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Joined: Jan 2002
Posts: 12,879 Likes: 5
Campfire Outfitter
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Campfire Outfitter
Joined: Jan 2002
Posts: 12,879 Likes: 5 |
Most couples start experimenting with the Neti Pot and forget to agree on a safe word. That NEVER ends well........ We have a WINNER! On the serious side, it is obvious that the to-be-ex in question feels there is something missing in her life. That's fair. What ISN'T is her looking for what is missing without first working with her spouse. However, she's found someone that is willing to re-affirm her belief that her unhappiness is the husband's fault. And she's narcissistic enough to be willing to boot a marriage and hurt her husband and kids, without taking a hard look at things with an independent third party. But the OP really has already KNOWN that about her for a long time.....
Sic Semper Tyrannis
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Joined: Jan 2007
Posts: 20,813
Campfire Ranger
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Campfire Ranger
Joined: Jan 2007
Posts: 20,813 |
Most, both men and women, think-right or wrong-they want out sometime around middle age. And some make the break. Nature of the beast.
Wife of a successful acquaintance once said; "Remember, I get half." He replied, "You couldn't live on half."
Last edited by battue; 01/21/15.
laissez les bons temps rouler
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Joined: Dec 2004
Posts: 12,447
Campfire Outfitter
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Campfire Outfitter
Joined: Dec 2004
Posts: 12,447 |
Well said. The OP said hard work 40 to60 hours a week to provide big house with pool. Things do not make us happy nor do things have anything to do with love. Amen ! Never met a dollar that made me happy, but I can think of many shared walks and talks and laughs and even tears that have.... It's easy to say when you have money. If you're working too many hours to support the family the wife wants you home more. If you are home more and barely paying the bills the wife wants you working more. Funny thing, I know rich people who have lousy marriages, I know poor people who have lousy marriages, I know in-between people who have lousy marriages, the money has some place in it all, but it's the love, the bond, the trust, the loyalty, the heart, the belief in one another, and challenges of life that belong to both and that are met by both, and overcome together, that makes and breaks it, every time. He said he made a 6 figure salary, if he could not live on that and still have time for the wife and the family, then he needed to tell her it was time to go to work and help him through, lessen his burden so that he COULD lighten his workload, and have more time with her and the children. That comes under the challenges of life part, working on it together.
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Joined: Dec 2007
Posts: 25,112 Likes: 1
Campfire Ranger
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Campfire Ranger
Joined: Dec 2007
Posts: 25,112 Likes: 1 |
Lots of divorced women push other women into a divorce.
"You deserve better/more/someone else/live your life/to be free/hes holding you back/etc....."
Women are duplicitous creatures.
“Life is life and fun is fun, but it's all so quiet when the goldfish die.”
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Joined: Jan 2005
Posts: 10,718
Campfire Outfitter
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Campfire Outfitter
Joined: Jan 2005
Posts: 10,718 |
Lots of divorced women push other women into a divorce.
"You deserve better/more/someone else/live your life/to be free/hes holding you back/etc....."
Women are duplicitous creatures. That's very true.
Socialism is a philosophy of failure, the creed of ignorance, and the gospel of envy, its inherent virtue is the equal sharing of misery. --Winston Churchill
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Joined: Feb 2008
Posts: 13,606
Campfire Outfitter
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Campfire Outfitter
Joined: Feb 2008
Posts: 13,606 |
Birddog65- Sorry to hear about your situation. Been there, done that. Reading the responses here was like re-living the entire thing all over again. 95% of the responses are spot on though, and you need to pay attention. Take some time off work, starting this morning, for as long as you need. You will need several days minimum. While it's tempting to immerse yourself in work so you dont have to think about things, it will be the most costly week you have ever spent at work. GET A LAWYER NOW ! ASAP! NOW, COMPRENDE?! Pick the 5 best lawyers in town and set up an appt. Initial consults are usually free, or minimum charge. By the time you have talked all 5, you will know several things. You will know which one you like/trust. you will have been given some good advice. You will likely have figured out who her lawyer/law firm is as they will not be able to talk to you. Likewise , she will not be able to use the lawyers you have talked to, assuming she doesn't already have one (she's had a lot of time on her hands, 98% chance she has one already). Get your guns, all of them, out of the house. Pick a trusted friend that you are absolutely sure could no how, no way be diddling your wife, and "sell" them to him. You have bills to pay you know, and you definitely do not want your wife telling her lawyer or a judge that she "feels threatened". The atmosphere at YOUR house is about to get emotional and adversarial, if it hasn't already. Speaking of which, DO NOT LEAVE THE HOUSE UNTIL A JUDGE TELLS YOU TO. Grab a sleeping bag and hit the couch in the basement. Treat your wife as nicely as you can , don't argue, don't plead, don't be disagreeable, but DON'T LEAVE. It's your house and you have a right to be there, as long as you don't pose any threat, real or perceived or even imaginary to your wife or kids. Get your self to the bank(s) and close or split all joint accts. as well as credit cards. Get a couple of your own, convert balances to cash and "do something with it". You'll figure it out. You'll need access to it, but no record of it later. You've got a lot of unexpected expenses right now, remember?
