Don't know your situation, but in my experience I have never seen a woman leave any situation not knowing she had a landing spot somewhere else. She may be a rare one in that regard, but I seriously doubt it. Be wary and protect yourself, your assets and focus on your relationship with your children.

Best of luck

I'm with Travis on most of this (see strikethrough). But play it straight, don't try to be too smart for your own good.

As godogs said, get the meanest female divorce lawyer you can find. Women know how to fight dirtier than men do, best to get one on your side.

Speak for yourself you fuggin' meat-gazer.



Clark

Screw alla that!

it's over, protect your kids and yourself and move on.

MARK
I JUST CAME ACROSS THIS. I WILL BE PRAYING FOR YOU AND FAMILY.

SOME TIME EXCUSES ARE THOUGHT UP OR EXAGGERATED FOR REASON ALL THERE OWN.

QUESTION You MAY WANT TO ASK YOUR SELF! WHICH I AM SURE YOU HAVE.

How-ever does she have FRIENDS, NEW? Or Some FRIENDS that have had a RECENT DIVORCE or Or, That May be the Problem, For I Know in my Situation, i'm reminded all the time or hear that, i married to young-her! and i have no Carrier, etc,,and, and and.
So it May not be You, It maybe a outside influence on her.
Your Old Friend
STEVE

There are a fair number of men getting neti-potted in their dark roast right now that sincerely wish they hadn't been honest when they spoke to the poh-lease.

Remember that.



Travis

Whoever scribed that probably likes to be neti-potted in their dark roast.



Travis

F'n A right you can.

Don't take advice from an internet hunting sight call an attorney asap

There's a big difference between answering questions honestly vs volunteering information that the poh-lease/divorce court judge don't never need to hear.

Having a lawyer to advise you in such matters can be worth a lot of money to you.

And I'll be damn if anybody gets to neti-pot my dark roast..

Come on! We all know women aren't capable of that.

Then I suggest you learn to lie when people ask you questions!

SONOFABITCH!



Dave

Even more importantly, make sure YOU call the police before she does. Getting neti-potted can start out consensual, but turn weird real fast. Then it's important to be the first to call in as the victim..................

Remember who you are talking to. I raised six kids and hardly had two pennies to rub together at the end of the week. Worked two jobs at least half my life. But things don't make you happy. Deciding to be happy is about ninety percent of happiness.

Most couples start experimenting with the Neti Pot and forget to agree on a safe word. That NEVER ends well........

This exactly mirrors my experience and what I went through 10 years ago with one exception - no kids were involved. I have to agree 100% with everything flagstaff posted here...

Experience: that most brutal of teachers. But you learn, my God do you learn. - C. S. Lewis

Ain't that the truth....

Did any one mention getting a really good lawyer yet? Remember to smile when she's taking it in the dark roast. It will be glorious.

Then take your goodlookin', pool havin', hardworkin' azz out and start having fun.

Remember- If it floats, fuggs or flys.....rent it.

We have a WINNER!

On the serious side, it is obvious that the to-be-ex in question feels there is something missing in her life.

That's fair. What ISN'T is her looking for what is missing without first working with her spouse.

However, she's found someone that is willing to re-affirm her belief that her unhappiness is the husband's fault. And she's narcissistic enough to be willing to boot a marriage and hurt her husband and kids, without taking a hard look at things with an independent third party.

But the OP really has already KNOWN that about her for a long time.....

Most, both men and women, think-right or wrong-they want out sometime around middle age. And some make the break. Nature of the beast.

Wife of a successful acquaintance once said; "Remember, I get half." He replied, "You couldn't live on half."

Funny thing, I know rich people who have lousy marriages, I know poor people who have lousy marriages, I know in-between people who have lousy marriages, the money has some place in it all, but it's the love, the bond, the trust, the loyalty, the heart, the belief in one another, and challenges of life that belong to both and that are met by both, and overcome together, that makes and breaks it, every time.

He said he made a 6 figure salary, if he could not live on that and still have time for the wife and the family, then he needed to tell her it was time to go to work and help him through, lessen his burden so that he COULD lighten his workload, and have more time with her and the children. That comes under the challenges of life part, working on it together.

Lots of divorced women push other women into a divorce.

"You deserve better/more/someone else/live your life/to be free/hes holding you back/etc....."

Women are duplicitous creatures.

That's very true.

best piece of advice on here right now. I went through it myself, we had very little and she still wanted to make it nasty. this is the way to best protect yourself if she turns evil, and if not it's the fair outcome for all. be polite and courteous to her face, but cover your butt and hide all the assets you can legally.

and yes I believe she is diddling someone on the side. if you provide her every need/desire/whim and leave her alone most of the time, what do you expect? no offense.

Five languages of love, quality time, words of encouragement, gifts, acts of service, and touch. To find out your spouse's love language think about how they love you and then return it their way.

For the record, I have lots of money and if I didn't, I'd probably get a job.

And if somebody in my family didn't like that, I'd tell them they have two options.

They could either:

A.) STFU

B.) Stop being one of my possessions.



Travis

Never seen a woman leave for another man making less money.

BUUUUUUURRRRRRRRRN....





Travis

If you can't live on six figures maybe you're spending to much money, material things do not make a marriage good.

They make a good marriage better.




Travis

His ain't good. So I guess better would be.

But, less money more time can be the winner sometimes..... and, as someone pointed out, another woman might be advising all the correction she could be making to 'get what she deserves from life" (and perhaps 'find herself') whatever that means.

That would be outstanding. Your place or mine?

I fail to see how spending more time together could improve a relationship.



Travis

I witnessed something similar at one place I worked. One of the girl (who was damaged good) was going through a divorce, and convinced her other two friends they needed to do the same thing. In short order, all three were divorced and partying it up.

Lots of folks hung up on the 6 figure income. 110,000 a year, before taxes, in Yankeeland and a family of 6 ain't exactly Donald Trump.

Amen!

Or don't....if you read that here.

True dat.

They'll sure as hell dabble with "slummin' it", but I've yet to see one willing to actually leave, "empty handed".

FC

The only time I've ever seen a woman go for a guy with less money was when she was bankrolling herself with her previous husbands money. I've seen it with personal trainers and hired hands and neighbor guys but it's always on the ex-husbands dime.

Anyone brought up another woman???
Oh!!!!!!!

Behind every excuse is the real reason.....she has somebody else.

Well Cisco, I have gotten a lot of sound advice from this thread. I also learned that the odds are against me for making this turn around. I have learned that I am not alone in the pain that I am feeling. I've been on this campfire longer than most and have learned that a LOT of good people are here to talk to, and listen to some wisdom. Anymore stupid questions?????

Just stop posting on this thread and get an attorney
Today is a sobering day for you but it's also the 1st day on the trail to a better happier life...only you will determine how long that trail is
I wish you the best and a short trail

This. Please.

Allow the rest of us to ramble on about Neti Potting dark roast and spin this thing into oblivion.

You have more important things to do.

Put JESUS in the center of the marriage. He's the only one that can heal it. Everything else is just a band-aid. : )

Entirely true...

It's said you don't ever really know a woman until you see her in divorce court.

MissLynn , you are correct, but I do not fall into any of those catagories------I am not perfect, have made misstakes, but like I said in OP, nothing that a loving wife shouldn't forgive and forget. I often thank her and tell her that she is the best mother in the world, and try to make her happy? Drop her off at every door, park the car and then go get car, and pick her up, shop for her on way home from work, even though she had all day to go and get it?ect....

birddog65, first off I am sorry for your current path. It sounds like this was unexpected for you and no one I know likes to get blind sided.

As another poster said, "when you are done, you are done." Only you can say if there is no hope but these are deliberate actions on your spouses part. One does have to try, you are, if she declines then it may be time to move on.

I wish you well.

Stop blaming your self for HER actions
Buck up! You should be on the phone with an attorney already a couple of them actually all the good divorce attorneys in the area once you have a consult with them she can't hire them

Sorry to hear it. The only advice I know is to have a P.I. follow her around and see if she's cheating on you. That plays a big part in the settlement.

Yeah, Birddog, one more "stupid" question. Why would any woman stick with a guy , or have a guy for very long,that has to go to the internet for advice on affairs of the heart.
Looking for sympathy?
Just be yourself and figure out what you gotta do.
What would Ann landers say>
Sheesh��.

Bullschit!

"even though she had all day to get it?" Sounds like a bit of a shot..........

"Never had a dollar mske me happy". Yeah, well sometimes young women (and men) dont know that when they marry someone and d3fide to haul ass when they finally learn that fact of life.

"Its partly birddogs fault because he wasnt perfect". BULLCHITT. Before marriage did she inform BD he would have to be perfect? Did the Bible or preacher or the congregstion or her parents or friends?

I did make a JOKE or two in my life.
Jesus didnt get married becauee he didnt want to sin (read: cuss).

Why do married men die first: They want to. Actually this is usuwlly true. Most men get used to being told what to do at home and get used to it and fear being left alone without a boss, and somronr to to take care of them at home.

Why do women live longer than men? Women dont have a wife.

Flame on. You ever see the rich guy with nice wheels in high school hsve an ugly girlfriend?

Fugg her.

Prepare for war dude. None of these bleeders think money is important. But just wait and see how fast the claws come out when you tell her she can't have any of it. You'll see where her priorities lie real quick.

If you need any advice I'm here for you. I did very well in my divorce.



Travis

Maybe in some places, or at some time, but in my state, today, it has NO influence whatsoever. All either party has to do is check the box that says "irreconcilable differences", and a couple of weeks later, you're in front of the judge, leaving with half the pieces.

In my state, she could have had an affair with the pope, and it wouldn't have made a difference.

Not if it's a no-fault state it doesn't.



Travis

When it's over, it's over.

There's this "chemistry" thing that is necessary in a relationship, otherwise it's just a financial arrangement. Prostitution by any other name is still prostitution regardless of whether society sanctions it with a nice name or not.

You can't make yourself feel chemistry if it's not there. You can't make a gal feel chemistry if it's not there. She can't either.

If she's serious that "it" is gone, then there's no fixing, only choosing the path for moving on. It SUCKS. It HURTS. It leaves you sick, empty, and feeling hopeless. Doesn't matter. You have to do it anyway whether you can or not.

Tom

Yeah. Ask the dude that died in his 20's, was never married, and had no children, for advice on divorce.

Gimme a break.



Travis

If the thyroid panel comes back in normal range get her to try this before lawyering up...

Listen........... you never figured out you were only half of the deal between you and her. And you still don't get it. You're trying to do both sides of the deal. It didn't work in the marriage and it won't work in the divorce. You don't suit her, and the reasons for that are HER reasons and, at this point, none of your business.

Bitchin' on the internet about how satisfied she SHOULD have been with you is proof that that you're probably gonna make as big a mess of the divorce as you did of the marriage.

Hire a lawyer and cowboy up.

Take heart from the fact that the first two or three divorces are the hardest. They get easier with practice. And unless a profound change takes place in YOU, or you remain single from now on, you're gonna put some lawyers' kids through college.

You have to grant yourself a divorce. Ain't no Judge can do it. As long as she's still livin' in your head, you still have all the disadvantages of marriage and none of the benefits of singleness.

According to this:

http://nlsa.us/resources/family/fam1_divorce.html

Marital misconduct, i.e. her sleeping around, has an effect on alimony in PA. In addition, there are three different kinds of divorce filing in PA. One is the old fashioned Fault divorce, one requires a two year separation, and the third is Mutual Consent.

In other words, PA is complicated. This should be enough to encourage the OP to get an attorney today.

How does a trucker working two jobs not have two pennies?



Travis

GOD created the marriage relationship, seek HIM if you want to know how to make it work. If you want to know how to not make it work, seek the advice of man. Pretty straight forward, me thinks. YMMV.