Now for the rest of it. Don't try to figure it out. Chances are very high that she doesn't want you to be able to. It will just make your head hurt worse. Don't post on social media until after it's final. No Campfire, no facebook, no twitter, nothing. You can read if you like, but do not air your dirty laundry. It's not like we wouldn't be happy to power wash it for you, but it's very likely that any good lawyer is going to read and/or monitor anything you say or do. If you have to blow off steam, pay a counselor.
Always, ALWAYS take the high road. As has already been said,be the man you want your children to think you are, always. As a businessman, you know what this means, and how to do it, no matter how difficult it may seem at the time.
This is a temporary condition. How you conduct yourself will have a lasting/ permanent effect on your children though. You need to pay attention to the long game by playing the short game very very well.
This truly is a temporary condition. On the day you were born and on every day before and after, there were more women born than men. Someday when this is past and you get your feet back under you and your head screwed on, you will find one that truly does appreciate you, and you'll wonder why or how you ever ended up where you were.
If it does turn out that you defy all the odds, your wife suddenly pulls her head out and takes a gulp of fresh air, etc., it does not change one word of what I posted above. Do not sit around and hope for that flash of enlightenment on her part.
Good luck and check back in when the dust settles. best piece of advice on here right now. I went through it myself, we had very little and she still wanted to make it nasty. this is the way to best protect yourself if she turns evil, and if not it's the fair outcome for all. be polite and courteous to her face, but cover your butt and hide all the assets you can legally. and yes I believe she is diddling someone on the side. if you provide her every need/desire/whim and leave her alone most of the time, what do you expect? no offense.
Beware of any old man in a profession where one usually dies young.
Calm seas don't make sailors.
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Joined: Dec 2000
Posts: 39,301
Campfire 'Bwana
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Campfire 'Bwana
Joined: Dec 2000
Posts: 39,301 |
Five languages of love, quality time, words of encouragement, gifts, acts of service, and touch. To find out your spouse's love language think about how they love you and then return it their way.
The first time I shot myself in the head...
Meniere's Sucks Big Time!!!
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Joined: Aug 2007
Posts: 115,424 Likes: 13
Campfire Sage
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Campfire Sage
Joined: Aug 2007
Posts: 115,424 Likes: 13 |
For the record, I have lots of money and if I didn't, I'd probably get a job.
And if somebody in my family didn't like that, I'd tell them they have two options.
They could either:
A.) STFU
B.) Stop being one of my possessions.
Travis
Trump being classless,tasteless and clueless as usual. Sorry, trump is a no tax payin pile of shiit. My young wife decided to play the field and had moved several dudes into my house
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Joined: Oct 2002
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Campfire Oracle
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Campfire Oracle
Joined: Oct 2002
Posts: 96,121 Likes: 1 |
Well said. The OP said hard work 40 to60 hours a week to provide big house with pool. Things do not make us happy nor do things have anything to do with love. Amen ! Never met a dollar that made me happy, but I can think of many shared walks and talks and laughs and even tears that have.... It's easy to say when you have money. If you're working too many hours to support the family the wife wants you home more. If you are home more and barely paying the bills the wife wants you working more. Funny thing, I know rich people who have lousy marriages, I know poor people who have lousy marriages, I know in-between people who have lousy marriages, the money has some place in it all, but it's the love, the bond, the trust, the loyalty, the heart, the belief in one another, and challenges of life that belong to both and that are met by both, and overcome together, that makes and breaks it, every time. He said he made a 6 figure salary, if he could not live on that and still have time for the wife and the family, then he needed to tell her it was time to go to work and help him through, lessen his burden so that he COULD lighten his workload, and have more time with her and the children. That comes under the challenges of life part, working on it together. Never seen a woman leave for another man making less money.
"Dear Lord, save me from Your followers"
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Joined: Aug 2007
Posts: 115,424 Likes: 13
Campfire Sage
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Campfire Sage
Joined: Aug 2007
Posts: 115,424 Likes: 13 |
Never seen a woman leave for another man making less money.