I guess we can say if Sara would have divorced Abraham we could say it was partially his fault because he was not perfect.

"Hey God, the ol' lady says my neti-pot ain't what it should be, and she's steppin' out! What the fuggin' goddammm fugg!?!?!"



Dave

Dave's probably goin' to hell for that last one.




Travis

You can be forgiven - maybe. You got alms.

Isn't Abraham the one that banged another chick because Sara dried up?



Travis

Pure grounds.

Truck driving is what I did after I got hurt and was only the last six years of my working life. During much of my navy times and kid raising days it was two jobs.

She talked him into it because she had no faith she would ever concieve. As usual the hubby finally gave in to make her happy. Now look at the muzsies we have to deal with because of a msn submitting to the wife. Not exactly Gods plan. Serving two masters and all that thing.

Once on here Ken Howell described it best.

Bettin' that a resourceful, savvy guy can find out GOD's intent for a marriage covenant. Man's concept of marriage might be a different story. We just need to use discernment in what advice we take, as there are always consequences to our actions.

birddog, just what has been said when it's over it's over end of story. BTDT even if counseling helps,why would you ever trust her again ? Secure your assets, rathole some money, maintain touch and relationship with your kids. With 4 kids if she gets custody the child support will bankrupt you and that is what most women want in divorce,all the money assets and a free ride forever on your back. Protect your self. good luck, I don't see myself ever marrying again. Our society is broken and you are a victum of it. Magnum Man

Sorry to hear of this birddog, things will work out. Stay in the house, stash some cash with someone you trust, love your kids, and get a lawyer. Even if you just consult one for now you'll be glad you did.

If she was home all day she prolly found herself a boyfriend. That's what this is all about. Keep your hands to yourself and get a lawyer ASAP. Too easy to want to beat somebody's ass and then you will be the one to suffer.

Well sometimes God say get the F out.

Give her a dvd of the movie Fireproof. Ask her to watch it and let you know when she has. If she doesn't watch it or watches it and shrugs her shoulders run like a greyhound, get the attorney and take care of the kids.

I would whether it matters or not also dig into the other man thing. I am betting he is very close by partner.

He also presumes they are both Christian, which may not be the case.

\

I don't think suggesting a threesome is going to help the situation.

Better pray that she isn't.

They're the worst.



Travis

Sorry to hear about your situation. Can't add much to what's been said, but it takes two people to make a marriage work, and counseling won't do anything if both spouses aren't interested in making it work.

I've found women need two primary things in a relationship. One is security (both physical and emotional), sounds like you've provided the material needs, but the emotional nurturing, it sounds like she wasn't able to get and you haven't seemed to realize she needs just as much as if not more so than the material needs.

Trust me, you can say, "Woman, why aren't you happy I've provided every material thing you could possibly want." and that will assuredly get you at best the stink eye.

Women have a need to bitch and moan about things they can't or won't fix, and that you most assuredly you can't fix. A male response to this is, why are we wasting time yabbering about something we can't change? 180 degrees out of what the woman needs. She needs to know you care about her by spending time listening to her complaints and not blowing them off as a waste of your time. And if you spend the time listening to her, you'll have an understanding of her needs and over time be able to find out what is really bugging her.

If this comes as a complete shock to you, then IMHO you've been quite blind to your wife's needs for a long time and you've been ignoring glaring signs that the flame has been flickering for some time. None of my business, but I'd find it hard to believe you're still making mad passionate love daily or at least weekly and your wife suddenly says she no longer loves you.

Face the facts, some women are just no good no mater what
That's why the boys started this club way back...

I give up what is netti potting the dark roast?

You'll find out on the hog hunt!

Too fuggin' funny...

GFY.




Travis

Perhaps you also fail to realize that women think different than men then?

(Go back a page or three and see how Miss Lynn has failed at the 'men's intuition' thing and you see a clear demonstration of it; they got their own intuition I guess they like to say - sometimes with a superior air- but that doesn't mean they understand guys any better than we understand them.)

Lott is saying pretty much the same stuff I think. Having this stuff figured out is not an 'end' one ever reaches IMO. It's a day to day thing and you need to be on your game to keep your head above water. That's not saying you'll ever understand 'em though.

Godspeed. Something doesn't seem right here for sure.

But women are stupid. So there's no point in considering any of that.

Some of you people have a lot to learn.



Travis

I just peed a lil'.

At this point what do you have to loose? After the divorce, I found they weren't that hard to come by if you were looking though.

Hmmm...

Perhaps, yet I would substitute for the movie The Dirty Dozen and look for said reactions.

With 4 kids find a good professional that won't leave a trail and have the bitch killed. Otherwise you're DONE financially and headed for certain ruin.

Idiot!

Well fugg!

Are we gonna watch Fireproof or do I need to kill a bitch!?!?!



Travis

Fugg you azzhole, I've been through this a time or two. They're all replaceable and all gold diggers. If you think otherwise it is tuly you who is the idiot.

But be real quite about it, go to the public library and do a search for "trail less hit man", and pay him in cash, don't try and use your mac card, the cops always check for that.
Don't use Travis, he talks to much!

I'd also post pics.

Of my neti-pot.




Travis

Well, that worked well. ....wasn't sure if you'd take the bait or not!

No assumption at all about both of them being Christian. Just that HE is the one that created marriage, and is the only ONE that can heal a broken one. Man been trying to fill the GOD-sized hole in our soul with everything but GOD since the fall. Seems as though listening to advice on how to fix a marriage from people that don't even understand what marriage is, could be a recipe for disaster. YMMV. Peace out..

You had your ex killed?



Travis

Fargo it is then.

I've tried to fill some GOD sized holes.

I failed.

Miserably.



Dave

A "time or two" at that!

Yeah BYC,..you F'n ahole...don't you know the bitch in question obviously needs a good killin.?

Sure as hell should have. We live and learn.

I ain't putting Jesus in the center of anything. That bitch will never come back from the dark side.

Criss-Cross,.....Criss-Cross.!

That's good advice, Dutch. Who created marriage, and what it the definition of it? Let's back up and start from the beginning, so that we all are on the same page, because it seems that everyone's definition of marriage is different.

You're wasting your time. It's already been determined that he had to many kids with her and she needs to die.



Travis

I'd love to have a beer with Blackheart.

"How many kids you got?"

"Four."

"Fuggin' kill her dude."



Travis

How's that working out for you? How about we back up and make sure we all understand what marriage is. Who created it, and what is the definition of it?

You are making an assumption that God was present at the creation of THIS marriage.

You are also assuming that the woman in question is susceptible to receive the Spirit at THIS time.

When wifey-poo is doing the horizontal mambo with Mr. Wonderful, even God can only stand by and watch the trainwreck happen.

Marriage is a legally binding contract that connects two parties.

The government created it. That's why you need their permission to do it, and un-do it.

The definition of it is "a contract that has potentially long lasting financial consequences for you and your family if you choose to break it."



Travis

Assuming you don't hire a hit man.

My questions made no assumptions at all. Maybe the OP can respond, haven't heard from him yet. Just asked who created marriage, and what is the definition of it?

Travis defined it just perfectly

He's too busy looking into wet-work.



Travis

So, people in other countries can't be married unless "what" government sets the conditions? Makes you wonder how all those people over all those years got married without our federal government existing.

You mean like Iran?

We ain't in other countries. Are you married? Did God give you a marriage license or is that from the state?

Wouldn't he want an IT guy for that?

Correct. You cannot marry without the government. You also cannot un-marry without the government.

Although I don't know anybody that has received a licenses or a parenting plan from the federal government. It's typically the state.


Travis

Anyone asked their wife about this?
I did, and she and her assistant, both said, bored housewife, with a boyfriend.

Wife warned me, if I get a girlfriend, she's cutting it off!!!!
Remember, Im a house husband.
Not bored tho!!

I planned on being a lawyer. Got drunk instead.

Long story.




Travis

I don't think they created it, but they do tax and regulate it. They got to get a little from everybody, ya know. miles

I read the original post to my wife and she immediately said 'She has a boyfriend'

Sure they did

I figured that immediately.

That's because you have a vagina.

For the purposes of an individual being married and going through a divorce in 2015, the government created marriage.

The legally binding contract that you, and your soon-to-be-former spouse agreed upon, was created by your local government.



Travis

I have dated at least three women who have told me they have been divorced twice and then changed their mind and said three. One changed it to five.
My definition is, marriage is like playing with matches standing next to the guy filling up at the gas station.
You have no control over the other person.

Yes I do. She's sitting right here and is much better looking than your fat, ugly bitch. But hey, I've seen your pic and you did ok considering.

You love to talk abstractions, don't you? Great, but let's check with the real world:

a) she's banging and listening ONLY to Mr. Wonderful.
b) the OP's opinion is not asked for, wanted, or accepted.
c) the only definition of marriage that matters for the next six months is that of the judge that's going to issue the divorce decree.

It doesn't matter who created the marriage, Lady Sunshine and her loverboy are chopping it into kindling, and blaming everyone except themselves. I don't think they are looking for that threesome, either.

This!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

http://www.foxnews.com/us/2015/01/2...telling-wife-police-say/?intcmp=trending

Funny you should bring that up! As it happens, I had a bizarre conversation very much along those lines in a west Texas bar shortly after I gave ex-wife #2 the heave-ho... I fell in with a buncha guys that night who work for, um, well, let's just say they're very high-speed-low-drag guys.

Anyways, as most every one of us at the table had at least one divorce to our credit, it shouldn't surprise anyone that the topic of "just killin' the b!tch" came up. A lively and entertaining discussion then followed, the conclusion of which was that however expensive divorce might be, the costs of doing 25-to-life in the penitentiary are considerably higher, and probably not worth the risk.

Not that this is really pertinent to the real discussion on this thread, but since it's been half-hijacked about 6 times already, I don't feel too bad about it.

Yep.

Lawyer fees trump an assault of your dark roast 10 times out of 10.

Then again, Blackheart has gotten away with it a time or two, so maybe he knows something we don't.



Travis

Well, now that you mention it, the discussion me 'n the boys had was along the lines of how many dollars you wouldn't be earning while riding the pine in Ft. Leavenworth, versus dollars paid to the b!tch 'n her lawyer... nobody was considering the negative bonus points involved in gettin' one's dark roast neti-potted on a regular basis...

You know the wrong guys. The right ones can get it done clean and it'd be a sound investment for sure. Course that's only if'n you ain't a chicken schit, which most here obviously are.

You advised me to bang her sister.

Why won't you help the OP?



P.S. Sister was good.
Thanks.

If I'da just killed her when I met her, I'd be out by now.....

Yeah, I saw that t-shirt down in Lueckenbach last summer...

===============

What disgust.

To the OP. You've been handed 14 pages of HS and irrelevance with a few posts by which I could agree, mine being the strongest of them. Rather than making this thread be used as evidence, get a talented,competent lawyer in your jurisdiction and move on from there. Trust me when I tell you it doesn't make one damn bit of difference if you have a male or female attorney. Gender makes no difference to a lower court when the record is subject to appellate review.

Many here have honorable intentions to assist a member in pain but don't permit those intentions to cause you unwarranted pain as you proceed.

So Bob what you are saying is hire an attorney,don't cut off her head and put it in a bowling bag?

Blackheart were you always a cock or did that come with getting phuuck over so badly you find murder a good option?

To the OP. You've been handed 14 pages of HS and irrelevance with a few posts by which I could agree, mine being the strongest of them. Rather than making this thread be used as evidence, get a talented,competent lawyer in your jurisdiction and move on from there. Trust me when I tell you it doesn't make one damn bit of difference if you have a male or female attorney. Gender makes no difference to a lower court when the record is subject to appellate review.

Many here have honorable intentions to assist a member in pain but don't permit those intentions to cause you unwarranted pain as you proceed.

[/quote] You're pretty smart Isaac.....