BUUUUUUURRRRRRRRRN.... Travis
Trump being classless,tasteless and clueless as usual. Sorry, trump is a no tax payin pile of shiit. My young wife decided to play the field and had moved several dudes into my house
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Joined: Oct 2013
Posts: 8,490
Campfire Outfitter
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Campfire Outfitter
Joined: Oct 2013
Posts: 8,490 |
Well said. The OP said hard work 40 to60 hours a week to provide big house with pool. Things do not make us happy nor do things have anything to do with love. Amen ! Never met a dollar that made me happy, but I can think of many shared walks and talks and laughs and even tears that have.... It's easy to say when you have money. If you're working too many hours to support the family the wife wants you home more. If you are home more and barely paying the bills the wife wants you working more. Funny thing, I know rich people who have lousy marriages, I know poor people who have lousy marriages, I know in-between people who have lousy marriages, the money has some place in it all, but it's the love, the bond, the trust, the loyalty, the heart, the belief in one another, and challenges of life that belong to both and that are met by both, and overcome together, that makes and breaks it, every time. He said he made a 6 figure salary, if he could not live on that and still have time for the wife and the family, then he needed to tell her it was time to go to work and help him through, lessen his burden so that he COULD lighten his workload, and have more time with her and the children. That comes under the challenges of life part, working on it together. If you can't live on six figures maybe you're spending to much money, material things do not make a marriage good.
Writing here is Prohibited by the authorities.
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Joined: Aug 2007
Posts: 115,424 Likes: 13
Campfire Sage
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Campfire Sage
Joined: Aug 2007
Posts: 115,424 Likes: 13 |
material things do not make a marriage good.
They make a good marriage better. Travis
Trump being classless,tasteless and clueless as usual. Sorry, trump is a no tax payin pile of shiit. My young wife decided to play the field and had moved several dudes into my house
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Joined: Oct 2013
Posts: 8,490
Campfire Outfitter
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Campfire Outfitter
Joined: Oct 2013
Posts: 8,490 |
His ain't good. So I guess better would be.
Writing here is Prohibited by the authorities.
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Joined: Aug 2003
Posts: 17,491
Campfire Ranger
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Campfire Ranger
Joined: Aug 2003
Posts: 17,491 |
Never seen a woman leave for another man making less money.
BUUUUUUURRRRRRRRRN.... Travis But, less money more time can be the winner sometimes..... and, as someone pointed out, another woman might be advising all the correction she could be making to 'get what she deserves from life" (and perhaps 'find herself') whatever that means.
Sometimes, the air you 'let in'matters less than the air you 'let out'.
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Joined: Apr 2006
Posts: 14,999
Campfire Outfitter
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Campfire Outfitter
Joined: Apr 2006
Posts: 14,999 |
And being Christians, we will be together again soon. Forever. In the meantime, I think we ought to share a coffee and a cookie, and a mountain view That would be outstanding. Your place or mine?
The Mayans had it right. If you�re going to predict the future, it�s best to aim far beyond your life expectancy, lest you wind up red-faced in a bunker overstocked with Spam and ammo.
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Joined: Aug 2007
Posts: 115,424 Likes: 13
Campfire Sage
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Campfire Sage
Joined: Aug 2007
Posts: 115,424 Likes: 13 |
But, less money more time can be the winner sometimes..... and, as someone pointed out, another woman might be advising all the correction she could be making to 'get what she deserves from life" (and perhaps 'find herself') whatever that means. I fail to see how spending more time together could improve a relationship. Travis
Trump being classless,tasteless and clueless as usual. Sorry, trump is a no tax payin pile of shiit. My young wife decided to play the field and had moved several dudes into my house
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Joined: Nov 2011
Posts: 31,069 Likes: 4
Campfire 'Bwana
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Campfire 'Bwana
Joined: Nov 2011
Posts: 31,069 Likes: 4 |
Never seen a woman leave for another man making less money.
BUUUUUUURRRRRRRRRN.... Travis But, less money more time can be the winner sometimes..... and, as someone pointed out, another woman might be advising all the correction she could be making to 'get what she deserves from life" (and perhaps 'find herself') whatever that means. I witnessed something similar at one place I worked. One of the girl (who was damaged good) was going through a divorce, and convinced her other two friends they needed to do the same thing. In short order, all three were divorced and partying it up.
You didn't use logic or reason to get into this opinion, I cannot use logic or reason to get you out of it.
You cannot over estimate the unimportance of nearly everything. John Maxwell
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Joined: Oct 2002
Posts: 96,121 Likes: 1
Campfire Oracle
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Campfire Oracle
Joined: Oct 2002
Posts: 96,121 Likes: 1 |
Lots of folks hung up on the 6 figure income. 110,000 a year, before taxes, in Yankeeland and a family of 6 ain't exactly Donald Trump.
"Dear Lord, save me from Your followers"
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Joined: Oct 2004
Posts: 25,843
Campfire Ranger
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Campfire Ranger
Joined: Oct 2004
Posts: 25,843 |
My dog is a member of the "Turd Like Clan"
Covert Trail Cameras are JUNK
3 Time Dinkathon Champion #DinkGOAT
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Joined: Oct 2010
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Campfire Tracker
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Campfire Tracker
Joined: Oct 2010
Posts: 5,328 |
Don't take advice from an internet hunting sight call an attorney asap Or don't....if you read that here.
"If dogs don't go to heaven, when I die I want to go wherever they went." -Will Rogers
"If you have a lot of self control you don't need a lot of government control" - Thomas Sowell
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