For a lawyer.

That's how I feel about you and your ilk every minute of every day. Parasite.

Says you, but if I'm get fugged by some one that I'm paying, then I'm going with the female!

It's obvious that living in New York, working at 7-11 and cruising pickle park for your next BJ is working wonders for you.

Hey, whatever makes you feel better about yourself and your pitiful, ugly life man.

And freaking crazy as bat schit.

You're a pickle park man, do doubt about it. Keep paying those New York taxes you ignorant bastard.

==========

Parasite? I pay more in taxes than you make in 3 years you pathetic POS.

You need to apologize for what you drunkenly blathered in regards Steelhead's lovely wife or pay the price, schitthead.

F***ers like you who said they'd pull a dog out of the river before the man in the river with the dog need to be in a special home for worthless POS' who shouldn't be breathing the air of normal folks.

That's what my dad said at their 25th wedding anniversary as a toast, my mother said "the next 25 won't be near as easy as the first 25".

It's funny knowing what a miserable life that SOB is living. Damn shame his son had to suffer such a miserable bastard though.

Oh yeah, the car request by his son.

He's the perfect example for a "how not to" manual.

Come and get it you [bleep] punk. I'll plant your azz with a smile. Puzzy.

Come and get what, pop-tart?

As to the rest of your blather, you planting your lips on my ass with a smile is what is to be expected from the likes of you.

I'd love to make your day soon but with GPS and all, I doubt my driver could get so lost as to find your single wide.

I'd have said double wide but didn't want you to confuse that with your wife.

You getting my drift, [bleep]?

On second thought, withdrawn in respect to Mickey.
RIP kind sir.

Edit: I hope you are hanging out on rainbow bridge.

I reckon Mickey was a smart fella. May he rest in peace.

Excuses, excuses. You have no idea just how fuggin funny you are "pop tart".

This thread is just like a Jerry Springer/Geraldo episode...

Starts off kind of creepy and intimate to begin wih and ends up with chairs and schit flying through the (ether) air! The Freakshow never disappoints!

One thing's for damn sure....never come here for relationship advice. Divorce tips, hell yeah!, but how to win friends and influence people? Not so much....

Talk to your pastor and some of the deacons. It's a lot less likely that it will end up with them fighting over who gave the best advice.

Good luck. I'm sorry this happened to you but you will survive it. Keep your cool and make the best you can of this terrible time.You will be in my prayers.

BD,

I would say it's not impossible to turn around, but IMO, here's what needs to happen first:

1. As others have said...protect yourself. Your assets. Step 1 and the most important step. Don't let your heart get in the way of protecting yourself from a woman who will TORCH you in court (SAH mom, no job, kids...you're gonna get roasted). Your parental rights with the kids. Get thee azz to a lawyer asap.

2. While you're there...FILE FOR DIVORCE. Even though you don't want it...DO IT. You have MONTHS to stop the process if it turns around, but perhaps the first, best shot at getting it to turn around is to put a shot across her bow. She has a plan. Shake that chit up. YOU start calling the shots. Get the process (and worry) of divorce in the front of her head, instead of loverboy or the new life she's fantasizing about creating for herself. It also keeps her from feeling annoyed with you for trying to "fix things" when she doesn't want that. Much better to let her feel "annoyed" with the fact that you can (and appear to be) just walking away from her so easily. It will drive her ape chit. And that is a good initial step to getting her back.

3. Find out if she's cheating. If she is, you must blow this up to have any chance at snapping her out of "the cheater's fog". Again...if you even care to reconcile at that point if this is discovered to in fact be the case.

4. Marriage counseling? Well, as another has said, he tried it with his W, and she was leaving counseling and heading right to the bed of her "next". I've seen too many times where a counseling session has nothing to do with "fixing" things for the wayward spouse, but rather just another chance to run their rationalization hamster, spout off about what a bad spouse you are, and justify their stepping out on the marriage (even though they haven't come clean with that little tidbit yet...they still need to "justify" it to themselves).

5. Don't move out of the house, but vacate the shared bedroom with her immediately.

6. Stop trying to get her back. She doesn't want it. And you trying to make it happen is certain to do one thing and one thing only....resist your efforts. You have to make her want it by making yourself (and you as an "option" to her) very, very scarce. Take away that option now. Women are notorious for using you to wean themselves off of you, while you wallow in misery and slivers of hope. Don't let her do it to you. Start pulling away...hard...right now.

If you've done nothing to warrant this, and there is no need for you to "change", for god's sake, don't even worry about that chit. You'll drive yourself crazy, and drive her further away trying. The only "change" you need to make now is to start preparing yourself for your next life. Working out. Getting out. Ignoring her and her desires for her new life.

I'd get very absent from all aspects her life immediately, except for where the kids are concerned. Don't be there for her. Don't try to "fix" this. Her mind is made up. But it can be changed. And SHE has to have room to change it. Make her MISS YOUR AZZ. Women can hate your guts...but after a few weeks without you, begin to wonder what you're up to...begin to think about the good times and memories, and miss you. But they need the chance to actually miss you. That's not happening when you're dragging them kicking and screaming to marriage counseling or following them around like a sad, lost puppy dog.

In order to turn it around, you have to "turn it around" on her. It seems counter productive, but it's not. It may not work, but it is the best chance.

Getting the nastiest divorce lawyer you can afford is the best advice you've been given; protect yourself. My guess is she's probably not going to change her mind, mine didn't. She wanted the house, so she ended up paying me off

By the way, mine had a girlfriend......that was fun to deal with

I'm in a much better place now, and kind of glad it all happened.

How very true,
Laffin now,

Yep, my Ex just happen to meet her new future husband the very day our divorce was final.
Amazing coincidence, he just happened to be in the same drinking establishment she was in to celebrate that very evening.

Pat nailed that one 100%

Women are like cats.... if you try to hold,hug and contain them they will pull away and run out the opened door
If you let them alone and don't give them the time of day
They will be purring and rubbing up and down your leg following you everywhere

Hopefully the reason the OP hasn't chimed in lately is because he's still in his lawyer's office.

Once again you have proven yourself the first rate POS that you are.

I'd love to stick around and badger you like I did the last time you ran your mouth, when you tucked tail and ran away for a whole month. But I'm kinda busy now.

I'd also love for you to talk to me in person the way you do others behind that screen, for I would surely bitchslap your little punkass into oblivion.

Anytime you'd like to take me up on that, PLEASE let me know. Scumbag POS.

My best to the OP.....

Sounds familiar. In my case, however, that little weakness allowed me to keep my business intact and walk away with almost no debt. I made it a very expensive secret for her to keep.

Like I said, from here on out, it's a business transaction, and it's all about shaping it the way you want it.

or maybe he's in da hood scor'in a gat to do the dirty work

Was Blackheart the one pimpin' a sporty Explorer a few years ago?

I sure as fugg wouldn't talk to a pastor.



Travis

Careful.

He knows the right people.




Travis

He's PM'ing Blackheart like a [bleep].




Travis

Yep, that's the truth. I hate to say it, but it's the truth.

When my wife and I went to see a marriage counselor several years back, that was the fist question she asked...are either of you just done? If so, I don't want to waste anyone's time and just make things worse. She was a smart lady. Fortunately in my case, we both wanted it to work; just lacked some of the skills to get over the hump that was in front of us.

Fuuck, it was him wasn't it?!

You better bring your A game bitch. I ain't exactly a little fella and I've never been afraid to light it up. I reckon there's a better than average chance I've whupped bigger and tougher than you before.

I smell a straight up brawl.

For real....

does he hunt tarps aswell?

I don't know dude but you must have been a complete gentleman going through the divorce.

I sure miss that old Explorer. My 4x4 Ranger is nearly helpless in comparison.

DUDE!

I just realized, you're Macho Man! Holy schit!



Travis

gentleman? no i pretty well dictated the terms.....but i wasnt a jack arse either....karma pretty well wound up phugging her over i didnt have to....

Jayco is wrestling again, who would guessed.

They still make Rangers?



Travis

He's dead wonder if...naaah

Seems like you dictated some pretty lenient terms!



Travis

not considering how much the bank actually held versus what we did....

Then, renting a classic

birddog
Miss Lynn posted the relationship formula. IMHO you should start getting ready for a divorce without hesitation, you should have talked with an attorney in the time since this thread began.
But, if you agree with the relationship formula and feel like it is something you would like to practice now, it wouldn't hurt the relationship any more than it is already damaged. But you need to ask yourself if you can really forgive her for giving up on you, for replacing you with someone she feels is better. If you are all about forgiving that deeply, and you doubt you have been living and responding within your relationship according to the formula, your wife may be willing to forgive you and start two timing her boyfriend. However I doubt she would be willing to give up her boyfriend without you being willing to compete with him for a while. Good luck with that! That would be bitter hard, I don't think I would want to do it. But it could possibly work if you are both willing.

Just don't stop procedures, or delay your divorce preparations until you are certain, and some time goes by and you remain certain.
P.S.
I'm glad my wife showed me that side of her, and she has been replaced with a new wife who is sweeter, better at real interaction, and better looking.

I heard someone once say, you meet the people at their truest at funerals and in Divorce court. If you are blind sided by the prospect of divorce then the real reason for the divorce request will reveal itself quickly. You need to find legal counsel ( Female) and stock up on anything she will not miss asset wise.
Marriage counseling in most cases , can extent or mend depending on the reasons for the divorce request and the character of BOTH partners. If forgiveness is in both hearts you may come through stronger. If neither is a forgiver, then you are prepared.

Beats me ?

BH, thought I was loosing my mind for a minute!



Flave, I am NOT Macho Man, that was a BH reference.


More of a Hacksaw Jim Duggan type.

JHC, Who took your balls ? Soma this chit is fuggin' pathetic !

Check your chin, since your son moved out.

Her cards carrying some heft?



Travis

I woulda went after half the house and a vehicle for sure. But obviously none of my business....


Joke around with my wife that if we ever split the sheets I get the dogs, not even a question. Of course she says hell no!

Idiot!!

and the debt with it? i walked out with zero debt and all the chit in the house that mattered to me....as of May when the papers were signed she was saddled with owing various banks close to $200,000....

The "female lawyer" advice is some of the worst I've ever read or heard. Yes, there are very good female attorneys. However, the hiring of a bleeder that passed the exam does NOT guarantee a good divorce attorney.

Matter of fact, a lot of them are just as bad at lawyering, as they are at police work, serving in the military, and being firefighters.



Travis

You da man !

$200K??? Hell, I owe more than that to my friends.



Dave

PS-They'll never see it.

Epic thread man!

Looks like the drinking started about page 23. We're 3 hours and a couple grades behind out here in the west, so be patient....

I just asked my wife if she was a gold digger....


She just laughed and said, "Obviously not!"


Brutally honest woman, I love it.

Are you saying she'd have whored out sooner?

Any mother of a six-year-old who decides to break up her marriage to a non-abusive spouse is a filthy POS. Animals hang around long enough to raise their offspring.

Bring on the song!

Holy chit!


New camper and Platinum F350????

Amen

that the bank owns them 100%, they were purchased under the paper......believe me she has been b!tching bout her end of the deal since the ink was still wet on the paperwork the fact the guy she was phugging didnt leave his wife too kinda really pissed her off aswell

There ya go.

Well, in that case, it sounds like you made out like a bandit!

I didn't know homosexuals drank.

Drink up and let us know when you're ready for neti-pot in the dark roast.




Travis

Poor gal. Tried to ruin two marriages and only killed one.

But if you worked for her family, wouldn't all your money just all be their money to begin with? So why would this shock her?

Or is she just that stupid?



Travis

birddog65,

Very sorry to hear your situation; like many here I have been through similar myself...

Personally, I suspect things have gone too far to ever return to normal and you need to start taking action now to safe guard your future.

Unless you do take action, you will be wiped out financially, and will probably loose the kids as well..

Unless you act, you will probably end up paying to set up and then continue funding her new single gal life style plus also that of her new boy friend.

No matter how reasonable she seems now about the impending divorce, once her lawyer gets involved, "Team Her" will suddenly want to rip you apart and will go all out for blood. Expect it..Plan for it..Be ready and one step ahead.

It is also likely she will be egged on by her girl friends/relatives ect...

As things progress, its very likely the issue of the children will be used as a weapon against you in some way so expect it coming.


So advice?

Stop being Mr Nice Guy and start thinking and planning a head, and be prepared to be ruthless if needs be..

Before you see a lawyer, think about whats going to happen to the kids..

If you push for custody, how will you look after them? Do you have relatives who could help? Maybe hire a nanny? Have a proposed game plan but make sure you keep it realistic..

Then go see a lawyer ASAP, and tell them what you want them to do for you..Tell them any plans re the kids and see what they suggest.

With her, don't suddenly become an a55hole no matter how tempting..Try to appear to be reasonable, especially around the kids but remember what you are trying to achieve and be ready to switch up a gear as needs be..

Start asking around your circle of friends/joint friends/relatives and sow the idea she has been unfaithful.

Its likely if she has, somebody will have known, but just didn't want to tell you..

At the same time, play your hand close to your chest and don't go bitching and whining about her, nor let anybody know your strategy, or anything else that maybe of use to her..

While you may only tell stuff to a buddy, you never know how that may get back to her ie through his wife or GF..

As others have said, do not leave the home until ordered by a Judge but I would get the majority if not all your firearms out of the house. Do this without her knowing if possible.

Also ask your lawyer now about cutting her finances and making she can't incur any more financial liability in your name.

Really what I am saying is first and foremost look to protect yourself, both financially and emotionally..Remember you did not start this, so you are not the bad guy..

I say that because if you are not in good shape, you can't look after/protect the kids on your terms...

Regards,

Peter

[/quote]

Are you saying she'd have whored out sooner?

Any mother of a six-year-old who decides to break up her marriage to a non-abusive spouse is a filthy POS. Animals hang around long enough to raise their offspring. [/quote]


This.

My aunt and uncle got divorced. They each married someone else. Then they got givorced and remarried each other and are still married 35 years later.

Theory is nobody could put up with them, they were always odd.

You never know.

Uncalled for in any conversation! Call the man whater you have the balls to back up byr wives and kids are off limits.

My ignore list just grew.

she only owns 20% of the papers, other 80% is owned by someone that lives over in Missoula, sort of a family friend, her dad and grandmother sold to him back in '99....the papers are mortgaged to the hilt(other than that jeep and a rez bomb of Kates that was in my name, the vehicles and camper were/are owned by the corporation not Darla).....last i looked she had about $80,000 in outstanding student loans and the bank still owned 80% of the house plus medical bills, credit cards ect.....

what meant more to her than anything is her shares of the paper which she acquired AFTER we got married....knowing this, wasnt hard to get what i wanted....had i kept the truck or Yukon i wouldnt have gotten anything as the bank owned them....bank owned most the house and with the Bakken slowing down selling it wasnt gonna gain me half of jack chit...

granted i did a couple dumb things since the divorce and those are on me BUT i walked away from the marriage with the better deal by far cause she would do anything not to lose what little of the papers she has her name on....

If you're gonna fugg with the bull, don't be shocked when you get the horn. I sure won't be missing you.

Oh chit, I just assumed the house and vehicles were close to being all paid off.

Billy, you got one right. :>)

You must have read that thread on the Dexter cattle.

Dexters are the smallest breed of cattle in America.

Bulls mature to 100-110 lbs. and 38-44 inches high at the shoulder.

That speaks volumes.

I invested heavily in waist-high Montana livestock futures when you moved there and hit it big!

What's this new twist you have on sheep?

nope, guessing the new truck this winter was cause the paper needed the expense for the tax write off, but since they do this every year or two it is never paid off....the Yukon is tied to the note the bank holds on the business, the truck is on its own loan.....think we bought the house in mid 2006 with a 30 year mortgage....

she was barely treading water with my paycheck helping things out, i just didnt give a chit so long as payments were current, other than the house it was in her name, not mine.....from the sounds of things she hasnt been doing any better without me, infact without me there to help hold down the fort she is working more hours than she has in years....

YUP !!! Half the time we have each other on ignore but trust each other explicitly. 20 years together.

Nope, musta missed it. But that's reeeel interestin'....

What the hell happened to this subject. It sure went south right quick.
I don't wont to read 30 plus pages, so a brief synopsis would be nice.

I thought we were leaving Jesus out of this?

We are, but He ain't.

I know how it is to be short on money. Luckily the old Ford is paid off and we are only 7-8 years away on the house. No kids though either so paying extra on the mortgage is easy.

Speaking of cash, you land a job yet?

Seems like people are always looking for help around here.

Everyone pretty much thinks his wife is cheating on him, get a mean lawyer, protect yourself and the kids, Travis talking about homosexual tendencies, move on, get a mean lawyer, Travis on butt pounding again, etc etc etc.

havent gotten a call back, have put in for everything from Git-N-Go to the State Highway....not to mention sending my resume to printing companies all over the western US...thats one of the mistakes i did make, i was to damn picky at the start on what job i would take when i shoulda grabbed on to something while i looked for better instead of burning through cash on hand....should have never come back here but was promised a bunch of flooring jobs from two different outfits that never materialized....

schidt happened.

That's actually pretty funny.

For us.

Not her.



Travis

Must run in the family.



Travis

Is that what you had the assassin say as they killed your multiple ex-wives?





Travis

You forgot ambulance drivers.

No way he outsourced all of them. I bet he even ate the liver with some fafa beans.

No twist, and nothing new. They're just as submissive as Oregonians. Lovin' it.



Travis

Spring is right around the corner, something is bound to turn up.

I don't know man, been around a few kickers and it kinda hurts!

The OP's chick found a new neti-pot for her dark roast.

Rattler's ex is a whore. And deeply in debt.

Blackheart knows people that kill people and he admittedly had them kill his ex wife. Twice.

Fireballs loves cock. Per always.

isaac is mad because nobody will follow his advice.

Miss Lynn gave a woman's point of view. So did 4 men.

SamO is in fact, Macho Man Randy Savage.

'Flave is lovin' it.

Nothing further.


Dave

That's right. It's a threesome

Puzzy...




Clark

You forgot to mention that you're gay.




Dave

Shin guards knee-grow!

cliff notes has nothing on you, you aced it!

Shin guards knee-grow!

Priceless!!!

Midpoint tag. This thread just reached UBER.

OH YEAHHHHHAAHHHHHHH!
(in my best Macho Man voice)

Only way more funny. Even for a polak in law

Every stinkin sheep I've tried to pin has kicked the crap out of me. What am I doing wrong? P.S. I've watched the Muslim/goat love video, but still no luck. Maybe I need infra-red?
I think I lack the whole "can-do" attitude. Please advise from Montana.

forget the sheep, find a bottle calf

You guys make me glad I didn't get married because she refused to sign a prenuptual which only included stuff that family has owned since 1836, didn't include what I made while together with her.

Holy Balls, my sides hurt.
That was uber epic.

I couldn't run fast enough to get away from that one.

We dated off and on for another 19 years. Seeing her again shortly.

Takes the pressure off knowing you won't get married lol.

You are one strange Mofo.

The wages of sin is head screwed with. Sinner.

Don't forget queer

I KNEW it [bleep]!

I want an autograph!


Dave

[bleep] be trippin' whilst 'flave be readin'.




Clark

All the unmarried losers say the same schit.




Travis

I will sign your can.



OHHHHHH YEAHHHHAHHHH......

Blackheart,

See what you have in Oregon.

Don't be afraid to go cheap. Probably won't be too many questions asked after this one.



Thanks,
Clark

I'm lovin' it.




Travis

That sums up 98% of the Campfire threads since I first started visiting in 09...

Uberiffic..

OHHHHH YEAHHHHHHAHHHHH


I know we are all lovin' it.

Seems it always resorts to gays and goats after 20 some pages.

I'd like to think in 2015 we can pull together here at 24 Hr and turn it around to solely Steve Buscemi clips:

As I recall...Randy Macho Man is sleeping with Blackheart's wives right?

Miss Elizabeth made my COCK ROCK.


Once.









Per match.

And the Kool-aid man

Macho Man from back in the day had Miss Elizabeth.



Not to be confused with myself.

This thread needs a pic!!

I was in great shape back then.

She was "popular"...

That's cuz you didn't eat junk food like chips...

Nothing but high protein for the Sam man!

OHHHHH YEAHHHHHAHHHHHH

Wow. Lots of advice here.
To get a little back on track....
-Detach yourself emotionally from the woman. (No longer your wife. Just a female trying to screw you)
-Hire the BEST attorney you can find.
-Forget about her feelings.
-File for divorce ASAP to put the ball in your court even if things turn around.
-DON'T get the kids involved if possible.
-Forget about what she wants.
-Don't have sex with said woman until court is settled.
-Most importantly, stay cool and run everything you do through your attorney.

This is all from hard earned lessons I have learned.

Good luck man.

And if you're like one of my buddies don't get (fake) party BJ's video'd on frikken smart phones for snap chat vids while you have divorce pending.

Yup. Wait until the party is over before the party begins.

Lots of stories here.....

Thread merge... ?

your just not horn-dog enough yet.
when you get there,dont matter what they smell like.
but,Im not from Montana
so Im not an expert
like Travis.

People change over time.

It's unfortunate but your situation it appears you have nothing to gain and everything to lose? I hope you consult with a decent family lawyer that will help protect your rights and assets ASAP!!

Keep the kids out of adult matters! Be the best parent you can be. Take care of yourself, stay on a schedule, keep busy, exercise, ect. Don't start "hitting" the bottle either.

NO, I'm not dead. I am enjoying all the good reads. You have all helped me "Man Up" and realize what needs to happen. Found out one of my "wrongs"
I am a field service engineer------travel 500-1100 miles a week.2 years ago my trusty Tahoe with 198K miles started to act up. It was one thing after another. I missed several days of work fixing this car. Mean while its summer, and wife and kids are at her family camp in the national forest (she just takes off and goes for a week or 2 at any given time) as she has unlimited vacation time. while talking to her at camp, she asked "what have you been doing" I said fixing the dam Tahoe and shopping for a new--used car for work. (very important for me to have a reliable ride!)so by the end of the week I find a sweet deal on a 1 year old Toy. Camry 30k miles for $15500. So i buy it. The weekend comes and I head up to camp and visit the wife and kids in my new Camry. Apparently , I did this "behind he back"????? and she was furious. Told her--- needed a reliable car--or not be able to drive to work.???? she has brought this up several times and I keep telling her that it wasn't behind her back and since it was for work(i get a monthly car allowance) she should have been cool with that. So tell me how I played that one wrong??

Dont try and get inside the mind of a woman...you will only find a mess.

She's hiding a boyfriend and almost got caught.

A Toyota owner should be revered and exalted, not tossed-about and cheated on like a GM groupie.

as an outsider with only a small piece of it all, it seems she's shallow, spoiled & bored... & Facebooking.

If thats a wrong, Id hate to see a right, birddog.

Sounds like a "crime of convenience" to her about you.

Theyll latch on to anything, partner. And when the hen friends get together and talk, they'll make every minor offense out to be the straw that broke the camels back, and convince themselves that those minor offenses fit a pattern of dysfunction.

I was once presented with a 3 page list of all my faults against a mate.

Mind blowing.

Sounds like you gave her everything, and she just grew bored and ungrateful.

Stop kicking yourself. You couldn't control that. Not even if your azz shat gold coins on command.

264mag great post/advice.